The story is so heavily dependent on dialogue right now...and probably for a long time. But it works! Anyways, my friend had a right good laugh reading this one.
Oh, I figured I should explain a little more about what Brooke and Darren look like? Well, Darren's pretty plain. Sandy-blonde hair, typical boy's length hair, and he wears a dark green hoodie. Brooke has long darker blonde hair, mostly straight but a little wavy on the sides. She has a red shirt with a cute cartoon-ish skull on it that has heart eye(socket)s, a halo, and little feathered wings on the sides. She also usually wears a navy blue jacket that she never zips up, and three rings - a skull, and two-headed serpent, and a skeleton hand... She likes bones.
Oh yeah, since this is a written (typed) story, I'm just gonna actually write out what Kenny says verses typing or explaining a bunch of mumbling. Besides, the kids understand him anyway. Use your imagination.
"Okay," Butters said as the four of them left Cartman's house. "Token's house isn't that far from the coffee shop. We can all travel together for now and split up when we get closer."
"Sounds like a plan," Darren said.
Butters went to say something else, but was interrupted by the loud barking and snarling of a large dog that came charging over in their direction. He screamed and ran behind Darren, almost knocking the other boy over. The dog snarled at him and placed itself between them and Brooke, baring large fangs at them.
"Sniper!" Brooke patted the dog's back then tugged at his spiked leather collar. "Good boy! But Butters isn't a threat. Now, heel!"
At the command, Sniper instantly ceased his aggressive behavior and ran around to sit at the girl's left side, staring up at her and panting with all the innocence of a typical pet dog.
"T-that's your dog?" Butters carefully stepped out from behind Darren. "He's kind of scary."
"Yeah, sorry," she said. "Sniper's a trained body guard dog. I think that big hammer you're holding set him off. But he's super nice! As long as you're not a threat to me. I guess he came to find me since I left without telling him." She looked to the dog and pointed away. "Sniper, go play!"
With an understanding bark, the dog got up and ran off somewhere.
"Wow," Butters said. "He's super smart! Where is he going?"
She shrugged. "He's never too far off. Sorry he scared you."
"That's okay. Well, come on!"
They followed Butters down the street, past a bus stop with a pedestrian crossing sign, and took a right by a large wooden sign that read the town's name until they reached a street lined with stores and office buildings.
"This is the marketplace," Butters told them. "Heroes come here for adventuring gear, nosejobs, and abortions."
"Abortions?!" Darren almost choked.
"Yeah, over there at the Unplanned Parenthood." He gestured to a building down the other way. "Generally wanna stay out of there if you're a fetus, yeah."
"Fascinating," Brooke said.
They kept going until they reached a cinema where they were stopped by a man calling them over from the bushes. "Psst, hey, over here," he called.
"What is that freak doing?" Brooke asked.
"Oh god, it's him," Kenny rolled his eyes.
"Yes," the man said. "It's me, Al Gore."
"Who?"
"You know, Al Gore. I'm super important."
She looked to Darren for an explanation. "Uh, I think he was like a vice president or something?" Darren said.
"Yes!" Al Gore said. "Alright look, I've detected some VERY strange activity in this area. I believe we are dealing with…MANBEARPIG!"
"Excusemewhat?" Brooke said, almost tripping over her words.
"That's right, THE ManBearPig. I know it's scary, but I need help."
"Yeah you do."
"Take these and place them in the locations specified on this ManBearMap." He handed them a marked map of the town and several odd little sensors.
"Oh god," Brooke looked at the map. "You're serious, aren't you?"
"I'm super cereal. Now hurry! We must find out if the ManBearPig is here or not!" He dove back into the bushes.
"This town is fucking weird," Darren said after a brief pause.
"Eh, yeah," Butters said. "Anyways, the coffee shop is right here. Brooke and Kenny can get Tweek. Darren, you and me are gonna go the other way to Token's house."
"Okay, see you guys later," he waved to them as he and Butters kept walking.
Brooke looked up at the coffee shop's sign. "I…hate the smell of coffee." She pushed open the door and a little bell rung.
"Welcome to Tweek Coffee," a man at the counter greeted them. "Our coffee is brewed locally. So, what can I get you kids today?"
"We were just looking for Tweek."
"Oh, he's in the back. That reminds me. Tweek?! Tweeeek! Have you picked up the fresh local ingredients?!"
"AAHGHGH!" someone shouted from the back room. "NOT YET DAD! I'M STILL TRYING TO DO ALL MY CHORES!"
"Well hurry up, son, the family business is relying on you!"
"AHGHGH!"
Brooke and Kenny exchanged a glance. "That kid sounds…distressed," Brooke said. They went over to the back-room door and went inside to find a blonde, wild-haired boy sweeping the floor vigorously. "Um, hi?"
"AHGHGH!" he jumped. "You're not supposed to be back here! Wait, who are you?"
The boy was rather…twitchy, Brooke thought, and he talked fast. "That fat wizard kid told us to come get you. The elves took the Stick, and he said we need the whole army to get it back."
"WHAT?! AHGHGH! NOW?! They need me now?! There's no way, man! I have WAY too much to do!" He suddenly grabbed her shirt and shook her. "HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO DO ALL THIS?!"
"Ah! I-I don't know!" she shouted. "Just calm down!"
He let her go and screamed again. "Wait! YOU!"
"Me?!"
"If you go get the four o'clock delivery for me, I can finish here- and then, and then I'll still have time to play! PLEASE!"
"Uh o-okay!" she stammered. It was already four o'clock?
"Really?! Would you?!"
"Y-yeah, sure! Er, uh, where is it?"
"It's at Kenny's house – like always!"
"Huh?" Kenny said.
Tweek grabbed an envelope from a nearby table and handed it to Brooke. "You give them this, a-and they'll give you the delivery!" He suddenly stumbled and ran over to pour coffee from a pot into a mug. "MORE COFFEE! NEED MORE COFFEE! AHGHGH!"
Brooke slowly backed towards the door. "Kenny…let's go. Hurry!"
.
"This is Dark Meadows," Butters said.
He had led Darren to a nice, large home surrounded by a stone wall. The only way in or out seemed to be the security gate at the front where a guard was standing. "This is a gated community sir," he said as they approached him. "Move along."
"Yeah, but –" Darren began.
The security guard suddenly pulled out a can of pepper spray and sprayed him in the face.
"Agh! Oh god! It burns!"
"If you try again, I will pepper spray you back to the Stone Age. Move along, sir."
"Uh, uh okay!" Butters grabbed Darren's arm and quickly pulled him away. "Uh, you okay buddy?"
"What kind of asshole pepper sprays children!?" Darren said.
His phone buzzed a few minutes later and he pulled it out to read the messages. One from Cartman read, "HAHAHAHA Dude someone just posted a video of you getting pepper sprayed! Hold on I gotta watch that again. AHAHAHAHA it's even better when you know what's coming!"
"Fucking asshole," Darren muttered.
Another message from Brooke read, "Lol, dude what? I thought my quest was bad, but at least I didn't get pepper sprayed haha!"
A third message was from someone he had never met. "Jimbo's Guns carries a selection of gas masks that render pepper spray totally useless as a self-defense. Come visit."
"Well, whadda we do now?" Butters asked.
Darren put his phone back into his pocket. "I need a gas mask."
.
"You…live here?" Brooke asked.
Kenny had led her to a decrepit old house that stood alone, far off on the edge of town near a dump and across some old train tracks. Rats were wandering around everywhere and broken glass bottles littered the ground.
"Yeah."
She stared at him. "Oh…'kay then. So, where the heck's this delivery supposed to be?" She eyed a particularly large rat that was peering at her from underneath a blown-out tire.
He shrugged. "I dunno. I don't even know what he was talking about. Mm…let me ask my mom." He knocked on the door then turned back to Brooke. "I…I forgot my key."
She laughed a little.
"What?" a red-haired woman opened the door. "Oh, hey there Kenny. Who's your friend?"
"That's Brooke."
"Hi," Brooke said. "Um, do you know what this envelope is for?"
"Oh, this is for the nice people who are renting the guest house out in the back."
Brooke glanced around. "You mean…the garage?"
The two kids went over to the garage and pushed open the big door, which struggled against them for a moment before fully opening. They went through another door, and into a back room where they came across three filthy-looking strangers.
"Oh shit, this looks like a meth lab," Kenny said.
"You didn't even know this was in your own garage?!" Brooke hissed between her teeth.
"I don't go in the garage!"
"Obviously not."
"What are you kids doing here?" one of the meth heads asked.
"We…we're here to pick up the package for the coffee place." She replied.
"Yeah, we got the package. You got the envelope?"
She handed over the envelope.
"Hey," said one of the meth heads. "They aren't the usual kid that picks up the package."
"Oh shit," another said. "They're cops! Get 'em!"
"Ow!" Brooke shouted. "Did you just fucking curb stomp me?!"
"Ya damn right I did! It's all I know how to do!"
She punched the man in the knee and he jumped back with pain, tripping over something on the floor and crashing into the meth lab table. Glass containers of chemicals shattered all over the floor.
Kenny pulled out a toy bow as the second man charged and let loose an arrow that struck him in the face.
"Agh! My eye!"
"Whoops," Kenny flinched. "Hey!" he picked something up from the ground that was covered with nails. "My old club!"
"Get off of me you asshole!" Brooke kicked at the third meth head who had picked her up.
Kenny ran over and swung the nail-covered club; an awful crunching sound was heard as it made contact with the man's crotch. The meth head dropped Brooke and crumpled to the floor in a heap, groaning with pain.
"Thanks," she dusted herself off.
"No problem!"
She looked around and located a sealed bag in the corner then picked it up. "I guess this is it? Let's get out of here. Man, maybe I should have picked a weapon. I didn't think I'd be getting into fights with grown-ups."
"Here," he handed her the bloody club.
"Oh…" she took the club. "Okay. I'll call it…the Club of Justice." They laughed and left the garage.
.
"This is Jimbo's gun store," Butters said. The two boys had walked across to the other side of town to get to this store.
"Hey there boys," a man greeted them as they entered the building. It was full of weapons for sale and many taxidermized animals decorated the walls.
"Hey Jimbo and Ned!" Butters said.
"Well," Jimbo said. "You must be one of the new kids that moved to town."
"Yeah, my name's Darren."
"Nice to meet ya kid. So, you're into hunting? You've come to the right place! South Park is chock full o' things to shoot. Of course, ain't much I can sell to a minor – thanks to the stupid Democrats. But I might be able to hook you up with a few things!"
"I got a message saying you guys had gas masks?"
"We sure do! Since you're new, I'll sell one to ya for only five bucks! How's that sound?"
"Awesome!" Darren reached in his pocket for his money.
.
After exiting the garage of now highly likely to be crippled meth heads, Brooke and Kenny came across Sniper chasing rats around outside. Upon noticing them, he stopped and ran over to Brooke, his tail swinging happily.
"You're kind of late to the party," she said to the dog. "I just got attacked by three meth heads!" He whined. "Well, I guess you can't open doors…and it's not like I called for you either. Oh well. We've got to get this package back to the coffee shop."
"Hold on," Kenny said, heading to the front door of his house. "I gotta go to the bathroom."
"Oh."
"You can come inside if you want."
"Okay," she followed him inside. "Sniper, wait out here."
*Woof*!
The inside of the house was about what she expected after seeing the outside. The walls were cracked and pealing, the carpet had several mysterious stains, empty beer cans littered the floor, and there was a strong smell of cigarettes.
Sitting on the old couch in the center of the room was a little girl. "Hi!" she said. "Who are you?"
"Hi. I'm Brooke. Who are you?"
"I'm Karen! Are you Kenny's friend?"
"Yeah, I guess so."
"You're pretty."
"Thanks. You are too," Brooke smiled.
"Really?" she smiled back. "Hey, do you want to play with me? We can have a tea party!"
"Uh, I don't think I have the time to – " she trailed off after seeing her expectant expression then sighed. "Okay. I'll play with you."
"Yay!" Karen hopped down from the sofa and led Brooke to her room.
A few minutes later, Kenny came back to the living room to find that Brooke wasn't there. He opened the door, expecting her to be waiting outside, but only found her dog sitting patiently by the door. "Huh? Where'd she go?"
Sniper tilted his head at him.
He went back inside to look again and heard voices coming from one of the rooms. He opened the door to find Brooke sitting at a tiny table and holding a tiny cup that Karen was pretending to pour tea into.
"Hi Kenny!" Karen smiled.
"Oh," Brooke said. "Uh…she wanted to play."
"We're having a tea party! Do you want to play with us?"
He stared at them for a moment before saying, "Hell yeah I do!"
.
Darren and Butters stood across the street from the security gate where the guard was standing. "Alright," Darren placed the gas mask on his face. "I'm ready this time, bitch." He walked over to the guard.
"Hey, didn't I already warn you?" The guard took out his pepper spray and sprayed it, but it had no effect. "What the fuck?"
"Ha!" Darren pulled out his dagger and jabbed it into the back of the guard's knee. "Butters! Attack!"
"Uh, okay!" Butters hurried over as the guard's legs crumpled and swung his hammer into the side of the guard's head. "Oh hamburgers! Did I kill him?!"
Darren kicked the downed guard who groaned in response. "Nah, he's fine. Come on. Let's get Token."
They hurried over to the front door of the big house and rung the bell. Moments passed and a black boy opened the door. "Who are you?"
"I'm Darren."
"He's one of the new kids," Butters said. "He's playing with us! Token, the wizard king needs everyone to gather at Kupa Keep. The elves have stolen the Stick of Truth!"
"They took the Stick again? Alright, let me get changed. Hey Mom! Can you drive me to Eric's house!?"
.
"You're back!" Tweek stopped what he was doing to meet Brooke and Kenny as they entered the back room. "What took you guys so long?!"
"We had to fight meth heads, that's what!" Brooke said. "Oh, and then I got distracted by Kenny's little sister. She's adorable."
"But did you get the delivery?"
"Of course," she handed him the package.
"Oh great! Thanks! Dad! I finished my chores; can I go play?"
"What about today's delivery?" his dad asked.
"It's right here!"
He took the bag and tasted its contents. "Hm, yep, that's good shit. Alright Tweek, you can go play for a little bit, but be home before dark."
"Thanks," Tweek told them. "What was your name?"
"Brooke."
"Thanks, Brooke. I'm gonna get changed and then I'll meet you at the kingdom."
.
"Oh, hey Darren," Brooke greeted him as they all gathered back in Cartman's backyard. "Nice gas mask. Heh, I saw you got pepper sprayed."
"Shut up," he said. "That's why I got this mask!"
"But do you really need to wear it now?"
He shrugged.
"Eh, I got curb stomped by a meth head."
"What?!"
"Yeah, and now I have this!" She showed him the nailed bat she was carrying. "The Club of Justice!"
"Why's it bloody?"
"Oh, it may or may not have been used to cripple a man today."
"All soldiers reporting for duty, Grand Wizard!" Butters' voice shouted.
Cartman came out from the castle. "Ah, nice work. Now all my men are here and – wait a minute. Where's Feldspar? Where is my level twelve thief?"
"Oh yeah," Butters said. "Where is Craig?"
"He's in detention," Token told them.
"What?!" Cartman said.
"He flipped off the principle," Tweek said. "So he's in detention again."
"Oh my god…without him we'll have no way of getting back the Stick of Truth. We have to break him out!"
"Agh! No way, man! Last time we broke Craig out of detention we ALL in trouble!"
"That is a risk that Brooke and Douchebag are willing to take!"
"Uh, no it's not!" Darren looked to Brooke. "Are you?! Because I'm not!"
"Sounds like a bad first impression to make at a new school," Brooke was debating aloud to herself. "Buuuuut…I've always hated school."
"Oh come on, Brooke!" Darren was appalled.
"Come on, Douchebag!" Cartman said. "We have to break out our senior thief. Don't worry, I won't let you go unprepared. I'm going to teach you how to use magic. I think you will be a perfect candidate. Come with me to the training barracks. It's time for you to learn 'Dragonshout.'"
"…What?!"
To be continued…