Chapter 2: How They Come to Meet
Regular Show is owned by Cartoon Network
Lethal Weapon is owned by Warner Bros. Pictures.
A mail truck passes by a house in a suburban Los Angeles neighborhood where James 'Mordecai' Murtaugh, turning 40 on this very fine morning, is sitting in a bathtub relaxing. His family then surprises him with a birthday cake and they sing Happy Birthday. His oldest daughter, Brianna, aged 16 years old then notices his beard is getting thicker and grayer. He then looks to a mirror next to him and notices his reflection.
A dog starts running by on a beach front to the trailer park home of his owner, William 'Rigby' Riggs, who then wakes up, bare ass naked with a cigarette hanging out of his mouth and with a Beretta 9mm next to his pillow. He then gets up and throws a biscuit to his dog and gets a beer from the fridge and takes a piss. He thinks to himself how unbelievably fucked up his life has become ever since his deceased wife of 2 years got killed in a car accident. Everyday he contemplates whether he should pull the trigger and end it all since he has nobody left in his family.
Mordecai, now clean shaven but with a mustache to spare, is on his way out when his wife, Margaret, then tells him about something.
"Do you know a man named Skips Quippenger?" asked his wife.
"Jesus! Skips! What did he want?" asked Mordecai.
"Your office called, he's been trying to reach you for three days now." Margaret says.
"I haven't talked to him in shit… twelve years? Wait a minute that would make me forty years old." He says.
"James? How come I've never heard of Skips?' Margaret asks.
"Oh. He's an old buddy from Vietnam." He replys.
Mordecai then drives to the scene of the suicide where one of the beat cops sarcastically wishes him a happy birthday to which Mordecai replies with.
"Fuck you." He says.
"What have you got?"
"We have a hooker here who noticed the body." The cop says.
"No goddamnit. The name's Dixie. Will you tell these bozos to lay off?" She whines.
"Hey. Hey you bozos. Lay off!" he says.
"Had a jumper last night, Sarge. Dixie here was walking by, saw the whole thing." Said the beat cop.
"You got a statement? Send her home." He says.
"Thanks Sarge. You know how it is." She says.
"Sure. All dressed up and no one to blow." He sarcastically says.
"Go fuck yourself." She replies.
The other beat cop begins describing the victim.
"Name is Samantha Quippenger, age twenty-two, prostitute, one arrest, no convictions. Born in Tennessee, parents – Skips and Mona Quippenger."
"What was the name?" Mordecai then asked.
"Skips and Mona." He replied.
"You knew them?"
"Find out who's paying the bills." Mordecai requests.
"That'll take some looking into." The cop said.
"So look." Mordecai said loudly.
Mordecai then sits in her tiny apartment, calling his wife and says.
"Hello, honey…? Give me that number for Skips Quippenger. What…? Yes, the man who called me this morning. His daughter took a dive out of the window." He tells her.
Riggs then is at a Christmas tree lot and tastes some stuff from some three local drug dealers.
"Good, huh? Tasty? Smooth?" One of the dealers asks.
"Yeah it's good." Rigby says.
"You better fuckin' believe it." One of the dealers proclaims.
"Okay. Let's do it. How much?" Rigby asks.
"How much for how much?"
"For all of it." Rigby says.
"You want it all?" One of the dealers asks.
"Yeah. And maybe a nice six-footer to put it under." Rigby says.
"You want a tree? I'll tell you what. I'll give you the best tree on the lot for nothing! But this shit is gonna cost you a hundred." One of the dealers requested.
"A hundred, huh?" Rigby questions.
"Hey you said you liked it that's a fair price." One of the dealers says.
"Yeah. Yeah, you only live once." Rigby says. He then pulls out his wallet to give them some cash and thinks he needs to give them a hundred dollars but turns out it's much different than requested.
"Hey, man. What the fuck?" One of the dealers yells.
"Shut up man. I'm losing count". Rigby says.
"Forget it, you dumb shit! One hundred thousand, One hundred thousand dollars!" He yells.
"One hundred thousand? I can't afford that. Not on my salary. But look… I've got a better idea… So let's say I take the whole stash off your hands for free? And you assholes go to jail." Rigby says.
"Hey. Woah. Wait a… ?" One of the dealers says.
"I could read you your rights, but… nah. You guys know what you're rights are."
"This badge ain't real. And you ain't real." One of the dealers cockily says.
"You sure are one crazy son of a bitch!" One of the dealer says.
"You callin' me crazy!? You think I'm crazy! You, wanna see crazy? I'll show you crazy! This is crazy!" Rigby then says and goes crazy in the manner of the "Three Stooges" and pulls out his gun in the process.
"That's a real badge. I'm a real cop. And this is a real fucking gun." Rigby says.
"Okay pal." One of the dealers threatens.
"Hey, noses in the dirt, assholes." Rigby then says.
A fourth drug dealer tries to shoot Rigby with a shotgun but he ducks and accidentally shoots and kills the first drug dealer. He then shoots the fourth drug dealer with his Beretta. He then shoots the second drug dealer. He then tries to find the third drug dealer but can't find him. Backup of the LAPD Narcotics Division then arrive to aid Rigby.
Then the third drug dealer comes out of the bushes and points a gun at Rigby's head and Rigby starts yelling.
"Shoot him! Shoot him!" He yells.
"Shut the fuck up!" The remaining drug dealer asks.
"Fuck you!" He says to the drug dealer. "Shoot him! Shoot him!" He repeatedly yells to the officers.
"Do it asshole. Pull the trigger. Pull the fucking trigger." He whispers to the drug dealer.
"Shut the fuck up!" He yells to Rigby.
He then headbutts the dealer and ponders why the dealer didn't pull the trigger on him and save him the misery of still living.
Rigby then sits in his trailer later that night and has Mickey's Christmas Carol on in the background of the television and stares at a picture of his dead wife and their wedding day. He then pulls a gun and loads it with a single bullet he has been saving for this very moment. He puts it in the chamber and cocks it and pulls it. He then cleans it to keep out the fingerprints.
He then points it at his head for a few seconds and then decides to aim it at his mouth and almost pulls the trigger until he sees the television and sees Ebenezer Scrooge being pulled into his grave by the Ghost of Christmas Future until he wakes up and notices it was a dream. It's at that moment that Rigby takes the loaded gun out of his mouth and starts breaking down in tears and says he misses his dead wife. He then says he'll see her later.
The next morning at the LAPD headquarters, Captain Benson Marin says he will not fire Riggs because he's a loose cannon but the shrink wants him to leave for that very reason.
"You know you're way behind the times Mordecai, Guys in the Eighties aren't tough. They're sensitive people. They show emotions. I think I'm an Eighties man." A different detective tells him.
"How you figure?" Mordecai asks.
"Last night: I cried in bed, so how's that?" He says.
"Were you with a woman?" Mordecai again asks.
"I was alone. Why do you think I was crying?" he says.
"Sounds like an Eighties man to me." Mordecai sarcastically replies.
Another detective then comes in Mordecai's office with some essential information.
"Got some news on the Quippenger case, Mordo." A detective says.
"That was quick." Mordecai again sarcastically replies.
"So was the autopsy. They're not calling it a suicide." He says.
"What?" Mordecai says.
"Surprise, surprise. First off, coroner found evidence that she used barbituates." The detective says.
"Brilliant. There was an open bottle on her table." Mordecai says.
"Right, right. That's not the surprise. Surprise is somebody doctored the pills. Every capsule was loaded with drain cleaner." He says.
"Jesus…" said Mordecai.
"If she hadn't jumped, she woulda been dead inside fifteen minutes." He says.
"This case stinks." Mordecai frustratedly replied.
Across the room, Rigby appeared to be as he was transferred from the Narcotics division to the Homicide division. He looks all dirty and grungy.
"Hey Mordo, you look younger without the beard." Captain Benson Marin complimented.
"Thanks Captain." Mordecai said as he grinned.
"Nice shave." The detective said.
"Some detective." Mordecai sarcastically said.
"I'm supposed to tell you a couple more things." The detective said.
"Shoot." Mordecai said.
"First, condition of the sheets and mattress indicate someone was in bed with Samantha Quippenger just before she died. That's A." he said.
"What's B?" Mordecai asked.
"B is, I'm supposed to tell you you're breaking in a new partner on this.
Cautiously, Mordecai says.
"Partner again?"
"Yeah they say he's from Narcotics. Some burnout they want you to keep on a leash."
"Oh perfect." Mordecai sarcastically said.
Just then, Rigby took his gun out as Mordecai bolts towards him as if he's about to shoot someone. Rigby then judo flips him and aims his gun at him.
"Mordo. Meet your new partner." He said as Rigby devilishly grinned at Mordecai.
"Oh. I'm too old for this shit." Mordecai mutters to himself.
"So. They tell me you're a good cop." Mordecai said.
"I try." Rigby said.
"Heard about your little stunt yesterday. Pretty heroic." Mordecai sarcastically said as Rigby ignores what he just said.
"I pulled out your file. Said you worked in the Phoenix Project in Vietnam, that correct?" Mordecai asked.
"Uh huh." Rigby said.
"Assassin stuff?" Mordecai asked.
"I guess." Rigby said.
"It's over you know." Mordecai said.
"What is?" Rigby asked.
"The war." Mordecai said.
"Yeah. I know." Rigby said.
"Just thought I'd remind you." Mordecai sarcastically said while a slight pause came over the parking garage.
"That's some serious shit you're carrying." Mordecai said to break the tension.
"Be my guest." Rigby then said.
".9 millimeter Beretta. Fifteen in the mag. One up the pipe. Wide ejection port. No feed jams." Mordecai described.
"What you got in there?" Rigby then asked.
"Four-inch Smith." Mordecai said.
"Six shooter, huh?" Rigby said as Mordecai nodded.
"A lot of old timers carry those." Rigby insultingly said.
"File also said that you're into martial arts. Tai Chi and all that killer stuff. I suppose we might just have to register you as a 'Lethal Weapon.'" Mordecai insulted. Rigby laughed and then said.
"Hey look friend, let's cut the shit. Now we both know why I was transferred. Everybody thinks I'm suicidal, in which case I'm fucked and no one wants to work with me. Or they think I'm faking to draw a psycho pension, in which case I'm fucked and no one wants to work with me. Basically, I'm fucked." Rigby ranted.
"Guess what?" Mordecai asks.
"What?" Rigby says.
"I don't want to work with you." Mordecai says.
'Ain't got no choice. Looks like we both are fucked." Mordecai insultingly said.
"Terrific." Rigby sarcastically said.
"God hates me that's what is." Mordecai bitterly said.
"Hate him back. Works for me." Rigby said as he takes a puff out of his cigarette.