I can't even breath
It's like I'm looking from the distance,
Standing in the background,
Everyone is saying he's not coming home now.
This can't be happening to me.
This is just a dream.
- Just a Dream, Carrie Underwood
"You wouldn't believe it. It was- actually, how about I take you on the trip next time I go?." I say. "Whatcha think, Pete?"
Silence.
I lower my phone thinking maybe he hung up on me, or said goodnight and I didn't hear him through my talking.
But he didn't hang up. The call was still going, the minutes displayed on the screen. 12 minutes.
Maybe he fell asleep? Peter would have warned me, but he did sound out of it earlier..
But that wasn't right either. Peter snored in his sleep, this was complete silence with indistinguishable background noise.
Maybe Peter stood up to get a drink and he thought he'd be back to hear the rest of what I was saying?
I decided to hang up, let the kid have some rest, I'll give him a hard time about leaving me talking to the air later.
Hanging up, I get ready for bed. If the kid who never rests can get some sleep then so can I.
...
My phone won't stop ringing. I ignored it the first two times, but I knew better than to do it a third time.
I picked it up on the first ring. It was May.
"Hello?"
"Oh my god. Tony, tell me he's with you."
"Peter?"
"No." May hissed sarcastically "John Fricking Kennedy."
"Peter isn't with me." I say calmly, trying to ease the tension that is seeping into my bones. I was shrugging on my jacket. "I thought he was with you."
I can feel May's panic from states away. I should have brought the kid with me.
"T-Tony. I don't know where he is, I don't know if he's alive. I-give me a second." I heard her quiet crying as some things were rearranged. "T-tony, his suit isn't here."
I let out a breath, my muscle relaxing despite the worry evident in my chest. "He left his spidey suit at the tower. It is being fixed."
She lets out a strained laugh, it sounded like someone dragged the sound out of her throat.
"What do you think he's been doing since you left? He's been using his ex-spidey suit." She lets out a stangeld chuckle "and it's not here."
"He called me," I checked the clock "4 hours ago."
"Anything can happen in 4 hours Tony."
"Did you call Ned?"
Her choked affirmation was all I needed. "We need to find him"
"I know."
...
I flew the whole way there at top speed.
I should have gone to May first. I should have told her where I was going. Maybe I would have been more prepared for when I found the body.
...
I found out his destination on my flight there, Westchester. He was easy to spot and track. I found him leaning against some sort of chimney. It was metal and reflecting the light. So, it was hard to look at it directly. Hard to look at him directly.
"Kid!" I call out, stepping out of my suit "Wake up!"
He didn't move, my feet pounded against the rooftop running to his side. He was laying still, too still. His mask was on, and I couldn't see his eyes. But I knew they were closed, even as I searched for his pulse. Hands shaking, throat tight, heart racing and breaking. I knew.
I think I knew the moment I woke up.
But that didn't stop me.
I ripped off his mask and tried to ignore his unnaturally pale face
I shook him, hard. I searched for his pulse and his wound, looking to put pressure. He was alive, he was probably just in shock. Which wasn't ideal, not in the least but it wasn't death. Peter couldn't die, he had too much going for him, too many people who loved him.
He couldn't leave me, he was everything. He was my everything.
I rocked him back and forth, stroking his hair and cheek even as I called Bruce.
Clinging on tightly even as I called May and explained what happened.
...
"H-He's gone Tony, he's been d-dea-" Bruce chokes out before I cut him off.
"Don't say it." I suck in another gasp of air "he's not dead."
"He is." Bruce took in a shuddering breath "He has been since last night."
Last night. Was this before or after he called me? Did I want to know?
"He called me last night." Bruce said, putting his hands to his head, as if he was trying to keep his head from exploding "He was talking weird. He was really clear in telling me how much he cared for me."
I shook my head, it was too murky to make sence of any of this. "I don't get it. Why wouldn't he ask for help? You are the best of the best!" I mumble
"Your survival rate is through the roof." I don't know what I was saying but Bruce just withdrawled like I slapped him.
I didn't care. I might've hurt his feelings but Peter was gone, dead, not here.
I still have trouble believing that.
Was he dying while I was talking to him on the phone? What were his last words. I struggled to remember, but I couldn't. I couldn't remember.
If only I fixed the suit before I left. If only I never left, If only I took him with me...
...
I don't think I actually believed it till May came, her face red from crying. Body shaking, and running blindly. She found him rather quickly.
She held his tiny body to hers and cried. She lost so much, and now we lost Peter too.
No we didn't. Did we? I stare at the scene, and suddenly pain erupts in my chest. I move to get it, but it does nothing.
"He's having a heart attack!" Bruce bellowed in the background.
The world goes back before I can connect the dots.
Peter.
K! I don't know who is next but I can assure you that you will see more pain and mourning for our favorite boi. This is for the sadists!
-Paula says HI
xxx