She kept her silence for a month, letting the comfortable joy of being them, being with them, sink back in. Jay told her that he loved her, and she felt happiness welling up inside her and she told him that she loved him and meant it, unequivocally. Later, old insecurities crept in, and she hugged Jay and smiled at Mouse, and Jay pressed a kiss to the top of her head. She kept talking to Dr. Charles. Kept loving Jay, kept wanting Mouse, wanting them both, wanting to be the three of them more than just one plus one plus one.

She kept her silence, afraid to hope, afraid to break this fragile thing they had only just repaired. She didn't say anything to Dr. Charles, because loving two people at once, wanting to be with them both, well it wasn't exactly par for the course was it? But he noticed that something was weighing on her mind. That was his job. His job was also to listen without judgement to anything and everything she had to say and to help her deal with it in a healthy way, of which he reminded her patiently at the beginning of one of their sessions. Erin stared at him, biting her lip, and he stared calmly back in that serene way of his.

"Mouse told me he loves me," she blurted out finally. Dr. Charles' eyebrows twitched just enough to tell her that she'd caught him off guard.

"Hmm," he hummed, waiting for her to elaborate.

"I don't think he meant to tell me, he was angry that I'd gone after Yates alone and I think it just sort of slipped out. And at first I couldn't really even believe it, and he was acting really weird about it and things were awkward so I tried to just forget about it but then the shooting happened and we needed to be there for Jay and things went back to normal, but I can't help seeing Mouse differently now and I think… I think I might love him too, but it's really confusing." She huffed, shaking her head and pinching the bridge of her nose.

"So, to clarify, you're with Jay, but you have feelings for Mouse, and Mouse has feelings for you?"

"It's more complicated than that," Erin interjected, anxiety spiking that Dr. Charles might get the wrong idea about her feelings for Jay. "I love Jay, I'm in love with Jay. And, and Mouse is ace, and he's loved Jay for years, he told me ages ago, and I think maybe Jay feels the same but for some reason they never… and then Mouse said he loves me, and it's a mess but I just, I want– I think about the future and it's the three of us." Erin threw up her hands and looked away, face burning with a fierce blush waiting for a disbelieving condemnation that she should know better than to expect.

"Alright. Are you familiar with the term polyamory, Erin?"

Erin peeked at Dr. Charles who was watching her earnestly and intently.

"No? Is it like polygamy?"

Dr. Charles tilted his head slightly.

"In a manner of speaking. Polygamy is when a man has sexual and or romantic relationships with multiple women but polyamory more broadly refers to having more than one sexual or romantic relationship at one time with the knowing consent of all those involved. Now sometimes that means a man or a woman has multiple relationships without any attachments between their partners, but other times it can be three or more people who are all in a relationship together. It sounds to me like that's what you're looking for with Mouse and Jay, would that be right?"

Erin blinked, considering.

"I- I guess so… is that really a thing that people do?"

"Certainly. It's not terribly common, but it is more common than it used to be, and from what I understand, when done right with proper consent and respect it can be wonderfully rewarding."

"Huh."

"So the question becomes then, if you love Mouse and Jay, Mouse loves you and Jay, Jay loves you and, you believe, Mouse, what's stopping you from pursuing that possibility?"

Erin bit her lip and stood, pacing to the bookshelves along the wall of Dr. Charles' office and picking up a knickknack to fiddle with.

"It just seems like an impossible thing to make happen. How would I even do that, you know?"

"By talking. You need to talk to them, explain what you want, and find out if it's something they might want too. Since you have only an assumption right now that Jay loves Mouse in a romantic way, I'd say it would make the most sense to talk to him first, do you agree?"

The conversation continued like that for a while, Dr. Charles helping Erin figure out where to go, how to initiate the conversation with Jay and keep things calm. Later, they circled back round to the topic of Mouse's sexuality.

"That's the thing," Erin said in response to Dr. Charles' question. "I tried imagining that, Mouse and sex, but I just don't want it. I was afraid I would, afraid I'd want something from him he can't give me but it isn't there."

Dr. Charles smiled. In the end, Erin left with peace of mind about what she wanted, that she wasn't crazy or a terrible person for wanting it, and a plan for how to maybe get it.

It was one of the increasingly rare nights when Mouse made no appearance at Jay's apartment, choosing to spend some time alone and give them the night together. Erin and Jay made dinner and then went to the living room. Erin curled up on the couch, Jay beside her, and she gently took the remote from Jay's hand when he went to turn on the TV.

"Erin?" Jay smiled at her curiously.

"Can we talk about something?"

"Sure." Jay's brows drew together slightly as he watched her. Erin fiddled anxiously with the remote, feeling the surge of nerves which had been growing since she decided to do this tonight.

"Okay, so um, let me preface this with this isn't a jealousy thing or anything, and I need you to answer me honestly and I'll explain after, okay?" Erin watched the apprehension growing on Jay's face as she spoke, but he nodded carefully in response. "Right, okay, so," Erin swallowed, "are you in love with Mouse?"

Jay reeled back slightly, looking like he'd had the wind knocked out of him.

"Erin," he said, voice strained, looking at her imploringly, "I love you."

"I know, Jay, I'm not doubting that I promise, just please, tell me honestly, do you love Mouse too?" She leaned forward, trying to insert into her eyes some of the comforting serenity Dr. Charles seemed to naturally possess. Jay held her gaze, panic and confusion and anxiety reflecting back at her, and he was silent for a long moment. Finally he swallowed and, as though it physically hurt him, whispered, "yes." Erin sighed, relieved that she had been right, hope welling up that maybe Dr. Charles was right, maybe she could have this, maybe they could have this.

"Okay."

"But Erin I love you," Jay started speaking again, lurching forward. "You have to know that Erin, I love you, I chose you-"

"Whoa, hey, Jay," Erin said soothingly, cutting him off. "I know, it's okay, I'm not mad or anything it's just…" She trailed off to take a deep breath. "What if you didn't have to choose?"

"I… What?"

"What if you didn't have to choose?"

"I don't understand."

Restless energy thrummed beneath Erin's skin and she pushed up off the couch to pace nervously in front of the couch.

"Okay, so, um, I love you, and you love me, and we're… us, but you also love Mouse and, and Mouse loves you but he also has feelings for me, and um, I think I have feelings for him too, so what if you didn't have to choose between us, what if you could have both, or we could all have both, together." When she had planned this out with Dr. Charles she meant to be calmer, to explain things slowly and logically, but now that she had taken the leap the words were rushing out as though she had to get them all out before something terrible happened. Jay was looking on, utterly bewildered but she couldn't stop. "And when you think about it, really, it wouldn't be all that different from now cause Mouse is already over here all the time, it's already kind of the three of us together, right?"

She stopped her pacing, catching her breath and looking at Jay who was watching her with parted lips, perched on the edge of the couch like he was about to get up and grab her by the shoulders. Silence hung in the air for a moment, and Erin was consumed by the race of her pulse and the sound of her own breathing as Jay blinked and Erin thought she could actually see his mind struggling to catch up with what she had said.

"Okay," Jay said finally. "Okay, I have questions. So just, one thing at a time, okay?"

Erin nodded anxiously, fingers tangling together like she had seen Mouse's do so many times and she wondered absently if his habits were rubbing off on her.

"Mouse loves me?"

"Yes." Erin couldn't help the way her eyebrows twitched and the tone of her voice that added an unspoken "obviously."

"And you know this for sure."

"Yes. He told me. I mean, I already thought so and I asked him and he said yes."

Jay blinked blankly and Erin bit her lip.

"You asked him? What just straight up asked him if he loved me?" There's a hint of a smile in Jay's voice, like he's picturing Mouse's reaction and finds it funny, and it's endearing and incredibly comforting to Erin's fraying nerves as she waits for this to play out.

"Ah, well, it just sort of… happened, and then I realized it was rude and said he didn't have to answer or anything, but he told me anyway. Obviously. And he explained about being ace. It was the night after the whole Keyes thing."

"Right. So you know he's ace, that's… yeah. That's good. And you said- you said he has feelings for you?"

Erin cleared her throat, trying to decipher the emotion behind Jay's deliberately neutral tone at this question.

"Yes. I don't think he meant to tell me; he was angry about me breaking my promise and going after Yates alone and he said something about it being bad enough being in love with one reckless idiot and he didn't know what he did to deserve, um, loving me too. And then he ran off."

"Which is why you guys were being weird after that case," Jay said, something of relief and a new clarity blooming in his eyes.

"Yeah."

"And you have feelings for him too?" Here, Jay was cautious, but there was a genuine curiosity too.

"Um, yes? I've been thinking about it, and I was really confused but I talked to Dr. Charles, and he explained polyamory to me? And he helped me make sense of what I wanted and, and what to do about it, so now we're here." Erin swallowed and bit her lip, fingers twisting, and watched as Jay sat back, thinking.

"Right, okay…." Jay stood suddenly and Erin took an automatic step back to make space for him. "I'm going for a walk."

"What?" Erin's heart clenched in fear, mixing with bewilderment at this abrupt shift.

"I'll come back," Jay assured her, "but I need to think."

This will probably be quite a surprise for Jay; he might need to take time to process what you're asking him and think about what he wants. Be patient. Dr. Charles' words from their discussion echoed in her mind, so she blew out a breath, trying to release some of the tension in her muscles, and nodded.

"Okay. I'll be here when you're ready."

Erin stood, statue-like as she watched Jay gather his jacket and keys, put on his shoes, and walk out the door. It wasn't until the lock clicked shut behind him that Erin broke from her stillness, falling into the couch. She stared at her hands. Holy shit. This is happening. What if he says no? What if I'm wrong and he doesn't love Mouse like that? What if he's angry that I do? What if— She stood abruptly, shaking the thoughts out of her mind, and making for the kitchen and the dirty dishes waiting to be washed from dinner.

She focussed her mind singularly on scrubbing the dishes clean, drying them, and putting them away, then cleaning out the microwave, wiping down the stove and the counters. Eventually she ran out of things to clean and wandered around the apartment, looking at the now familiar furniture, the full bookshelves with one section that contained the red box of Settlers of Catan, and Ticket to Ride, which Jay had added several months before. Her fingers lingered on the strings of Jay's guitar, and felt the ghost of Mouse's hands on hers, guiding her to the right notes, Mouse's steady warmth as she jumped at Jay's voice, the affectionate smirk on Jay's face as he looked at them. Play it for me? She remembered the haunting melody and Mouse's voice, and the way he went so still when the music faded. She remembered the heat of a blush rising in her cheeks when he looked at her and wondered if that was the first moment she began to fall in love with him, or maybe it was when he pressed a warm coin into her hands, or when he stood with a gun to his head and she realized for the first time she might lose him, or maybe it was that first night when Mouse opened the door to Jay's apartment and asked if she was coming in.

She plucked the guitar from its stand, sitting with it on the couch. Her boys – could they be hers? Could she have that? – had continued to teach her bits at a time, and with clumsy fingers she began to strum the chords of the first song they taught her. Silly sentimental song, she couldn't help but think as Here Comes the Sun was born from her fingertips, but maybe it will be good luck.

She was on the third time through the song, yet to make it through without fumbling a note as her fingers had to contort themselves along the neck when the lock clicked and Jay walked back in the door. Her head jerked up, the last interrupted note vibrating through the air, and she fixed her eyes on his face as he walked toward her.

"Okay."

Erin felt hope explode in her chest, but she had to be sure.

"What?"

"Okay. Let's not choose."

It was a bit more complicated than that of course. Erin's heart had soared, and she couldn't help but grin widely at him, watching a hesitant grin bloom on Jay's lips. She had put the guitar aside and wrapped her arms around him tightly, and he had pressed his lips to hers tenderly.

"I love you," Erin whispered.

"I love you."

Curled up together on the couch, they had talked and talked about what this meant and where to go from there and how they'd gotten here.

"Why did you and Mouse never…?" Erin had asked in one quiet moment, trailing off, unsure how to phrase the question exactly. Jay understood what she meant though.

"I don't know when Mouse realized how he felt about me, but it wasn't until the end of our last tour that I really began to realize it was more than just brotherhood, and then I was… confused. I'd always thought of myself as straight. And I knew that Mouse was ace, and I was afraid that I'd want more from him that he could give, that I would hurt him, and when we got back we were both a mess and there wasn't space to deal with those complicated feelings. And when I started to put myself back together, he disappeared. When I got him back, things were still too messy to introduce that complication into it and I still thought I would want more than he could give and that wouldn't be fair, and then I met you and I thought it was a moot point."

Erin had snuggled in closer and considered his words, the familiar thought that had worried her, that she had pressed like a bruise until she had come to a conclusion.

"Do you really want sex from him though? And I don't mean just because we have each other for that. Because I don't. I thought I might. I was afraid, like you, but when I think about it – it's not the same as when I think of you. I want him with us, I want a future with him, but I don't want sex with him."

"You're right. I don't want sex from him; that's part of what I figured out when I was walking."

Jay pressed a kiss to her lips, and the conversation moved on. Eventually, it got late, and they lay in the dark with their words and decisions swirling in the silence and Erin snuggled close to Jay's side, closed her eyes, and dreamed of the future they would have.