Part II
They still go on their walks by the wateredge and they're still Jay's favorite time of the day. He holds her hands when the weather isn't so harsh. But when the grueling winds of Chicago make their presence, he takes the opportunity to hold her close, his arms around her as they walk along the waters, sharing kisses every so often. And he thinks it's the happiest he'd ever been.
"I love it out here," Erin remarks as her arms find their way around Jay's waist. It's hard to walk like this— his arms around her shoulder while hers are around his waist— but neither of them think to change their position.
"Me too," he agrees. There's just something about the blue waters of Lake Michigan as they stroll along the path in Hyde Park that just quiets down all the noises in his head. And he's at peace. Plus the exercise helps with Erin's cramps and anything that helps her be more comfortable during the pregnancy is good in his book. He leans down to lay a kiss on her hair, loving how the soft strands feel against his skin. She's all warm and soft and he loves all of her. So he voices it. "I love you, you know?"
She looks up at him with her big hazel eyes that peers straight into his soul and she smiles, the dimples that he loves so much showing on her rosy face. "I know." She doesn't return the sentiment. She hasn't said those exact three words yet to him since two weeks ago when they had that conversation in the baby nursery about how she was falling in love with him and he her. But he doesn't mind. He's just glad that she's not pushing him away and letting him be there— for her and the baby. He loves her and he wants her to know it and he's patient. He can wait until she's ready and until that moment, he's happy to love her— them— enough for both of them.
He worries about her….a lot. She's still skinny and despite her hips filling out more and her breasts becoming fuller, she hasn't gained nearly as much weight as she should. So he makes sure to make sure she's eating right and as often as she should. Not just the junk food that she seems to love.
"The salmon looks fresh. We should get that." She wrinkles her nose, letting her distaste for the fish known. "It's good for you and the baby," he points out, trying not to fall victim to her cute pout. He really needs to be stronger against her.
"Okay," Erin gives in, grumbling under her breath. He takes the win and orders enough salmon for their dinner. By the time, Jay gets the fish from the clerk behind the seafood counter, Erin has already wandered off somewhere else in the market. He places the fish in the cart and sets off to find her. He really shouldn't be surprised to find her in the cookies aisle, browsing through all the different sweets.
She notices him coming and holds up a package of chocolate chip cookies, ready to convince him. "Come on, look how good it looks." He gives her a look. "Please?" She pouts again, knowing full well that he's defenseless against her. She lets out a small squeal when he puts the cookies in the cart, right next to the salmon.
They hit the produce section next, Jay looking for some dill for the salmon. He raises his eyebrows in surprise when he finds Erin by the asparagus, picking out a couple of bundles. She notices the look of surprise on his face at her actually choosing some vegetables and she shrugs. "What? It's to balance out the cookies. Besides, it's good for the baby right?" He just nods, proud of her. He kisses the side of her head as the asparagus joins the rest of the food in the cart.
"First time parents?" Their little bubble is broken by a pregnant stranger. "My husband was always trying to get me to eat more vegetables the first time around too. But don't worry, by the third time, the nerves will go away." He feels Erin tense next to him, feeling uncomfortable by the overly friendliness of the stranger. Erin just returns a small smile and the woman remains blissfully unaware of the awkwardness. "I'm having a little girl this time," the woman continues on, blabbering. "Thank god because I'm telling you one boy is fine but two? Whoo, that's just asking for trouble. How about you? Have you found out what you're having?"
"Uhh…" Erin stammers before closing her mouth.
"We're waiting to be surprised," Jay answers for Erin. "Not nearly enough surprises in life right?" Jay adds, hoping to end the conversation. "Excuse us but we have to get going." Jay pushes the cart, hoping the woman would get the signal that they want to get the hell out of there right away.
"Congratulations!" The woman adds as Jay pulls Erin away. He feels bad for the abrupt exit. The woman was nice— maybe a bit too nice— but he knows Erin is not ready to have strangers invade her space like that. That there's still a huge part of her that still wants to pretend as though she's not going to have a baby in a couple of months.
He reaches out for her in bed and jerks awake when her side of the bed remains empty and cold. He adjusts his eyes in the dark, searching for her. For a minute, his panic grows at not finding her next to him like she always was for the past two weeks. But then he sees the lights peeking out from the hallway and he relaxes. He shakes the last remnant of sleep and gets up, heading out to find her.
She had been quiet at dinner earlier and had just pushed her food around. He tried to make conversation but he could tell that she hadn't been in the mood. She had even declined the cookies that she wanted earlier. He had been worried but when they had gotten into bed earlier, she had immediately sought out for him, letting him hold her as she drifted off to sleep.
He tries to keep his footsteps light as he approaches the room where the light's coming from— the baby nursery. He finds her standing in the middle of the empty room, arms across her chest, staring out into space.
"Hey," he calls out quietly, not wanting to scare her. "You okay?"
She doesn't turn around but gives him a small nod in reply. He sighs, her answer not enough to ease his concern. He walks over to her and wraps his around her from behind, dropping a kiss to the back of her head. She doesn't push him away but instead her hand reaches up to grab his wrist.
"Can't sleep?"
She shakes her head, her hair tickling his chin. "I was just thinking about how I should really get started on this nursery. The baby's going to be here soon and the room can't be like this."
He looks around the empty room and the white walls and agrees with her. He has approached her about the subject before but she had always brushed it off, saying how she was busy with work or how she had time. But he's glad that she's changing her mind.
"We can go shopping for the baby stuff tomorrow," he offers, finding himself excited at the thought of shopping for cribs and changing tables.
But her quiet exhale quells his excitement. "It's just…" she pauses for a minute, thinking over her words. "The walls are white."
"I can paint it."
"No." She shakes off his hold on her and takes a few steps away from him, eyes still glued to the walls. "It's just the walls are white and I have no idea what color I need to paint the walls. Pink or blue. Because I have no idea what I'm having."
That had been another taboo topic for them— the gender of the baby. He had asked Erin about whether she wanted to find out about the gender and she had snapped at him— making it clear that she wasn't interested. Like as if finding out the sex of the baby would make everything that much more real for her.
"Do you want to find out the gender Erin?" he asks, taking a chance. "You know, we don't have to choose between pink and blue. We can go for gray. That's a neutral color right? Or maybe yellow?"
She just shrugs at his suggestion. She turns to face him. "Do you think I'm being selfish?"
"What? Why would you think that Erin?" He wants to reach out to her and hold her but her stance is making it clear that his touch wouldn't be appreciated.
"It's just..that woman in the grocery store today. She just seems so excited and it's her third baby. And I'm just….I feel horrible." He hears her voice trembling and it hurts him. "I should be that excited. I should be looking forward to decorating the nursery, going to birthing classes, picking out baby clothes like all the other pregnant women. But I'm too busy feeling sorry for myself and still trying to pretend like everything's going to be the same. Like nothing's going to change. I'm already a terrible mom."
"You're not!" Jay quickly strides over to her and turns her around so she can see him when he tells her the truth. "You're not selfish and you're not a terrible mom, Erin. You can't compare yourself to other people. What you've been through….what you're going through...it's hard as hell. Remember what you told me before? How you get up everyday even though it's hard as hell because of the baby? Remember that Erin. You're going to be a great mom. I know it."
She lets out a derisive laugh. "Yeah so great that I don't even know what the sex of the baby is."
"So what? Plenty of parents choose not to find out the gender until birth," Jay argues. "You're doing so great, taking care of the baby Erin and you don't even know it." If she needs a reminder of that then Jay is willing to be there to remind her every day. He cups her face, stroking her jaw with his thumbs. "The baby's so lucky to have you as a mom."
She closes her eyes as he kisses her forehead. "I love this baby you know?"
"I know," he replies, lips still on her skin. "I know." He never had any doubts.
"And I want to enjoy this pregnancy. I do. I want to experience all the things I read about in the books. I want to give the baby the best start in life. But I guess...I'm just scared. Whenever something good happens in my life, it never seems to last long. I guess I'm just afraid of being happy."
"I get it." He can't blame her for feeling that way. He could only imagine the joy she must've felt when she found out she was pregnant only to have the rug pulled out from under her when Severide died and she was left all by herself. But she's not all alone now. He's there and he's not leaving her. "But you don't have to be afraid anymore Erin. Let me be there for you. Let me make you happy."
"The thing is Jay, you already do," she confesses. His face splits into a smile before he crashes his lips on hers. He tangles his fingers into her hair and kisses her until he can't breathe. "Jay," she whispers after their lips part but their faces remain close enough for him to nuzzle his nose against her. "I don't want to be scared anymore. I want to stop waiting for the other shoe to drop. And I want to stop putting finding out the gender of the baby off."
He smiles, so proud of her strength. "Okay."
"And I want you to be next to me when we find out." His breath hitches and his head snaps back, looking at her in surprise. He has accompanied her on more doctor visits before but he has never gone into the exam room with her and she never asked him to.
"Are you sure?" he asks just to make sure that she really wants him there. He knows just how personal those appointments could be and to add, finding out the sex of the baby on top of it? He wants her to be absolutely sure.
"100%."
He holds her hand as they sit in the waiting room of her doctor's office, Jay practically bursting at the seam to find out the sex of the baby. He still can't completely fathom the fact that Erin wants him there with her. It's the most amazing present he had gotten but never dared asked for.
"Erin?" the assistant calls and they both stand up. "Oh. Hi," the assistant seems surprised. Not that Jay can blame her. He has always waited in the waiting room while Erin got checked out. "Welcome."
A little while later, Erin is sitting up on the exam chair and he's sitting right alongside her, still clutching her hand. She's the one that's about to examined yet he's the one that's filled with nerves. It's almost comical.
"Okay, let's see if you're going to be having a little boy or a girl," her OB-GYN, Dr. Brennan, says as she works the ultrasound machine. "Are you guys ready?"
Erin tilts her head to meet Jay's eyes and they both grin. "Yes," Erin replies, tightening her hold on Jay's hand.
Dr. Brennan brings the wand over Erin's stomach, moving it around. And suddenly Jay hears a whooshing sound, rhythmic and steady.
"Is that….is that the baby's heartbeat?" he asks, his voice filled with awe and amazement.
"Yeah," Erin chuckles, enjoying seeing Jay's reaction. His face is filled with wonder as the baby's heart beats strongly.
"It's amazing, Erin," Jay breathes out, not able to get enough of the sound.
"Okay, baby's heart sounds good. And let's see," Dr. Brennan moves the wand around to get a better look. "Here we go. You guys ready?" She turns to both Erin and Jay, a teasing smile on her face. They both nod, gripping each other's hands and their hearts are filled with anticipation. "Okay, by the image on the ultrasound, you're having a baby boy Erin."
Jay's heart soars as soon as the words come out of the doctor's mouth. A boy. Erin's going to have a boy. He looks at Erin and she looks as awestruck as he is, still processing the information.
"A boy," she whispers, her voice unsteady and he holds her hand tighter, letting her know that he's there for her. She turns to face him, her eyes glistening. "Jay, it's a boy." Her face splits into the biggest smile he has ever seen on her face, her happiness clear.
"I'll give you two a moment alone while I go print out the sonogram." Dr. Brennan tells them after wiping off the gel off Erin's stomach and smartly excusing herself. As soon as the door closes and they are left alone, Erin reaches out for him. Jay immediately stands up and closes the gap between them. Happiness practically radiates off of her and she's beautiful.
"How are you feeling?" he asks her, even though he's pretty sure he already knows the answer. Just like him, she hasn't been able to stop smiling. He has a feeling they won't be able to stop for a long while.
"Incredible. Thank you for being here," she tells him and he looks at her incredulously. She is thanking him? Really, he should be thanking her for letting him be a part of this amazing moment. "And I don't mean just today. You've been there for me from the moment we've met and I haven't thanked you yet. You have no idea just how incredible you've been to me Jay and you've done it without me needing to ask or expecting anything in return. I've never had that….ever."
"And you'll have me as long as you want," Jay returns. He'll be there as long as she wants him. "Can I?" She holds his hand and guides it onto her stomach and lets him feel the life that's growing underneath his palm. And he's overcome by an uncontrollable wave of love and protectiveness and it takes the wind out of him. And suddenly he's imagining watching the baby being born, hearing his first cry, his first word. He wants to be there for everything— all the diaper changes, the cuts and scrapes, the good times and the bad. He loves this baby so much already and he hasn't met him yet.
He meets her eyes and he gulps, the question that he's been wanting to ask for awhile now threatening to spill out of his mouth. He can no longer hold himself back, the moment between them too intimate to withhold his thoughts but he's uncertain all the same.
"Is it okay that I already love this baby?" his voice hitches as he whispers the word, his hand cradling her stomach.
It's something that he has been thinking about. He can freely admit that he loves Erin but there's a deep part of him that thinks that perhaps he's crossing some lines by loving the baby. It maybe be foolish and stupid to have these feelings but there's still an underlying feeling of guilt over Severide's death that he can't get rid of. Jay knows he's not the father, he would never try to take Severide's place even if Severide is not here anymore. He just wants to be in the baby's life and love him like he deserves to be loved.
He thinks he gets her answer when tears begin to gather in her eyes and her eyes soften when she looks at him. She's overwhelmed with emotions to give him an answer but she pulls his head down to lay a kiss on his lips. They get caught up in the moment, a soft kiss turns deeper and he can't pull away. He pours everything he's feeling into the kiss while he takes everything she's offering. Finally when the need for air becomes too much to ignore, Jay draws his head back just enough to rest his forehead against hers.
"The baby's so lucky to have you to love him, Jay," she finds her voice. "So am I."
He visits Severide's grave that night. There's a bouquet of daisies on the grave and he knows they're from Erin. But judging from the way the flowers are brittle and dried out, he knows that it's been awhile that Erin has been here. He can't fault her for that, he knows just how difficult it is for him to come so he can't even fathom just how hard it would be for Erin. He hasn't been able to visit Severide's grave but tonight, he has things to tell his friend.
"Hey Kelly," he speaks into the night as he's crouched down by the headstone. "I wish you were still here and be a part of this. You're having a son, man. It's a boy." He knows just how much Severide would've loved having a son. Someone to play ball with, watch games with, someone to pass along his wisdom too. "I'm sorry that you couldn't be here. That you won't be able to watch your son grow. And I know you were worried about Erin being left alone to raise the baby but I promise you, she won't be alone anymore." He takes a deep breath. "I'm in love with her. I love her and I love the baby. I love both of them. So much. I swear to you that I'm going to do everything I can to make them happy. And I know you'll be watching over them from where you are but I guess I just wanted you to know that you don't have to worry. They won't be alone." He licks his lips, the weather is surprisingly mild but he feels his mouth dry all the same. He has so much he wants to say to Kelly. He wants to talk to his friend but the fact remains that he can't so this is the next best thing.
"I also want to thank you, man. For everything. I'm happy and it's all because of Erin and the baby and I'm so thankful to you for bringing them into my life. I love you man. I'm sorry I never got the chance to tell you when you were still here but you are my brother. Always."
For a moment, Jay feels a gentle wind breeze across his face and he thinks it's Severide's way of telling him that he's at peace now. Because he knows that Jay will love and cherish Erin and the baby.
Now that they know the baby's gender, Jay sees a weight being lifted off Erin's shoulders. She's lighter somehow. LIke she's not so scared anymore and has begun to accept that in a few months, she's going to be a mother to a beautiful baby boy. He has even caught her browsing online for cribs and other baby items, asking him for his opinion on which car seats to buy and if the horse rocker is too much for a newborn baby.
He wants to surprise her. The baby will be here soon and the nursery is still empty and untouched. So one day when she's at work, Jay takes the day off from the station and paints the nursery a nice light blue and gray— perfect for the baby boy.
"Jay!" she gasps when she comes home from work and finds him putting finishing touches on the nitpicky corner of the room, completely focused on not messing up his perfect work. "What?"
He greets her with a kiss and waits nervously for her reaction. She is still glancing around the room, her mouth parted until he can't take the anticipation anymore. "Well? What do you think?"
"You did all this? In one day?" she asks, still taking the room in.
"Yeah," he shrugs. It really wasn't that hard. "I just wanted to paint it at least when you weren't home. I don't want you to inhale the paint fumes." He bites his lips, nervously. "So what do you think? How are my color choices? I thought the gray and the blue would go nicely together and the colors are soothing and…."
She cuts off his nervous rambling with a kiss, giving him a wide grin when she pulls apart. "I love it," she breathes out, holding his face in her hands. "This is exactly what I wanted. Really." She rewards his efforts with another kiss. "Thank you."
Now that the nursery has been painted, they go shopping for the furniture and things they'll need to fill the nursery up with. He didn't realize how particular Erin could be until he saw her in action at the baby store. She wants to see every option the stores offer, making sure that she's choosing the best choice there is for the baby. His feet are killing him as they go on the fourth hour in the store, Erin having been stuck on a choice between two car seats for the last half hour.
"Car seats are super important, Jay. We have to make sure we're getting the safest one," she emphasizes, pondering over her choices. "This is the newest model," she points out, holding up option A. "But this one, it's last year's model but according to the blogs, it has higher safety ratings."
"Then get the second one," Jay replies. "Does it really matter if it's the latest model if the other one is safer?"
"Hmmm," Erin mutters. "Okay the first one is more user friendly. What good is higher safety ratings if we can't use it properly. It might make it more dangerous."
"Good point." He studies the two options in front of him, debating with himself. Maybe because he's a cop or because he's generally more realistic in nature but suddenly Jay is seeing all the dangers that the world has to offer, starting with the things that can go wrong in a simple car ride and he has the urge to wrap the unborn baby up in a bubble. "You sure we can't keep him in there for longer? Until we make sure the world is completely safe for him? Or maybe put him in a bubble wrap just so he won't get hurt?"
She chuckles and rolls her eyes fondly. "You're already so overprotective. How are you going to cope when he wants to ride a bike or play sports?"
He pretends to think over his answer. "I think we can make the whole bubble boy thing like Jake Gyllenhal in that movie works." She scoffs, mumbling about how ridiculous he is. "I just want the best for him, Erin."
"I know," she returns. "Me too."
In the end, they spent three more hours in the store, picking out and buying everything from a crib, changing table, the car seat that the clerk suggested that's supposedly better than the two they had been looking at, a stroller, a pack and play and just more baby things that Jay didn't even know had existed before diving in deep at the whole baby thing.
There is only one thing Erin hadn't been able to find. A feeding chair. They had browsed through different stores and different options online but Erin couldn't find one that she loved so they both decided to put it off for now.
Or at least she had. He had been working on a surprise for her.
They spend the weekend putting together the crib, the changing table, and a few dressers for the nursery. The once empty nursery is coming together nicely as Jay laboriously constructs each piece of furniture until they're perfect.
"A little to the left. Right there! Perfect!" Jay pushes the crib against the wall and steps back to admire his work. Erin is giving him a thumbs-up from where she's standing, obviously satisfied with his work. "It looks awesome Jay."
"Now we just have to move the dresser on that side," Jay points to the last remaining piece of furniture that's out of place and heads towards it to move it. He pushes it against the wall, next to the changing table. "Right here okay?"
"Perfect!" Erin replies, hugging Jay when he reaches her side. "Thank you," she tells him, a soft smile on her face. "Everything looks perfect."
He looks around the nursery and he has to agree with her. They're not done yet— they haven't had time to buy toys and smaller items they'd need— but almost all the major items they need are already in place. There's just one empty space by the windows next to the crib that he knows Erin is reserving for the feeding chair.
"I have a surprise for you," he whispers into her hair. He feels Erin pulling back to quirk her eyebrows. He sees the excitement in her eyes at what he has planned and it gets him excited that much more. He couldn't wait to see how she'd react. "Wait here!" He kisses her cheek before he's running out down the steps to get his surprise from his car.
A few minutes later, a bag is hanging off his arm while he's carrying a chair up the stairs. "You ready?" he calls from outside the door, Erin giving him a hesitant 'yes' in reply. He enters the nursery with his surprise and he hears her audible gasp at the surprise.
"Oh my god!" She breathes out in surprise when she sees the vintage rocking chair that he brought. The chair is made of wood and even though it's vintage, the craftsmanship is impeccable.
"This is the chair that my mom used to feed me when I was a baby," he begins to explain as Erin is running her fingers slowly over the chair, studying it closely. "And when I was a toddler, we'd sit in this chair together and she'd read me stories. I have a lot of amazing memories with this chair. And I don't..I don't know. I thought since you couldn't find a chair that you liked, maybe you'd like this?"
Erin remains speechless, still unable to take her eyes off the chair. Jay watches her with bated breath, wondering what she's thinking. "It's okay if you don't like it Erin. Or if you don't think it goes with the room. I just thought…"
"It's perfect," Erin cuts him off. "This is exactly what I had been looking for."
"Are you sure? You sure you don't want something more modern?"
She shakes her head and the movement causes him to notice the shine of her eyes. "Jay, I love it, really." She finally steps away from the chair to walk over to him and places her hands on his chest. "The fact that there's so much love associated with the chair just makes it more perfect."
He leans down to capture her lips, his fingers tangling in her soft strands.
"What's in the bag?" she asks after they pull apart, finally noticing the bag that he brought up along with the chair. He grins like an excited child and picks up the bag from the floor and pulls out the items inside it.
"I know we haven't gotten the chance to buy any toys yet but I kinda already bought these a while ago and was waiting for the perfect moment to give them to you," he says, holding up the bunny and elephant plushies he bought when they went shopping last month. "I thought it could be the baby's first of many toys."
She smiles, taking the plushies from his hand and placing them in the center of the crib. "There! Perfect!"
"Perfect," he mumbles into her neck as he wraps his arms around her from behind.
They take a much needed break and he pulls her down gently onto his lap as he sits on the chair.
"Jay," she groans as he wraps his arms around her waist, loving how much her belly has grown. "I don't want to break the chair."
"We won't," he nuzzles her cheeks and she gives in, unable to resist him. She leans into him and he breathes her in, her hair tickling his skin. They just take the moment and sit there, enjoying the moment and letting themselves be happy.
"Thank you Jay," Erin breaks the silence, her raspy voice filling the room.
"You don't need to thank me, Erin," he replies. She really doesn't. He's happy that she's even letting him be a part of this. He can't recall the last time he has been so content and at peace. She did that. Erin and the baby being in his life did that.
"No, let me say this, Jay," Erin pulls slightly away from him so she is looking at him, holding his gaze. "It's not just about you being here for me. It's everything. I don't really know how to put things into words but I guess I was missing something and I didn't even realize it. But I knew what it was as soon as you gave me this chair and you told me the story behind it." She sighs, breaking the eye contact. "You know that I don't really have any family. I don't have these heirlooms or good memories of my parents. So when you gave me this chair that is so precious to you and I hear the history behind it— all the good memories you had with your mom in it— I don't know, it makes me feel like I belong somewhere important. That I have something precious to cherish too and I'm not so alone. I'm not making much sense, am I?" she asks, wrinkling her nose like she's embarrassed of her thoughts.
He places a finger under her chin and lifts her head up so he can see her eyes. "You make perfect sense," he tells her. "I can't wait to see you in this chair, holding your son in your arms. You just gotta promise me that you won't make fun of me if I end up crying and that you'll keep it a secret."
She laughs. "Promise," she holds her hand up. "I won't make fun of you or let anyone know that the badass Army Ranger and detective is a big softy at heart."
He laces his fingers with her hand that she's holding up and bring her hand over to his lips. "Good. I'll hold you to it." They seal the promise with a kiss but Erin's head whips back suddenly. "What? What happened?" he asks, taken aback by her sudden movement.
"Jay! The baby kicked!" she exclaims, immediately bringing his hand onto her stomach. Jay waits to feel what she's talking about then he feels it. A jolt under his hand. His eyes widens at the sensation.
"Oh my god! Is that him?" He knows it's a silly question. Of course it's the baby but he is just amazed by the movement and yet another evidence of how fast the baby's growing.
"Yeah Jay. He has never kicked this hard before," Erin explains, their hands still pressed together on her stomach. "This is the first time I feel him kick this much."
"Guess the baby approves of the nursery and he wants to let us know." Erin let out a small laugh, agreeing with him. "Yeah isn't that right bud?" Jay directs his gaze down to the belly, speaking to the baby. "You like what we got you?"
He's mesmerized by how her stomach is moving with every movement that the baby is making. He's completely enthralled by it. It's the best thing he has ever seen in his life. Erin softly runs her fingers through his hair, watching him.
He finally tears his eyes away from her stomach to meet her eyes. "I love you," he tells her.
"I know you do," she replies, leaning her head down to lay a soft kiss on his waiting lips
He takes her out on a special date. Erin is in her third trimester now and her growing belly and the healthy weight gain has bred some insecurities in her mind about how she's getting fat and she's no longer attractive. Of course it couldn't have been further from the truth to him. He thinks that she's even more beautiful— her cheeks filling out more and the pregnancy giving her an even bigger glow.
She complains about how her clothes are all made out of elastic now to accommodate her protruding belly and now no one will ever want her again. And the only thing he could think of is if she only knew how much he wants her, every hour, every day. They haven't spent a night apart since they've admitted their feelings for each other but they've done nothing more than exchange breathtaking kisses and cuddle. The truth is he has never been with a pregnant woman before and he's scared. He's terrified of accidentally hurting her or the baby, afraid of being so consumed by his passion and desire for her when they make love that he'll lose all semblance of control. So he has been holding himself back, relieving himself when he often found himself getting hard at just the thought of her.
He wants her. He's just scared of hurting her and the baby.
What he also wants is to take away all the insecurities she has in her head about not being attractive anymore. He wants to make her feel beautiful. He figures they have been so focused and consumed by the pregnancy and the baby that now it's time to focus on her. He wants her to feel like she, as a woman, matters and that just because she's pregnant and is about to become a mother, that has to be her whole identity.
So he surprises her with a new dress and an invitation to a romantic dinner. She is giddy as she dresses up and pampers herself. And when she is done getting ready and he sees her for the first time, he gets his breath taken away just by how beautiful she is and he's reminded yet again how lucky he is.
They spend the night connecting over dinner. They sit across from each other in the dimly lit restaurant, her beautiful face illuminated by the candlelight. They talk, they hold hands across the table, they laugh and they barely eat because they're just too caught up in each other to pay attention to the food, no matter how delicious it is.
They end the night, strolling along the wateredge. Their place. Erin is nestled in his side as his arms keep her warm and they are in their own bubble. He has never been on a date like this before and he's certain that she's the only one that could make him feel like this. Like he could talk to her for hours, tell her everything on his mind and he won't feel the need to run away, feeling too vulnerable and naked.
"This is an amazing night," she tells him, stopping their walk so she can face him and look at him. He shows her that he agrees with a quick kiss. He tries to draw his head back but she pulls him back in, deepening the kiss. She is taking the lead this time, pulling his close. He groans when she sucks on his tongue, feeling himself grow to life. She alternates between sucking on his tongue and swirling their tongues together and he's in heaven. His arms go around her waist and tug her to him as close as he could with her stomach in between them. She lets out a moan when his lips travel down to her neck, nipping at her exposed skin.
"God I want you so bad," he mutters against her skin as his hands grip her hips. He sucks on the skin, getting lost in the sweet taste, Erin breathing out heavily.
"Jay," she breathes out, her voice sounding huskier than he has ever heard, as she pushes him off of her to seek out his eyes. "I want to be with you," she rasped, holding his gaze, letting him know that she's completely serious about this. "I want you to make love to me."
He has no idea how he has managed to get them back to her house but soon enough, they're on her bed, her fingers working fast to unfasten his buttons. She rips his shirt off and tosses it to the side, her fingers running along the ridges of his abs. He is focused on kissing and biting her neck as she tilts her head, giving him full access. His hands searches for the bottom of her dress and he pulls it up, the dress coming off in a swift motion and joining his shirt on the floor.
Soon enough, they are both completely bare and she's lying on the bed, her chest heaving with want and anticipation and he's hovering over her, his hands coming to cup her cheeks.
"Are you sure?" he asks her once more, making sure she has no doubt about this. As much as he's aching for her, he could wait if she wants him to. "I don't want to hurt you or the baby."
Her fingers brush over his lips and she smiles. "You won't. I want to be with you, Jay" She pulls his head down to connect their lips together, letting him know with the kiss that she wants this just as much as he does.
He makes sure to take his time. He wants to be gentle and go slow with her. He wants Erin to know that just how much he cherishes her so he takes the time to kiss love and reassurance into her skin, he wants her to know how beautiful she is as he takes her in. And when he finally enters her, both of them gasping at how perfectly they fit together, he swallows her moans and gasps, holding her together when she shatters around him. Only then, does he let himself fall apart, feeling heady when he reaches his own orgasm.
He's feeling hazy as they come down from the high together. They're sweaty and panting but he still takes her in his arms, nuzzling her hair as they lay in bed. She tangles her legs with his and brings her arm around his waist and she presses kisses into his chest. He is still breathless, gasping in much needed breaths because she just pretty much rocked his world and had shown him just earth shattering making love to someone you actually love could be. And he knows that he could only ever feel this with her. No one else.
"I love you," he tells her and like always, she smiles.
"I know you do." Her usual reply. He still hasn't heard the three words from her but he doesn't mind. He knows she cares about him, he has no doubts in his mind about it. And if he has learned anything tonight, it's that she's worth the wait.
I guess the two-shot turned into three. I swear one of these days I will write a one-shot and it'll be only one chapter! one day!