3.15.2020
Nothing like a self-quarantine for dedicated writing time. I'm wrestling with my perfectionist tendencies here, but if I spend anymore time on this it won't be posted this weekend. I couldn't get around thinking the beginning of this is boring, but the beginning is supposed to boring - I guess this is what they call a "slow burn".
The reviews for this prologue were so wonderful. The writers on here aren't kidding when they say reviews matter. Wow, do they matter.
Stay safe out there, hands-off everything, protect/avoid your elders.
AUGUST
I suppose this was a new beginning of sorts. I'd said goodbye to my friends in DC, with tears and hugs and promises to visit. I loved the life I had made for myself there, the friendships I'd developed over ten years and even a few relationships. But, something was missing. Maybe it was a need for a larger purpose or maybe it was someone to share it with. Though it's not like I wasn't doing anything important in Washington, working days for nonprofits and think tanks to improve lives and effect policy change. But, I wasn't about that nonprofit salary anymore, with no hope for a raise in sight. The bartending at night wasn't for fun, it was just to make ends meet. Either way, I felt called to do more, I wanted to use my power, my voice for something greater. I was ready to set out on my own again, for the first time since I left home for college a decade ago.
Regardless, I had taken an interest in law as a kid and by my mid-twenties it hadn't wanned and I knew I needed to do something about it. So, after endless hours of studying for the LSAT, I applied to Emory School of Law, and several months later, here I was: Atlanta. I knew I loved this city, I'd spent some time here as a kid with my family, visiting distant relatives and old friends of my parents.
Maybe if I was lucky, Atlanta would be it for me, I knew I could see myself here long term. It wasn't too far from my family in Virginia, but far enough for the independence I needed. It was a mecca of culture, and the people were far preferable than the suits and sharks in DC. I was looking forward to this new chapter in my life. Sure, I might have been a little nervous, but I love discovering new places, and on the whole, I welcome change, after all - impermanence is the only thing we can depend on. I was treating this as an adventure, a new opportunity to grow, to learn, to live, and perhaps, to love.
You should know this about me, its so ingrained in my identity, an essential part of who I am, and only because of who I am, am I telling you this story in the first place. I love adventure, I crave that excitement. The adrenaline coursing through my veins, the feeling of electricity sparking in my fingertips down to my toes. The rush of dopamine. That spirit, that craving was part of what allowed me to move to Atlanta at 28, to embark on an entirely new life, in a city where I didn't really know anyone. I love travel, exploring the unknown, experiencing different cultures, learning new things. Like the white man on the Delta screens says, "travel is the ultimate teacher". When new experiences and adrenaline combine, that's the ultimate rush. Maybe if I didn't crave this excitement, none of this would have ever happened. I wouldn't have traded a comfortable life in DC for the unknown. I should temper this confession by acknowledging that my everyday regular life isn't filled with adrenaline, and I don't make bad or risky decisions just to get that. I don't go looking for it, but I am drawn to it. Drugs, I mostly stay away from, and I'm not looking to go walking down dark alleys alone at night. I don't pick fights with obnoxious girls in bars just to see what'll happen. But travel? Yes. Sky diving? Definitely. Exploring the unknown, the great outdoors? Every chance I get.
And maybe, just maybe it's my love of that rush, that didn't allow me to just shut this shit down from the get go, the only time I might of had a real chance of walking away. But I didn't. And then, he was vulnerable and honest. Emotional and tender. And the way he looked at me, the way he looks at me… Walk away from him then? I could as easily detach a leg.
This was not the way to find love. But, what is the way? I think we're conditioned to believe that if we follow the formula, laid out for us by our parents and grandparents and every other formulaic romantic movie, that we'll meet our soulmate or whatever eventually. Well, news flash: it doesn't always work out that way. Sometimes we have to take risks, and sometimes even when we do, we lose. I'm more inclined to believe the adage "once you stop looking for love, it finds you." Because I wasn't looking, certainly not in King County. This, he, came right out of left field.
It's wild to think about what we'd do differently if we knew what the consequences of our actions would be, and of course an exercise in futility because we'll never know. But, I wonder this, all the goddamn time. And I've never been able to say with any certainty that I'd do something different if I'd known what it would lead to. That could be my adventurous spirit talking or the love I feel now, probably both. But I don't regret it, I just sometimes still feel bad it happened the way it did.
XX
I arrived in Georgia just in time for orientation week at Emory. First on the agenda was moving in and officially meeting Sasha. We had become fast friends over the summer when we found each other online, both starting law school and in search of housing and a roommate for the fall.
I pulled up to our new apartment, car packed full of my life in Washington DC, and knocked on the door.
"Michonne!"
"Sasha!"
We hugged like old friends, both internally grateful to find this easy friendship.
"Can I help you unpack?"
"You sure?"
"Of course! I'm mostly settled in and I know how much unpacking alone can suck."
"Girl, I already love you," I told her, as I lead the way back to my car to start unloading boxes and suitcases.
We spent the rest of the afternoon unpacking, listening to music and chatting.
The next morning Sasha and I headed to campus for the beginning of a week of orientation. I spent the first day watching the people I'd be spending a good part of the next three years of my life with, wondering who they would become to me. Who was I going to be friends with? I was thinking about the vibes I picked up on and what they'd already shared: their law concentrations, their backgrounds. Maybe I was overanalyzing this or maybe I was being superficial? I mean, how much can I really tell about a person based on their hair, their glasses, their outfits? But, I definitely express my identity through all of those things. Plus, I was pretty sure who I befriended then was going to shape the rest of my life.
Sasha was going for criminal law, she wanted to work in the DA's office, and I already knew she was good people. There was a Korean guy with soft eyes, hip glasses, and a genuine smile, he said he was studying civil rights law, my kind of guy. I wanted to avoid the corporate lawyers and rich-kid defense attorneys, the girls not looking to chip a nail, not the type of people I'd want on my apocalypse team. A guy named Aaron was headed to legal aid. I figured I'd start off with a small team.
We were headed back to our car after a long day on campus, when Glenn called out to us from the parking lot. "Hey Michonne, Sasha? If you like pizza, come by Bob's Pizza for dinner later! I'm working tonight and I'll hook you up."
"Free Pizza?" Sasha turns to me with wide eyes and grin on her face.
"Say no more, we'll see ya later Glenn!"
A couple hours later we walked into a the pizza joint, waved at Glenn who was working behind the counter and found a booth in the back. After we ordered, he came over during his break with a few beers to hang out for a bit. The more we talked to him, the happier I was that I struck up a conversation with him at school earlier that day. Not only was he smart and a genuinely nice guy who brought us free beer, he was funny too. And he had spent the summer in Atlanta and was full of helpful information.
"I'd love an easy part-time during school, how long have you been here Glenn?"
"Just a couple months, my girlfriend and I moved into together this summer, she's from the area and a friend of hers already worked here, so I had a foot in the door. It'll be nice during school especially, be able to turn my brain off a few nights a week and bring in some extra cash. Well, my legal brain. You know how many special orders I have to deal with? I can't tell you how many people come in here thinking they're Martha fucking Stewart."
"Ha! Let it all out Glenn" Sasha adds.
"Sorry but picky customers, am I right?"
"Oh I know, I used to work in the industry, we could swap war stories all night," Sasha commiserated with him, and I had to agree. As a bartender, I had to deal with my fair share of bullshit.
"Hey, Michonne if you want, I can ask Maggie if she has any leads on part-time gigs if you'd like?"
"Oh! I'd love that Glenn, that'd be super helpful. Anything would help, I'd even babysit again if the kids aren't terrors."
"Yeah, totally, I'll text her. What's your number? I'll let you know if she knows of anything."
Sasha and I had met Glenn on a Monday and by that Friday he had texted me with a lead on a babysitting gig. The family lived a bit of a ways into the country, and was about a 30 minute drive, but they needed a sitter right away, and I needed a job. He put me in touch with his girlfriend, Maggie – who I had met one night after orientation earlier in the week – and she gave me the download on the Grimeses.
Two kids, a little girl barely out of diapers – that made my job easier – and a boy in middle school. The wife had decided to go back to work after taking a few years off for the baby, and the dad was a sheriff's deputy for the sleepy county. Maggie gave me their number, said she had put in a good word for me and wished me luck.
I was sitting on our couch, hanging out with Sasha after the last day of law school orientation. A glass of wine in one hand, a pen in the other – staring down at my note with the phone number Maggie had just read off to me. Not knowing then what that phone number would bring, the weight of that moment and what seemed like trivial and inconsequential decisions at that time. But you throw a rock into the pond of life and you don't control the ripples.
The following morning I called the number and spoke with Lori, Grimes family matriarch. She was nice, friendly, bubbly even. I don't personally do bubbly, but I won't fault you for it. We chatted for a bit about her kids, my babysitting experience, my availability; and she invited me out for a visit the next day to meet the rest of the family.
That Sunday morning after taking in the More Perfect podcast over a bowl of cereal – I may be 28 but I'm still a creature of habit – I pulled on some jeans, my new Emory Law shirt, twisted my locs up into a bun on top of my head, halfway into my well-loved chucks before I decided to slip into my new loafers – one small step, no pun intended, toward appearing to be more of an adult than I felt. I was out the door by 10, speeding into the countryside, windows down, and a smile on my face, grooving to the The Staples Singers coming through the speakers.
The house was cute, nondescript, front porch a few steps above street level, traditional suburban southern vernacular. Ordinary, nothing extravagant, certainly nothing to suggest that that home was going to change my life. I was making my way up the front walk and the front door swung open.
"Hi, I'm Carl!" Well wasn't this kid adorable.
"Hi Carl, I'm Michonne" He nodded, the sheriff hat sitting oversized on his head wobbled and tipped down over his eyes. With a flick of a finger, he popped it back up, grinning, "Nice to meet ya Michonne!"
Lori came next, baggy plaid sleeves rolled up to her elbows and dish towel in hand. "Carl, what'd we tell you about staying in the house? Hmm mister?" She flicked his hat back down over his eyes and he laughed.
"Michonne, hi! It's great to meet you in person! We're so glad you could make it out here."
"Hi Lori, its so nice to meet you. The drive was no problem, I like it, helps clear my head you know?"
"Sounds like you and my husband have something in common. He loves long quiet drives in the country."
"It helps, liking it…Considering I spend so much time in the patrol car." Came a deeper voice from the inside the house. Rick had followed the noise and made his way out to join his family, stopping in the doorway and holding Judith, little arms wrapped around his neck.
"Michonne, is it? I'm Rick." Separated by Carl and Lori, I gave him a smile and a wave.
"Yep, you got it. It's nice to meet you. All of you. Maggie gave me a bit of a run down, told me you know her dad? But its great to put names to faces."
Rick was leaning against the door frame, also in a plaid button-up, tucked into faded black Levi's, bright blue eyes framed by weekend stubble, with the most precious little three year old on his hip, pajamas still on, thumb in mouth. Maybe it was the matching plaid, but they looked like they just stepped out of a LL Bean catalog.
Hello perfect American family.
Carl couldn't be any more of a mini-me if he tried, sharing his dad's blue eyes and apparent penchant for plaid, and Judith looked just like Lori, with big brown eyes and soft brown hair.
"Would you like to come inside or I could bring some tea out here?" Lori asked, indicating the porch swing and a couple Adirondack chairs, as she moved towards Rick and Judith in the doorway.
"Oh, outside is great, it's such a beautiful day," I responded.
"Okay great, well take a seat, I'll be right back." She stepped back through the entryway, while Rick held out his hand gesturing towards their little seating area.
Carl jumped onto the porch swing, standing up and rocking the swing back and forth, holding onto a support connecting the bench to the ceiling of their porch, Judith giggled and squirmed towards her big brother, seemingly disregarding her father's protective hold.
"Carl, get down before you hurt yourself," Rick told him, following his daughter's wordless command and walking towards his son.
"I'm not gonna hurt myself dad, look Michonne - I'm surfing!" Carl took his hand off the support and held his arms out, one in front and one in back, knees bent.
"You sure you want to babysit this kid?" Rick asked me through a chuckle and an eye roll, shaking his head.
I hop on the other end of the bench, crouched low, one hand on the back, the other held out in front of me, "everybody's gone surfin', surfin' USA" I hum out the instrumental of the Beach Boys song for a few seconds, and then plop down into the seat, slowing Carl's surfing but still rocking back and forth a bit. "Maybe its the 10 year old boy in me, but I think we'll get along just fine." I answered through a laugh.
"On second thought… maybe we should find a nice slow granny to watch these two, keep 'em outta trouble…" Rick joked, with a wink in my direction.
"No!" That got Carl's attention, he jumped down from the swing, stopped the rocking and sat on the bench next to me. "I'll be good, just not another old person, puhhlease!" Carl pleaded with his dad, eyes wide and a serious look on his face. He didn't seem to realize Rick was joking.
"Well stop trying to get yourself killed, and be a good big brother. Here, take your sister, she clearly wants you right now." Judith was still trying to get out her Rick's hold, leaning towards Carl with both arms now.
Carl held his arms out for Judith, grabbing her under her arms, and trying to get her to balance on her chubby little legs, a foot on top of each of Carl's legs as he sat on the bench. "Jude, you wanna be a surfer too? Bend your legs a bit, yeah just like that. Now arms out!" Judith followed his instructions and he moved his legs from side to side a bit, holding onto Judith as she laughed with her big brother.
Rick sat down in one of the Adirondack chairs, leaving the one open between bench and him for Lori. He looked at his kids with a big smile, shaking his head. "We took them to the beach earlier this summer. I used to surf a bit when I was younger, and I gave Carl a lesson. It's all he's been talking about for weeks now. You ever surfed?"
"Yeah, but it's been years, some friends and I took a spring break trip to Costa Rica senior year of undergrad. I took a couple lessons then. It was fun, I wouldn't say I surf, but by the last day I think I had gotten the hang of it. In another life, I'd be an adrenaline junkie, instead I'm law student."
"Nah, you're just a closet adrenaline junkie, you're gonna be a lawyer after all right? Aren't y'all just another form of adrenaline junkies? You don't get a rush when you step into that court room?"
"Touché, though how would you know about that courtroom adrenaline?" I countered.
He indicted the sheriff's hat on Carl's head, "I get called in to testify a fair share, always gotta defend our actions to those asshole defense attorneys, you've seen one, you've seen 'em all. Wait, what kind of law are you going into?" He side-eyes me, halfway between hoping he didn't just offend me and not wanting me to tell him that I'm going to go work as a criminal defense attorney.
"Ha, don't worry. I'm studying environmental law."
"Oh? You don't hear that one every day, what got ya into that?" Rick asked, scratching at his beard growing in, just as Lori stepped back onto the porch, tray in hand, stacked high with a plate of cookies, glasses, and a pitcher of iced tea.
"What got you into what?" She looked between Rick and me as she set the tray down and poured three glasses of iced tea.
"I was just asking Michonne what kinda law she was studyin'" Rick answered, taking a glass from Lori.
"I told him I was focusing on environmental law. Ah thanks Lori," I added as she passed me a glass. "The way I see it, its all about justice, social justice really but through a framework of environmental issues, you know?" I'd been here before, this is where I start droning on about typically esoteric subjects to people just trying to engage in small talk. I try to check myself but I usually fail, it's something I'm passionate about, so sue me.
"I used to think I'd end up working for the ACLU, something like that. But after the oil spill in the Gulf Coast a few years ago, I started thinking differently, started learning more about the exploitation of natural resources by big oil corporations throughout the world, especially in Africa. There are massive human rights impacts to the largely unregulated behavior of global corporations, and it doesn't stop at Big Oil. Farming, fishing, energy, mining - all have huge impacts on indigenous cultures and underprivileged populations across the world. I decided on environmental law after that. Once I dug into it, it was really a no-brainer."
"So part ten year old boy, part human rights and environmental activist?" Rick joked.
"Ah, yeah something like that. You really got to cut me off before I build up steam or I just won't stop, " I replied.
"Nah, Lori has family up in Kentucky, they were telling us about not being able to use the water from their tap anymore because of what the coal companies are doing up there. They need to buy bottled water for everything, even bathing their kids now. Its criminal."
"Yes! Exactly, and the lack of these stories in the media is just as bad. Nobody talks about mountain top removal, but its a human rights violation! These residents can't afford to pay for bottled water when its literally thousands of times more expensive than what should be clean tap water, much less afford a lawyer and a drawn out legal battle. I want to do something about that," I vented, exhaled, and took a long sip of iced tea.
"That's really great Michonne, that you're doing something about that, its important and clearly something you care about. You'll have to tell us more once your classes start." Lori added.
"Of course, I'd be happy to. Though, I'm sure my next few years will be little else besides legal books, briefs, food, sleep, rinse and repeat; so if you ever get sick of hearing me talk law, just tell me to shut up."
"Ya got our word." Rick responded with a slight chuckle and a head nod.
Carl and Judith, who had been in their own world once conversation had turned into adult topics, were eyeing the cookies, waiting for Lori to hand them some. I empathized. Lori noticed us all looking at the peanut butter cookies and she passed us the plate. I offered them to Carl and Judith before taking one for myself and handing them back to Lori. "Mmmm," I almost moaned, closing my eyes at the taste, "these are amazing, peanut butter is my favorite," I added between bites.
"So Michonne, tell us about your schedule - Rick and I are a little flexible but we do have some weekly evening events we'll need you during."
"Yeah, sure. I don't have any evening classes, so I'm real flexible there, Tuesdays and Thursdays I'm done by 2 pm and I don't have class Friday, so I'm available all day then."
We talked for a while longer, about schedules and their kids, and nothing in particular. They were nice, both of them. Rick and Lori were attentive, smart and funny, interested in me. In the hour that the five of us sat out on that porch, I could tell that they were good parents, they could be serious when necessary, gentle with their words and touch, but they were playful too, especially Rick. And they both had a good sense of humor. I couldn't really find a fault in any of them, and I was thrilled that I had seemingly lucked out with this family. I needed to buy Glenn and Maggie drinks next time we went out.
Once we had worked out our schedules they took me inside for a tour of their home.
"Michonne!" Carl tugged at my hand, leading me down the upstairs hallway "come see my room, I wanna show you my collection!"
"Collection of what?"
We turned into his room and he dropped my hand, rushing over to a bookcase on the floor filled with comics.
"Comics! Oh, I love comics. I used to collect them when I was younger. I'm sure their still at my parents, probably collecting dust in their attic."
"Who's your favorite super hero?" Carl asked me, kneeling down amongst his comics.
"Hmm… I was always partial to Wolverine, he's the ultimate anti-hero. Ya know?"
"What's an anti-hero?" He questioned me.
"It's like, he's a good guy at heart right? He tries to do the right thing, protects kids, innocent people, his team, right?" Carl nodded along, "but he's not exactly nice to everyone. He's not like Capitan America or Superman? He can be grumpy and even mean sometimes ya know? He gets in unnecessary fights. But he always comes back from it right, comes back to the light?"
"Ohhhh, yeah. I see, cool!" I think I got through to him. Rick and Lori watched from the doorway, with a smile.
"Dad, who's your favorite superhero?"
"I dunno, Michonne made a pretty good case for Wolverine there, I'm gonna have to side with her. He's rough around the edges, not like those pretty boys in capes."
"I always liked Batman," Lori chimed in.
"Mommm!" Carl groaned, "he's not a superhero! He's just a rich guy with a mansion and a cave."
"Yeah, Lori" Rick nudged her and teased, "don't fault her, your mom's got a thing for handsome crime fighting introverts."
"Who's your favorite, Carl?" I asked him, trying to distract him his obvious disappointment in his mom's superhero knowledge.
"Spiderman, of course, he's the best." He responded, matter-of-factly.
"Mmhmm," I nod in consideration, "yeah he's pretty cool. Ya know, you're gonna have to let me borrow some of these. I cannot only read textbooks for the next few years, I'd die," I teased. Carl smiled up at me and nodded.
"Well come on, let's finish with the tour and let Michonne get back to the city." Lori guided us out of Carl's room and we moved onto Judith's, before heading back downstairs to the kitchen. Their house was as cute on the inside as it was outside. A big farmhouse table and matching benches in the dining room. A cozy sectional in the living room with a big wood coffee table, covered in Judith's art, and Carl's comics. The kitchen was light, with a large butcher block island in the middle, surrounded on two sides by four tall chairs for the family.
"It was so lovely meeting you Michonne, thanks for coming over today. We'll let you get going, and we'll see you Tuesday then?" Lori asked.
"Yes, of course, Tuesday, 3 o'clock, I'll be here. It was so good meeting you all, your kids are precious." I added, backing up with a wave as I headed towards the front.
"Here, I'll walk you out," Rick said, as he walked me towards the front door. He opened the door for me and followed me out onto the porch. He held out his hand to me, "Well, ya won us all over pretty quick, especially Carl - I think he just found his new best friend." I laughed and shook his hand, struck by how blue his eyes were in the sunlight. I'm allowed to notice these things, right? I wondered to myself.
He let go of my hand, "enjoy the rest of your weekend Michonne, see ya in a couple days." As I got in my car and drove off, I decided I liked his southern accent too. I decided I was allowed to. I think I already had a crush on the entire Grimes family. The kids couldn't be any cuter if they tried. Lori was kind and attentive, and Rick, he was just cool. It wasn't a romantic thing, it was just a feeling of happiness, the desire to be in their home, around them, hanging out with all of them. I was looking forward to my new job.
It had only taken one morning, but in hindsight, I can say that from that moment on, I officially had a crush on the family.