Remus slammed his empty glass of rum and coke down on Virgil's kitchen table. Virgil emptied his glass right after him. When Virgil slammed down his glass after, it shook the pool of cards in front of them.
"Remus, that's bullshit," Virgil slurred. "You can't fucking finish your drink for a waterfall," He growled.
"You'll find I absolutely can, good sir," Remus chirped playfully at him.
"I got two fucking threes in a row and I totally didn't give you all five shots with that last 5!" Virgil objected.
"I'm playing to win, I don't know about you," Remus grinned and got up shakily to get a refill.
"It's a drinking game, Ream, you play to get drunk, not to get your best friend to throw up," Virgil groaned.
"Well maybe that's how you play," Remus bantered right back.
"God, I will fucking kill someone for a grilled cheese right now," Virgil slurred frenetically. "Just, like, knife someone in the spleen,"
"Holy shit, a grilled cheese would be so fucking good. So would stabbing a spleen," Remus moaned. He dug around in the fridge for cheese while grabbing the liter of coke. Virgil got up and stumbled briefly to the breadbox. He slammed it open and tipped slightly.
"Fuck," Virgil groaned with an elongated drawl. "We didn't buy fuckin' bread,"
"Fuck," Remus mirrored Virgil. "Let's text Remy, maybe he's got bread,"
"Dude, yes, of course! I love that guy! Let's get that fucker over here! Why isn't he here already?" Virgil cheered. Virgil pulled out his phone and stabbed at it excitedly. He held up to his ear. "Remy," Virgil drawled again. "Remington. Remy-bemy-bo-bemy,"
"What the fuck, are you drunk, Virgil?" Remy asked incredulously. Virgil must have accidentally set it to speaker. He didn't acknowledge that fact, though.
"Remus is cutthroat at Fubar, man, just an absolute bastard," Virgil spat acridly.
"There is a mid-term tomorrow," Remy groaned with heavy exasperation.
"That there is, my guy," Virgil said cheerily and clicked his tongue.
"Are you studying, nerd?" Remus sneered.
"God no, babe, Me? Study? Can I come over?" Remy said. "My dad's out right now, as long as I'm back before sunrise he won't miss me," Remy added.
"Yeah, get the fuck over here!" Virgil shouted.
"Don't shout into the speaker, ass-hat," Remy grunted.
"Bring bread!" Remus chimed in.
"Yeah, bring some fucking bread! We are in, like, dire need of grilled cheese," Virgil chirped and snapped his fingers. "And, like, a board game. I want to play a board game. Don't you miss board games?" Virgil added absentmindedly.
"Yeah, that's fine. Remus, babe, don't let Virgil drink anything else until I get there," Remy added.
"God, where are you,? Where did you go?" Virgil asked desperately. "Why did you leave?"
"Hon, I wasn't there earlier," Remy laughed.
"What? That's not right, I swear I heard you sassing me with Remus earlier," Virgil accused him, pointing at nothing.
"That was my spirit haunting your ass," Remy said seriously.
"No way," Virgil whispered. "Were you a ghost all along?" He asked reverently.
"Yeah, absolutely, babe," Remy said sarcastically. "I mean it, Remus, cut him off, I need to get on at least your level before he blacks out,"
"Oh, I'm a few drinks in," Remus said cheerily.
"Fuck, I'll be over in a few," Remy said quickly and hung up.
"God, I love that guy, where did he say he was again?" Virgil said, sliding his phone back in the pocket of his skinny jeans.
"Limbo. He needs a new body to fuck up," Remus chuckled. "Dude. Let's play Just Dance," Remus added after a pause.
"Oh, my god, dude, are you trying to give me a concussion?" Virgil whined.
"It's a pretty fun concussion," Remus sang. "Let's get some water in you first, sunshine,"
"Ugh, fine, mom," Virgil groaned and pulled out a cup for water. He flailed slightly and wobbled as he pulled it out of the cabinet. Oh, he was gonna fall the fuck over and Remus was gonna laugh so hard he pissed himself.
"Gotta pee, don't die without me," Remus said with a little wave and headed to the bathroom.
"No promises," Virgil sang cheerily back at him. Remus rolled his eyes and headed to the restroom.
Virgil was sitting on the kitchen floor when he got back, eating pretzels.
"Oh my god, you were gone forever," Virgil whined.
"I think Remy was right about cutting you off," Remus laughed.
"You waterfall'd your whole fucking glass after my two fucking threes!" Virgil shot back. "It's entirely on you if I puke,"
"Kinky," Remus barked with laughter.
"I will beat you off with the condom stick," Virgil warned, holding up a pretzel menacingly at him. Remus sat on the floor next to him and took a giant handful of pretzels, shoving them in his mouth. He was so fucking hungry.
"I think I want hot pockets," Virgil said airily. "Did we finish the hot pockets earlier?"
"I don't know, I wasn't there for that," Remus said, waving off Virgil's question.
"I swear to god I watched you eat two of them," Virgil said, wide-eyed. "Shit, how much of tonight was real?"
"Nothing's real," Remus said with a nod. Virgil watched him like a baby deer and nodded back.
"Woah," Virgil intoned and fell back against the cabinet. Remus laughed when Virgil hit his head and grabbed another handful of pretzels.
"Gurl, how long have you been on the floor?" Remy asked, standing over them, placing something on the counter.
"How the hell did you get here so fast," Remus slurred slightly, laying on the kitchen tile.
"It's been like 30 minutes, what are you talking about?" Remy asked and kicked Remus slightly on the floor. "Did you keep drinking without me, babes?" Remy asked with annoyance.
"Scout's honor," Virgil said, holding up two fingers. Then also did the sign of the cross. The mad man. Remus recoiled from it mockingly.
"Remus, why are you covered in pretzels?" Remy stepped over him and went to the fridge.
"Why am I covered in broken pretzels?" Remus asked curiously, looking at all the pretzel salt and pieces on his shirt.
"You took a pretzel shower," Virgil said lackadaisically.
"Nice," Remus nodded and sat up, pretzel crumbs falling everywhere.
"Not it," Remy and Virgil both called at the same time. Remus grumbled and clambered over to get the broom, shaking off first.
"Fuck you guys," Remus growled.
"It was your pretzel shower," Remy said haughtily. "Virgil, get up here and play Fubar with me… but you're on water shots. You're both on water shots until I throw my arm and fall the fuck over," Virgil and Remus both groaned at the same time, but Virgil got up and refilled his water obediently and sat at the table while Remus grumbled and swept up all the pretzel crumbs.
"Here's your bread, by the way," Remy said and shoved a loaf of bread in Virgil's hands as he came back to the table with a drink.
"What's this for?" Virgil asked, completely baffled.
"You guys said you were in dire need of grilled cheese," Remy said.
"Oh my god, a grilled cheese sounds so damn good right now," Virgil moaned.
"Oh, my god. You're both hopeless," Remy rolled his eyes, taking a sip from his newly made drink.
"You draw, Rem-em-emington," Virgil sang while he looped his fingers in the air.
"6. I never took a pretzel shower," Remy chirped.
"I'm not even at the table yet, you prick," Remus grumbled, finishing cleaning up the pretzel bits all over the floor.
"Draw, babe, mama needs her silly juice," Remy said, urging Virgil ahead.
"Three again? God, what is my luck tonight?" Virgil growled.
"It's water, babe, chill out," Remy rolled his eyes.
"That's, like, not the point," Virgil grumbled and dutifully took three long drinks.
"5! And they all go to me!" Remy cheered, holding up a card and chugged. He exhaled when he finished and shook his head. "Woo!" He cheered and got up to make a new drink.
"7!" Virgil said excitedly. "Now you're all my bitches," Virgil smiled deviously and licked the back of the card, sticking it to his forehead. Remus plopped down at the table after putting the broom away.
"4. What are you drinking, Remy?" Remus cooed.
"What aren't I drinking, henny?" Remy chimed back.
"Did you see what he put in his cup?" Remus asked, looking to Virgil.
"What makes you think I saw?" Virgil asked back to Remus.
"Why do you gotta be so cagey about it, Remy?" Remus asked cheerily.
"Why you gotta be a bitch about it?" Remy said back, looking triumphant.
"What is this guy's deal?" Remus asked Virgil, motioning with his thumb. Remy chuckled.
"Who was gonna make the grilled cheese?" Virgil asked Remus spacily.
"Uh, you bitch," Remus said. Remus paused when he realized what he did. Fuck!
"Ha! Virgil tricked you!" Remy laughed.
"I did what now?" Virgil asked, looking back from the wall and yawning, the stretching of his face causing the 7 card to fall from his forehead.
"Oh my god, Virgil forgot what we were doing, and he still tricked you," Remy laughed even harder now.
"I'ma go make the grilled cheese, Remy can draw for me," Virgil said, lifting his cup in the air to show he was taking it.
"Cool. I got 10," Remy announced and took a long sip. Remus and Virgil threw back some water. "V, you got a 6," He added after drawing again. The sound of pans clattering echoed in the kitchen briefly.
"I never deep throated the condom stick," Virgil said after a considerate pause.
"That was a dare, that shouldn't count!" Remus growled. Remy chuckled and took a drink.
"It counts, babe. Draw," Remy smirked. Remus groaned. "Isn't Virgil the drunkest? Should he be using the stove?" Remy asked after a minute.
"It was his idea in the first place," Remus said and pulled up a card. "8. Colors. Green," Remus said.
"Purple," Virgil chirped.
"Red. And colors is too easy, honey," Remy added.
"Brown. Then flub it and take the drink," Remus said with a smirk.
"Gurple," Remy shrugged and took a long drink. "Queen, babes," Remy smiled and took another drink. Virgil drank some water over at the stove. Remus could smell the butter sizzling and he was nearly drooling.
"God, I could just eat a stick of butter," Remus moaned.
"Yuck," Virgil piped up from the stove.
"We could make ace into truth or dare and see if he'd really do it," Remy smirked.
"Seconded," Virgil said. Remus nodded enthusiastically.
"Hey, look, I drew an ace," Remy said smarmily. "Virgil, would you kindly cut a hunk of butter for this fucking idiot?" Remy asked sweetly. Virgil laughed and cut off maybe a quarter of the stick and walked over with it balanced on the knife, then held it over Remus's head. Remus opened his mouth wide, and Virgil dropped it in.
"Ugh, I'm gonna be sick," Remy said. Remus happily chewed the melting butter stick. The gross texture was pretty fun.
"Dibs on your grilled cheese," Virgil said happily.
"Bitch, I brought the bread!" Remy said, pulling up a card. "Virge, babe, you gotta 2," Virgil downed some water and Remus could start smelling the grilled cheese goodness. The butter and alcohol didn't settle well together, but he could still eat a dozen of those little bitches.
"5. All for Remington," Remus grinned, putting his head on his hands while he watched Remy finish his glass.
"Refill," Remy smiled lazily, holding out his cup. Virgil snatched the cup away and went into the fridge for the soda and around the kitchen to the alcohol. He dramatically placed the cup in front of Remy with a grimace.
"Sir's drink," Virgil said sourly with a lazy curtsy. Remy chortled and Remus snickered as Virgil went back to the stove. "Can I drink again when I finish this cup? I'm making the grilled cheese, I deserve it," Virgil whined.
"Sure, just mix your first one light," Remy said airily. "I'm getting there," Remy drew a card. "Oh, especially after this king!" Remy said with excitement. Virgil dropped back down at the table with a plate of grilled cheeses, and Remus hungrily reached for one of the three. Remy started drinking, though, and Remus had to pick up his drink and start chugging water. Remy didn't stop until Remus and Virgil had empty glasses.
"Finally," Virgil groaned, shoving a giant bite of grilled cheese in his mouth and getting up to mix a drink. Remus ate his grilled cheese ravenously, and Virgil came back with two drinks, pushing one to Remus. Virgil took another big bite of sandwich and drew a card.
"Social," He said, swallowing and taking a big, lingering gulp of his drink as he flopped the 10 down on the table. Remus drank after he finished his grilled cheese. Remy was taking more reasonable bites and took a drink lazily. Remus dug around for a card, pulling out a 9.
"Rhym- oh fuck you," Remus said, seeing both Virgil and Remy's thumbs on the table. "It's not fair to do it while I'm distracted,"
"Oh, now you're concerned about fairness," Virgil laughed as Remus took a drink.
"Yellow," Remus flipped Virgil off.
"Bellow," Remy said and took another bite of grilled cheese.
"Fellow," Virgil flipped Remus off in return, eating more grilled cheese.
"Mellow," Remus continued.
"Fff-pellow," Remy stumbled when he nearly repeated a word and laughed at himself, taking a drink and wobbling ever so slightly as he shifted to lean on the chair.
"There he is," Remus laughed. Virgil chuckled and Remy smiled as he scanned the pile, pulled out a 6.
"I never got shot with a piss-pistol," Remy laughed airily and Virgil hissed.
"You told him!" Virgil shot to Remus.
"It's fucking funny!" Remus defended himself. Virgil glared at him and took a drink, pulling up a card.
"A Jack, fuckface," Virgil said derisively, leaning back. Remus drank happily along with Virgil. Remus dug around in the pile before pulling out one from under some others in the center.
"Ah, the ace. Virgil, I dare you to skinny dip with me," Remus chortled. Virgil bristled.
"What, you fuckers didn't say bring a swimsuit!" Remy groaned.
"You can always skinny dip with me," Remus sang mockingly.
"Fine! No comments about anybody's body and you're wearing a fucking towel when you're out of the pool you freaking nudist," Virgil grumbled.
"That's my boy!" Remus cheered. "We're assholes but we're not going to fucking body shame anybody, who do you take us for?" Remus slurred.
"Yeah, I'll skinny dip with you nerds," Remy said after a moment, taking a slow sip of water.
"Nice," Virgil said with a smirk.
"Oh, you wanna see his dingus but not mine? Rude, Virgil, rude!" Remus said, mock offended. He kind of knew Virgil already had a thing for Remy, though he wasn't sure Virgil knew yet.
"I don't want to see anybody's dingus, you freak, it's solidarity. How weird would it be to be the only one clothed in the pool? It's like he was against us! But he's saying he's not by doing it with us," Virgil said, flipping off Remus again.
"Fair," Remus conceded.
"Exactly why I'm doing it, other than getting drunk without a suit," Remy said, holding up his cup. Virgil grinned and clinked his plastic cup with Remy's, and they both took a sip.
"Woah, woah, gentlefolk, save it for the deck's horrid will," Remus said, motioning to the pile on the table.
"We're drinking to accept the dare or whatever," Virgil giggled slightly, putting his cup back down. Remy drew a card.