They didn't care that they were probably breaking every speed limit law on their way. They were there in 10 minutes.
"You Manhattan SVU?" A uniform local cop approached them.
"Yeah, Detective Amaro. My partner was kidnapped and we think she's being held in here."
"She put up a fight and did a real number on the guy. It's a wonder he survived." Elliot glared at him.
"You seriously think we care about that piece of crap?"
"Who are you?"
"Detective Stabler. Detective Benson is my only concern, not Lewis."
"The female victim-"
"She has a name you son of a-"
"She's alive, poor guy probably didn't even do anything to her. We offered to bring her out and take her to the hospital but she refused. She said she wanted to wait for her squad." He rolled his eyes and Elliot was resisting the urge to throw a punch.
"Can't say I blame her!" Elliot snapped.
"I'll deal with this asshole El. Go get our girl." Fin cut in.
X
Her back was turned toward the door, but she could feel her partners' presence even without seeing them. A wave of relief washed over her. Tears pricked Elliot's eyes. He was beyond thankful she was alive but heartbroken at the obvious signs of trauma on her face. Both physical and mental.
"You should see the other guy." He sobbed out a light chuckle at her attempt at sarcasm. "They said he's still alive...I don't know how." Her voice breaks. Elliot and Nick can tell she's trying to stay strong, putting up a front. They're hesitant to touch her, not wanting to cause her anymore pain. She grimaces slightly when she moves toward them and they reach out to guide her just in case. "I'm fine." She manages a shaky smile. "I knew you'd find me...I wasn't worried." She adds unconvincingly.
"Liv-"
"Really I just...it hurts to walk a little." She thinks she can visibly see their hearts sink. "Because of my ribs and hips but not...not down there." Relief fills their features.
"Here, I'll carry you, put your arm around my neck." She glares at him softly. She had craved his protectiveness but no way was she gonna be carried in front of a bunch of rookies, and whoever else was out there.
"El can you please just...relax?" She puts a hand on his chest lightly.
"When I know you're ok I will."
"I'm ok."
"I'd like for someone with a PhD in medicine to tell me that." She rolls her eyes playfully and he smiles knowing he's driving her crazy.
"He's right Liv, you might be feeling ok now but you still need to be careful and get checked out."
"Ok dad I'll listen to my mother."
"Yeah yeah. At least lean against me you stubborn woman." Elliot kissed her hair lovingly and wrapped an arm gently around her waist. "Slowly...hey, slowly. Let us help you or I'm picking you up anyway."
"Fine." She gave in and wrapped her arm around Elliot's neck and took hold of Nick's hand with her other one. She hid her face in Elliot's shoulder when they stepped outside. The bright sunlight hurt her eyes.
"We got you."
"I know." She hums softly as she feels a sense of calm wash over her when Elliot's scent fills her senses. She's back in his arms: the safest place in the world. She snuggled in deeper debating whether to just go ahead and let him carry her because in the 4 days she's been through hell she had craved his protectiveness and comfort so much. She lets go of Nick's hand and wraps her other arm around Elliot's neck.
"Yeah?" She nods against him and he puts his other arm under her knees to lift her into his strong embrace.
"Don't think this means you've won Stabler."
"Course not." They both smirk and she closes her eyes, resting her face in the crook of his neck. He cradles her close to his chest as they make their way to the ambulance. She grips him tighter wondering if he'll think she's weak for not wanting to ride in the ambulance. The thought of being in a small space with strangers touching her makes her cringe.
"El?" She glances wearily at the medics getting the stretcher ready for her.
"Hmm?"
"I don't think I can-" It amazes her how quickly he always seems to know what she's thinking.
"It's ok. We'll drive you."
"Sir-" A paramedic approaches them.
"We're taking her." She guesses Elliot has his 'don't even try to argue with me' expression on his face because the paramedic simply nods and walks away.
"I'll drive. You can sit in the back with her."
"Thanks Nick."
"Guys really I'm ok. I appreciate the concern but you don't have to worry about every move you make."
"Hey it's our job to worry, partner." Nick chimes in from the driver's seat.
"Alright. Just don't make yourself sick over it." Despite wanting to show she was still strong she cuddled into Elliot's side and rested her head on his shoulder as Nick drove. She was physically and emotionally exhausted as was expected and dreading the aftermath of all this but for now she took comfort in Elliot's embrace and Nick's watchful gaze from the front seat. She closed her eyes, enjoying the feeling of safety she felt at the moment, wishing it could last forever and this could all just have been a nightmare.
X
They made it to the hospital and that was when the reality sunk in that all of this was real. She wondered if she would be able to convince her protective mother hens that she'd be ok as long as she just rested at home, but she knew she just needed to get it over with. The next few moments seem to be in a blur until she notices someone is approaching them with a wheelchair.
"I'm not riding in that."
"Liv, honey you're in pain. You need to let your body rest."
"I'm fine El."
"You're not fooling us Benson." Nick smiled knowingly.
"Guys-AH!"
"What, what is it?" Elliot immediately looks her over ready to tend to her
"My wrist, it hurts to move it too much."
"Let me see." He gently cradles it in his hand. There are marks on it that indicate she was restrained which further deepens his anger towards her assailant. "Sweetheart it might be broken. I really think you need to sit down to keep anything from getting worse. You might hit it on something." She's tempted to make a comment about his overprotectiveness but when she sees the look in his eyes she stops. He loves you and he just spent the last 4 days terrified he wouldn't find you in time. You just spent the last 4 days terrified you'd never see him again. Give him a break and let yourself be cared for.
"Ok." She gives in, more for Elliot's sake than her own, and slowly eases into the wheelchair. Once they got in the doors and got her seated in the ER, Nick offered to go out and call the Captain, giving her and Elliot some time alone.
X
The moments pass in a blur when the doctor determines her wrist is broken and puts it in a cast. But when a SANE nurse she has seen when she's been here to interview victims before comes in the room her heart stops. Part of her wants to tell Elliot to leave the room. She doesn't want him to see her like this...like a victim.
"Detective Benson?" She felt tears of shame fill her eyes. She tries to keep her voice from shaking.
"I...I can't-" If you don't the jury will say there's not enough evidence and he'll walk again. You can't let him get away with this. You can't let him move on to another victim.
"You want me to step out while she-" Elliot senses she's uncomfortable but at the thought of him leaving she suddenly finds her words.
"No! No I-"
"Shhh it's ok. I won't go anywhere unless you want me to." His heart cracks at the tears in her eyes.
"I can't do this." It's the first time since they found her that she looks on the verge of breaking down. He knows her well enough to know it's more out of shame than anything else.
"Would you mind giving us a few minutes?" The nurse nods and leaves the room.
"Elliot." She sobs out his name and he feels the rest of his heart shatter.
"Sweetheart, talk to me...please. Tell me what I can do." He speaks in a tender but not patronizing tone as he sits down next to her.
"I can't do the kit. I can't know El. I don't want to know." Her statement alarms him. "But I don't want him to go free again either."
"You can't know what?" He's afraid to make the connection himself. He swallows the lump in his throat.
"I...I told you on the phone that I wasn't raped. But Elliot he...I was unconscious at times. He forced me to drink vodka, shoved pills down my throat. I don't remember being raped while I was lucid but I don't...I don't know what he could have done to me when I was-" She sobs and tries to block out the memory. "I'm terrified that...that he could have and I just don't remember. I've been telling myself that he probably didn't because I didn't feel pain down there but what if I've just been numbed and...and...as much as he deserves to rot in prison I'm scared of what the kit will find. He did pretty much every other thing to torture me that was part of his M.O. El. What if there's more I just don't remember." She shudders at the thought. He struggles with how to respond.
"I..I don't want to know either. You're the love of my life and the thought of him hurting you like that, the fact that he hurt you at all kills me." His voice breaks.
"But?"
"My main concern is and always will be your well-being. I'm worried that this gonna haunt you. I'm worried that the fear will eat at you and one day you might wish you'd found out for sure but it'll be too late. I want him put away too but more than that I don't want anything to keep you from being able to heal. My priority as someone who loves you unconditionally is to give you whatever support you need and to keep you safe, and that includes from the stuff in your mind too." He emphasizes unconditionally wanting her to know that nothing she went through will change how he feels about her. It warms her heart. What did she do to deserve him? She decides he's right and that she doesn't want to give Lewis any satisfaction of keeping her from recovering.
"Will you stay but just...turn around while I put the gown on? I'm not...I'm not ready for you to see yet."
"Ok...but Livia I don't want you to feel like you have to hide from me or be ashamed. I won't run. I'm your safe place." He really really was.
"I know." She gives him a shaky smile as he goes to get the nurse.
X
Elliot sits next to her, holding her hand the whole time the nurse conducts the rape kit. He can feel her shaking, and knows it's taking all she has not to release the sobs building in her throat. She feels humiliated, ashamed, dirty. He looks away when the photos of her injuries are taken, if him not seeing yet made her feel like she still had some dignity he would respect that. He wouldn't take that away from her. She tightens her grip on Elliot's hand when the nurse swabs for DNA and does the internal part of the exam. It kills him that he can't take away the pain she's feeling. All he can do is squeeze her hand, offer his gentle touch, voice and embrace as comfort and hope that helps even if only a little. He promises his protection too, but guilt is still consuming him that he didn't keep her safe from this in the first place.
Once the nurse leaves she leans into him and he envelops her in his arms. She cries against his chest, relieved that part is over but fearing the results.
"I'm right here Livia. I'm here. We'll get through this together." He tries to soothe her.
She notices the birth control the doctor has left for her just in case and it makes her want to vomit at the thought of being pregnant with Lewis's child. She shivers in Elliot's arms. What would he think of her if that happened?
"El?"
"Do you think he...could've…" She can't get the words out but he follows her line of vision.
"He might not have honey. It's just a precaution. But I promise you that if there's even the slightest chance that I will support whatever you decide to do."
"Elliot he was so...so evil I couldn't...the thought of his child growing inside me-"
"I know sweetie. But we don't even know if he….let's just see what the kit finds ok. We'll go from there."
She releases a shaky breath and closes her eyes, popping them back open when she sees Lewis smirking.
"El...please make him go away." She whimpers and the sound is so uncharacteristic of her that if his heart hadn't already shattered that would have done it. He knows she just had a flashback even though he's not sure what it was and it makes him want to go to Rikers and murder William Lewis in his cell.
"He's not here baby I promise it's just me. Just Elliot. Your safe now."
"I hate this. I hate being scared and weak."
"Hey, you have every right to be scared. It does not make you weak you hear me? Healing takes time Olivia. You know that. Healing begins when someone bears witness and I'm right here. I see you, I believe you, I love you, and I'm not going anywhere." They're interrupted by Nick knocking on the door.
"Ok if I come in?" Olivia sniffles and gives her current work partner a small tearful smile.
"Yeah."
"Cap is on his way. Fin and Amanda took Lewis to central booking."
"Cap's coming to take my statement isn't he?"
"He just wants to see you. He said the statement can wait a few days, give you time to rest." She gives him a knowing look.
"You told him to give me time didn't you?" Nick sighs.
"Yeah. IAB was pressuring him to hurry and get you to talk but I helped get them to back off."
"You're a good partner. You both are." Elliot kisses her head. "When can I get out of here?" Light laughter fills the room.
"They want to keep you overnight for observation." She groans. "But we can bust you out tommorrow morning if you're good." She sticks her tongue out at him and he and Elliot chuckle. Their smiles drop when the nurse comes back in.
"Detectives?"
"Uhh...El would you-"
"Yeah." He squeezes her hand for reassurance before getting up and following the nurse out to the hallway.
"She did a rape kit….I uh….I'm not ready to hear-"
"I thought you said he didn't-"
"I wasn't lucid the whole time Nick. I don't think he did but the truth is I really don't know and I'm scared that I could be wrong." He swallows a lump in his throat and is silent for a couple minutes.
"I'm gonna be ok Nick. I've got the best squad and partners in the world." For the second time today one of the tough guys in her life has tears in his eyes.
"You know I wanna kill him right?" She snorts.
"Get in line. I'm actually surprised Elliot isn't on his way to Rikers right now."
"Nah he loves you and wants to take care of you first. We all do. Then we'll kill him."
"Do me a favor?"
"Of course."
"Make sure it hurts."
X
"Just tell me. Was she?-"
"No...it came back negative for fluids or vaginal trauma." Elliot feels his knees buckle with relief.
"Thank god." He sniffles.
"But she did sustain trauma to her body consistent with assault." He had figured that but it still killed him to hear it. "We were able to get DNA from the bite marks."
"You're telling me he….what the hell did he put her through?" Tears flooded his eyes. "Listen I...thank you but I need to get back in there." He knew she was safe with Nick, but needed to see for himself that she was safe. He never wanted to leave her side again.
By the time Elliot comes back in the room Olivia is asleep and Nick is watching her as if he's afraid she'll stop breathing if he looks away. He stands up when he sees Elliot come in.
"She ok?"
"I think she will be. What did the nurse say?"
"It came back negative. He didn't rape her."
"Thank god." Both men have tears in their eyes. "That's what she was most terrified of."
"I know. Did she...did she tell you anything?"
"I think she's overwhelmed right now. I didn't want to ask. She'll talk when she's ready."
"I just hope she doesn't push all of us away." Like she did after Sealview, but he wouldn't tell Nick about that. Elliot sits down in the chair on the other side of her bed and holds her hand gently. "She's so strong...but I wish she knew she didn't always have to be." His voice breaks and he leans over to kiss her forehead and stroke her hair. Muscles in her face that he hadn't even realized were tense seemed to relax at his touch.
A/N: 2 chapters in one day! Writing is a great outlet at times like this.