2: Why Pickles?
I wake up strapped in an immovable metal chair. There was a table and across from me sat two men dressed in suits. One was intimidating, the other looked like he was fresh out of high school, both had the feel of being dumber than rocks. My head pounded as I look up at the ceiling and see the ceiling fan along with the interrogation lamp. I feel like I'm in a shitty cartoon.
"She's awake," the intimidating one says with a harsh Australian accent.
"So who's gonna tell her?" the other guy says.
"Tell me what?" I ask. I start fidgeting in the chair as I try to loosen the restraints. "Where's Rei?"
"First tell us what is in this vial," the other guy says.
"Where is she?" I growl.
The kid almost drops the vial as I try to lunge at him.
"What is in the vial?" the intimidating guy asks. I look closely at the vial. "Tell us and we'll tell you where your friend is."
"I have no idea what that is," I say. A commotion starts outside. The cops get up to investigate.
You should have kept your eyes on the road, it sounded like Rei. I look around but it's now an empty room. I'm dead but it's not your fault. Anyway the restraints are loosened and you should be able to walk out of here.
"What the hell is going on here?" I ask as I free myself.
No time, just walk out like a normal person, no one will know it's you until you're already gone. I'm almost certain it's Rei. It is me. Hurry before you lose your chance.
I get up and head for the door. The big meat head of an investigator walks back in and growls. He draws a retractable baton and swings at me. Using my skills as a crime-fighter I dodge and engage my attacker. We fight and somehow I find myself on the ground and me against a guy that's twice my size and angry as a gorilla, I doubt my chances of survival.
"I'm gonna kill ya and no one is going to stop things from moving forward!"he grunts as I feel his hands around my neck. As I start losing consciousness I see a blur from the corner of my eye and it is Makoto.
She starts pummeling him into the wall. I never realized how powerful she was...except for that one time. That one time when we fought some space hamsters. As I think back on that fight I wish I had used the trademarked Hanson Mind Bleach but what can you do?
After watching the gorilla get beat to death by a super brunette I get up and I see my jar of pickles.
Take a pickle out and put it to your ear, the incorporeal voice of Rei says.
I question why I follow the voice inside my head. Carefully I open the jar and pull a pickle out and put it up to my ear.
"Oh god, finally," Rei says. There's some static. "Go outside so we can have a better signal but act normal."
I sigh and I start walking out. Makoto stops me.
"We need to find Haruka," Makoto says.
"But Rei's dead," I say.
"We are pretty much immortal beings and we have the ability to come back," Makoto says. "She'll be fine, we just have to find Haruka."
I'm just not going to tell Mr. Anderson any of this information on the reincarnation thing. Fourth wall breaking? Yes.
"But Mako, Rei…" I whine.
"You sound like you just lost your girlfriend to a nameless foe and you can't get her back," Makoto vehemently says.
"Wait, you two were a thing?" I ask.
"No time," Makoto says. She drags me along with the power of a bulldozer. As we walk by the officers and other people they don't pay attention to us.
After being dragged for almost a mile I see my car parked next to a tree and there's a goat sitting in that tree. It is a russet brown goat with little spike horns and it is wearing a baseball cap with a "T" logo on it. I don't know what's with that goat staring at me but I have the urge to throw a pickle at it. As we approach the goat disappears into the foliage.
I search for the keys but then I realize that my keys are in the police lock-up. Standing frozen in place I try to figure out what to do.
"Ugh, don't hold this against me," Makoto says. She goes over to the driver's side and breaks the window. She opens the door and get underneath the steering console. Like a master she hotwires the car.
"How?" I ask.
"I ran a gang back in middle school and we were behind the series of carjackings, including one involving a certain Ferrari belonging to a friend of ours," Makoto says as she gets in. "But that's history, let's go meet with Haruka."
I get in and I notice that there is a small vial of red goo. Carefully I pick it up and examine it. Before opening it I shake it around and hope it doesn't explode.
"What the hell is that?" Makoto asks.
"It's hot sauce," I say as I open the vial and put a drop on my finger. Like a true dumbass I lick the mysterious substance. The world slowed down and turned dark.
You are going to die.
I stare out into the vast workings of the universe. At that moment I understood everything and nothing at the same time, it was as if everything was passing through my mind all at once. The more I stared off the more I seemed to lose myself.
Through the darkness cut a corgi with a pair of aviators and a blue bandana and it landed in my lap. I was brought back to reality by an adorable dog.
I was curled up in the car and Makoto was gone. The sun is shining in my face and there's a dog shaped shadow over me.
"Coral! Get back here," Haruka calls out. The dog jumped out of the window and ran.
I sit up and look out of the window. My eyes adjust to the sunlight as well as the fact I'm in the real world or that's what it seemed. Haruka and Makoto were standing on opposite sides of Rei.
"Rei?" I ask. Like one of those cheesy romance movie where the protagonist finds their soulmate and runs across a flowery field, I ran to her only to trip over Coral.
Haruka tries to muffle her chuckle. Makoto just snickers a bit. Rei disdainfully looks at me. Coral simply licks my cheek then walks away.
"Yeah, I'm alive you big baby," Rei says.
I get up and dust myself off. Then I give Rei a big hug. She tries to break free of my grip but is unsuccessful due to how much I love...er I mean care for her.
"Are you sure they aren't a couple?" Haruka whispers to Makoto.
"A couple of idiots," Makoto says flatly.
I let Rei go and I crouch down and pet Coral. The corgi's butt wiggled along with its stubby tail. Coral's tongue was sticking out and there was a little bit of drool coming off of his tongue.
"We have a problem," Haruka says.
"A flying Jamaican man, a crooked cop, and a corgi who is unbelievably adorable," I say.
"Someone drugged me with this mysterious goo," Rei says as she held up a vial of the red stuff. "The effects are very weird."
"Are you being chased by a goat too?" I ask.
"No," Rei says. She glares at me. "I thought I was the only one that saw it."
"Are we communicating telepathically?" I ask in my mind.
"No you are speaking loudly," Haruka says without opening her mouth. Rei and I exchange glances before focusing on Haruka. "Okay, I was drugged too."
"Am I the only normal person here?" Makoto asks.
"Yes," Haruka asks. "Even Coral is weird...but I don't think he'll do anything weird yet."
Coral is sitting with his tongue out. It's hard to think that a dog as carefree looking as him would be as weird as us. Maybe it all makes sense if you think about it long enough. My thoughts drift towards a passer-by's breasts. They are a nice shape and they are not outrageously disproportionate, and they appear natural. Come on brain go back to the story.
"We need to track down the Jamaican and find out why he drugged us," Rei says. My mind starts to focus on Rei. "Stop it!"
Mindlessly I start thinking of something else. I see a trashy spooky house with a wrought iron fence and the lawn hasn't been cared for as it is dead. There is a window that's broken. The door is a thick brown door and it has a peep hole, or at least I think that's what it is. Inside lay several passed out people, are they passed out?
I blink and I was there, I am standing in the middle of the room. The people I thought was passed out were actually very dead. They were covered in black vomit and their eyes were popped out. It was a grizzly sight. As before I got too engrossed in the gore I felt a vibrating in my pocket. The pickle was vibrating.
"What the hell were you thinking? Now we have to go find you." Rei says through the pickle.
"You told me not to think about you," I say.
"So you are curious," the Jamaican man says from behind me. I can almost feel his hot breath on the back of my neck.
"Rei, save me," I say. Right before my eyes the pickle disintegrated in my hand. Quickly I turn around to face the Jamaican man. "Why are you so weird."
"Minako, you are quite the soul," he says. "If you let me I'll make you-"
I punch him right in the mouth and he falls back, but then springs forward like one of those wacky arm flailing inflatable guys. Part of his face is cracked and the whites of his eyes turn black. Ultimately he turns into a shitty rip-off of Kaneki, except he's Jamaican, and not a ghoul...at least I think he's not.
"I'm gonna make you regret that," he growls. Quickly dodging out of the way I roll to a couch where I see a sickly dying guy.
"Don't take the sauce," the dying man says.
"Too late," I say. The Jamaican Monster rips through the couch like ricotta cheese. Not wanting to die, I use the dying man as a meat shield.
Again I'm running for my life and the room seemed to go on and on forever. I trip over a coffee table and fall to the ground. While on the floor I see the jar of pickles.
"Imma gonna kill you," the Jamaican man says.
Out of sheer impulsive reaction I grab the jar of pickles and throw it as hard as I could at the Jamaican man. The jar busted into pieces with pickles and vinegar spilling all over the place. The Jamaican man grabs his face as steam came up from it, it was almost as if the pickles were melting his face.
He moved his hands and his face was melted off, revealing a distorted version of his face. After a while he started to deflate. It was almost like that scene from Who Framed Roger Rabbit?, you know the one where Doom gets hit by a blast from the Dip. Yeah, this guy is definitely not getting up from that.
I stand up and I move toward the door. Then there's a knock on the door. I pause and I stand there motionless. Then whoever was at the door started pounding on the door. After a moment the person hits the door harder.
"Minako, I know you're in there," a man yells. "You are evading arrest." He breaks the door down. It is the guy that Makoto beat up. "I'm going to say that you had a gun and killed everyone here and I heroically saved everyone by disarming you then killing you."
"There's one problem," I say.
"What is it?" he asks.
I reach for my henshin stick but I forgot that it was taken by the monster. My eyes told the entirety of my situation. The only thing that I get in return is the hellish grin of a monster that knew of my true identity.
"Orsila Nusev etem ruyo modo," he says as he transforms into a werewolf. His human features were replaced by anthromorphic wolf features. Drool that dripped from his open mouth made his teeth glisten in the crack house light.
I had never been as scared as I was at that moment. Even when I was going to die I didn't feel this much fear. Galaxia wasn't as scary as this beast. Feeling him looming over me I closed my eyes and prepared myself to die.
A moment passed.
Nothing.
Another moment passed.
Still nothing.
Cautiously I opened my eyes and the monster was impaled by a silver sword. A certain talisman possessed by a certain attractive blonde. However, it wasn't who I thought it was.
As the monster slowly fell to the ground, rose petals fluttered through the mysterious breeze that filled the room. My eyes met those of one of the most beautiful women I have ever laid my eyes on.
Being the goddess of love and beauty, I've seen plenty of beautiful people. Michiru Kaioh is no exception. She is the arm candy of Haruka, and she is the world-class violinist that can win the heart of anyone. On the side she secretly does fortune telling under the name of Mistress Blackwing, she has a very elaborate disguise and she's also some sort of paranormal investigator as well.
Anyway, she stood before me with the sword extended. For a moment I thought Rei arrived just in time but no, it was Michiru. She grins as the monster slides off the sword.
"Your petty tricks are nothing," Michiru says as gracefully steps on the dead monster. "I do say that you have gotten yourself in some trouble."
I nod. I'm still awestruck by the entire situation. She helps me up. Her hands are warm and soft. Am I falling in love with her?
"You better not!" I hear Haruka's voice in my head.
"Did you hear that?" Michiru asks as she looks around.
"We're about a block out," Rei says. "Scratch that, we're trying to catch Coral."
Michiru looks into her mirror. Her eyebrow raises as she taps on the mirror. I had never seen her like this. It was almost as if she couldn't figure something out.
"Apparently there is something clouding the future," Michiru says. She makes the mirror disappear. "We need to go." She takes my hand and starts leading me out the door.
I notice that one of the dead people has started getting up. With a gurgling groan the reanimated figure, pretty much a zombie, charges for us. It was leaking black stuff. Yes, I am afraid of black stuff...especially sticky black stuff. I broke free of Michiru's grasp but that was a bad idea on my part. The zombie attacks Michiru, incapacitated it. She was okay despite being bitten.
"Minako, run!" Michiru shouts as she is attacked by another zombie. "Go to the abandoned shopping mall in-" She fights off the zombie. "Give my regards to Kor-" She was taken out by another zombie.
More zombies showed up as I got up. Quickly I ran for the door trying to get away. I wanted to turn to see if Michiru got out, but I could feel something pulling me away. As I round the corner I bump into Rei and the others.
My face expressed the shitty feeling that I felt at that moment. I had to leave someone who saved me, and I ran like the coward I was. The tears streamed down my face as I rounded a corner.
"Hey idiot, we are immortal," Rei says.
Not paying attention I run into that goat I keep seeing. I feel a sense of dread as it unblinkingly stares at me. Ever so slowly the goat's horns start to grow longer and more menacingly. The feeling was more like I was staring straight at the devil.
Out of nowhere Coral rushes from the shadows and headbutts the goat. Some mysterious way the goat just gently flies away as Coral continues to snap and bark at it. Rei, Haruka, and Makoto round the corner and rush to my side.
"I think I legitimately stared the devil in the eyes," I say.
The ground rumbles and a giant lobster pops out of the ground.
"Why today?" Makoto asks. "One normal day. Just one day. That's all I'm asking." She starts radiating pure energy as she marches forward. "One fucking day."
"Well that's a thing," Haruka says as Coral jumps into her arms. "Well time to go."