Trigger warning: Suicidal references...

Empty

It had been a week since it happened, a week when she lost someone so close to her it made her body ache like it was frozen in time. No motivation to do anything, no motivation to love herself when all she wanted to do was love Peter flamin' Barlow and that thought alone made her body cripple in treacherous anxiety and grief.

Michelle

The constant nagging and the constant whining her patience was wearing thin but Michelle knew no matter how hard Carla pushed her away she would eventually come to her senses. Carla was refusing to do anything ranging from being unable to eat, sleep and get dressed. In fact, she had been in the same clothes since she arrived back from the hospital a week prior and that was something the concerned both the Connor's and Roy to the extent they thought Carla would never come back from this. Michelle offered to have Carla at her flat to give Roy a break knowing he had a business to run and it was unfair that he should have to work on getting Carla to come out of her grief-stricken shell so Michelle said she would take her to her flat to give him a break.

Many thoughts ran riot inside Carla's brain, memories replaying like a reel of camera film in her mind. Some made her smile sadistically and the others made her cry even when there were no more tears to be released from her tired bloodshot eyes. Sometimes she would just sit there with her eyes closed letting the memories fester inside of her brain as if she was unable to stop them, well the truth was she was able to stop them but she didn't want to, not now she was obsessed with them.

"Tonight I was trying to drown my sorrows. Just one big sorrow actually, but it's a biggy "

"Ok, try me"

"I-It's you, ya big pillock and don't, please don't tell me this is a school-girl crush cause you're right under my skin and I'm guessing by the look on your mush you didn't have the slightest inkling then, did you? God I need a drink"

Carla was still sat on Michelle's sofa her eyes clamped shut and a mysterious smile on her face as she replayed the moments she was falling in love head over heels with Peter Barlow, she remembered the heat rising to her cheeks when the admission was made to him, and likewise when thinking of it now the same effect took hold of her but when her memories carried on playing in her mind, she reached the part when he said he didn't feel the same.

"You're still here I was hoping you legged it"

"Carla I'm unbelievably flattered-"

"I know but you've got Leanne and her liver's all lovely and tickly pink and she doesn't drink and drive and throw herself at unavailable men does she?"

"I'm in love with Leanne and hey I don't mean that to sound-"

"It doesn't-"

"Otherwise I would've bitten your arm off-"

"Yeah, yeah, enough said"

That thought alone made her gut wrench, she darted to the bathroom and heaved into the toilet soon after resting her back against the bathtub she tilted her head back and stared up at the white lights blinding her eyes, she smiled at them hoping they would make her blind so she could sit with the thoughts of Peter in her head, so she could only see him and the memories which were taking hold in her brain, they were still playing though, they always would and she was starting to believe that the only peace she would get from them was to get away for a bit, to free her from the prison of her mind.

"Is everything alright?"

"I'm just getting in position…they can't play hide and seek when they're this size"

"I wouldn't bet on it, I think it's in the genes"

"There we are, can you see the heartbeat there? It's nice and regular"

"Sorry"

"Don't be silly, it's natural, I've had people balling their eyes out in here, dad's included. Can you see the outline of the head there? There's a hand up there by the chin, I'll take a picture"

"So is everything…ok?"

"I just need to take a few measurements, work out how many weeks you are. So far so good, yeah"

"No!"

Carla cries pulling at her hair as her body trembles under the harsh light of Robert and Michelle's bathroom. Her baby girl…no, her and Peter's baby girl, if she was still here then maybe she could get through this she thought, but she came to the conclusion that no…she couldn't get through it, there was no way, she had lost parts of Peter in so many ways enough was enough, this was too much for her to cope with now. She bought Peter that boat, that boat which killed him, that boat which now she held the upmost grudge for, she lost another part of Peter in the form of her daughter and that made her heartache and tears splash freely down her cheeks so fast she couldn't even be bothered to wipe them, she didn't have the energy. Something struck her hard when she finally found the strength to get up and look around her surroundings, she got to the mirror and took in her appearance, no make-up, her skin pale grey colour from being locked indoors for a week and her eyes red raw from all the crying and the fact that her head started to pound just added to the nightmare which was her life.

Carla rummaged through the medicine cabinet and pulled out the box of sleeping pills in triumph, a small smile creeping on her face as she takes the blister pack out and counts the pills meticulously in her trembling hands clasping them in the palm of her hand as she saunters into the kitchen, placing the packet down on the counter she glances around the room, her eyes drawn to the wine rack situated in the kitchen, the irony of the situation starting to take hold as she hears Peter's voice ring in her head telling her not to do it, but she does it anyway, downing half the bottle in one go and heading to the spare bedroom sitting down on the bed which was made for her, Carla picked the bottle up and began going over the sins in her life.

"One for Peter"

She downs a pill

"One for my little girl"

She downs another

"One for Aidan"

And another

"One for Liam"

And another

"One for Hayley"

And another

"One for Paul"

And another

"One for Frank"

More for good measure

Until there was none left...

Carla's hand became weak with all the toxins in her body, the bottle smashing on the ground as a result, the remaining red liquid spewed on the floor along with a couple of the pills in her hands dissolving in the liquid beneath them. With her head heavy and her limbs numb she was finally able to come to terms with all the disasters her life had become as well as the one big disaster she refused to face. Peter being dead.

When the pounding subsided and she lost control of her limbs, Carla was finally able to sleep forever with peace of mind, little did she know about the hurt which would follow.

She was now with Peter, and her little girl and that's all that mattered now…well, to Carla anyway...