In my headcanon, Liet and Alfred had been in a pretty serious relationship since the early 90's. They dated for about 25 years, until an abrupt breakup in 2016. Then to everyone's surprise, Liet started dating Estonia in 2019 and they got married in 2021. This dabble takes place at the wedding reception venue in Vilnius.

"Now you know how it feels."

Alfred blinked and tore his eyes from the dance floor to see Ivan sitting across the table from him. The Russian held out a pint of beer and Alfred took it.

"What, you come over here to pity me?"

"I came over here because you're sitting alone watching the grooms couple dance."

"Fair," Alfred muttered, taking a swig. The two watched in silence as Taylor Swift's "Lover" echoed in the dance venue, white lights swirling across the nations.

Can I go, where you go?

Can we always, be this close? Forever and ever…

Alfred turned around to face Ivan, suddenly thankful for the company. "You know, all that stuff I did for him – not drinking, keeping alcohol out of the house, not wearing scarves… I thought it was because you had been abusing him when he left."

A wide smile spread across Ivan's face. "Of course you did. He never told you otherwise."

"He never told me anything about you."

"You wouldn't be the first." Ivan set his elbows on the table and his gaze stared behind Alfred, watching the dance floor.

"Apparently, he just didn't want to think about you because you got into a big fight and he was too scared to just talk to you about it." Alfred scoffed.

"Love scares him."

"What?"

"It terrifies him," Ivan muttered into his glass.

"Tell that to the guy getting married."

Ivan shook his head, "Estonia doesn't love him. Not like you do. Not like I did, or Poland did."

Alfred frowned, curious to hear more.

"Tell me, why did you fall in love with Litva? It was because he's a good listener, da? He probably asked you questions no other nation had dared asked before, about your past, your family, the source of your motivations. You poured out your heart to him, you let yourself be vulnerable with him in a way you had never done with any nation before. Because you were largely isolated from a world of nations who never took the time or effort to understand you."

Alfred's eyes widened at the accuracy.

"And so you fell for him. Hard. Harder than you've fallen for anyone else. You could easily spend the rest of your life with him, and you assumed because he was so good to you, he felt the same. But he didn't, did he? And did he tell you that?"

"No," Alfred whispered, too soft for Ivan to hear, but it didn't matter because Ivan knew the answer.

"And when you told him you wanted to marry him, what was his reaction?"

"He got… so angry." Alfred tangled his hands through his hair. He didn't want to recount that day. It had felt like he was living in a nightmare.

"He lashed out. Probably saying something about sovereignty and power imbalance, da? Something about him being his own nation."

Alfred felt sick. How did Ivan know this?

"And yet there he is, getting married," Ivan nodded towards the dance floor. "So, we ask, what is the difference? Because Estonia certainly never did half of what you did for Toris."

After a beat of silence Ivan answered his own question, "Because Estonia is weak. Mild. He sits on the sidelines for two centuries until it's convenient to date Litva. He doesn't take a risk. And that complacency is safer than committing to us powerful nations who actually go get what we want." Ivan let out a harsh laugh. "Litva says he's 'committing' when in fact he's marrying the most noncommittal nation on the continent. And everyone is buying it."

"Why is it that every time I talk to you I'm finding myself on your side?"

Ivan just smiled.

Alfred tried putting his thoughts together enough to form an argument. God, he was tired.

"I don't think a person is something to 'go get.' Toris has told me about your fights now, you literally didn't want him to be independent. And I don't think that's love." Alfred met Ivan in the eyes and said, "The difference between you and me is that I let Toris leave when he wanted to. Maybe that first experience with you is what made him so scared to communicate that in the first place."

Ivan didn't answer, the white ovals on the floor crossing his face and shining off the silver strands of his hair. He was wearing that irritating half-smile he used when he didn't have an argument but still wanted to make it look like he was winning.

Alfred let out a long sigh. "Look, I don't want to argue about this. He's married, he's happy, I don't care who with. You should be happy, too."

This time Ivan laughed out loud. "That man has strung me along for centuries, Amerika, I'm glad to have him out of my hair." He lifted a pint in the air. "To real love. May the new couple never know it."

Alfred just shook his head. "You're fucked up, man."

~/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/~

When Alfred saw Toris sitting alone on a bench outside, something possessed him to sit next to him. Crickets chirped around them, and a soft summer breeze played through the grass.

"Hey."

"Hey."

Alfred didn't know what to say. 'Congratulations' would be the obvious choice, but Toris didn't need to hear that from him. He felt he was sitting next to the person who knew him better than anyone else in the world, and at the same time, he felt he was sitting next to a complete stranger.

"Hey, um… I have a question."

"Yeah?"

"How… how do you do it?"

"Do what?"

"I dunno, ah… move on. From… from being in a relationship with someone for so long."

Toris sighed.

"I mean… do you hate them at first? Or… try not to talk to them? Do you try to forget about everything that happened?"

"No, Alfred."

"Do – do you see them all as 'mistakes' and you wish you had never made yourself vulnerable enough to be with them in the first place?"

Toris leaned forward and clasped his hands between his knees. "At first… maybe, yeah. Because the reason you leave someone is because they hurt you, right? So of course you replay all the things that they did wrong in your head. But… later, when things clear, you realize some of the mistakes were yours. You both made mistakes. And… then something will remind you of that person, but it won't just be the negative things, it'll be the positive things. Small triggers, throughout your day. And you remember there were good memories, too. And then… gradually, the reminders go away and…"

"And you forget about them."

"Well, no. Because they're still around."

"But you forget about the relationship."

"I think… you stop idolizing the relationship. It stops being your priority; it stops controlling your memories and your emotions. It happens so slowly, one day you'll wake up and realize, you haven't thought about that person for a long time. And that's when you realize, you've moved on. Not because you hate them, but because you're okay now."

"Are you okay now?"

"I'm married, Alfred."

"That's not an answer," Alfred snapped, in a darker tone than he intended. "No, that's not... I'm sorry, I didn't mean – "

"No, you're right. I'm good at avoiding answers." Toris leaned back on the bench. "I'm really sorry that I hurt you."

Alfred waited for something to change. I didn't. "I wanted to hear you say that for so long, and… I don't feel any different."

"I thought I wanted to hear Ivan apologize, as if that would fix everything. As if him apologizing would help me climb out the pit I'd been digging myself for years."

"Toris – "

"But it didn't. Ivan finally realized what he had done was wrong, he actually meant it when he said he was sorry, and you know how I felt? Like absolute shit. Because I had been waiting for that moment, in my rage, thinking it would right over a century of wrong he put me through. But at the end of the day? Healing is our own responsibility. Because the only one who can actually see the wounds, is you."

"I saw your Instagram post."

"Yeah?"

"That's… really amazing. The scars, it's… I honestly didn't think that was possible."

"Neither did I, for a long time."

"I think I understand now. What you were saying, about the scars being there because of you, not anybody else. Because you needed them to be there." Alfred let out a long sigh. "It's fucked up, but I get it. I look in the mirror and I think to myself, 'I don't deserve for that to go away. I let slavery happen. I let thousands of innocent people be hanged for no reason. I knew it was wrong, I still know it's wrong, and I just let it fucking happen.' And yeah, it's ugly and it hurts. But… it feels like it would be wrong for it not to be there, you know?"

"Your scars could heal too, Alfred."

"No, I don't think – "

"Alfred. You have a long life ahead of you. A lot can change."

They sat in silence for a moment, crickets chirping and the engines of cars fading into the night as nations started to leave the reception.

"Are you… happy now?"

Toris looked over at Alfred, startled. Then his gaze fell back to the grass, and the hint of a smile rested on his lips. "Yes, I think I am."

I hc that Alfred has a nasty scar across his chest in the shape of the North/South divide in the Civil War. Even after slaves were set free, it's estimated that over 8,000 people were lynched, or hanged without trial, from 1850 until 1950. Racist systems still remain in place in the United States today.