The unlikely Agreement
Definitely crack.
Harry Potter, immediately after defeating Voldemort
-==0==-
Harry stood in the great hall.
There were rows of the dead, laid out.
Ron had just snogged Hermione. Harry felt tired, blood loss had him a bit woozy.
In the distance, Harry could see the Weasley family standing around Fred's body. Only the fact that George had already lost an ear allowed him to make this discrimination.
"Potter" said a female voice by his ear.
Harry startled, turned around and saw a dirty, bloodstained witch in Hogwarts robes, her blonde hair stuck together, her face dirty. He struggled to recognise the girl, then saw her green and silver tie. A Slytherin. He sighed. 'Someone wanted something' he thought to himself.
"Is it true that Professor Snape has died" asked the girl, nervously.
"He died over at the shrieking shack" said Harry. "You can get there via a tunnel under the whomping willow, press the knot near the roots with a stick or rock to paralyse the tree." said Harry.
"Are you totally exhausted?" she asked. Harry still was drawing a blank on her name.
"I'm still standing." said Harry proudly.
"Well, hello, I'm still Standing, I'm Daphne Greengrass and I'd like to cut a deal"
"A deal" said Harry, totally not swaying on his feet.
"You marry me instead of revolving door Weasley, and we'll combine three houses fortunes. We'd be richer than the Malfoys."
"Revolving door?"
"Cormer, Smith, MacLaggen" said Greengrass bluntly.
"She did MacLaggan?" said Harry "That absolute git"
Greengrass tilted her head.
"And you're so much nicer?" asked Harry defensively.
"No. But I could get married in white" said Greengrass simply.
"Ginny and I had a ..." said Harry,
"She's after your money, her family are broke." said Greengrass.
"Ginny's my girlfriend" said Harry.
"Ginny is lots of peoples girlfriend" said Greengrass, with obvious distaste.
"Why should I trust you?"
"You shouldn't" said Greengrass, looking around the hall anxiously.
"So, I'll have to decline your offer" said Harry.
Greeengrass reached up to her robe front, her hands bloodstained and unbuttoned the front and opened her robes.
Harry was transfixed at the sight of a pair of pale white breasts in a black lacy bra. Every lingerie catalogue, every dirty picture Seamus had smuggled in had not prepared him for the intense breast-ness of Daphne Greengrasses actual boobage. "Boobs" he said, mind shutting down.
Daphne flicked her robes shut and re-buttoned them.
Harry's mind, teen-aged as it was immediately performed an two hundred point image comparison to Ginny Wealey's chest. What the hell was he thinking. Weasley had barely enough boob for one of Greengrasses breasts, and the brief glimpse of her waist down her robe front promised more lacy black stuff.
"I look forward to negotiations" said Harry, mind shutting down, vision dimming as his limited blood was shunted from his brain and muscles.
-==0==-
"So how did it go?" asked Tracey Davis, casting cleaning charm after cleaning charm on Daphne and herself to try to get the blood off.
"He's negotiating" said Daphne with a wry smile.
"What did you use on him, a confundo, imperio?" asked Tracey, washing her bloody hands in a basin of warm water.
"The black lacy push-up bra" said Daphne.
Tracey snorted, and turned to dry her hands. "How could you be sure that would work?"
"Really, Weasley's got what a 32B?" said Daphne.
"You figured your girls would carry the day?"
"He's 17 years old. I think he'd never even seen breasts before."
"You didn't?"
"Just a quick flash"
"Well, I can't blame him. That bra is very impressive." said Tracey "Hell, I'm tempted"
Daphne stopped still "Tracey!" she exclaimed "I didn't think you were gay, not after the Cormer fiasco"
"I'm not gay Daphne, but… it's good look on you" said Tracey, blushing.
"I'll bear that in mind if I need to destroy Potters brain completely" said Daphne, starting to wash the blood off her hands.
"You'd play at being bisexual just to enslave Potter?" asked Tracey.
"They do call it bewitching for a reason" said Daphne, drying her hands.
Tracey coughed and turned red in the face.
"Why Tracey, does that turn you on?"asked Daphne in a deep tone.
"Well a bit, but, no homo" said Tracey nervously.
Daphne giggled.
"Seriously though after Potter dropped Voldemort, do you think there was a single dry pair of panties in the castle?" asked Daphne.
"Well, I'd hope McGonagall and Sprout" said Tracey, laughing.
"Ewww" said Daphne.
-==0==-
"And so, after the war, I got engaged to your mother, who'd been working as a nurse in the battlefield hospital" said Harry.