sometimes she wonders simple thoughts. things about herself and why she is here and why they are here and why they are breathing and existing like this. sometimes she wonders about other things, like who she was and who she is and who she wants to be.
she is mostly curious about her place in all of this. she stared at the sun and tried to find her place in all this and she could never come up with a concrete answer — and who would humor her, after all? her guardian who was more likely to leer at her or those silhouettes of sand that faded away every morning after age twelve — those she rebuilt without complaint. she has always worked hard, and the grit of a millenias of stardust in her hands, the particles of generations of pain, they call her.
how sad she must be, she thinks, to find peace within the stars of a planet. she would like to see the real stars someday. and then also maybe see green. green, the color of life, the color that the mirage of desert pain and heat and molten skin reflect into her eyes. at the outpost, the color of an odd number of species that are not like her, species without sandy soft skin and tendrils of smooth hair. there are so many kinds of creatures in the universe and she wants to go to the stars and she wants to see them all but she is here. here.
in a desert, where everything dies. hope, life. an unending circle of death and decay and loss. she wants to escape and find everything else — find peace and humanity and people who care and people with single hearts, one beating heart, maybe even a heart that beats solely for her.
maybe she does not escape. it is not an escape, it is not of her own volition. it is a runaway into the night, leaving everything on this godforsaken piece of junk behind, running into the universe. it is staring as light years and stardust and millions of creatures disappear in front of her eyes. it is the realization that jakku is nothing — she was a small creature in a small hut on a small planet in a small system in the gigantic galaxy. who she was? rey of jakku, rey of herself. who is she now, who does she want to be?
she does not want to be a hero but all of a sudden she can sense the galaxy alive and she is a savior, a chosen, a leader. and long go the dreams of peace and hope and instead start the nightmares of leading a revolution. rey does not want the world, does not want anything. rey wants a home and a person within four walls and even that the force will take away from her.