Dawn quickly yawned on Dragon's Edge. There was something about the rising sun that brought an indescribable sense of comfort. The brightness of it was reassuring; the colors that stretched across the skies so peaceful. All the yellow, the pink and the blue…
Hiccup closed his eyes, feeling the fresh morning breeze brush his hair locks out of his face.
Toothless roared sharply, happy to finally be up in the air. Of course, his favorite time to fly was at night being a Night Fury. But this was as enjoyable nonetheless.
Hiccup exhaled slowly, letting go of his saddle's handles and allowing himself to try to understand his emotions. Astrid's short lecture had toyed with his mind. He'd spent the rest of the night with his thoughts, trying to sort his messy state of mind like it was a ball of wool. Except this ball had plenty of loose ends and Hiccup did not know where to start in order to untangle it all.
"What defines us is not what knocks us down… It's how well we rise after falling."
Astrid's words kept bouncing off the walls of his skull. But how could he? How could he rise again when everything he believed he was capable of was nothing more than an illusion? He understood Astrid's point of view on the matter. He understood it. But he couldn't relate.
Toothless growled low, tilting his head to meet his rider's eyes.
"I'm sorry, bud," said Hiccup, patting him gently on the head. "I know I usually chat you up during patrol. I'm just trying to sort things out right now."
Toothless returned his attention ahead, flying steadily around their island. They'd circle in the sky, low above the ocean's waves, over the green sea of trees, up around the volcano and scouted every beach. If he tried to recall all the recent sights of those locations, he probably wouldn't remember any of them. He was so tired and wrapped up in his head that everything he'd done on patrol had felt like he'd been set on automatic and Toothless had actually been the one verifying for traces of danger.
Hiccup sighed, grabbing the handles once again. His vision was blurry and edged black. But Hiccup couldn't come to notice it or care.
"How can I do it, Toothless?" he asked his dragon, shaking his head sideways. "How in the world can I defeat Krogan and Johann? Viggo tried. He failed! How am I, Hiccup Horrendous Haddock the Third, the runt of a son of Stoick the Vast, who only managed to climb on the pedestal of success by mistake, supposed to beat two of the most powerful and evil of wanna-be world-conquerors by myself?!"
He couldn't think straight anymore.
Toothless wined, feeling the negative energy waves coming off his rider. Self-doubt could not be a good thing for Hiccup, especially in a time of war like this one. He had to keep it together. But that might take a jolt to happen.
"I know I've got the Dragon Riders to help me out, but still," said Hiccup, still rambling on while Toothless listened attentively, starting to feel extremely concerned for his rider. This was not like him. "This is war. I war I started. The blame should be on me, shouldn't it? I'm responsible for every death of every soldier that has fallen at the hands of Johann and his followers. I'm responsible for Viggo's death and that's the truth."
Toothless growled low.
"Astrid just fails to see it. And if she could, then…" He sighed, feeling even heavier. It was like his muscles weren't responding to his commands in order to keep him his up straight. He was sinking closer to the saddle, shoulder blades sticking out from his back and shoulder pulled back. He couldn't even see what was ahead of them anymore. But despite all the signs that he should get back, he continued. "At least Astrid has the gut to do something about it. She should be in charge of the Dragon Riders. She simply has the spirit for it. And I…" His eyes felt warm and Hiccup groaned, starting to lose focus on flying. "I just… don't…"
The sound of the wingbeats felt distant and almost like he was underwater. The world slowed down and Hiccup's vision darkened. He wasn't in his body anymore. Nothing responded. He tried tightening his grip on the handles but his hands couldn't execute the command. He felt limp like his skeleton had been ripped out of his body.
"Toothless…" he barely whispered, reaching a hand to his eyes. Every heartbeat echoed in his ears as all exterior noise seized to exist. He knew exactly what was happening. But there was nothing he could do about it and he quickly passed out like an invisible force had knocked him out cold.
Toothless roared sharply at him as they started rocking like a ship caught at sea in the heart of a merciless storm.
The Night Fury eyed his rider from the corner of his eye, pupils narrowed to slits. He caught Hiccup just in time to see him collapse forward. He was completely limp on his back, completely devoid of all conscious. The gearing shifted, closing Toothless' prosthetic and leaving no other option but the course leading straight down for the green sea of trees beneath them.
Toothless tried to beat his wings in a way that would allow the gentlest crash-landing possible. At least they hadn't been flying too high above the island. But that was probably the only positive thing about it all. Hiccup was who he was worried about most. He feared the crash would injure his rider more than it would him.
But Toothless came in too fast to act against it like a battleship sailing into unnoticed treacherous waters. And like sharp rocks tearing through the wooden structure, Toothless' wings hit the branches. Snapping and tumbling followed as Toothless hit down on Earth, whining loudly as blackness stretched over his vision.
…
Astrid landed on the platform of the Clubhouse on Stormfly's back. The sky-blue Nadder squawked at her loudly, spreading her wings wide. Astrid slid off the saddle, patting her dragon gently.
"Don't worry, girl," she said, walking to the center of the table of the building. "I know exactly what you want." She picked up a chicken leg resting untouched from one of the plates and tossed it to her dragon. Stormfly caught it midair and purred happily at the treat.
"Hey, how come the dragons get treats and not us?" asked Tuffnut, sitting with his Chicken comfortably settled on his lap.
"Because the dragons are more effective in a day than you two are in a month," replied Astrid, grabbing a chair. She turned to Fishlegs who had his neck craned over piles of sheets and a few opened books. Astrid was pretty sure he hadn't even noticed her presence yet. "Hey, what are you up to?"
Fishlegs didn't even lift his gaze from his research. "Just updating new facts about every new dragon species we've discovered out here," he replied. "With all these Flyers constantly after us, it's hard to find time to do any paperwork."
Astrid smiled and rolled her eyes amusingly. "Well, you're right about one thing," she said, shifting her attention on the blue sky stretching wide outside the Clubhouse. "Those Dragon Flyers have been getting really out of hand these last few weeks." Her mind wandered to Hiccup who'd left a few hours ago for his patrol run. Her eyes trailed to the floor and her smile of contempt was short-lived. "And I think it's really starting to stress him out."
"Who?" asked Ruffnut, actually sounding absolutely clueless.
Astrid sighed and rolled her eyes again before turning to the twins. "Hiccup, for Thor's sake," she said, almost snapping.
"Oh," said Tuffnut, surprised. "Where is he?"
"On patrol," she said, trying to figure out if they were serious. "Do you guys pay attention to anything at all? Or are you actually that ignorant of every single situation?"
"Alright, you don't have to bash us over it," said Ruffnut. "Geez, woman. What did we ever do to you?"
Fishlegs closed his books and rose his gaze to Astrid.
"Any updates on Hiccup?" he asked. "He wasn't looking too good yesterday."
"Tell me about it," commented Snotlout from where he sat, legs crossed with his feet up on the table with his helmet pulled over his eyes. "He looked horrible. Let me tell you. Obsession is not a good look on Hiccup."
"Hey! Fashion is our field of expertise around here," said Tuffnut, stroking his chicken gently while his eyes threw daggers at Snotlout. "That's our thing. Don't you dare put your grubby little hands on our tag… or you'll regret it…"
"Urgh," responded Snotlout, turning away from the male twin.
Astrid wore her poker-face the entire time and finally returned to Fishlegs. "He's dealing with it," she replied to his question, allowing her gaze to trail off for a moment. She had to admit he wasn't looking so well last night either. She didn't think he even got a wink of sleep. Dark circles had formed under his eyes and she could tell just by the way she'd seen him hold himself that he was exhausted. Snotlout and the twins had quieted down by then. "He's grieving, of course. Hopefully, some cool air will do him good."
"I don't understand the man," said Snotlout, exchanging a look with Fishlegs who only cocked his eyebrow at him. "Why would you mourn someone who's been your enemy for so long?"
"He's got a point," commented Ruffnut, shrugging her shoulders. "Viggo did outsmart Hiccup again and again and again."
"Yeah," agreed Tuffnut. "Didn't Viggo and his brother try to kill us? Or was it all just a dream?"
"Not to mention the bounty," added Ruffnut, pulling out the flyer.
"Why do you still have that?!" asked Fishlegs, his voice squeaky as if the sight of it reminded him of a tragic time of his past.
"Mind your own business!" snapped Tuffnut, holding Chicken high over his head. Chicken clucked at him too.
"Well, Viggo did save his life," explained Astrid, shrugging her shoulders. But it didn't seem to get them to understand any more of it. "It's only fair to mourn someone that became your ally in their last moments." She sunk herself deeper in her chair and crossed her arms over her chest. "Besides, you know Hiccup. Sometimes his heart's bigger than his brain."
"Ha!" said Snotlout. "No kidding. If it hadn't been for his unconditional love for dragons, we would've won this war months ago. But Princess Outpost didn't want to hurt those Singetails. Well, look where we are now."
Astrid's light expression quickly turned to one of anger after hearing Snotlout's words. Snotlout didn't last long to notice his mistake. Astrid's narrowed her eyes on him, her usual light blue eyes taking a dark shade as she frowned furiously at him.
"You're lucky Hiccup wasn't here to hear you talk or I would've beaten the yak dung out of you by now," she said lowly, getting up with her fists tight to her side. Snotlout let his gaze drop to the ground shamefully. "You think that hurting these dragons would've helped us win the war, Snotlout? Is that really what you think? Let me remind you that ensuring the dragons' safety is what this whole war is about. This is what we're fighting for. We hurt these dragons, everybody loses. You think it was easy for Hiccup when he still had no idea how to deal with these Flyers without harming the dragons? You think it was easy for him to leave us under the command of Stoick who believed the only way to win went against everything he stood for? Well, it wasn't."
"Alright, I'm sorry, okay?" said Snotlout, raising his hands. "Look, I'm just trying to make a point. This war isn't just about the dragons. There are a lot of people involved now."
"Which is exactly why we need to be supportive, Snotlout," continued Astrid, holding her balled hand before her. "None of it is getting any easier. You're right. It's tricky. But since when have we ever done anything the easy way? Now's the time to hold on tight and fight like we've never fought before. If there ever was a time to be strong, it's now. We won't achieve anything if we take the road most traveled. Hiccup is going through a lot right now and we can't abandon our beliefs when he doesn't even believe in himself."
The Rider shared a concerned look. Astrid had been the only one to talk to him since Viggo's death and it was obvious Hiccup wasn't okay. He'd almost said it word for word.
"B-but—" started Tuffnut, eyes darting from left to right while he fixed the floorboards. "Who's painting am I gonna have above my bed?"
"Astrid?" asked Fishlegs, almost as if he couldn't bear to say his question out loud. "What… what did he say?"
Astrid met his gaze but didn't reply. Her gaze dropped to the floor as well and she sighed. "He doesn't think he's up for it right now," she said. "He's too wrapped up in his head, he can't see…" Astrid wasn't able to finish her sentence. Everyone stayed quiet, taking in what this could mean. Lost of belief could lead one down a dangerous and dark path. And Astrid, as well as all of the other Riders, knew it would take something powerful to restore their leader's faith. They just didn't know what it would take from them to help their leader when he couldn't even help himself.