15 years later…

The rush of something… churned in my gut, as I stared around at the now empty cold vacant terrace house that I had grown up in. I couldn't exactly grasped what I was feeling at that moment since anything resembling a feeling of sort was relatively an unknown concept to me.

Truth is, I wasn't even sure I was capable of feeling anything whatsoever. Maybe at some point, in my childhood maybe? The memory of my childhood was hazy at best, yet something tiptoed at the edge of that haziness. A memory? I couldn't be sure, but the harder I tried to conjure up something, my head just spun into a dizziness array.

But as I looked around this empty cold house, I felt nothing. There was never nor has there ever been love or warmth in this house.

At 23 years old, I had lived a very sheltered and unextraordinary life. Living here in England, but not really living, nor being allowed to truly live, was like a prison around me.

But I was free… I was finally free. I stared down at the bundle of papers in my hand, along with my plane Ticket to a place called Idris.

Four months ago, my late father's attorney had informed me that in my father's will, he had left me a rather sizeable inheritance and a small property in Idris. At first I questioned, it with disbelief, unable to believe that the most unfeeling & cold man that I had called father, even care enough to put me in his will.

That was until I had read the note that my father had wrote before he passed. While it didn't exactly reveal and deep and meaningful love for his daughter, it did offer a small glimpse at the man my father could've been long ago?

I still remember the contents of the letter.

Clarissa Morgenstern,

Do not be alarmed by receiving this letter, I'm sure if you are now in possession of this letter, then I have succumbed to my illness. I write this without any intention of gaining any sort of favor in your eyes. I don't have that right nor do I seek it out. I have denied a great many things in your life. You may hate me for the way I have thus treated you, but remember this Clarissa. Anything less than what I have tried to mold you into, is inconsequential. I did my best to make you strong woman. A Morgenstern is not weak, and feelings are weakness, emotions are weakness. In my eyes, I have done right by you so no apologizes will be made, I will however not see fit to deprive you of what is yours by right. A sizeable inheritance that should see you through… and a place that we had once resided in during your childhood. Do as you please with this, burn it down, and let the past die, or sell it.

Know this Clarissa. Love is a wretched and an unfeeling pain that destroys everything in its path. I would not wish that upon you, my daughter.

Your Father,

Valentine Morgenstern

I was startled out of my trance by the ringing of my phone.

"Hello?" I inquired, absentminded.

"Poppet," a musical voice chimed in.

A warmth feeling washed over my distress. Magnus Bane.

"Present," I whispered, a knot forming in the back of my throat. I suddenly realized that while I was finally making my escape from my life here in England, I would also be leaving behind the one and only person, who've I allowed myself come close to. He was…my person. In a non romantic sort of way.

I felt myself get anxious. I couldn't do this after all, could I?

"Poppet," Magnus comforted, "You're going to run a hole through the floor if you keep pacing like that.

"I know," I chided. "But I can't h—"

Wait, what?

I whipped around. There in the doorway of the house, stood Magnus Bane. Fabulous Magnus Bain, dressed head to toe in his usual fashionable attire.

I smiled a small smile at him. And it took me a minute until I noticed the luggage he set down next to him.

He smiled a knowingly look at me. "If we're gonna do this, there's no turning back."

I stared at him. "You're going with me?"

"But what about your fashion-," I started.

"Darling Poppet," Magnus crowed, swirling his hands in the air, "I can design anywhere, and who knows… maybe Idris is in need of a Magnus Bane, nightclub."

He clapped his hand over his mouth in feigned shock. "Oh, wait, it's already in construction as of thirteen weeks ago."

I was confused. "But..."

Magnus walked over to me, err actually saunteredly flourished over to me and put his hands on my shoulders.

"Poppet," He said slowly. "There was no doubt in my mind that you were going to make the decision to go. There's was nothing left for you here. Even if you didn't realize it at the time."

Magnus continued "And of course there was no doubt in my mind that I was just going to let you leave without me."

He wrapped his arm around my shoulder.

I let his words sink in, Magnus was right. There was nothing left for me here, not anymore. I felt something rise inside me… was it hope? I had no idea. But something was rising inside me. At the thought that I could start over. I wasn't tied to anyone or anything. For so long, I felt so dormant and un alive. I felt… dead inside.

And I didn't want to feel that way anymore. I, Clary Morgenstern wanted to feel something… anything.

My late father's voice echoed in my head.

Feelings… emotions… are weakness Clarissa. Stop crying and fix yourself up. You are a Morgenstern.

I shook my head, emptying the voice in my head.

"So, we're really doing this?" I asked, looking to Magnus Bane.

"Seems we are Poppet," he replied, grabbing my head.

I took a deep breath, steadying my rapidly beating heart. I took one last look, saying goodbye in my head to the place that had been my prison for so long.

A few short days later:

"That is enough," I chuckled, slapping away Magnus's hand as it was reaching for the knob on the stereo in the car.

He gasped and shot me a wounded look. I couldn't help but laughing.

"If I have to listen to one more Whitney Houston song, I swear I'm going to throw myself out of this car."

"We have been listing to Houston for over three hours in this car. My turn now," I gritted through my teeth, turning the knob back to my favorite station.

"Poppy," Magnus interjected. " Country music is not MUSIC!"

I glared at him.

"Or at least GOOD MUSIC," He replied quickly. "Nothing but whiny whiny music about one's broken heart, my dog died and drinking beer."

"Obviously, you've never been in love," I retorted back, smiling smugly.

While Magnus Bane was certainly a man of many tastes, and …. Escapades, he has never found the right person. Not that there was a right person, because honestly that was just horshit. Fairy tale garbage as such.

"And you have?" Magnus shot back defensively. Bingo. Target Hit. Battleship sunk.

"No..," I confessed grumpily.

Love. What was even was love? I couldn't even phantom the faint idea of what If would feel like. Not that I would even feel it anyways, because like I said. Fairy tale bullshit made up to make people feel all fluffy in the head.

The car ride was silent for what seemed like forever, with the exception of Eli young band crowing through the speakers.

I stared dejectedly staring out the window. The quick flash of everything going by reminded me of my own life. Flashing by. Wasted scenery I wasn't even noticed…. My wasted life.

"I've wasted my life," I said quietly, finally speaking up. "I am wasting my life."

"You're twenty three," Magnus said. "You can't have a wasted life… You've barely even lived."

A few more hours later…

As soon as we entered the town of Idris, something tinkered on the edge of my memory.

Idris was breathtakingly beautiful. The city from a distance was magnificent and bustling. The acres of overflowing wilderness was equally as mesmerizing. But the City…. There were no words. I was also excited to check out Magnus's in progress night club he was having constructing. I couldn't wait to explore the city itself. I never had been able to dilly dally around the bustling outside world much. Taking care of my ill father for the past five years left me pretty much an outsider.

"Don't get too excited," Magnus spoke up, obviously noting my wistful look. "Looks like your home a la mode is on the outskirts of the city."

That was fine by me. I would definitely have to find time to do some exploring.

Ten minutes later we were traveling down a beaten up road, glancing out the window, I glanced upon a house with a broken aged swing set on the side of the house.

Lightwoods.

Suddenly I had a flash of something that was gone too quickly. Laughter. A football being thrown… and something else.

I shook my head.

We finally reached our destination. We drove up to a circular drive way, and came upon a relatively sizeable small cottage. The rows of flowers that line the walkway was magnificent. And well maintained for an abandoned cottage… how strange…

"I LOVE IT!" Magnus exclaimed, flourishing his arms in the air as he got out of the car. "It's so… Steel Magnolias."

I glanced up, taking in the brick cottage with the top floor balcony wrapping around the house.

"DIBS ON THE balcony bedroom!" We both shrieked at the same time.

We both laughed.

We then thus preceded to hold out our fists. On the count of three…

Rock

Paper

Scissors

"Yes!" I screamed, dancing around doing a victory dance. Yes!

Magnus rolled his eyes, and sighed dramatically.

He threw up his hands. "FINE!"

A half an hour later of unpacking our bags from the car, and unloading it inside, I was finally able to step back and absorb.

It was funny… I didn't feel anxious or nervous as I looked around. I felt… comforted? No. Familiarity? Possibly.

I don't know, but I felt something. And that for me was something new and I suddenly had a rush of exhilaration at the thought of a whole new start. Maybe… a whole new me. I was ready to explore a whole new me.

Author's note: Thank you all for the feedback : ) I really do appreciate it and I am excited to see where this story takes me as well. I apologize if the chapters are somewhat short but I am working with borrowed time here at the library typing away lol. I only get a reserved amount of time.