Nicky sensed trouble the moment she returned to her apartment. The entire walk home she was feeling resentful and anxious, but suddenly she began to feel ill-eased for an entirely different reason. It could have been the designer luggage left in the foyer. A large suitcase, a medium, and a carry-on. They all matched and were shined to perfection. Nicky eyed the cream coloured trench hanging on the coat hook and the black booties set on the mat, and felt her heart quicken inside her chest. There was only one person these items could have belonged to.
"I wasn't notified until I was already en-route to the airport, can you believe that?" There was a pause and then a loud sigh, as Nicky walked slowly down the hallway and into the living room where her long-lost mother was standing by the window, looking out.
"I suppose you're right," Marka Nichols said into her cell phone reluctantly. She sighed. "As usual….I'll just have to hold tight until this is over. It shouldn't be long. I'm sure the media is blowing this entire thing out of proportion."
Resisting the urge to call out the many thoughts whirling in her mind, Nicky plopped onto the sofa and hugged a throw pillow to her chest eyeing her mother's chic grey pantsuit and her wavy blonde hair, until Marka turned around and at last noticed her sitting there. Their eyes met, Marka's flickered slightly doing an obvious scan of her daughter, while Nicky's bore back into her suspiciously.
"Well, darling, I'll have to let you go," Marka spoke into her phone, holding up a manicured finger to signal Nicky to wait. "She just walked in….yeah," she laughed lightly. "Well, I certainly hope not!...I love you too. I'll call you tonight."
"This is a surprise," Nicky said dryly, once Marka disconnected her call and slipped her cell phone into the pocket of her blazer.
"For you and me both," Marka replied. "They cancelled my flight home. I was already in a cab on my way to the airport when I received notification. They want everyone to stay at home and self quarantine until this is over."
"How convenient," said Nicky. "You want me to call and get you a hotel room or something?"
"Or you could remember that this is my house and you just live here by the grace of me," Marka said shortly. "I trust my bedroom is still as I left it?"
"I never go in there," Nicky retorted.
"Hmm…" Marka pursed her lips together and slipped out of her blazer and draped it over the back of an armchair. "Well, you look great," she said sincerely. "Healthy….and older!"
"People age when you don't see them for a long time," Nicky said resentfully. "You look older too."
Which might have been true, but Nicky didn't add in that she still thought her mother was a beautiful woman. Marka still had a trim figure. Her long blonde hair was still luscious and full, streaked with silver now which was quite appealing. There were more worry lines on her face now, but mostly she seemed the same. Not much had changed in the almost seven years since they'd last seen one another, the day Marka made her first and final trip to Litchfield Penitentiary. She didn't stay for the entire visit, of which her sole intention appeared to be informing her daughter that she was moving to Brazil with her boyfriend Pablo and wouldn't be back.
"You sure Pablo can survive being quarantined away from you?" Nicky asked sarcastically.
"I'm going to make myself some tea," Marka ignored her question. "Would you like some?"
"I don't drink tea," Nicky turned down the offer. Though she couldn't resist following Marka into the kitchen anyway. There was something quite mesmerizing about her right now. It almost was like seeing a ghost, as Nicky perched on a bar stool and watched Marka fill up a kettle with water and then set it on the burner.
"So, why didn't you tell me you were in town?" she couldn't resist asking.
"I didn't think it would matter to you," Marka said shortly. She perched on her tiptoes and found a box of tea in the far back of the pantry. "You've never given me any sort of indication that you'd like to meet up."
"You never asked," Nicky replied, sounding hurt. "I didn't know you even came to New York anymore."
"I have to fly here frequently for work," Marka explained. "Although, this is probably one business trip I should have postponed. Pablo told me not to come but I really thought all of this would have blown over by now."
"You and me both," Nicky replied. "I've barely gone anywhere in a month. Today was the first day I've left the apartment in a week."
"That's good," Marka said approvingly. "There's no sense running the streets and exposing yourself to all kinds of illness."
Silence resumed. Marka opened the cupboard where all the mugs were kept and selected a pale blue cup in the back. She popped a tea bag into the bottom of it and then turned her eyes onto the kettle, watching the steam seap out of the spout and then begin to whistle before she removed it from the burner and poured. Nicky studied her closely as Marka added a subtle dash of cream from the fridge into her cup and then stirred it slowly.
"What sort of business were you here about?" Nicky asked, as Marka took her cup over to the stable and sat down in a chair on the far end. Marka looked surprised at the question and took a small sip of her tea first before answering.
"I had to see about staffing shortages at the manor," she said finally, setting her cup back down onto the table. "We're having the same problems at the facilities in Seattle and Chicago as well. We're operating with about half the staff! We've had to tighten security, screen all employees at the door before they're allowed to come into work. I don't want to risk any sort of illness being brought into the residents. And then there's also those calling in because of childcare problems now that the daycares and schools have closed."
"If only everyone could have a nanny like you did to do all the heavy lifting," Nicky chuckled.
Marka frowned. "I'm seeing about getting free childcare for my staff organized. We're going to also start offering incentives to colleges for students to come work for us. Things like paying their tuition and on the job training."
"If they haven't finished their training, how are you going to know if they're qualified?" Nicky asked nervously. "That doesn't seem so great."
"Are you telling me how to do my job?" Marka gave her a frothy look.
"I just don't want any random person off the street coming in to take care of Red," Nicky explained shortly. "She's completely defenceless. She needs someone who can understand that and give her specialized care."
"Which she is receiving without it costing her family a dime, thanks to me," Marka replied. "Do you even have a clue how much money I've lost giving her that bed instead of someone who can actually afford it? She even has a private room."
"It's always about money with you, isn't it?" Nicky huffed.
"Clearly not!" Marka snapped, her hand tightened around the handle of her cup. "Otherwise I wouldn't have given her all that I have. I don't even know this woman."
"Yeah, well I do!" Nicky shot back.
"I know you do, Nicky," Marka sighed. "I know that you care about her. That's why I agreed to help her like I have. I did it for you."
Nicky had to look away at that. She drummed her fingers against the kitchen island and watched the hand of the clock tick each second, while Marka pulled out her cell phone and began responding to emails as though there was nothing more to say between them. Nicky saw her alternate between typing and sipping at her tea, which irritated her nonsensically. She couldn't believe her mother still had this effect on her. Each rare encounter igniting a hopeful spark that was quickly put out when she was hit with a fresh reminder that things would always be toxic between them.
"Well, since you're in town, do you think you could make a quick phone call and pull some strings so they'll let me start visiting her again?" Nicky asked quietly.
"Are you serious?" Marka asked incredulously, looking up from her phone. "Do you want me to have a lawsuit on my hands?"
"Nobody is going to sue you," Nicky protested. "Her sons wouldn't care. They're grateful that I visit her every day. It takes the pressure off them since they aren't there nearly as often as I am."
"Probably because they are busy with jobs and families, while you aren't doing anything," Marka muttered, beginning to type out a response to an email on her phone again.
"Exactly," said Nicky. "I don't go anywhere or see anyone. So she's not going to catch anything from me."
"I don't know that and you don't know that," Marka said impatiently. "All I know is that nobody in there is sick yet and I intend to do everything I can to try and keep it that way."
"Don't you get it?" Nicky croaked. "The longer I wait, the less chance there is that she will remember me."
"I'm sorry, Nicky," Marka shook her head. "But the answer is still no."
XXX
"No," Red whispered quietly. "No, no. Don't cry."
She picked her baby up and cradled it to her breast as she began to slowly rock back and forth. The room was darker, much more dark than she liked it. So many of the lights she liked to watch dazzle outside her window like sparkling stars weren't there tonight, like someone had turned off the city. She could hear rain pouring down loudly. Every now and then she'd catch a rumble of thunder that would make her shake a little in fear.
"I know that it's dark and noisy," she said softly. "But you never have to be afraid because mama is right here. Vasily never liked storms either. He always needs to crawl into bed with me when it thunders."
She felt a warmth in her heart at the thought of her son and then sighed as it was replaced with a tightening of guilt instead. She had multiple children, and here she was snuggled in bed with only one of them. She didn't want her boys to think that they mattered less to her than the new baby. Maybe that's why Vasily hadn't crawled into bed with her yet like he normally would when it rained. Maybe he didn't think he was allowed to now that mama had a new baby to take up all the attention.
"Come, sweetheart," she said, pressing her lips to her baby's cheek. "Let's go check on your brothers." She knew that she wouldn't be able to sleep until she'd laid eyes on all of her children and knew that they were safe and sound, tucked into their beds.
She pulled back the blankets on her bed and slipped her feet over the edge. She cradled her baby tightly in her arms as she padded across the cold floor in her bare feet. There was a little bit more light in the hallway, as she pushed the door open entirely. Once out in the hall though, she blinked in confusion at her surroundings.
The hallway was bare and clinically clean. There was a cart against the wall stacked with white linens. A clear garbage bag was attached to it with a foul smell emitting from it that made her nose wrinkle. Did Dmitri forget to take out the garbage again? She felt a stab of annoyance, but she didn't know where he was. She suddenly became aware of how cold her feet felt on the bare linoleum floors. She'd always had a carpet runner down her hallway at home, but it wasn't here.
"Galina, love, are you looking for me?"
Red flinched at the voice and whirled around to see an unfamiliar young woman walking towards her. She was dressed in purple scrubs and had her long black hair pulled back in a high ponytail. She looked like a nurse. What was a nurse doing here. Was this a hospital? Her eyes darted around anxiously. Was she sick? Was her child sick?! She pulled her baby closer to her. The baby had settled from the crying she'd imagined back in the room, and was snuggled contentedly in her mother's arms. She seemed fine, but Red felt a surge of panic that something terrible might be wrong.
"I want to speak to the doctor," she said in a clipped tone, with as much authority as she could muster.
"Are you okay, honey?" the nurse asked, and Red felt an ingiting of fury at what she considered to be a condescending tone. "Do you not feel good?"
"I want answers," Red said strongly. "We've been kept waiting long enough. If this is serious, as a mother I need to know. Otherwise, I have other children at home I need to get back to."
The nurse blinked at her in confusion. Her mouth opened and closed a couple times as she pondered what to say, and Red decided she'd had enough and wanted to find someone who knew what they were talking about. She turned away, intending to go find the front desk and ask for the results for her baby, when a loud rumble of thunder roared making her flinch.
"Vasily," she said aloud. Vasily didn't like thunderstorms. Even as a baby he'd wake up and cry until she cradled him, and it had only gotten worse since he'd become a toddler.
"Vasily?" a gentle voice said behind her.
Red turned her head and her lip quivered. "You're not him…" she said uncertainly.
"No, it's Ceci," she gave her a warm smile. "Do you want me to take you back to your room?" she held out her hand in offering but Red just studied it for awhile and then backed away.
"My son doesn't like thunderstorms," she explained. "He gets scared. He always looks for me…"
"Vasily?" Ceci asked.
"Yes," Red nodded.
"Sometimes thunderstorms scare me too," Ceci said lightly. "But the lightning is pretty. My mom used to tell me that when it stormed it meant the angels were bowling. And my Tia used to tell me it thundered when God was angry."
Red shook her head. "That's stupid," she replied.
"I think she just said that to try and keep us in line," Ceci laughed.
Red moistened her lips nervously. "Will you help me find him?" she asked hopefully.
"Vasily?" Ceci asked.
"Yes," Red nodded. "I need to know that he's okay. And he needs to know that I still love him...and that I'm sorry."
"He knows that you love him," Ceci told her. "You don't have to worry about that."
Red shook her head and sniffled. "I made so many mistakes," she confessed in a wobbly voice. "He thinks I didn't care...that I forgot to think about my family. But I didn't forget."
"Do you want to call him?" Ceci asked. "Maybe that would make you feel better. I have his phone number. "
"You do?" Red smiled brightly, and relief coursed through her body as she walked forward and slipped her hand into Ceci's. Maybe now she could explain and start to set things right. She had so much to make up for. "Will you show me?"
"The phone is this way," Ceci said. She squeezed her hand and began to guide her back down the hall and into her own bedroom.
Red hesitated under the threshold taking in the small room. The single bed, the sofa by the television. Her book shelves and chest of drawers with framed photographs lined up neatly.
"This isn't home," she told Ceci, pulling her hand away. "This isn't the right place."
"I know," Ceci said gently, switching on a small table lamp to brighten the room. "But you're safe here and everything is going to be alright," she assured her, trying to suppress a yawn and failing.
"Are you alright though?" Red asked her gently. "You look very tired."
"I am a little tired," Ceci admitted. "Aren't you? Everyone else is asleep."
Red looked around the room and then pointed at her bed. "Do you want to sleep there?" she offered helpfully.
"No, thanks," Ceci shook her head and smiled. "That's where I want you to sleep. That's your bed."
"And those are my books," Red said, pointing at the shelf.
"You read a lot," Ceci commented. "That's good. I need to get better at that."
"Yuri didn't like to read," Red said absentmindedly, walking in a circle around the room running her fingertips over things and taking them in. "I used to make him read to me every night before I sent him to bed. The key was finding the right books to match his interests. This is him here."
She had reached the bureau covered in framed photographs. She gently brushed her finger over the image of her oldest son, the only one to have inherited her red hair. "I took the boys down to the ocean and they spent an entire afternoon hunting for seashells."
"That must have been so fun," Ceci replied.
"This one was Christmas morning," Red shared, moving onto a second photo that contained all three of her sons and Dmitri as well. The boys were seated on the living room floor in a sea of wrapping paper having just opened all of their presents.
"And this….hmmm," Red hesitated. "This one isn't mine."
"Yes, it is," Ceci spoke up. "That's Nicky."
"Nicky," Red repeated. She cradled her baby more tightly to herself and began stroking its blonde hair, as she eyed the mischievous looking girl in the photograph.
"I spoke to Nicky today and she wanted me to tell you that she loves you and will see you soon," Ceci said. She was paraphrasing, of course, but Nicky's message over the pager that morning had been abundantly clear.
"You know her?" Red asked, looking confused. She stroked a finger across Nicky's photograph again and continued to stare at it. She knew it meant something but she didn't understand what that was.
"Hey, do you hear that?" Ceci asked her.
"No," Red said.
"Exactly, it's quiet," Ceci smiled. "I think the thunder has stopped. Your baby should be able to sleep now and so should you."
Red didn't respond to that. She turned back to the photograph. "Nicky," she said again.
"That's right," Ceci said tiredly. "Do you want me to bring her picture closer to the bed so you can see it better? Because it's time to go to bed. C'mon."
Fortunately, Red compiled this time. She walked over to the bed and got in, allowing Ceci to tuck the blankets in around her and the baby. "I don't like the dark," she said.
"It's darker than usual tonight," Ceci agreed. "Why don't I turn the bathroom light on so it won't be as dark in here. Would you like that?"
"Yes," Red nodded.
"Alright," Ceci said sleepily. She walked over to the small bathroom off the bedroom and turned on the light. It danced across the dark bedroom floor.
"Will you come back here?" Red asked her softly from the bed.
"What is it, honey?" Ceci asked her gently, stepping over to be right at her side.
Red's hands were fumbling with the blankets over her lap. "Will you tell them that I'm sorry?"
"Yes," Ceci said gently, pulling her blankets up higher and caressing Red's hair back as she sank into her pillow. That seemed to bring her enough peace for the time being as her eyes closed and Ceci stepped back from her bed slowly. She was hoping that everyone would sleep now and maybe she could do the same. There were still many hours to go until morning.