THE PEACE OF WALKS

CHAPTER 2: Onion Rings

(ReyPOV)

Breathe in through the nose.

Hold it.

1..2..3..4..5...

Breathe out.

Not another one. Please, not another one.

Why were they coming more often lately? My cursed anxiety attacks. I was usually able to handle it, but they came now almost everyday for a month. The dread of thinking about it also didn't help.

I knew what was going to happen after these episodes of anxiety. Depression would set in and I would feel hopeless, scared, and lonely.

I desperately searched my side table drawer for my earbuds and put them into my ears. I turned on some music through the Bluetooth of my phone and let it practically burst my eardrums. It was so loud, anyone passing would able to hear it.

The specific song I picked was from one of my favorite bands, Breaking Benjamin. I love the lead singer's voice. It's distinctly different. The music genre of the band is not the typical of what I usually listen to, but they helped me in the past to overcome my anxiety attacks.

It has been a long time, years honestly, for an anxiety attack to come haunt me again. I don't know what has been triggering them lately. And it scares me.

I don't want to be depressed.

I don't want to cry myself to sleep.

I don't want to literally be a zombie of myself.

Please go away, I chanted to myself in my head.

My arms feel tingly and I know it's inevitable. I'll be crying soon.

Breathe in through the nose.

Hold it.

1..2..3..4..5...

Breathe out.

"Come on, Rey. You can get through this," I urged myself.

Maybe if I call Finn...

Damn, I can't. He's at work and absolutely no personal calls accepted during his work hours. Should I text him? No, I rather talk to him in person.

I met Finn when he first moved to Jakku. I've lived here for as long as I remember. Alone. Jakku was a shithole, but where else was I going to go? This is the only place I could call home. I didn't know anywhere else. This was familiar to me.

Our first meeting with each other was not pleasant. I met him 3 years ago, when he first moved to Jakku. I was on my own, going through my episodes of anxiety at the time. I wasn't a very pleasant person to be around.

I didn't have a car and walking helped me to calm down sometimes. Apparently, that day, my usual walks were not helping me, at all. The hood I had over my head hindered my peripheral vision as I waited for the crosswalk light to turn green, allowing me to cross the road. When the crosswalk light permitted me to cross, I attempted to step onto the road from the sidewalk, but a rushing car, who wasn't paying attention, passed by almost hitting me. I screamed at it, profanity spilling out from my mouth. The guy driving had his hands up in defeat, portraying he was sorry for not paying attention.

I was on my way to the store to purchase a new hoodie. The one I was already wearing had holes and a tear at the armpit.

After crossing the street, I made my way to the said store. Once inside, I perused the aisles, looking for a new hoodie to purchase. I eyed a jacket, in the men's section, which had a hoodie that detached, if needed. It was the only one on the rack. And it was perfect for me.

I grabbed it off the rack, just to have a hand grab the otherside of the jacket right after. Someone else had their eye on the jacket too.

"Excuse me, I believe I had this jacket first..." I said to the person.

I turned to look at the person with irritation obviously as my expression. It was the same guy that almost hit me with his car!

"You!"

"You!"

We both said it in unison. My eyes wide with surprise, then my anger set in. I glared at him.

"Let go," I told him.

Eventually, he released his hold on the jacket.

"I'm sorry for almost, uh, ya know, at the crosswalk. Here, it's yours. It's the least I can do for what happened," the guy offers. Guilt won him over.

I look at the jacket victoriously. Yes! It was mine!

"Thanks," I smiled triumphantly.

"I'm Finn," he put his hand out, introducing himself.

"Rey," I returned my hand to shake his.

I know it wasn't the most pleasant way of meeting a person, but after the awkwardness died down from the situation that happened with the jacket, Finn and I became friends soon after. He became my best friend over the span of a year. We would have an inside joke between each other about how he intentionally tried to hit me with his car. I haven't had a walk since then. I didn't need to, because my anxiety and loneliness was lessened a great deal, and Finn had a car!

Still, Finn was a loyal and great friend, and he has helped me through some of my anxiety attacks since then. He was the one that taught me the breathing exercises I was trying to do now. Although, there was still bits I had attacks from time to time.

Except now.

It was coming far too often and too close to each other.

I really needed help and I didn't know how to get it.

So, I took a walk. Like I used to. And I kept walking and walking for what felt like forever, with my headphones in, and my hoodie-jacket on, hood up hiding my face. There wasn't anywhere particular to go, but I somehow ended up at Mr. Q's. It was just after 12 pm when I entered the pool hall, it practically being empty, like the very first time Finn and I had came.

I quickly scanned the bar section and only find Ben there, working. I don't see Poe anywhere, to my dissapointment. I was hoping that maybe he'd be around to help me feel better with his uplifting smile. I pulled my hoodie down and made my way to the bar.

"Hi. Can I get a table?" I said, pressing my lips together hard.

"Hey," Ben turns and greets me, observing me.

I don't look him in the eyes. I can't handle being social when I feel so anxious like this.

"Sure. Table 12 is ready for you, sweetheart."

Did he just call me sweetheart? Really, Ben? I didn't know he could be corny, too. It's sweet, but still corny. I look up at him then. He has his small grin he only gives to me, because I've never seen him grin to anyone else, ever.

Oh my. This small feat of giving me a simple grin helps, which I didn't expect. Ben places the tray of billiard balls on the bar for me to take.

"Ordering a drink?" Ben asks me, as I grab for the balls.

"It's the afternoon, Ben," I tell him.

"So? You're not driving," he finishes.

"How do you know I'm not driving?" I ask.

"I saw you walking."

"Oh. Well then, sure!"

"What'll it be, then?" Ben asks me.

"Um, what would you suggest?" I return with a question.

I don't drink anything else besides Vodka. I know Vodka. We are great friends. I also love it because it doesn't give me a hangover the next day.

"Tuaca."

"Tu-what?"

"It's a brandy," he states.

"Ok. I'll try it. I trust you."

And there it is. He smiles. Ben graced me, yet again, with a real smile. I had hoped that Poe's smile would have helped me with my mood, but Ben's own smile surpasses beyond what I had hoped for. My mood immediately lifts.

(BenPOV)

I trust you.

I, personally, don't hear a lot of people say those words to me. I am consistenly doubted.

My smile is still there as I pour Rey some Tuaca.

"Want me to start you a tab?" I ask her.

"How much do you think I'm going to drink?!" she has an expression of amusement. "Are you trying to get me drunk?"

Now she's teasing me. Cute. Real cute.

"Of course I am. I'm the bartender. It's my job," I tease back.

Rey narrows her eyes at me with a smirk on her lips.

"No tab. Just one drink," she finishes, eyeing me with a tiny grin. "Oh, and an order of onions rings, please."

She takes the billiard balls and makes her way to Table 12. On her way, she goes to the wall where the cue sticks are hung and picks one out of the cupboard mounted there for customers. I watch her as she takes all the balls out, placing them inside the triangle to set them up. I watch her for a moment, just a moment.

Onions rings. Right. I almost forgot she ordered for them.

Rey was a distracting pleasure. This is new. Usually, nothing distracted me.

Soon, the onions are in the fryer. Standing there, watching them fry, I go back to the moment Rey walks in through the door. She looks...distressed. And sad. Why is she so upset? I don't like it.

I speak to her gently, calling her sweetheart. I like her reaction. Then we chat, bantering back and forth. I like talking to Rey. It's...fun. And to keep her smiling, so I don't see that sad look on her face again, I'll do whatever it takes to keep her happy. Even if it means teasing her by calling her sweetheart.

I pull the onions rings out of the fryer and plate it, add a side of ranch and place it at the bar.

"Rey," I call out to her.

She was about to hit the 8-ball into the pocket, then looked towards me. I gesture towards her food and she puts her cue stick on the pool table, making her way to the bar.

"I'm starving!" Rey was giddy.

She sat on the bar stool and dug into her onions rings. I watch her eat. I grab my glass of water closeby and still I watch her. Rey notices while she scarfs her food and then slows down.

"Are you just gonna sit there and watch me eat?" she says with a mouth full of food.

"Absolutely," I put my water down and cross my arms across my chest.

"Don't watch me eat!" Rey laughs and throws a piece of onion ring batter at me.

I catch and pop it into my mouth, chewing slowly. We just watch each other intently. We've been doing that often lately. What does she see?

"Well hello Rey of sunshine," Poe interrupts us.

Both our heads turn towards Poe. Rey flinches at his greeting, then recovers quickly. I just catch that.

"Hi Poe, how are you?" Rey exhales slowly, her eyes cast down.

"I'm doing better now that you're here," Poe says. I purse my lips at Poe's attempt to flirt with Rey,"What are you doing here? It's early for you," Poe finishes.

Rey is silent for a moment and she's uncomfortable. She squirms in her seat then plays with her onions rings, dipping them into the ranch dressing, but not eating them. She also doesn't meet any of our eyes. She seems to be closing in on herself.

"Um, just wanted to get out, I guess," Rey says.

"Do you want another drink?" I interrupt.

I don't like seeing her like this. It disturbs me.

"Uh no. That's ok. I'm gonna go finish my game," there is no life to her voice.

Rey is not ok. I've seen it when she first came in. Now she's back to it again. I know when someone is silently crying for help. I've been there before and I see the signs.

"Aww. Alright Rey. We'll see you later then?" Poe asks.

Rey nods and puts on a smile that doesn't seem real. Poe walks away to the office. I watch him till he is completely gone from my view. I bend lower to level myself with Rey's eyes.

"Rey, look at me. Are you ok?"

Her lips quiver.

"Shit. You're not ok. Come on," I jump over the bar to land next to her.

Her breathing becomes heavy now and it sounds she's about to start hyperventilating. I bend down to meet her at eye level again.

"Let's go outside."

She stands up, her breathing still heavy, only breathing through her mouth. Her lip is still quivering, but she's trying to hold it in.

"Rey, breathe through your nose," I speak to her softly.

I'm right beside her, my hand on the small of her back, leading her towards the back door. I open it a little too forcefully, the door hitting the wall hard. The cool, brisk air is refreshing, what Rey needs right now.

Once outside, the tears fall and she's sobbing. The heaves of her sobs shake her whole body and her hands are frantic, waving. I grab her hands and she grips them firmly, like I'm a lifeline. Her eyes are shut tightly trying to steady her breathing.

"Rey? Look at me. Open your eyes," I tell her with a calm voice.

She opens them and they are blood-shot red from her tears.

"I'm ok-I'm ok-I'm ok," she seems to be chanting to herself. "Just let me cry and I'll be ok. Just don't leave me alone, please, Ben."

Her voice is so broken. I ache. My chest aches for this broken girl in front of me. I almost lost it to my anger of what caused her to become like this, but Rey needs me right now, and I'm not going to disappoint her. I can't help but pull her to me. I enclose my arms around her and keep her there till she tells me to stop.

"What did he do to you?" I ask her very softly.

Rey lets go. Releases whatever she has been holding in since she arrived. I feel huffs of her breaths against my chest as she weeps uncontrollably now. All I can do is hold her and let her cry it out. Rey grabs onto my shirt with her fists, pulling and wrinkling it, but it has no effect on me what she does to my clothes.

It continues until the fisting at my shirt loosens and her sobs are merely sniffs. I look down at her, pulling her away to survey her. Her eyes are puffy, her nose is red, her lips are a bit swollen. Rey is beautiful.

"Ben."

I'm frozen, as all I can do is watch her. Everytime she says my name, that fluttering in my chest returns.

"Shit, your shirt, I'm so sorry."

"Don't worry about it," I tell her.

Rey is still in my arms. I don't want to let her go. Not yet. Her eyes look down towards my wrinkled shirt, but I truly don't care.

"It's never been this bad," Rey admits.

"Do you want to talk about it?" I ask her.

I remember when I had mad fits and tantrums, there was anxiety in the beginning. I didn't cry like Rey did, I became angry, feeling anxious. I threw things and broke stuff. That's how I dealt with it. I had no one to talk to, no one to turn to, I had no help. At least I can be of some help to Rey, because I've been there.

Rey looks up at me. The innocent look in her eyes overwhelms me. I have no choice but to release her. I don't need any affirmation from her, I know I just want to be there for her. I turn and walk back into the bar quickly, then into the office to find Poe.

"Poe. Run the bar. I have something important to tend to. I'll be back before the evening shift."

"But Ben-"

I leave without listening to Poe's words. He's the manager, he knows how to handle things without me. Come on, Poe, man up.

I return to Rey. She is busy wiping her tears away with the back of her hand. She sees me and a small grin of hope radiates from her.

"Let's go for a ride," I lead her to my car.

I open the door for Rey, waiting patiently for her to get comfortable in the passenger seat. The sniffles haven't completely subsided, but I can tell she's doing immeasurably better. I close the door for her and make my way to the driver's side. Promptly, I start the car and buckle my seatbelt with a click.

"Where are we going?" Rey asks me as I start to drive.

"Nowhere sounds good, doesn't it?" I tell her.

She nods.

"Thank you, Ben," her words are barely a whisper.

One corner of my lip curves into a smile for her. I keep my eye on the road, but from my peripheral, Rey is watching me.

"Was it...what Poe said?" I hesistate.

"Rey of sunshine," she says with a look of disgust.

She wasn't scared anymore. She was getting mad.

"Are you sure you-"

"He was my ex-boyfriend. It didn't even last a month, but that last 2 weeks of the relationship was...hell," Rey started.

I couldn't see her face. She was looking out the window as she spoke. She was holding herself together, her arms around herself.

"A month isn't a long time," I said.

"But it's still long enough to have an effect. He hurt me, Ben. Emotionally & physically. He's a manipulative bastard! Maybe he put his hands on me once, but the emotional scars he left were worse."

He put his hands on her. He touched her. He hurt her. If I ever see this piece of shit in my lifetime, he won't have working fingers again. I gripped the steering wheel till my knuckles were white, my nose flaring with my anger burning inside me.

This asshole's outlet was to verbally abuse Rey and put his hands on her. A woman. This petite, beautiul creature. He's a coward. That's not a man.

"He used to call me his Rey of sunshine. Now I can't stand to hear it. It disgusts me."

I would have to tell Poe not to call her that again.

"I'll tell him," Rey said.

I looked at her with confusion. Could she read my mind?

"I know what you're thinking, Ben. I can see it all over your face," Rey said.

Was I that readable?

"You deserve better," I turn away from her.

"I know I do. That's why I'm not with him anymore," Rey stated.

"There's more you're not telling me," I said.

The comment of sunshine triggered her, but that was after she came into Mr. Q's. I could see she was on the edge when she came in initially. It wasn't typical for her to come in in the afternoon. Or by herself.

"I don't know why they are coming often as they are. I was able to handle them before."

"Have you gotten help? By a doctor? A therapist?" I asked her.

"No. I never asked for help. I just got by on my own."

We were on the same boat. I never went for help for my anger issues. I kept my mouth shut, because how can I be of assistance when I didn't get help for myself?

"I have-" I started, but wasn't sure if I wanted to share this with Rey just yet.

"Animosity?" Rey finished for me. I huffed at her response.

"You can say that."

I am a bitter, angry, hostile person.

"Why?" Rey asked me.

"Mommy and daddy issues," I was being honest.

"They aren't in your life?" Rey asked me, sympathy exuding from her.

"Not exactly. They were around, but weren't around when I needed them growing up," that's all I was going to give up to Rey.

"At least you had parents. They were around and gave a damn about you," Rey said with acid in her voice.

I looked at her again, noticing her lips were turned down into a frown. When she looked at me, she removed the expression and bit her lip to hide her bitterness.

Different situations, but we were the same. I felt a connection with Rey at that moment. Because she was just like me. Lonely.

A/N: I haven't written in a LONG time and like I mentioned before, this is my first fanfic of Star Wars. I have a lot of time as of right now, regarding everything that's happening around the world with the virus. So sometimes I might be spitting out a couple chapters here and there. Just be patient with me, because I am literally writing this story as I go. Writing is therapeutic to me. I hope this chapter was enjoyable. Please review! I'd like to know what you guys think of my story so far. Thank you in advance.