Chapter 2

Gordon is struggling to deal with death. His family are all trying to comfort him but Gordon cannot help but push them away.

As the sunset across Tracy Island not a sound was heard throughout the house. It made Jeff Tracy feel uncomfortable and strange. He'd sent Virgil to take Gordon to his room after they had landed as Jeff thought that Gordon would find it more comfortable than going into the infirmary. Virgil told Jeff all about what Gordon had experienced as well as his outburst on Thunderbird 2. Jeff knew that Gordon just needed time alone to understand what had happened and that he wasn't to blame for the accident. Virgil had left Gordon to shower and Jeff decided to leave Gordon until it was time for dinner.

As Jeff sat at the dinner table awaiting his sons Gordon didn't show. "Shall I check on Gordon?" Virgil asks.

"No," Jeff says standing "I'll check on him. You boys can start without us." Scott and John nod before tucking into their spaghetti and meatballs. Jeff can see the worry in Virgil's eyes "Don't worry son," Jeff places a hand on his shoulder "He will be fine."

Jeff carefully opened Gordon's bedroom door to see his son sprawled out on the bed asleep. His fast asleep son was lying flat on his stomach. He had managed to put some jeans on after his shower, but Jeff guessed he was too tired to find a shirt. Jeff listened to Gordon's familiar mumbles of sleep talk as he sat down on the bed. He placed a gentle hand on his back looking at his son's scars from the hydrofoil accident, still red and slightly bruised.

"Oh my boy," whispers Jeff, "Why's it always you that gets hurt?" Not expecting an answer Jeff is surprised to hear a muffled,

"What?" Mumbled into his pillow. Gordon turns his head to look at his father the sudden wince of pain upsets Jeff.

"I'm sorry son," Jeff says, removing his hand from Gordon's back, "Did I wake you?"

"No," Gordon replies "Can't sleep, back hurts." Jeff sighs watching the pain in his son's eyes.

"Well how about I give one of my famous back massages?" Gordon chuckles nodding his head. He remembers the time during his recovery from the hydrofoil crash and how his father would take away any pain or ache that he had with his famous massages, no one could do a better job than his father. Jeff lightly pressed his hands on Gordon's back moving them in circular motions. "I came to ask if you wanted to have some dinner? You must be starving after that long rescue."

"Not hungry," Gordon replies and Jeff sighs once more "Now son I don't think you have eaten something since breakfast this morning, I can always make you something different if you don't fancy spaghetti.

"No I'm fine" Gordon huffs into his pillow "I just want to sleep." Jeff nods understanding that after the day that his son has had he may not have an appetite until he has rested properly. Jeff continues his massage quietly beginning to feel Gordon relax; he stops when he hears a snore escape his son's lips. As Jeff stands to make his way to the door he looks at Gordon and then at his balcony door, he walks quietly over to the balcony sliding the door open as a breath of fresh sea air enters the room. Jeff knew that Gordon found peace by the sea so he hoped that the sea air would provide him with happy dreams whilst he slept.

Gordon panicked and woke up. He was panting and covered in sweat. The memories still haunt his mind of the nightmare about the girl dying over and over again. Witnessing as her body was crushed by collapsing ruble and thick mud. Gordon sat up rolling back his shoulders to ease his achy muscles. He felt hot, thirsty and hungry. Looking towards the alarm clock the time read 3:36 am, he decided that he should get up and have a sort of midnight snack. It was slow getting out of bed but Gordon was starving. His back still ached and the new cuts and bruises from the recent rescue made his whole body feel sore and damaged. But despite the struggle he was determined, Gordon made it out of bed and took a slow and steady pace towards the kitchen.

When he arrived in the living room he was surprised to see the lights on, he could hear someone was in the kitchen, boiling the kettle, perhaps that someone was making themselves a coffee. Gordon guessed that someone could be his father. Often he would find his father awake all through the night, he struggled to sleep. He always believed that something needed doing and that sleep could wait until he couldn't go on any longer. Gordon uses the furniture around the living room to steady his steps. All of a sudden he slipped on the wooden floor almost losing his balance. The sudden movement had made Gordon wince in pain. It wasn't a loud wince but it was enough to draw attention to whoever was in the kitchen. "Gordon, are you okay?" asked an all too familiar smothering voice.

"I'm fine Scott," Gordon says looking up at his brother. Scott could see the state that Gordon was in and he certainly did not look fine. Gordon was leaning against the wall trying to hold himself up with his hands. His sweaty head lay resting on the wall as if it was too heavy for Gordon to carry himself.

"You don't look well Gords," Scott says reaching out a hand to support him, but Gordon pushes it away and continues his painful walk to the kitchen. "What are you doing up anyway?" continues Scott following Gordon with his arms out ready to catch him.

"I could ask you the same thing," replies Gordon with a smirk.

"Well, I ask you first, so?" Gordon turns himself around leaning against the cool refrigerator to meet Scott's concerned look.

"I couldn't sleep and I'm hungry," says Gordon as he pulls open the cupboard door next to him looking carefully inside. Scott pulls Gordon's shoulder spinning him around to meet his gaze.

"Let me make you something."

"No," Gordon says looking back into the cupboard "Just leave me alone."

"Leave you alone. You must be joking."

"No, I'm not, just go back to bed."

"Gordon, please let me help you." Scott again pulls at Gordon's shoulder but he suddenly let's go after hearing a loud slam from the cupboard door.

"I said no," huffs Gordon glaring at the confusion present in Scott's face. Scott doesn't leave, however, and for a moment the pair glare at each other in silence until Scott's confusion becomes a realisation.

"This is about what happened today isn't it?" Scott asks but Gordon only offers him silence as a reply. "Look Virgil told me about what you said earlier. About the little girl that... "

"Well, Virgil had no right to tell you that," Gordon pushes Scott away from him as he makes his way to leave the kitchen, "He shouldn't have told you." Scott watches in silence as Gordon makes his way back to his bedroom leaving the food that he had gathered behind.

Gordon had laid awake in his bed until he saw the sun beginning to rise. He had slowly put on his swimming trunks being mindful of the pain still present in his back and had quietly made his way to the pool. Now Gordon sat by the edge, dangling his feet into the water admiring the sunrise across his beautiful island home. Gordon felt mad at Virgil and Scott. He knew that the pair of them had been talking about him behind his back. He hated them, and Gordon hated himself for not saving the girl like he had supposed too. As he thought about the girl Gordon felt an overcome of sadness. Did the girl's parents find out about her death? Gordon thought. Did the parents blame him? Gordon's head started to ache as his questions overwhelmed his brain. A swim in the pool should clear his mind Gordon thought, but before he could lower himself into the water John came to sit beside him danging his feet into the water as well. "What do you want?" Gordon snapped and John was surprised by the sudden outburst.

"Wow Gordon," John raises his hands as if he is surrendering "I'm not here to argue with you. I just wanted to have a brotherly chat if that's alright?"

"Sure," mumbles Gordon "sorry for shouting at you."

"That's okay Gordon I understand." John places a reassuring hand on his brother's shoulder and the pair look at each other for a moment. "Looks like you didn't sleep last night."

"No, I didn't," Gordon says, looking away from his brother to watch the water ripple around his feet.

"It was my sixth rescue when I had to watch someone die," John says. "There was a forest fire and I found a father trapped with his two children. There wasn't much time, the trees were about to collapse on top of them. I had to make a choice and I chose to save the children. The father's screams were awful. I saw him being crushed and then burnt alive."

"I can't escape death Gordon I can hear people being killed on your radios. I watch from afar knowing that I can't do anything to help you guys. I'm sorry for what happened to you Gordon, but just know that we cannot escape death. It's our job to save the lives of others but sometimes we're not successful which doesn't mean we're bad people. We just need to learn from our past mistakes and move forward." John and Gordon sit in silence for a moment watching the sunrise together.

"So Virgil told you then?"

"Only because he thought I could help you. Please Gordon just talk to us so we can get through this together."

"No John," snaps Gordon. "I can't believe Virgil. He shouldn't have told anyone. I told him that stuff because I thought he could keep it to himself." Gordon makes to leave and John stops him.

"Gordon he told us because he's worried about you. Hell, we're all worried about you. You're not yourself…"

"I'm fine John, just leave me alone!" Gordon shouts pushing past John and making his way into the kitchen.

As he enters the kitchen he is welcomed to a surprise hug from Grandma. "Good morning my special boy, I made pancakes for breakfast."

"Sorry Grandma," Gordon says, making an escape from her tight grasp "I'm not hungry."

"Well, you need to eat something because you're coming with me and your father to pick up Alan from school."

"What? Why?" Gordon asks, watching as John enters the room glaring at him as he makes his way to the dining table.

"Because I said so. Come have something to eat that will make you feel better."

"I'm not sick," Gordon says trying to get away but Grandma pushes him down in one of the dining chairs.

"You'll make yourself sick if you don't eat anything. Please darling." Gordon takes a breath of defeat, taking hold of his fork and helping himself to a serving of pancakes. As he does so Grandma returns to the kitchen. Gordon lowers his head to try to avoid eye contact from Scott and John.

"Good Morning everyone," Virgil calls, taking a seat opposite Gordon. "How are you feeling Gordon?" Virgil asks. Gordon glares at Virgil, his anger rising, pushing his plate away from him he stands up, making his way to leave the dining room "I'm fine Virgil!" he shouts.

"So I'm guessing your plans didn't work then?" Virgil asks and both Scott and John nodded in agreement.

"Well hopefully Alan can cheer him up a bit," Scott says, taking a bite of his pancake. "I just don't understand why Gordon is behaving like this. He knew that death may happen as soon as he signed up to be a part of international rescue."

"There must be more to it," John sighed.

To be continued…

I hope you have enjoyed reading this fanfic so far. I do apologize for how long that this is taking to write. Please review and let me know what you think about this story.