Toph met with Zuko and his security squad in Ember Island for a debriefing of the Miss Ember Island mission. Toph was to remain with the pageant contestants at all times and to report any suspicious behavior through a messenger hawk. Zuko and his undercover bender squad would remain close by, interspersed backstage and within the audience.

A few days before the opening events, Toph met with Iroh for a coaching session in the empty theater. The Ember Island theatre had been expanded with extra seating for the large crowd that would soon arrive. A platformed runaway had been set up on the stage and there was a table where the judges be grading the contestants. The stage was decorated with a map of the Fire Nation and banners with names of all the islands of its archipelago.

As she entered this imposing theater, Toph felt instantly nostalgic for the grungy, noisy and stinky Earth Rumble arena.

Iroh began their coaching session by reviewing the guidelines for proper conduct.

"To be worthy of the title Miss Ember Island, you must walk, stand, and speak at all times with the honor befitting a lady. That means no burping, no swearing, no calling anyone crude nicknames, no picking your toes, and no scratching your butt."

"Is that all, Pageant Lord?"

"Now, Toph," said Iroh. "You must also show your pageant master some respect."

Then Iroh explained that the pageant would have three portions- the runaway portion, the talent portion, and the bathing suit portion.

"I need to have a talent for this thing?" said Toph.

"Yes, and since we don't want to blow your cover, it will have to be something other than earth or metal bending."

"Maybe I could belch the fire nation national anthem."

Iroh sighed. "What did I just say about belching?"

"That it's not allowed by these lame sticks-in-the-mud."

"That's right!" said Iroh, beaming. "Also, I will need to prepare you for your introduction. There will be an interview portion, so that the Fire Nation can learn what Tami Lu is all about!"

Toph rolled her eyes. Tami Lu was her codename for the mission.

"Stand here, and let rehearse some questions," said Iroh, pulling out a set of cue cards. "Back straight, smile on. Now! First question: What is your favorite relaxing hobby?"

"Picking things out of my toes is not an answer, right?"

"That is correct, Toph."

"Fine. Tanning myself in the hot fiery sun while I read the latest gossip about which wannabe noble is sleeping which other wannabe noble."

"What is one way that you give back to your community?"

"What, is my glorious presence not gift enough?"

Iroh frowned at her. She could feel his disapproval emanating in waves of heat.

"Um, I guess teaching kids?"

"Describe your ideal date," said Iroh, flipping to the next card with a nod.

"Well, first we fuck…I mean, first we 'make tender sparkling flames of honor'… and then we split some kind of sandwich…and then I kick him out of my apartment."

"Interesting," said Iroh placidly, as he squinted at the next practice question. "And what is your favorite color?"

"I'm blind, moron!"

"Now Tami Lu…" Iroh said gently. "You will have to hold it together for the judges…"

"Fine! My favorite color is red, like the blood of my enemies. Or green, like puke!"

"What is the one thing you wish for the most?"

"I dunno…to crush everyone under my dainty foot and to laugh mercilessly at their defeat!"

"No, no, Tami Lu! That is not correct!" Iroh admonished. "When the judges ask about one thing that you want the most, you're supposed to say, 'world peace.'"

"Well, then why don't you get Twinkle Toes to be in this contest?"

"What a great idea! I've already asked Avatar Aang to assist us as your runway master!"

"My what? Why do I need someone to teach me how to walk around in a circle?!"

Iroh lifted his arms in fluid arches if conducting an orchestra. "Miss Ember Island does not walk! She gliiiiides gracefully like she is floating on the salty breeze!"

"Oh, for fuck's sake," thought Toph.

Aang supervised as Toph strutted awkwardly down the boardwalk. He offered suggestions as she tried not to trip on the long hanfu gown with enormous sleeves and reams of fabric.

"Sway a little more softly, Toph!" said Aang. "Visualize yourself as a leaf, gently surfing the waves of the current!"

Toph wrinkled her nose, held back the urge to curse out the Avatar, and wondered why, if she was supposed to be a fancy Firenation lady, she couldn't just be carried around in a palanquin or something.

"Feel the rhythm of your stride, let your arms flutter in time with your steps!" said Aang.

"This is payback for the time I made you learn earthbending, isn't it?" said Toph.

"It's not payback, Toph! Avatars do not stoop to payback! We rise above all that mortal pettiness…just like you need to rise a bit higher on your tiptoes when you make your pivot!"

"'End him', my ass," thought Toph. "I am going to kill him."

"Step and turn Toph! Step and turn!" shouted Aang, "Now glide, Toph, glide!"

Toph pushed through a crowd of tourists, sleeves waving behind her. "Out of the way, slowpokes! I'm gliding!"

With sweat beading on his brow, Avatar Aang threw an overwhelmed look at Iroh as if to say, "I'm sorry. I tried."