Author note:

Aiming for a weekly/ bi-weekly update (here's hoping!)

Also, was thoroughly vexed with this one - can't seem to use crossed over words and my tenacious tendencies took some time to abide.

P.S - Reviews help me improve :)

warning: just the eventual slash .

Hogwarts' super exclusive, very hush-hush, night club (and how to find it).

Chapter 1 – The O.G.P.T.S.P

My sixth year, also known as the uncontrollable vortex of misunderstandings and (very)uncomfortable events started innocently enough. I excelled my O.W.L.s and was looking forward to two years of hard studying with the occasional prank thrown in the mix.

In other words, I was going to have a relatively normal and uneventful year. I was.

Until I didn't.

My first clue regarding the upcoming misfortunes arrived by owl post a few days after my grades; I'd received a letter from my barmy friends that read as follows:

Moon of our lives,

PLEASE FIND OUT WHAT IS O.G.P.T.S.P!

P.S. Padfoot left his home in favor of the superb and most badass house of Potter.

Start searching,

Messers Padfoot, Prongs & Wormtail.

Needless to say, I had not an inkling as to what O.G.P.T.S.P could possibly mean, and with no further context could hardly be expected to come up with any viable results.

My friends strongly disagreed.

"What do you mean you didn't even look?' James demanded (not at all shrilly) on September 1.

The train was howling for us to get aboard, however, all three of my friends found it much more impertinent that they shall glare daggers in my general vicinity.

"Contrary to common belief, I am not a walking - talking encyclopedia. I do not spur facts on a random basis." I said dryly, trying to force my luggage pass the human wall my friends had turned into.

"that was a random fact." Peter groaned.

Retrospectively, being outwitted by Wormtail was not a promising start to the upcoming year. Retrospectively, I am an idiot.

"Can we just - OUCH – can we – urgh for the love of - discuss this very tantalizing tale inside?" I hissed, dropping my trunk on my toes, twice.

"You're deceptively weak, did you know that?" Sirius blurted, tactful as ever. He did, however, reached for my trunk and as such I only felt slightly inclined to laugh in his face when he visibly cringed.

"Godric mate, what is in this thing? Your collection of rocks?"

I helped Sirius help me as we combined our strength to lift up my trunk. Over the brown leather, I flashed him my sweetest smile –"encyclopedias "

I did not give my friends' O.G.P.T.S.P antics much thought until half way through my prefect meeting, where I was trying my hardest to sit straight, listen and ignore the filthy glares from my fellow prefects.

No marauder was welcome sight in this compartment, not even one with a shiny pin.

"- Besides patrols, we were also asked to assign two prefect from each house on entrance watch." Kingsley, the head boy, read off of his chart. He had a dragon boot made of black scales perched on one of the stalls and was casually leaning over it.

"Entrance watch?" Lily asked, not one to miss a bit "don't you mean exit watch?"

"No, Evens, I mean two prefect from each house will be assigned to guard the entrance to their common room, from the inside. That way, they can see who tries to sneak pass them and who comes in, and when."

"but why?"

"Have any reason to snick out, Evens?" Nott, the Slytherin fifth year prefect, taunted.

That was when I saw it. Lily rolled her eyes and flung her hair out of her eyes, and right there on her left hand was a faded, yet visible, G.

I trailed the back of her hand - some of the letters were wiped, but if I narrowed my eyes I could just make out the O.G.P.T.S.P. stamp.

"Problem, Lupin?" she snapped, wrinkling her nose. Common prefect duties aside, there was no love lost between Lily Evens and the marauders (with the exception of James, who asked the red head's hand in marriage in more than one occasion).

"I, er, like your ring."

I like her ring? Merlin, why not compliment her nail polish and be done with it?

I blushed scarlet all through the rest of the meeting, avoiding Lily's curious glances.

"I know what is the O.G.P.T.S.P!" I declared proudly and a tad too loudly as I flung myself through the door to the last compartment on the train. " It's a c-"

I stopped dead in my tracks. Three of Hogwarts most eligible bachelors were sitting on the floor, surrounding a formidable mountain of liquorice wands and pumpkin pasties, stuffing their faces.

"club." I finished lamely.

"I heard about it last year." James informed us over the welcome feast table, "Marlene and Prewett were talking about it in the Quidditch locker room. Changed the subject when I asked."

"Doesn't sound like you not to pester." I commented, filling my plates with enough food to rival my body weight. It's the werewolf thing, you see, I tend to eat like a famished man 26 days in a month, and close to nothing for the rest.

"I figured it was a code that meant they were shagging or something, and I had Quidditch to think about." James shrugged, eyeing my plate with amounting interest. He had the I'd-like-to-poke-a-needle-in-you scientist look about him.

"Can't be shagging." Sirius added, he too was drinking in my appetite, albeit, with apparent amusement. Sometimes it marveled me; how Sirius could find the joke in anything. How he made everyone else see it too."Marlene's gay."

"But by the time she came out last year I'd forgotten all about it. "

"So many pranks to plan, so little time." Sirius soothed, nodding his head in empathy.

"Exactly! but then Peter wrote to me over the summer about his cousin –"

"The one that goes to Beauxbatons, overheard her floo call with some Nigel bloke-"

"you remember him? Ravenclaw, flamboyant, transferred to France -"

"-told her that O.G.P.T.S.P is quote on quote all the rage over here."

I listened to my friends stumble over each other's words and mulled it over. I have to admit, I am possibly, could be, very much hooked. What can I say? My maradure-istic morbid fascination rears its head in the oddest of times.

"I'd say Nigel's description makes my club suggestion even more plausible."

"Had no doubt in my mind you'd be the one to crack it." Sirius boasted, clapping me on the shoulder. The gesture would have been a lot nicer if he didn't nearly push me onto my plate in the process.

That's Sirius for you, always unaware of his beater's strength.

"I don't know, how can there be a club that we don't know about?" Peter countered.

"Point." James said, waving his fork in Peter's direction.

"maybe, it's a theme club?" I suggested, "Then we wouldn't have heard about it if we're not, you know, into it?"

It takes me three seconds to process James and Sirius gleeful smiles in order to realize I've just opened a can of worms.

"Maybe it's a fan - club?" Peter suggested, it was a bit of a stretch but honestly after a week worth of guessing it was the least ridiculous idea any of us suggested in days.

James sent the boy strutting before us a considerate peek "could be."

"Are you actually suggesting that Padfoot has a super exclusive fan club? And that Evens is in it?" I deadpanned.

"yeah, get off it Prongs." Sirius drawled, "everyone knows my fan – club is named The Sirius Black's Love Circle and they meet every other Thursday. Lovely folks, gave me a customized parchment once."

"Okay, we're all thinking it so I'm just going to say it," Sirius announced during our first weekend back, causing the three of us to look up expectantly from our respectable places on the common room's rug. "BDSM?"

I snort, unable to contain my skepticism. "Again, I ask – Evens?"

"I'd buy it." Peter shrugged, avoiding the magicked pillow James bashed into his face.

"Everyone knows prefects are kinky little buggers." Sirius agreed wickedly, and the devilish smirk he sent my way absolutely did not cause me to squirm. That'd be preposterous.

"har har, did any of you thought this could be a study club? " I asked, painfully aware that it wasn't exactly a denial on my part.

Sirius, the smug bastard, sprawled over the rug, his head inches away from my lap. "And what kind of study club is all the rage, humm?"

"You did say that Nigel was a Ravenclaw."

"And Marlene and Prewett? Two of the most stereotypical, Gryffindors, Quidditch players ever?"

Okay, so he got me there. Those two wouldn't open a book if their life dependent on it. Unless..

"could be a dirty book club"

Neither of us were totally sold on that option, mainly because Sirius was adamant that I would have been named chairman by now (and I couldn't quite deny that either).

"Mates, come on, we are the marauders, can't be we won't work it out." James said rubbing his hands, "what could a prefect, two Quidditch players and a flamboyant Ravenclaw have in common?"

"the potential to become a truly terrible knock knock joke.'

"An all hate Slytherin club?"

"A muggle knitting circle?"

"A rodeo joint!"

I fight the urge to drown myself into my cereals while Sirius and James keep proposing one idea after the other, each more farfetched then the last.

"A house-elves liberation front!"

"A centaur liberation front."

"An I heart centaurs front front."

I gaze up from the pit of guessing despair that I have sunk so thoroughly into when a giggle catches my ear.

Marlene nudged Fabian Prewett, calling the boy's attention away from his twin. None to subtly she pointed over to the Hufflepuff table, where Kingsley was demonstrating how to perform a chock hold for his pure blooded friends.

His body took as much space as it did during his head boy duties; he was moving in an unquestionable authoritarian, yet off handed, manner. The defined muscles in his arms were quite noticeable as he flexed them over and over…

"W-what about a gay club?"