I've known about the High Rock for as long as I can remember, but I guess I didn't really start paying attention to it until this summer. I knew kids jumped form it; both my brothers had although I hadn't been around to witness it and Two-Bit's iconic High Rock belly-flop was the stuff of legends. So I just assumed one day I'd do it too. I guess what I'm trying to say is that it wasn't a big deal until it was. And that is one hundred percent the fault of Sodapop Curtis.
It had reached that point in the summer where you can't remember a time before the endless days of scorching heat and can't imagine a time after. You've done all the cool stuff you couldn't wait to do when school let out and the boredom has set in but it's too damn hot to do anything about it. I guess if we were rich, it would be the time we'd go away on vacation. But we're not, so instead we went to Sullivan's Pond with all the other East-side hoodlums.
Darry was at work and Dallas had an aversion to water that no-one was stupid enough to draw attention to, but other than that the gang was all there. Johnny's old man had been on a tear the night before, so he was taking it easy and resting on the old picnic blanket Steve kept in the truck of his car. He'd kept his shirt on even though it was, as Two-Bit said, hotter than Hell and half of Georgia so I knew better than to ask him to join me in the water. Which is how I ended up hanging out with Curly Shepard and some other guys I knew from the neighbourhood.
I wish I could say the whole thing was Curly's idea, but honestly, it was me that bought up the High Rock. Although in my defence, I would never even have thought of it if Soda hadn't pulled me aside when we arrived and told me I wasn't old enough to jump yet, so I better not go getting any ideas. At first I'd thought he was joking because out of my two brothers, Soda was usually the more relaxed. He's always said if I'm gonna do stupid shit, he'd rather I did it with him around so he can be there to help me out whereas Darry's the one who's all 'just don't do stupid shit in the first place, Ponyboy!"
But that day Soda had put on his serious face and he wasn't asking, he was telling. That annoyed me right from the off because I like to think that Soda and I are buddies and it makes me feel like I'm just his tag-along kid brother when he starts bossing me. Then when I asked why, he wouldn't even tell me the real reason. We both knew there wasn't really an 'old enough', kids just jumped whenever they felt like as long as they could swim good enough to get back to shore again. But anyway, he wanted me to swear I wouldn't go near High Rock and I eventually agreed even though I thought he was being ridiculous and completely over-reacting. I tried to bitch about it to Johnny but Steve overheard and told me to stop being a brat which is about the time I lit off to find Curly.
"Jesus, Ponyboy, you wanna go so bad let's go!" Curly grouched after hearing me out, already starting to doggy paddle in that direction. Jumping hadn't really been what I'd been getting at, I kind of just wanted him to agree that big brothers could be a huge pain in the butt sometimes, but as soon as he suggested it, it made perfect sense. Sure, Soda would probably be a little mad, but once he'd seen me do it he'd realise how dumb it was to get all bent out of shape in the first place. The tricky bit was figuring out how to make the climb up to the edge without him seeing me.
Following behind Curly at a safe enough distance (Curly swam exactly as he lived, like he was about to drown any second and it was only sheer force of will and a refusal to do what people expected that kept afloat, which resulted in him flailing through the water like a complete maniac and woe betide anyone who got too close) I scanned the shoreline for my brother. I could see Johnny and Two-Bit still sitting on our blanket and after a minute caught sight of Steve chatting with a couple of guys I vaguely recognised. As we came up to the shore I finally spotted Soda sitting with a group of girls at the edge of the tree line, head thrown back in laughter. I never understood why girls even bothered coming to the lake, they hardly ever went in the water and if they did, they just stood in the shallows and shrieked whenever they got splashed. But today I was glad because I knew if there was one thing guaranteed to keep my brother's attention off of me, it was a pretty girl.
As we clambered out of the water I looked around and realised there was actually a whole pack of boys who were heading up to jump and suddenly this really stared to feel like fun. It's kind of rare for me to feel like 'one of the guys'. Obviously the gang includes me in most of their activities but I still often wind up feeling like a kid when I'm with them. Not always in a bad way, but sometimes Two-Bit will throw his arm across my chest when we're waiting to cross the street like he thinks I'm gonna step out in front of a car or something or Soda will order for me at The Dingo without even giving me the chance to do it myself. And don't even get me started on Darry! I don't think they even realise they're doing it but it does always remind me that, even though I'm there hanging out with them, I'm not quite one of them. So to be scrambling up the High Rock with a bunch of kids just like me felt really cool. Not to mention it would make it that much harder for Soda to spot me if he did happen to look up.
It felt like an easy climb up but once we reached the top, I realised the High Rock felt a whole lot higher when you were up there than it looked from the ground. I'd never had a problem with heights, but then again I'd never really been up that high before. The highest was probably when Soda convinced six-year-old me to get up on the roof with him so we could learn how to fly but our Dad had found out and grabbed us down quick smart so all I can really remember about it was my Dad's strong arms holding me. I'd estimate High Rock is about thirty feet but let me tell you, when you're up there shivering from a breeze that didn't exist down below, it feels more like a hundred. I was nervous, obviously, but it was also exciting. I felt kind of how I feel right before a rumble or when we're playing Tickle War and my brothers have me cornered; Darry calls it adrenaline. The rest of the guys were feeling it too, I could tell.
Without anyone telling us to we'd spread out into a somewhat orderly line which was no mean feat for a bunch of boys from East-side Tulsa. I'd wound up somewhere in the middle which meant I got to watch a few guys jump as the line slowly inched forward. There was the usual heckling and trash talk going on, I could hear Curly declaring loudly that he was going to dive off head first. A guy named Bobby Kairns was stood behind me, hovering so close to my shoulder I could practically feel him vibrating with anticipation. I turned to grin at him and he punched me softly in the chest, repeating over and over "this is gonna be so cool, Ponyboy. This is gonna be so cool!" I agreed with him wholeheartedly and was about to say exactly that when from out of nowhere I felt a harsh tug on my left arm, hard enough that it pulled me right out the line.
"Hey!" I yelped, stumbling sideways as Bobby, Curly and what felt like every other kid from East Tulsa stared on in shocked silence.
"What the heck do you think your doing?!" I would recognise my brother's voice anywhere but he sounded so uncharacteristically furious I had to twist around to double check. But sure enough I found myself starting up at Sodapop, his angry face all but blocking out the sun.
"What?" I stammered, struggling to get a grasp on what was happening. How was he here? Where had he come from so suddenly? "Nothing! I'm just…I was just…what are you doing here?!"
"What am I doing here?!" Soda roared, giving me a shake for good measure. "What are you doing here, Ponyboy?! After I specifically told you not to jump! You're coming with me right now, what were you thinking?!"
He began pulling at me again, dragging me away from the edge and back towards the path. I dug my heels in out of instinct more than anything else, still not really believing this was happening. How could my cool, fun, chilled-out older brother be embarrassing me like this?
"No, wait, it's nearly my turn, Soda!" I don't know why I bothered to say it as it was clear the line had already moved on, whatever spectacle Soda and I were making not enough to stop the kids who didn't have a deranged older brother gripping their arm from making the jump. As soon as the words left my mouth I knew it was the wrong thing to say. Soda stopped short, yanking me so hard I barrelled straight into him, then held me there, pressed right up against his body.
"I swear to God, Ponyboy, if you don't stop all this nonsense and come with me right now I'm gonna pull down your pants and humble you in front of all your little friends. Is that what you want?" Luckily he'd been hissing directly into my ear so I'm pretty sure I was the only one who heard his threat but I quickly shook my head anyway, suitably appalled by the prospect. "Right then, get moving!"
Soda took a hold of my shoulders, guiding me back down the High Rock. I let him, unsure whether I wanted to kick him in the shins or burst into tears. I could feel my face heating up in embarrassment and stupid Curly Shepard hollering "better luck next time, Pony!" didn't help anything.
"Go suck a dick, Curly!" Sodapop yelled back, which was perhaps the only silver lining to this garbage dump of a situation as everyone erupted into laughter and I figured at least now they'd be making fun of Curly instead of me. But still, skidding and sliding back down that rock with my brother at my heels was probably one of the most humiliating moments of my life to date. He grabbed hold of me again as soon as we were back on level ground and pulled me over to our blanket. "Sit your butt down there and let me think for a minute. Jesus, Ponyboy, I can't believe you!"
I scowled but did as I was told, plopping down between Two-Bit and Johnny. Soda remained standing with his hands on his hips, still looking pissed but less so now we were off the rock. After a minute Johnny sat up and placed his hand sympathetically on my shoulder, so I knew they'd seen the whole thing.
"Tough break, Ponykid," Two-Bit commiserated but then ruined it by adding, "glory, but your ears can get red!" I shoved him hard enough that his beer sloshed everywhere, which I have to admit made me feel a bit better, but I was still really mad. Yeah ok, I'd disobeyed Soda but he wasn't Darry and I didn't need him to start acting like it either! One brother with quick hands was more than enough for me, thank you very much! Plus he'd embarrassed me, something I never thought I'd have to worry about with him. If he hadn't been so bossy in the first place, none of this would have even happened!
I'd been glaring at the water for a good ten minutes, stewing over how unfair my life was when Steve decided to stick his ugly great nose in. A wad of pondweed hit me on the chest and I looked up to see him looming over me, which didn't improve my mood one little bit I can tell you.
"You can wipe that look off your face, kid. You messed up, you got busted and your brother took you to task, man up and get over it! I don't wanna spend the whole day watching you pout like a six year old!"
I was about to snap something back at him but Sodapop beat me to it. "Steve's right, Pony, that's enough now. You know what you did was wrong so either buck up or you can go sit in the car by yourself until it's time to go home!" For the second time that day I turned to stare at my brother in disbelief. I swear if I hadn't woken up next to him that morning I would've sworn he'd been body-snatched in the night. He raised his eyebrows at me, clearly not playing. "Well? What's it gonna be?"
I stared him down for a minute longer, just in case he was going to break out into a grin and declare everything that had happened since we arrived was nothing but a big joke, before finally giving up and mumbling, "I wanna stay here."
"That's what I thought. I don't want any more shenanigans out of you or you know what'll happen. You're not gonna spoil this day for everyone just because you can't do as your told. Hey!" I'd started to turn away from him, already done with his lecturing but his shout had me snapping my head back around to face him quick smart. He reached forward and took a hold of my chin, frowning down at me. "I'm serious, Pone, you stop this right now. If I have to get at you one more time today you'll find yourself sitting in Steve's car with a sore backside quicker than you can blink. And if I catch you within five feet of that damn rock so help me god I'll tan your behind six shades of red! It's enough now."
He sounded so much like Darry it was almost scary and I found myself nodding without even realising it. After a long second he finally let me go and I quickly readjusted my posture so it wouldn't look like I was still sulking. I think the gang were a bit shocked as well, even Steve didn't look so smug any more.
"You wanna go for a swim, Pone?" Johnny asked me softly after a minute, breaking the tense silence that had descended. I turned to look at him, surprised at his suggestion. Even with his shirt on I could see angry looking bruises peeking out from his neckline.
"You sure?" I whispered back and he nodded, clambering to his feet and stretching.
"Yeah, I'm fryin' like an egg just layin' around. Come on, let's go." He reached down and pulled me to my feet then suddenly seemed to remember my brother. "It's ok, right Soda?"
I turned to look at Sodapop uncertainly, not so sure where we stood after this morning's events. The very fact that Johnny felt the need to ask permission was proof of just how upsidedown everything had gotten.
"Yeah that's fine, thanks Johnny." My brother responded eventually, smiling at him before fixing me with a look that could've frozen water. "Just no rock."
"Yessir!" I sassed, then quickly dove into the water before he could come for me.
Somewhat surprisingly the rest of the day was actually quite pleasant. Although Johnny knew how to swim he didn't like not being able to touch the bottom, so we messed about in the shallows until it was time for lunch. I was even able to 'accidently' send a cascade of water splashing over Steve, which really cheered me up. Darry had packed sandwiches for everyone and Two-Bit had remembered to bring the leftovers from his sister's birthday cake so it was a very satisfying meal. I kept a wary distance from Soda, still cross with him but not stupid enough to be anything but civil and polite. I didn't even complain when he insisted I eat two sandwiches before I could have any cake.
Lunch seemed to tire everyone out and I fell asleep next to Johnny not long after we'd cleared everything away, only waking up when Two-Bit poked me in the ribs, demanding that I join him in the water. He must've felt sorry for me because he let me up on his shoulders which he hardly ever did anymore because he said I was getting too big. Eventually another older guy got involved and hauled Richard Schmarsky up onto his own shoulders so me and him could wrestle. It was great fun, even if Two-Bit did purposefully make me lose sometimes by tickling my feet.
By the time the sun was starting to go down I was feeling a whole mite better. I knew I'd probably endure some teasing about what had happened with Soda on the rock but no one had said anything to me that afternoon so I figured my reputation wasn't completely ruined. Soda and I didn't say anything to each other on the drive home which made me feel uneasy as I was now remembering that I had another big brother at home who also didn't take kindly to me not doing as I'd been told. I kind of wanted to ask Soda if he was going to say anything to Darry, but my pride wouldn't let me.
In the end he didn't even have to bring it up, almost as soon as we'd walked through the door Darry was asking what had happened. I guess he could tell by our demeanour that something was amiss. Of course Soda told him (which I couldn't begrudge him because lying to Darry's face was just not something you did) and Darry walloped me three times for disobeying then sent me to bed without supper.
"When I'm not there, Soda's in charge and you know it! If I can't trust you to behave for Soda then you'll just have to start coming to work with me and sitting in the truck all day! I mean it, Ponyboy, I won't have you taking advantage just because Sodapop doesn't like seeing you cry!" I could still hear his words ringing in my ears as I lay in bed. To be fair he wasn't entirely wrong, I did push things more with Soda than Darry but that hadn't seemed to be a problem until today. I knew Soda wasn't getting off scott free either as I could hear Darry ranting as he banged pots around in the kitchen. "You can't let him get away with that kind of stuff, Pepsi! I've told you over and over, give him an inch and he'll take a mile! You should've dealt with it straight away then perhaps he wouldn't have been such a little shit about it. He needs to know that if he breaks the rules he faces the consequences and that those consequences are exactly the same regardless of who's dishing them out!"
"Geez Dar, what did you want me to do? Blister his butt on top of the High Rock with half of Tulsa looking on? There was hardly room to move up there with all the kids milling about, let alone space to get him over my knee!" Soda was sounding annoyed now too and I was starting to feel bad that I'd put him in such an awkward position.
"No don't be ridiculous! But I would've taken him straight back to the car and given him what for then bought him right back here, not let him mess about with Two-Bit and eat birthday cake! What lesson does that teach him?!"
"It was fine Dar, I handled it and he didn't try and jump again ok?"
"Oh yeah, everything's fine, Soda! That's why you two have hardly said two words to each other since you've gotten back and you could've cut the tension with a knife! And he didn't try this time but he's getting older, Sodapop, it's time you -" I shoved my pillow over my head, not wanting to hear anymore. I really hated it when my brothers argued, even more so when it was my fault.
I guess I must've dozed off because when I next opened my eyes the room was dark and Sodapop was shaking me.
"Wha?" I mumbled, my voice scratchy from sleep. Soda grinned his movie-star smile at me and held up a plate with some french fries on it.
"Don't tell Darry," he warned as he balanced the plate on my lap then stole a fry. "I snuck out to The Dingo and got you these, figured it was the least I could do."
The fries smelt amazing and I suddenly remembered how hungry I was. Soda smirked as he watched me inhale them, bring a hand up to ruffle my hair affectionately.
"Alright, Pone, take it easy! Don't forget to breath a little in between mouthfuls!" He teased and I grinned at him after I'd swallowed. "I'm sorry I had to tell Darry, kiddo. And I'm sorry about today, I hate when I have to get at you like that. I just got…I dunno…I just got nervous I guess. It might not look like it but it's a long way down from High Rock and you could've slipped or cracked your head against the side or anything!"
I nodded, tipping the plate in his direction so he'd know I didn't mind sharing. "I know, I'm sorry too. But everyone does it, Soda, you really don't have to worry about me!"
"I don't care about everybody else but I'm always gonna worry about you, Pone. I know it's hard sometimes but Darry and I are just trying to take care of you. Trust me, you'll understand when you're older." I only managed not to roll my eyes as I felt like we were on the brink of making up. 'You'll understand when you're older' had to be the biggest parental cop out in the book. I didn't want to understand when I'm older, I wanted to know now! But then again Soda had bought me fries and said sorry for telling on me to Darry…
"Thanks for not spanking me on the High Rock," I said sheepishly, grinning as I felt my face start to heat up at the very suggestion. Sodapop let out a genuine laugh and pulled me into a tight hug, tipping fries all over the bed covers in the process.
"You got it, Little Brother. Just don't pull that shit with Darry, ok? He's way less cool than I am!"
"Got it!" I mumbled into him, happy we weren't going to bed mad. "Friends?"
"Friends," Soda agreed, planting a sloppy kiss of my forehead that immediately had me squirming away from him.
"Yuck!" I griped, wiping at myself as Soda chuckled away and nonchalantly began picking fries off the sheets.
"Yuck yourself! Make sure you get a shower tomorrow, Pone, I think you bought half of Sullivan's pondlife back in your hair!" I threw a fry at him and then he threw one back and I knew everything was ok again.
Later, after all traces of fries had been removed from our bed, I lay next to Soda and listened as he slept. Even though we were back on good terms, something about the day's events still didn't sit right with me. As I went back over it all in my head, I finally realised what it was. I wanted to jump off the High Rock. Like really wanted to. To come so close today, to feel the breeze in my hair and the butterflies in my stomach, then not be able to see it through - that just wasn't right. I knew what I had to do and, even as I snuggled closer to my brother, a plan was already forming in my head. Darry and Soda must never find out, but I had to find a way to get back to the High Rock.