More Than Enemies

Kakashi was ambling down the street when someone decided to ruin his morning:

"Hey, Kakashi-sensei!"

A quick side glance revealed the speaker as that one academy sensei whom Naruto was so fond of. The one person who seemed to have realized that Kakashi wasn't even halfway decent at the whole teaching thing and had said as much to the hokage and all of his jonin colleagues… yep, that one.

Naturally, Kakashi pretended not to have heard him. Unfortunately, the man was almost as persistent as Naruto and very peskily continued to call out his name. Kakashi insistently continued to mind his own business. It was clear that neither of them were going to cave, and so, things came to a head when the teacher finally lost his patience and daringly inserted himself into Kakashi's personal space bubble.

"Kakashi-sensei!" the bothersome man tried again, falling into step with him.

Kakashi sighed and peered at him over his book. "Did you want something… ah… Daichi?"

The man's left eyebrow was twitching. "That's not even close! It's Iruka!" 'It's-Iruka' took a steadying breath. "And yes."

Kakashi inspected his nails. "Hm. Terribly sorry, but there's just this manicure appointment I have to get to, so–"

"Nice, then we can talk." Iruka said, smiling at him cheerfully.

Kakashi wondered whether it was too late to make a run for it. Just in case, he began searching for viable escape routes.

Iruka, once again undeterred by Kakashi's rudeness, bulldozed on. "So, I heard Naruto didn't pass the first stage of the exam… Hm, I wonder who had predicted exactly that would happen."

There seemed to be no easy escape routes, Kakashi concluded forlornly – and puffing away might escalate things. He was pulled out of his contemplative pondering by Iruka's expectant stare.

"Hm… Sorry. Did you say something?"

Iruka sucked in a calming breath and gave Kakashi a smile that could cut diamonds. "I said: Naruto didn't pass the first stage of the exam… just like I told you he wouldn't, because he wasn't ready. Kakashi-sensei."

Oh, so he was good at the passive-aggressive politeness thing. Kakashi scratched his head. Well, unfortunately for the man, outside of missions, Kakashi almost always defaulted to plain rude. "Maa. Yes, consider it rubbed in. Hm. Though my caring sensei senses can't help but notice…" Kakashi paused to relish in the man's twitching eyebrows, "has it slipped your mind that I have three of your students on my team? Even if Naruto talks for the four of us. Yet you only seem to care about the one." Boom. A fast one? Delivered.

As expected, Iruka was flustered by Kakashi's frontal attack and scratched his neck in embarrassment. "Ah, of course. I care about all three of them – I do! But I guess I'm just… I'm more concerned about Naruto, is all." He suddenly seemed to get reacquainted with his backbone, brown eyes hardening. "After all, someone has to be." He looked at Kakashi significantly.

"Mmm."

"So? Chunin exams," Iruka forged on. "What happened?"

"Morino Ibiki happened."

"I guess that's unlucky," the chunin conceded. "But. I still stand by what I said: they weren't ready!"

"Maa, Daiki. No need to be loud."

"It's Iruka!" snapped the teacher, rolling his eyes so hard that Kakashi feared for their continued well-being. "But I'm not here just to rub in that I was right."

"Color me surprised."

Iruka's eyebrow twitched tellingly. "Kakashi-sensei, you're worse than some of my six-year-olds."

"Hmm," said Kakashi with a smile. "I've been called hip and youthful on occasion."

Iruka sighed, clearly fed up. "Look, Kakashi-sensei, I'm not trying to pry, but shouldn't you be with your team right now? I mean, things must be tense after yesterday. Don't you think you should be doing some damage control?"

To Iruka's horror upon looking back at the infuriating man, he found that Kakashi was, yet again, immersed in his book.

"Kakashi-sensei!"

"Ma, ma. Don't worry, Denki. I have a plan."

"It's – oh, never mind. Whatever it is, that plan had better be good."

"Ah, of course. After all, I've been thinking it trough for the past five hours."

Iruka sighed, somewhat placated. Kakashi Hatake had been lauded a genius due to his sharp intellect and cunning, so Iruka figured it'd be alright if he'd really spent five outs thinking about his team. Who knew? Maybe the man was secretly a worrywart?

"May I ask what it is?" Iruka asked sheepishly. "Your plan, I mean."

"Go ahead."

Iruka waited awkwardly. He wasn't sure about the worrywart part, but Kakashi Hatake was definitely a pain in the neck. "Must we really? Alright, fine. What is your grand plan, oh wise one?"

Kakashi chuckled. "Maa… it's simple." He glanced at his imaginary watch. "My master plan… is being five ours late."

"What?"

"Give or take. Might as well make it seven, since it's the lucky number."

"WHAT?!"

"Shhh, you're disturbing the pedestrians, Daichi."

Worrywart, my foot!

Iruka was staring brokenly at Kakashi, his mouth opening and closing at irregular intervals. "But… why?" he asked faintly.

"Hm? It encourages team bonding."

"It encourages your genin to hate you!"

"Ah, ah, but that's a good thing! It gives them some common ground!"

"Kakashi-sensei, you can't be serious–! Hey, come back here, we're not done yet!"

But, having spotted a socially acceptable escape route like a far off oasis in midst of the driest desert, Kakashi very adamantly pretended not to have heard and made his way over to said oasis, aka a group of jonin on the other side of the street.

"Yo!" he greeted jauntily, as though he wasn't five hours late to anything. "How's the hangover treating you."

"Super lovely, Kakashi!" A man chewing on a senbon said sarcastically. "Thanks so much for asking!"

"You really missed out yesterday, Hatake," added another with a groan that seemed to contradict his words.

Next to the groaning man sat his antithesis, a beaming Gai, whose face had lit up as soon as he caught sight of Kakashi. "Kakashi, my rival!" He jumped enthusiastically and landed on the table closest to him. "How do you do!"

Kakashi smiled his usual pleasant smile and moseyed over to Gai. Next to him, Iruka, who had followed him resignedly, pinched his nose and growled: "I hope you realize, Kakashi-sensei… that I know a diversionary tactic when I see it."

Kakashi ignored the jab and went to sit next to a ninja who was chewing on a senbon, Shiranui Genma.

"How nice of you to join us," said the man bemusedly. "Fancy a pint?"

"I don't drink on the job," Kakashi sniffed.

"Maybe so," said Genma. "But you sure get to read the good stuff."

"Genma!" Kurenai chastised. "Don't encourage him!"

"Don't you know a lost case when you see it, Kurenai?" Next to her, Asuma chuckled. "Nice of you to drop by, Kakashi." He glanced at Iruka. "And uh…"

"Daisuke," Kakashi supplied helpfully.

Iruka twitched.

"Oi, Kakashi!" Genma interrupted bombastically. "Don't tell me you made a friend? Has the world come to an end?"

Everyone now stared at Iruka as though he held all the answers of the universe, who coughed. "Uh, well not exactly… I'm actually–"

"Why, yes," Kakashi interrupted. "Everyone, this is Daisuke. "

"Noooo!" Gai shouted. "Kakashi, tell me it isn't so!"

"It is so."

"Aaaah! Daisuke, you have made my eternal rival blossom out of his shell! But I shall fight not to lose to you, Daisuke! Now you are my rival over who gets to be my eternal rival's eternal rival!"

Iruka blanched.

"Ah, maybe don't do that," suggested Kakashi.

"Kakashi, my friend, I see you're more youthful than ever!"

"Now that would be pushing it–"

"–not to mention, who would've thought that my eternal rival was so nurturing!"

"Nurturing," repeated Iruka drolly. "Right."

"But of course!" said Gai. "I saw it with these very eyes, which were grazed by the most youthful sight! You see, my eternal rival was consoling a most youthful albeit wilting flower just yesterday! It was a heartfelt display of the nurturing temperament I knew he secretly harbours! Ne?! Kakashi?!"

Kakashi peered up from his book. "No comment."

"Good one, Gai," Genma giggled. "The mental image you've given me will get me through the hangover."

"I'm serious, my friends!" Gai interjected. "Indeed, I was so inspired that I ran three laps around the village barefoot! Such was my rival's youthfulness!"

"He's joking, of course." Kakashi amended quickly.

"My rival, I see you're still clinging to your cool guy persona! But you won't be fooling the green beast of Konoha!"

"Sure, Gai," said Genma. "Whatever you say."

"Actually…" Asuma drawled. The single word was enough to get everyone to stare at him. "I was there. Saw it with my own damn eyes."

"You don't mean it's true…?" Genma probed warily. "Oh, boy!" He smirked. "Our Kakashi's going soft!"

"What's true?" a new voice rejoined. To everyone's collective almost-heart attacks, it was Morino Ibiki himself who had spoken: the proctor of the first task and also the head of the torture division. Understandably, he made most shinobi twitchy.

"Uh… Ibiki…" said Genma faintly. "What a surprise."

"Eh, I just felt like enjoying a beautiful day's stroll trough the village."

"Sure…"

"What a coincidence, Hatake," Ibiki continued conversationally, turning towards Kakashi.

Kakashi, who had been staring at his book, ever so slowly lifted his head until he was staring right at Ibiki. And kept staring. Without saying anything.

"Ah, don't be cross now, Hatake, you old dog!" boomed Ibiki. "It's not my fault your students didn't pass."

Everyone stared awkwardly at both Ibiki and Kakashi, the latter of whom still was unblinkingly staring without saying anything.

"Hashirama's mullet!" Genma whispered to Raido. "That look's frigging unnerving, even by Kakashi standards."

Having heard the comment, Ibiki smirked. "You know, Hatake," he quipped, unbothered, "sometimes I wish I could take a crack at you, just to see if you'd break."

Kakashi kept staring.

"Now! Don't say such things to my hip and cool rival!" Gai intervened.

"Ah." Kakashi agreed quietly. "Wouldn't want to hurt my feelings."

"C'mon, Hatake. I only jest."

"…"

"But you know," Ibiki continued, leaning against a wall conversationally, "I do have to wonder what you've been teaching your students."

"Teamwork," said Kakashi with a close-eyed smile. "Surprised?"

"Sorry to disappoint, but the Uchiha using the sharingan to cheat wasn't very surprising. Blondie was more interesting: he got an offer to cheat and refused it… now that's a strong moral fiber. I bet the kid would hold out well during torture."

"Nice," drawled Kakashi. "Well, if that's all…"

Ibiki chuckled. "Now, now. I hadn't even gotten to the good part yet: the girl."

"You mean Takeira-chan?" Kakashi said.

"I mean Haruno Sakura," rebutted Ibiki. "You'd do well to learn your students' names, hm?"

"Ah, Freudian slip."

"Whatever you say, Hatake. But you know, it's funny. Haruno Sakura aced her test, and yet I didn't see her cheat at all. More, she even took an extended nap after the first half hour."

"Is there a question in there somewhere?"

Ibiki narrowed his eyes and smirked. "I was just curious. How did she cheat?"

Kakashi seemed to ponder the matter, all of the jonin leaning in to hear his answer. "Ma. There's this jutsu. It's the astral projection no jutsu… very useful, ne?"

"So that's why she took a nap!" exclaimed Kotetsu, who had just joined their group. "She wasn't napping, she was astral projecting!"

Everyone gave Kotetsu a droll stare.

"What, why are you all looking at me like that?"

Everyone simultaneously looked away.

"You know, Hatake?" Ibiki continued undeterred. "That's what I love about you–"

"So flattering," said Kakashi, "but I can't return your feelings–"

"–the way you pull shit out of your ass like it's nobody's business–"

There was an awkward pause.

Kakashi coughed. "Hm… isn't that what toilets are for?"

Kotetsu burst out laughing and was close to tears, while everyone else simply stared in silence. "Oh, god!" he exclaimed, clutching his stomach. "Why am I the only one who thinks this is funny?"

"You get used to it," sighed Raido.

"Yes, you think you're so hilarious, don't you, Hatake?" Ibiki asked.

"Now why would you say that."

"Hatake," Ibiki growled. "Enough of this. Be serious: tell me… the way that girl cheated… what is it really?"

Kakashi sighed, closing his book wit finality. Then paused. The jonin could all tell that he meant business this time around and were on the edge of their seat. And he didn't disappoint. "Don't tell anyone I told you this," Kakashi said in a low voice, "but Haruno Sakura is the secret love child of a Hyuga." He glanced around. "She has a byakugan eye in the nape of her neck."

"What?!"

"In her neck?"

"Your student has eyes on the back of her head?"

Chaos ensued, while Kakashi calmly reopened his book. After a moment, he shrugged. "Stranger things have happened."

"Well, I think it makes sense!" Kotetsu exclaimed. "I mean, just think about it, guys. The girl has pink hair, doesn't she? Pink. It's obvious now. The color is a diversion from something else…"

"Underneath the underneath, isn't it!" Gai cheered enthusiastically. "My rival, then we both have Hyugas on our team! It must be faith!"

But he was interrupted by Ibiki. "That's enough of that, Hatake." He smiled. "What's really going on with Sakura Haruno?"

A sigh. "Alright, fine," Kakashi ventured finally. "She's actually a math-crazed twelve-year-old and aced the nine questions in under half an hour using the elementary equations of ballistics."

Everyone stared at him… in silence. Ibiki's chuckling was therefore very much audible to everyone present.

"You know, Hatake, your lies get more outrageous by the day." He smirked. "If you really don't want to tell us, then fine, you old dog! Keep your secrets."

"Mou," pouted Kakashi. "Ye of little faith."

Finally, when Ibiki had already left, Genma peered round the table and said: "So. The Hyuga have a secret love child, huh?"

The previous day, Sakura had decided not to get mad at Kakashi so easily anymore. But after waiting in stiff silence for five hours – five hours in which Naruto and Sasuke got "along" as they usually did while Sakura was left out… well. Could you blame a girl for cursing like a sailor on occasion?

And so, when Kakashi finally made an appearance, Sakura didn't even deign his presence with an angry shout. She was that mad.

And yet there Kakashi was, crouched casually upon the bridge railing, looking flippant as ever in all his unfashionably late glory.

"Good morning, guys…" followed his drawling monotone.

"YOU'RE LATE!" Naruto shouted in outrage. And was Sakura the only one who noticed how different it sounded when it wasn't both of them saying it?

She sighed, sparing a final glance to her notepad. Thankfully, she'd had enough insight to grab pen and paper before leaving her house, just in case she was left out again. And when exactly that had happened, Sakura could at least pretend like she was being a productive member of society and not at all affected by current events. Long story short: on the surface, she had spent the morning slaving away at her newest math project, though internally she'd been in so much turmoil that she hadn't gotten anything done. In the end, she wound up doodling on a corner of the page while feeling lonely and left out.

"Well?" Kakashi's voice brought her back to the present. "Don't you want to get started on some nice, fluffy D-ranks?"

"No way!" Naruto interjected. "You promised yesterday that you would train us!"

"I did?"

"Yes," Sasuke said emphatically. "Don't back down now, Kakashi."

"Ma…" the jonin glanced around, unenthusiastic. "And here I was looking forward to rescuing baby kittens from puddles."

Surprisingly enough, Kakashi for once kept his promise to train team seven, even if by "train" he understood "read a book while telling team 7 to mind their own business". But at any rate, he didn't force them on any D-ranks, so there was that.

Soon enough, Naruto and Sasuke were wrapped up in a furious spar, making a huge fuss that could probably be heard from the other end of the village. Meanwhile, Sakura stood awkwardly to the side and shuffled her manicured feet. She considered asking Kakashi to train her, but dismissed the thought almost immediately. His distant body language and the books that seemed to wall him off from the rest of the world were surprisingly intimidating. Not to mention, Sakura knew that even if by some miracle he agreed to train with her, she'd just end up embarrassing herself in front of her teammates. No, she would not risk it. Instead, she pulled out her notepad and started working on her projectile motion calculations. At that, at least, she was good.

Around noon, team 7 took a break to eat, then went back to training. (Lunch had been even worse than training, because Sakura had lacked a notepad to hide behind. Fortunately, they had eaten quickly. Unfortunately, training after lunch was the same as before.)

At some point, Sakura couldn't keep pretending to be busy anymore. She was done. She had solved the problem ages ago, then checked over everything to make sure she was right.

Despite her success, Sakura felt nothing. Normally, she'd be crowing about her accomplishments to Ino-pig, but not today. A curious hollowness had nestled itself inside of her. She just wanted to call it a day and go home – it was seven o'clock already – an hour at which team seven was normally done for the day. And yet, today was different. Kakashi seemed perfectly content up on his tree, having switched out his book for a pillow a while ago. Sakura sighed, chancing a glance at her teammates. They were too wrapped up in each other to pay her any attention. Sakura frowned, closing her notebook. For some reason, she felt the need to throw it against a tree. For some even stranger reason, she actually did.

CHAAAA!

Sakura stared silently at her notebook, which had flopped to the floor after slapping noisily against the tree. She didn't know what she'd been expecting, but somehow she'd been expecting something. It was strangely anticlimactic, to just stand there and stare at the fallen notebook.

"Hmmm." She startled. Kakashi, apparently, had woken up, and was giving her a droll stare. "Sakura-chan, what are you still doing here?" In her mind, he had said: "Why haven't you left yet, you've been useless today."

Maybe she was being oversensitive, but the innocuous comment was the last straw. "I was leaving." Her voice sounded strange to her own ears. Clipped. Cutting. Hurt.

"Ahh."

"Yes."

Sakura stood there awkwardly, staring at her sensei, who stared back, equally awkward. Suddenly, he straightened and… nonchalantly strolled down the tree. Somehow, he made the action seem weirder than the usual kind of weird. Then, Kakashi picked up her pink notebook and flipped trough it, settling on the last page.

He spent a good five minutes reading trough everything, and, when he looked up, he was smiling.

"This looks promising."

Sakura, who had sat down, looked at him with surprise. "Really?"

"Maa. When do I ever lie to you?"

Best not answer that, thought Sakura, with an inward sweatdrop. Instead, she hopefully queried: "Promising… as in, like the ANBU captain kind of promising?"

"Ah, well," Kakashi scratched his chin, "you're not quite there yet, Sakura-chan."

She frowned. "I meant theoretically."

"Mmm. But Sakura. There's no point to theory without practical application, ne?"

Sakura pouted. Didn't he realize how impossible his demands were? "Sensei, to apply all of this, I'd need to be able to measure distances and angles with my bare eyes and in seconds flat. Then calculate everything. And I'd need perfect aim."

"Maaaa… if you put it like that… well, I suppose it's true enough." He returned the book to her. "You best bring some measuring tools tomorrow, ne?"

Say what? Have you lost all your marbles, Sensei?

Clearly sensing her stumped inner-monologue, Kakashi elaborated: "It's not usual, but depending on their specialty, some ninja are capable of measuring distances with great accuracy. It's a hard skill to learn, but for a paper ninja, it's a good skill to have."

Sakura stopped short. "You mean… does that mean… you'll teach me?"

"Uh, 'fraid not, Sakura. That's something you have to figure out yourself," she gave him an incredulous look, "just like any paper ninja worth their salt." Sakura was still gaping at him ten seconds later, but Kakashi seemed largely unfazed, waving cheerily. "Ja, then I'm counting on you!" And then he poofed away.

Feeling completely floored, Sakura glared at the spot he'd disappeared from.

Typical. He was such an antisocial weirdo, making crazy demands and actually expecting her to just… go along with his insanity.

Somehow, that very insanity had cheered her up.

It's nice to be believed in, Sakura wrote in her diary that night. Even if that person is insane.

The next day, Sakura arrived at their usual bridge bright and early – and with measuring tools. (Yes, she was now part of the insanity. So sue her.)

"Sakura-chan!" Naruto called out as soon as she was in sight. "You didn't tell us Kakashi-sensei left yesterday!"

Sakura gasped, surprised. She'd had so much on her mind that she'd forgotten and left her teammates there without warning them that Kakashi had left. "Sorry," she said a bit uncertainly. Somehow, her knee-jerk reaction of calling Naruto a baka for not noticing didn't feel right anymore. "Uh, so how did your spar go?"

Naruto grinned. "I kicked some serious butt yesterday! Sakura-chan, you should've seen it!"

"Tch. In your dreams, Usuratonkachi." Sasuke scowled.

"Haah? I totally did, Sasuke!"

"As if–"

"I did!"

And before she knew it, the two had started arguing loudly and shoving one another about. At some point, Naruto tripped and fell into the water, yelling at Sasuke and then blaming his predicament on Kakashi's habitual tardiness. It was nice. Sakura couldn't help but smile to herself. Sasuke may not have looked at her at all, but her conversation with Naruto had cheered her up. Without thinking much about it, Sakura pulled out her ruler and began to measure the objects around her, then tried to estimate it in her mind without the ruler, and so on and so forth.

It was slow-going, tedious work.

Unsurprisingly, Sakura's mood had dampened significantly after a while of mind-numbing measuring exercises, but what have you. It was still slightly better than the previous day. Kakashi eventually arrived, (along with his bland as aver: "good morning, guys") and then team seven proceeded to rinse and repeat everything they'd done the day before.

The pattern changed after lunch. Sakura had been in the middle of sighing for the umpteenth time (while memorizing a cosine chart), when she happened to look up, and Kakashi was crouched inches from her. She managed to suppress a horrified screech, but only just.

"Sensei!" Sakura gasped, pressing a hand to her chest. "You startled me."

"What can I say? I'm stealthy like that." He stared at her for a moment, seemingly gouging something. "Ma, Sakura-chan, I was wondering… could you do me a favor?"

"A favor?" Sakura frowned. "What is it?"

"…take my dogs for a walk."

"Excuse me?"

"My dogs. You know, cute, squeezable balls of fur?"

Sakura had seen those cute balls of fur capture a raging psychopath and draw blood with those knives they called fangs. To be fair, she was more than a little intimidated.

"Ugh… can't they walk themselves?"

"Mou, Sakura-chan, you're entirely missing the point."

"What point?"

"You see, they have this bad habit of not returning when they go for walks."

"That reminds me of someone." She looked at him pointedly.

"Hm, does it really?"

"Yes. He has the nasty habit of making us wait, like, five hours every morning."

"Must be a real jackass, Sakura. Tell him I don't approve."

Sakura giggled. "I have a feeling he wouldn't be offended."

"That's typical jerk behavior for you." Kakashi nodded knowingly. "So… about my dogs…?"

"You want me to supervise them?" Sakura asked. They were probably, no, certainly more capable at the whole ninja business than her.

"Ah, yes. You see…" Kakashi clutched at his heart. "I can't trust anyone else with the job."

"Not even your shadow clone?"

"Especially not my shadow clone." Kakashi shuddered. "So, what do you say?"

Sakura pressed her lips together. Her knee-jerk reaction was to call bullshit. Those dogs could damn well walk themselves. But on the other hand, she'd been sitting around all day, feeling left out. Taking a relaxing walk might be just what she needed. Besides, Kakashi's dogs were ninken, ninja summons which had been trained rigorously no doubt, so what could go wrong?

"Alright, sensei. But only because you invited me to tea the other day."

"Ah, yes." Kakashi gave her a head-pat. Then, without fanfare, he summoned his ninken. "Make sure to bring them back here by seven!"

As it turned out, a lot could go wrong when Kakashi's ninken were involved. When Sakura returned to the training ground, it was nine, dark – and thank god for that because she was covered in grime and grass stains. Naruto and Sasuke had left, but Kakashi was still there, reading his book, for a change.

"Sakura, you're late."

Sakura would've probably called him out on his hypocrisy, but she didn't have the energy. Those damned dogs had ran her ragged just trying to keep up. It was horrible. She'd effectively ruined her dress, not to mention her muscles would be sore tomorrow for sure.

"Sakura-chan…?"

Tiredly, Sakura walked up to her stuff, which was where she'd left it two hours ago, grabbed her bag, and, completely ignoring Kakashi, left the training ground.

The next day, Sakura decided that walking Kakashi's dogs had been horrible enough that he owed her a favor. Kakashi insisted that he didn't.

"Ma, Sakura-chan. I sacrificed one of my precious coupons for you. That's at least worth three days of walking my dogs."

Sakura glanced around shiftily, making sure that Sasuke couldn't see what she was about to do. He was busy spitting fire at Naruto, so Sakura decided it was safe for her to let her inner real self rear its uncouth head. "That's… sensei, that's such bullshit!" Wow, cussing felt awesome.

Kakashi's lone eye widened comically for all of one second, before he replied with: "Sakura-chan, you can't tell me you don't find them cute at least?"

"Cute? My dress was cute! Those… those demons are the furthest thing from cute!"

"Don't be like that, now."

"Like what?" she raged loudly. "Angry because my dress was irreparably destroyed? If anyone owes anyone anything, it's you who owes me for property damage!"

"Uhh…" Kakashi's eyes were wide as saucers. "I'm sorry about your dress," he said lamely.

"Hmp." Sakura sniffed. "You owe me now, Sensei."

"Right…" said Kakashi.

"You do!"

Kakashi sighed. "Ma… you shouldn't put so much strain upon your poor sensei, Sakura-chan."

"My favorite. Dress. Is. Ruined."

Kakashi gulped, then smiled uneasily. "Alright, alright. Sensei owes you a favor. A small favor."

"Hmp. It's the least you could do after unleashing those beasts upon me."

Kakashi frowned. "Show some respect, Sakura-chan. They're too awesome to be 'just' beasts. A little creative nicknaming is the least you could do."

"Fine. Those demons you call dogs."

"Better, but not by much. I call them–"

"Sensei. My favor."

"Er. Right. Ah…" Kakashi paused. "What do I owe you?"

Sakura smirked, looking pointedly at his mask.

"No."

"You said a small favor–"

"Not happening."

Sakura sighed, already knowing that it was a lost cause. It had been worth a shot. "Erm, in that case… you have to teach me how to measure things from afar – quickly."

"Uh…"

"I'm serious!"

"You know, Sakura-chan, I have the sharingan, so… I don't know any other methods."

Sakura frowned. That was so unfair. Why did her family have to be some unknown clan of civilians? Why couldn't she have the sharingan?

"Ma, Sakura-chan, don't give me that look. I'll try to think of something."

Sakura blinked. Then, a huge smile crept unto her lips. "Really?"

"No promises, but I'll do my best."

"Sensei, thank you! Thank you so much!"

"…do you really mean that?" She nodded her head happily, but stopped dead in her tracks upon seeing the strange gleam in Kakashi's eye. "In that case," said he, "you can start thanking me by walking my dogs every morning."

Sakura's smile vanished. "No way!"

"Yes way."

"You can't make me do that!"

"Hmm… You're right," said Kakashi. "I can't make you. But if you want me to look into a way to help you out…" He raised his eyebrows significantly.

That. Absolute. Menace.

Sakura bristled in outrage. "Sensei, you can't go around extorting your students!"

"Ostensibly I can, seeing as I am doing it."

Sakura pursed her lips. She was a merchant's daughter, damn it, she knew how to bargain. "Twice a week or no deal."

"Ma, you're in no position to be making demands, Sakura-chan."

"Neither are your demon spawns, sensei."

"…you drive a hard bargain," Kakashi stared at her shrewdly. "Alright – fine, you walk them every two days."

"No way," said Sakura firmly. "That's way too much."

"Every two days, take it or leave it." Kakashi returned her stare with a happy smile which didn't seem to budge. After a long stare off, Sakura was forced to acknowledge defeat.

"Alright, fine." She could tell when she'd lost.

"Excellent," chirped Kakashi. "You can start tomorrow morning."

It would be a long week, Sakura could tell.

"Yo, Hatake! Over here!" Kakashi was getting tired of having people interrupt his peaceful reading of wholesome literature. "Don't ignore me, son of a bitch!"

With a sigh, Kakashi closed his book and turned. "What can I do for you… Anko?"

A well-endowed woman with purple hair was striding purposefully toward him. "Fucking finally," she exclaimed. "Hatake, I've been tryna get a hold of you for two blasted hours. And I know you gave me the slip back at the market, you dipshit."

"Ah… I didn't see you."

"Like hell you didn't, but whatever." She pulled out a kunai that seemed, for all intents and purposes, to be coated in poison, and started playing with it. "I'm not here about your shitty attitude, Hatake. Doesn't mean I'm taking crap from you though, so don't even try it. But whatever. I'm getting hella sidetracked here. What I wanted to say is: did you know that the second exam has been pushed back two goddamn weeks? It's already been one week since the first stage, but if this keeps up, this mess ain't gonna be solved by next week either."

Kakashi blinked. "Come again?"

Anko sighed. "The second fucking stage of the chunin exams, asshole. You know what that is, don't you?"

"It does sound familiar…"

"Yeah, well I was in charge of that shit show."

"Uh. Congrats?"

"Fuck you too. I know you noticed how I said that I was in charge. Past tense."

"Alright…" said Kakashi drolly. "I'll bite." He affected a slightly less bland tone. "Gasp. Did you say you were in charge? Note how that'd be underlined if this were Icha Icha."

"Hell yeah. I was. Had it all planned out, too. Meticulously."

Kakashi arched an eyebrow.

"Fine, maybe not so much meticulously," Anko admitted. "But I still kinda planned it. I made a bunch of sealing scrolls and everything. It was gonna be so fun, you know? Showing a bunch of kids what's what, hearing their squeals of fear, the smell of their terror… Yum!" She licked her lips. "But noooooo. Now it's all ruined, and you know why?"

"Um. A malfunction in the plumbing system?"

"Har, har, Hatake. Ibiki fucking Morino, that's why. That asshole just had to go and ruin all my fun."

"Hm." Kakashi said noncommittally. "What did he do?"

"Bastard was in charge of the first freaking exam. So of course, he just had to go and take a shit all over the candidates."

"That's nice."

"Yeah, well it would be if it wasn't my victims he was crapping on!" exclaimed Anko. "I had it all neatly planned out. I was gonna take those rookies, dump them in the forest and wooo! Done. But no. Ibiki just had to go and be a hardass and fail over two hundred idiots, and now everyone's giving me hell about wanting to be even more of a bitch."

"That's uhh… why are you telling me this?"

"'cause I wanted to talk shit about Ibiki fucking Morino and I knew you'd be up for it."

"Mmm." Kakashi said. "Can I get a raincheck for that? That said, I don't believe you. You want a favor, don't you?"

"You're a sharp ass bastard, you know that, Hatake? And yes to the raincheck."

"I'll take that as a compliment. The bastard part."

"Damn straight you will. Bastard. Anyway, fine. I'll spill. Long story short, I'm tryna convince the hokage to give me the go ahead and make the second exam a survival test in the forest of death. But a bunch of sensei from the other villages are accusing us of being biased dicks, so."

"So what?"

"Well, that bastard Ibiki was saying we should make the second exam into some damn circus for his little interrogation squad instead, tryna take all the glory from me, the fucktard, but I told him to stick it."

"That's very… candid of you."

"Just sayin' what everyone was thinking. Except the bloody hokage, apparently. I can't believe that bastard Ibiki holds more sway over sandaime than I do!"

"Uh…"

"So that's why I need you, Hatake, to throw your weight around and show that asshole who's boss."

There was a silence in which Kakashi seemed to contemplate Anko's words.

"So let me clear this up… you want me to go talk to the hokage about your test and defend your idea – even if Ibiki's is probably saner – just because I don't like him."

"Damn straight I do."

"Hm."

"Stop pretending to be deeply deliberating or some shit!" Anko yelled. "I don't have all day!"

Kakashi hummed again, not complying in the least. "You know," he remarked pensively, "politics aren't really my thing… so my answer is…" he paused. "I'll do it."

"Hell yeah!" cheered Anko. "Knew I could count on you to wreck some havoc, Hatake. You wouldn't pass up the chance to screw with that son of a bitch."

"Hm, now, don't say that. I'm just doing it out of love for my cute little genin."

"Sure you are, Hatake," said Anko. "But who am I to question it?"

"Ah, yes…" Kakashi coughed. "Anyhow… can I count on you to fail as many candidates as possible? My cute little genin are upset that they didn't pass."

"Hah?"

"Low self-esteem is a bad thing."

"Don't you have an Uchiha and the Uzumaki brat on your team?" Anko barked. "Huh. Who would've thought." Throwing her kunai into the air with particular force, Anko grinned like a vicious Cheshire cat. Caught it. Then, narrowing her eyes, she drawled: "No worries, Hatake. After I'm trough with those kiddies, they won't know what hit 'em."

At that precise moment, Sakura was happily sitting at her desk in her room, writing in her diary, being totally ignorant of the conversation taking place on the other side of the village. Straightening out the pink, heart-shaped page, she added a smiley face at the very end and put down her pen. It was time to go to bed and prepare for a new day.

The aforementioned page read as follows:

Dear diary,

it's been a week since my life was upended. (Yes, I'm using THAT day as a way to measure time now. That day, the day Sasuke began to hate me AKA the worst day ever… It's so depressing I don't even want to write about it, but I promised myself I would so that later on I could look back and say "Oh, those were sad days, right Sasuke-kun?" And Sasuke would say: "They were, Saku-chan." And then he'd gaze soulfully into my eyes, press our normal foreheads together, and it would be SO romantic, and then we'd kiss and… kyaaaaa!

Ahem.

PROGRESS REPORT: (day seven after That day) Sasuke-kun won't talk to me, but he doesn't glare at me anymore either. Naruto went back to normal, but I still think Sasuke looks at me even less than he did before. What have I ever done to deserve this? But on a more optimistic note, every couple has their misunderstandings, right? That's what this is: a trial of love. SHANNAROOO! You can do this, girl!

On other less important matters, namely: my bargain with sensei. So far, I've been walking his dumb dogs for almost a week, and yet he still hasn't taught me anything. He says he's still figuring out a way to help me… I'm tempted to accuse him of lying, but would he lie to me about a promise?

In any case, he's told me the shortcut to measuring things requires a good handle on genjutsu. I'm a genjutsu type, so that shouldn't be a problem, cha! Not to mention Sensei's offer, just the other day, to help me get a better handle on genjutsu… Turns our, he was full of shit. As usual. I mean, I don't know what I was expecting… but it definitely wasn't this! By "this", I'm of course talking about his dumb habit of secretly putting me under a genjutsu while I'm not paying attention. CHAA! One moment everything is fine and dandy, then wham! He gives me the scare of a lifetime and makes me look like a crazy person in front of Sasuke-kun.

I hate it so much. I mean, who does he think he is? I'm a genjutsu type, sure, but that doesn't give sensei the right to make me see Sasuke-kun's head on Naruto's body (while Naruto was scratching his butt – ew!), nor the right to force me to think I was sitting on a dog poop in the middle of lunch. I think the worst was when I though the sushi I was chewing on was a wiggling slug…

See, Kakashi-sensei is so uncool and annoying. And he gets away with all of this stuff because he still hasn't taught me how to measure things from afar, even if he's "working on it" or whatever. So I can't be rude to him or he might change his mind. And I can't prove it's him making me see all these things, though it obviously is. He was totally having a laugh behind that mask of his during the dog poop incident! I think it's revenge for referring to his dogs as "unsightly rhinoceros".

But what if I change MY mind, huh? Sometimes I think our deal isn't worth it. I mean, I've been walking his stupid dogs what feels like forever, and it's the worst. I even had to wear different clothes because my dresses never survive the trip. His dogs are horrible and I hate them, especially Pakkun. That evil gremlin is a menace. Conniving till the end. I swear sometimes I almost think he's plotting everything so that I end up as tired and filthy as possible after walking him and his minions. Cha! Who am I kidding? That annoying pug probably is. Maybe he's been plotting it all along with Kakashi-sensei. This is probably Sensei's idea of a mild workout.

But at least there's some good news: I've made a break-trough! All on my own, I can now (tentatively) measure small objects, and it doesn't even require my eyesight, so it would work in the darkness! I bet no one else in my year could pull THAT off! Cha! Not even Ino-pig.

The secret lies in shaping chakra evenly like a blanket and layering it over the object. I have practiced enough that this gives me a pretty good estimate of its measurements, though at the moment it still takes me a lot of concentration. But this wouldn't help me measure long distances, so it's pretty useless for trajectory calculations. I really hope Kakashi-sensei finds a way to help me soon.

I mean, in the beginning, I didn't really think it would even be possible for me to use one shuriken to deflect many other at once. But now, there's no way I'm backing down. I want to have a special move, just like everyone else. They have their silver spoon, their clan or whatever to teach them clan techniques and hereditary traits to fall back on, and I want to have something too. I want a skill of my own. Shannaro!

Once upon a time, Sakura had resolved not to anger so easily in the face of Kakashi's shenanigans.

Yes. Well. She took it back. Completely.

The man's constant barrage of genjutsu had instilled a healthy sense of paranoia into her – especially seeing as his illusions usually resulted in her making a fool out of herself in front of Sasuke-kun. She wasn't sure which one was worse – the time she'd flat out walked into a brick wall, or the time she'd put the moves on a tree (she'd been under the impression that said tree was Sasuke-kun. Meanwhile, the actual Sasuke and Naruto had been staring at her weirdly from across the training ground.) Sakura felt mortified just thinking about it!

So yes. She had some serious issues with Kakashi. Unfortunately, pestering the man to stop wasn't helping her in the least, so Sakura was forced to devise a new method. The method being… constantly carrying around an alarm clock. (Yes, her master plan sounded rather mad, but it was actually working.)

So why the alarm clock? Well, simply put, Sakura had set it to ring every ten minutes. Whenever it did, she would check for any genjutsu in the area and dispel whatever anomalies she could find. The reason this was so effective was mainly because, the longer one was caught in a genjutsu (minor though it may be), the more susceptible one became to an actual problematic genjutsu. So checking every ten minutes was a safe way for Sakura to make sure Kakashi didn't embarrass her too much. Of course, her constantly-ringing alarm clock wasn't much helping matters, but it was less embarrassing than flirting with a tree. Not to mention, Sakura was staring to develop a keen sense of time, meaning, a mental alarm usually went off right before the actual alarm clock would ring, so Sakura could usually keep it from doing so.

During the time she spent feeling paranoid of Kakashi's genjutsu, she noticed something else: the crow. At first, she'd been convinced that this was one of Kakashi's ploys to have her think that some bird had dropped a poop on her. However, the crow, as much as she tried to dispel it, had gone nowhere. Meaning, it appeared to be a real bird. What Sakura thought strange was that, for a bird, it sure was interested in what team seven was up to. Every day, the crow would stare at them with keen, black eyes, which, Sakura felt, bellied an eerie intelligence. Like clock work, the crow would show up every morning without fail… in fact, by the time Sakura made it to their usual meeting point, it was almost always there, perched on a rooftop nearby, watching. More suspicious yet was that it often disappeared for a while whenever Kakashi finally arrived.

Could it be… Sakura felt excitement bubbling up in her gut. Could it be that the bird was a spy? And she, Sakura, was the only one who had 'looked underneath the underneath' and noticed? The prospect of unmasking some secret operation was very exciting. But it would be rather pointless if no one was there to take notice of her amazing achievement, so Sakura took it upon herself to inform Kakashi.

"Kakashi-sensei!" she resolutely called out during training. "I have something I need to tell you."

Kakashi dropped down from his usual spot – aka napping tree – and looked at her expectantly. "Something you need to tell me? Hm, I'm all ears." This was underlined by the book he was still peering into.

"I'd appreciate if you were all eyes too, sensei," quipped Sakura. "This is important." Automatically, she had lowered her voice conspiratorially, not sure if the crow could hear them from its perch on a tree on the other end of the training ground. Hopefully not.

Noticing her tone, Kakashi glanced at her, his visible eyebrow disappearing into his headband. "A good ninja is always all eyes."

Sakura's eyebrow twitched. "You must be an amazing ninja then." If she sounded the slightest bit sarcastic, well… no one could blame her.

"Ma, Sakura-chan. I'll get a big head if you keep complimenting me like that."

"Maybe you should get a hairbrush then."

"Mou. My hair style choices are fine."

"Yes, fine at defying gravity." Sakura narrowed her eyes at him speculatively. "I need to get you hair conditioner."

"Ah, I'm sure Pakkun would appreciate that."

Sakura wasn't getting that demon shit. But more importantly: "Sensei, there's a crow behind you."

"Aha," Kakashi remarked drolly.

"Do you see it?" Sakura insisted. "It's in the uppermost branch of the tree Sasuke-kun just shot a fireball at."

Kakashi casually pulled out a kunai and used its reflection to glance behind him. "It's a crow, yes."

"Well do you notice anything… off about it?"

"Am I supposed to?"

Sakura nodded fervently. "Sensei, the crow… it's been stalking us!"

Kakashi stared at her blankly. Then he glanced over his shoulder and looked at said bird again. However, as soon as he turned toward it, the crow was suddenly preoccupied cleaning its wing (rather than staring creepily at them) and, for all intents and purposes, busy minding its own business.

Kakashi turned back toward her.

Sakura flushed. "I swear it was being creepy right before you turned! Sensei, you have to believe me."

"Ma… Sakura-chan. I believe you. Crows are omens of death." He shuddered. "Just this morning, for instance, I saw one and was forced to make a detour. Tough, isn't it?"

"Sensei, I'm being serious!"

"As am I. These crows must be secretly conspiring to make me tardy."

"Sensei!" Sakura was practically screeching. "That's such bullshit!" She was so loud, that Sakura belatedly saw Naruto (and to her mortification, Sasuke) turn around to stare at her.

"Yeah!" Naruto cheered.

Mortified at being caught swearing (by Sasuke-kun, no less) Sakura couldn't help but press a hand to her face in mortification.

"I'm serious, sensei," she continued at a lower volume. "I've been observing the crow since after That day, and it's always here. Stalking us."

"It probably has its nest in the area."

"No way, sensei!" Sakura countered. "Didn't you say 'look underneath the underneath'? Well, I'm looking! And I see a creeper spying on us."

"Sakura, it's just a crow."

"Just a crow? Pah! What kind of idiot would the bird be if it built its nest in a training ground?" After all, Sasuke wasn't the only pyromaniac who liked to come to the training ground to spit some fireballs as a hobby.

"That's offensive to the birds," said Kakashi blandly. "A lot of them have their nests here."

"But sensei, I'm telling you, it's been following us!"

"Ah, I see." Kakashi said, as though having realized something. "Sakura-chan, have you been feeding it?"

"Huh?" Despite herself, Sakura could feel a flush – an angry flush – creep up her cheeks. "I have not! Sensei, I'm serious!"

Take me. Freaking. Seriously! Sakura wanted to shout. Unfortunately, Kakashi seemed to interpret said blush as a 'deer caught in headlights' kind of expression.

"Ja, Sakura-chan. Maybe you could adopt it. If it's following you around, perhaps it wants an – uh – nurturing figure in its life?"

"I'm telling you, that bird is a spy!" Sakura shouted. Unfortunately, Kakashi was no longer paying attention to her, having devoted it to his book again.

"Hm," he patted her head. "You'll make a great ma, don't worry."

"KAKASHI-SENSEI!"

Needless to say, after such an extremely exacerbating conversation, Sakura decided to take matters into her own hands. That evening, she was meant to take Kakashi's dogs for a walk… so Sakura casually stopped by the hot dog stand and acquired some goodies.

"Listen up, demon spawns!" The many dogs scuttling about snapped to attention. And for once, the acquired sausages were enough for them to remain standing at attention. Pleased with her success, Sakura harrumphed importantly. "You can track stuff, right? Well, whoever tracks a crow which has been spying on me… gets these!" She waved the sausages around.

The leader of the gaggle of demons, Pakkun, or as Sakura called him, the gremlin, walked toward her. "Look, Floral-green–"

Sakura cut him off indignantly: "I told you to stop calling me that!" She sniffed. These demons were impossible to talk to. "I am not my hair conditioner, thank you very much."

Another dog, Ūhei, piped up: "Don't worry, Floral-green. Pakkun uses the floral green hair conditioner too! It's a praise of the highest magnitude."

If anything, that alone was very much worrying. Enough so to make Sakura seriously consider a change in conditioner.

"I still don't want you to refer to me like I'm a hair product," she deadpanned.

"Then what do we call you, Floral-green?" asked the gremlin.

"How about Sakura?" said Sakura.

"You call the boss Gremlin," rumbled the largest dog. Sakura very carefully retreated behind a rock. She was still intimidated by the giant – Bull.

"I say we call her Greeny and leave it at that!" some bright soul suggested (Sakura thought his name might be Bisuke).

Then she processed his suggestion and nodded. Hm. Actually, Greeny was kind of sweet… Sakura had to admit, she was kind of flattered. Bisuke, she decided, was the cutest of Kakashi's pack. "Oh, I like it. Bisuke, did you suggest Greeny as a way to pay homage to my eye color?"

"Naw," said Bisuke. "It's like floral green, but shorter."

That little shit…! Sakura took it back. He wasn't cute. He was the dog equivalent of Ino-pig!

Unfortunately, the rest of the dogs seemed to have collectively decided that 'Greeny' was Sakura's new designation. Now that Sakura thought about it, she liked the name even less. It felt like being called a rookie and a garden-gnome all in one.

"So, Greeny." Pakkun visibly took pleasure in her misery. "You want us to track a bird for ya. Hm, well ya better make it worth our while. Those flighty critters ain't so easy."

If Sakura had managed to bargain with Kakashi, the stingiest person she knew, she wasn't about to let a frigging mutt outsmart her. "Listen up, demon spawn," she said decisively. "I have twenty-four sausages right here. You hear that? Twenty freaking four. That's three for each of you. More than enough. But if you're not interested…"

It took her a while, but finally the dogs agreed to her price. And so, Sakura accompanied them to the tree where the crow had been alighted all day (whereupon she discovered with some shock that the ninken could all tree-walk like nobody's business) and then they were off.

It was maybe forty minutes into their search that the dogs stopped running amock. Sakura, who could barely breathe after the frantic sprint they'd put her trough, was finally able to catch her breath, and took a look around. She wasn't sure where Kakashi's ninken had lead her… it was a forest, that much was clear, but that wasn't saying much, considering that Konoha was surrounded by woodland on all sides. More so: she'd been at more than a few of them (even at the Nara forest, which was usually off limits for non-clan members) but this particular forest, she thought, was neither of them.

"Hey, Greeny," Pakkun's voice brought her out of her reverie. "There's a human up ahead. He smells strongly like a crow. I'm guessing this is what you wanted us to find?"

Sakura nodded. This was getting a little too real for comfort. With a sigh, she pulled out her alarm clock and delayed the ringing time to way past the ten minute mark. After all, it wouldn't do if it started chiming while she was in the middle of her stealth operation! Twenty five minutes should do, she figured. But before getting started, Sakura still had a bargain to uphold, so without further ado, she retrieved the bag containing the promised sausages and handed it to Pakkun wordlessly.

"Pleasure doin' business with ya, Greeny," said the gremlin. "We're off then."

And without further ado, the dogs poofed away, leaving a large cloud of smoke in their stead. Once the smoke had cleared, Sakura discovered, much to her (terrified) surprise, that Bull – yes, the large, imposing bulldog – was still present. Alone. With her. In the middle of a strange forest.

"Uhh… I'm sorry Bull-san," Sakura sputtered timidly. "I don't have any more sausages."

To her dismay, Bull just stared at her trough his big, round eyes – and then, out of nowhere, gave her a sloppy kiss on the nose.

"Eep!" Sakura worked to contain a horrified screech, yet was largely unsuccessful. Great. Stealth operation status? Ruined. But more pressingly – Sakura's face status? Covered in slobber. Unfortunately, she didn't have anything to clean it up with…

It was in such a state – with grime-covered clothes and a face full of slobber, whilst being trailed by a dog almost larger than her – that Sakura emerged from the treeline. The forest had parted to reveal a beautiful, large lake, its waters tranquil and azure. In the very middle of the lake stood a person. They were standing on top of the water like it was a side thought, noted Sakura with amazement, lost in contemplation of something which Sakura could not see. They had a long, inky ponytail and a strange… dress? (Or was it a cloak?) which was black with an imprint of red clouds and long, flowing sleeves that ought to be a nightmare to eat soup in.

For a moment, Sakura stood there, staring at the stranger.

So this is team seven's stalker, huh? she concluded.

As though having heard her thoughts, the stalker turned the slightest bit, onyx black eyes flitting to her briefly. Sakura startled. It was barely a glance… but she suddenly felt like a deer caught in headlights. Though, for a stalker, the stranger sure was uninterested in her presence. But what if it was all an act? The stranger could water-walk, hinting at being a shinobi…

Wait just a second. A shinobi?!

Well shit. Sakura should've seen that one coming. She really should've. In fact, someone should give her an award for stupidity or something. Thanks to it, this potentially dangerous shinobi now knew that Sakura was there. Oh god. How could she have been so stupid? This person ad stalked her for who knows how long and she'd thought to… what? Invite them for tea? Shit. Shit. Shit. Well. At least she had a murderous dog on her side… right? Bull was on her side, right?

Sakura sighed. Would a dog even be enough? She thought for a moment, recalling Bull's active participation in the fight against Zabuza. The thought was enough to return some of her confidence. She had Kakashi's strongest ally by her side: she'd be fine. More so if she managed to pretend like her being right here, right now, was a coincidence. But how? She thought frantically. Quick, Sakura, what do genin usually go to lakes for?

She looked around for something to do. Wait. Suddenly struck by inspiration, Sakura decided to speak up.

Loudly, so that the stalker would hear, she said: "Look, Bull-san, this is the perfect place to practice some water-walking, don't you think? Ahahah…" then she weakly made her way toward the lake. She could just "practice" for a few minutes and then leave, right? Afterwards, she could warn Kakashi about their stalker. Sakura mentally patted her shoulder. It was a sound plan.

Meanwhile, Bull merely stared at her and eagerly drooled on the grass. Sakura ignored such grossness in favor of taking note of her surroundings.

There! That was an ideal place to practice water-walking. She had spotted an old boardwalk wich went straight into the lake, stopping a few paces within the water. Attempting to look like she knew what she was doing, Sakura strode toward it, until she was standing on its wooden edge of the boardwalk, and then sat down upon it, staring into the blue water with trepidation.

Tree walking had taken a lot of concentration… would water-walking be even harder? Hesitantly, Sakura lowered her feet unto the water. It was cool, but not unpleasantly so. Sakura could barely imagine the idea of walking upon it, but she had to try. The stalker couldn't suspect she was half-assing her training, as it'd be a surefire sign that something was up. So Sakura concentrated on blanketing chakra over her feet, which dangled over the water. After a few minutes had passed, she felt confident in her ability to adapt to the currents, so she carefully lowered the rest of her body down into the water, standing upon it precariously. A few minutes more and she felt a little more confident, a little more daring. And so, it came to be that Sakura slowly let go of the wooden plank she'd been clinging to. And then it hit her.

She'd done it. She was standing on the water – all on her own merit. The prospect of being able to walk on water was somehow so exciting, that Sakura sort of forgot about her side-quest.

"Kyaaa! This is awesome!" Carefully, she jumped, managing to land on the water again. "Yepee!" Sakura couldn't help but laugh out loud in elation. She was doing it! She was doing it!

It was in such a fashion that Sakura had been frolicking about at, maybe ten meters from the shore, when it happened. A piercing alarm rung suddenly, cutting trough the silence like an enraged banshee.

The whole thing was so startling that Sakura momentarily lost control of her chakra and consequently plunged straight into the water with a shriek. The cold shock of it had her squeaking again, though she quickly closed her mouth once it started filling with water. By the time Sakura had managed to resurface, spitting water everywhere, and finally finished rubbing the wetness off her eyes, the ringing had stopped. Distantly, she realized that it had been her stupid alarm clock. Of course it had. But when Sakura opened her eyes, she was greeted by a sight that sent her straight into another fright.

There, crouching upon the water mere inches away, was the stalker – holding aloft the aforementioned alarm clock as though it were a strange object not to be trusted… the alarm clock, which, Sakura noticed with dismay, had a shuriken poking out of it.

Her reaction may have been slightly delayed (Sakura was blaming it on the shock) but no less potent:

"GAAAAAHHHHHH!" To say that her subsequent screech could be heard from Suna would be an understatement.

As she screeched, the stalker looked at Sakura, and Sakura looked at the stalker.

She cataloged delicate features, a long ponytail and even longer eyelashes – this she noted with some jealousy – and two stress marks that looked almost like tear tracks, one on either side of the face. Hm. In short, whoever this woman was, she didn't look all that dangerous, Sakura concluded. Which is why she next said:

"Stalker-san, you destroyed my alarm clock."

The stalker looked back at her frayed alarm clock, seeming to come to the conclusion that yes, it was irreparably damaged. Almost gingerly, the strange woman retrieved the shuriken embedded into the alarm clock and pocketed it. Everything about her movements was precise, like a surgeon brandishing a scalpel. To be fair, the careful attentions looked very weird in the face of her pink, bunny-themed alarm clock.

"What?" said Sakura, miffed. "Did you think my alarm clock was a bomb or something?"

Here Stalker-san looked slightly sheepish, so Sakura assumed that she'd hit the nail on the dot with her accusation. "You know," said Sakura smartly, "Kakashi-sensei always tells us to look underneath the underneath, but I think you took it a bit too far, huh?"

At the mention of Kakashi, Stalker-san seemed to perk up. Sakura couldn't say how she knew, there were no outward tells, but she still got that impression.

"You know Kaka-sensei?" she asked curiously.

Stalker-san looked at her blankly, though Sakura chose to interpret the non-expression as surprise. Like a deer caught in headlights becoming paralyzed. And suddenly it came to her:

"You're Kaka-sensei's fangirl, aren't you?" she exclaimed triumphantly.

It all made sense to her: the stalking, the crows and most of all, Stalker-san's reactions just now. Yep. Sakura had been a fangirl long enough to recognize the tells. Besides, Stalker-san looked a bit too old to have a crush on Sasuke-kun – thank god – so it was bound to be Kakashi.

Meanwhile, Stalker-san had leaned back slightly, as though she might be contagious, and was giving her an aghast expression. Or as aghast as a telephone post could look, anyway.

"Don't worry, I won't tell him," said Sakura reassuringly. "Us fangirls have got to stick together, ne?" And without further ado, she channeled chakra into her hands and, propping herself up upon them, carefully stood back up upon the water.

Meanwhile, Stalker-san looked torn between relief and embarrassment at her declaration, but that was fine. Sakura had been a bit blindsided too when she'd first talked to Ino, but meeting a fellow fangirl had been one of the best things that had happened to her. Her train of thought got derailed when, suddenly, Sakura found a wad of bills being shoved under her nose.

Why was a stranger giving her money? Sakura and the stalker eyed each other. At first she didn't understand, but then it came to her. Stalker-san was trying to pay for the broken alarm clock. That was… surprisingly thoughtful.

"Uhh… thanks," said Sakura sincerely.

Stalker-san nodded.

Sakura counted the money. "Uhh… Stalker-san, I'm not sure if this is enough," she ventured. "But I don't want you to give me too much, either." She looked at the ryo uncertainly. "Ne, how about you accompany me to the alarm clock store, Stalker-san?"

The answering uncertain body language said it all. Of course, it wasn't uncertain as such, more like still. Shinobi weren't easy to read by any means, but when one had a sensei who only had an eye to communicate (and reason to expect said sensei to pull a fast one any second) one got rather good at reading even the subtlest of tells. Besides which, Sakura had always been a quick study.

Cha! The term paper ninja is starting to sound cool and everything, she thought proudly. But maybe she was getting a little ahead of herself.

"Oh, come on, Stalker-san…!" Sakura tried again. She was just asking for them to go buy an alarm clock together, not requesting to attend to the stalker's wedding. "Why are you making such a big deal out of this? It'd be unfair to at least one of us if I were to take the money." Suddenly, inspiration struck. "Oh, I know. Come with me, and I'll help you get a date with Kaka-sensei!"

Like flipping a switch, Stalker-san went back to looking mortified and even retreated a few steps.

Cha! How shy, thought inner Sakura. This was so precious!

"Or maybe not," she amended quickly. "But I can tell you stuff about Kaka-sensei while we buy the alarm clock if you want. That way you won't have to stalk him all the time!"

Stalker-san had gone back to giving Sakura an unreadable look, and it was around this time that Sakura realized that the strange woman hadn't said a single word yet.

That's weird. Is Stalker-san mute? It was a possibility, but then again, Sakura could remember with clarity how, as a small child, she'd barely spoken either, and it had been by choice. Kind of. And social anxiety.

"Ne, come on, Stalker-san," Sakura encouraged. "The alarm clock shop is in the civilian district. The odds of meeting Kaka-sensei there are slim to none, so you don't have to be self-conscious!"

Stalker-san still looked wary, but finally retrieved a straw hat from the bulky… cloak? Dress? Whatever – and donned it with a strange sort of flair. At any rate, the hat covered Stalker-san's features, hiding the pretty eyelashes in a way that absolutely wouldn't do if Stalker-san was to ever woo Kakashi. Sakura shook her head in dismay. Oh, well. She'd see what she could do.

Already, she felt sympathy for Stalker-san. More than anyone, she could sympathize with the plight of a devoted fangirl, especially when the object of one's devotion was a jerk who read porn in public.

But, minding her manners, Sakura said none of this out loud. She did care about Kakashi-sensei, after all, so she wasn't about to push away his one admirer. No. Instead, she told Stalker-san all about team seven's bell test, making sure to highlight all the parts in which Kakashi had done something especially cool.

"So Naruto fell for Kakashi-sensei's carefully laid out trap, but let's be honest, the moron never stood a chance. I mean – Sasuke-kun managed to touch a bell, yes, but only because Sasuke-kun is… exceptional," Sakura sighed dreamily, "but Kakashi-sensei is exceptional too, of course!" Exceptionally late, but semantics. "Anyway, I get the feeling that Kaka-sensei wanted revenge later on, because he used the head-hunter jutsu and trapped Sasuke-kun in a hole like it was nothing."

At this, Stalker-san's lip quirked minutely, which Sakura took to mean that her story was a raging success. She carried on excitedly:

"He gave me the scare of a lifetime, mind! But that's not Sasuke-kun's fault. I mean, I was just walking around, minding my own business, you know? And then, suddenly I see Sasuke-kun's head, without his body, poking out of the earth. Aargh! Can you blame a girl for nearly having a heart attack?" Stalker-san gave her an understanding shake of the head, so Sakura continued, pleased with her audience. "I'll say, that was a nasty surprise. Not good for one's blood pressure…" Sakura was in the middle of her rant, when a voice distracted her.

"Sakura-chan! Over here!"

"Huh?" Sakura turned, her eyes landing on a street vendor who was friends with her parents.

"Shiemi-oba-san!" she cheered. Then, turning toward her company: "Ne, Stalker-san, let's go greet Shiemi-oba-san!"

Without further prompting, Sakura ran off to talk with the woman (who had a history of gifting her treats for free) with Bull and Stalker-san in tow. Once again, Shiemi-oba-san didn't disappoint and gifted Sakura a few of her favorite sweets (green tea mochi) after some small talk. She also gave some to Stalker-san, seeing as 'your friend is staring my goodies down like a man starving, Sakura'.

"Sta – my friend would be a woman starving, oba-san," Sakura had felt obligated to correct, to which Stalker-san had twitched slightly. The poor thing, thought Sakura. But truly, what did Stalker-san expect? With fashion choices like that, of course some people were bound to think she was a guy! Though Sakura had to admit, Stalker-san did look a bit androgynous.

At any rate, after bidding the vendor goodbye, Sakura and company had tracked down a bench upon which to eat the obtained sweets, seeing as it wasn't very polite to go into a shop with food, even if it sold bunny-themed alarm clocks.

So for a while, Sakura was distracted by Bull, who was trying to snatch up a treat from her. (For some reason, he didn't even attempt to steal from Stalker-san, much to Sakura's increasing dismay.)

"Bull-san, I'm trying to eat here! Besides, sugar is bad for dogs!"

Bull's replying tackle said exactly what he thought about that.

"Bull-san, no!" Sakura's ninja reflexes were about the only thing that saved her mochi from a terrible fate, and that small success, she thought forlornly, had been largely due to Bull's laziness. Because she'd seen him in action during the Wave mission, and that dog could move. When he wanted to, of course.

That was about the time Bull had decided that if he couldn't obtain the direct source, he'd just get it second-hand. Literally. Without warning, the bulldog started licking off the sugar left off on Sakura's hand, taking the entire thing into his massive maw in one swoop – effectively getting even more slobber over her. Eep! Sakura tried to repress a shiver, not wanting to offend Bull, but judging by the amused look Stalker-san was shooting her, she could tell that she wasn't being very successful. Stalker-san even had the gall to look even more amused at her fury.

"Stop that!" Even if 'that' was just looking at her. "This isn't funny!" Sakura exclaimed hotly. "Stalker-san, how am I supposed to eat my mochi now? All this slobber can't be sanitary."

Stalker-san's reply was in the form of the fastest hand-signs Sakura had seen since wave, and a resulting bubble of water that floated upon Stalker-san's suddenly extended palm. Sakura stared at it with large eyes. "Woah… is that…?"

Stalker-san nodded, so Sakura held out her slobbery hand. With a graceful flick of the wrist, Stalker-san carefully tipped the bubble of water over Sakura's slob-covered appendage. It was with shock that Sakura noticed the water's temperature was extra hot, making the cleansing process easier.

"That's perfect, thank you!" She hadn't been able to use soap, but Iruka-sensei had remarked often enough that they should thank their lucky stars to find some clean water when out in the field, if that. So never mind the soap.

Once again, Stalker-san nodded, and proceeded to scratch Bull behind the ears, the barest hint of a fond smile replacing the previous blank expression. For someone who was barely more expressive than a telephone post, this was a major achievement. Sakura grinned. Stalker-san must really like animals! Perhaps seducing Kakashi wouldn't be so hard if his dogs were seduced first.

But, just as she was thinking this, Sakura noticed with some dismay that Stalker-san hadn't touched the sweets at all, and after petting Bull, had returned to staring at them very attentively, though without making any attempts to eat them. It was strange. Stalker-san was looking at the green tea mochi with a gaze appropriate only for dissecting tables.

Sakura frowned. "Are you on a diet, Stalker-san?" she inquired. "Technically, I am as well, but Kakashi-sensei's ninken have been running me so ragged lately that I feel like I'm entitled to a cheat day. Besides," she added, remembering Kakashi's words. "Stuff tastes better when it's free, don't you think?"

When Stalker-san still hadn't eaten anything and was still staring at the mochi as though in fear of food poisoning, Sakura spoke up: "You know, if you aren't going to eat those…"

Her words seemed to have lit a fire under Stalker-san's underside, for one second all the sweets were there, and the next second, not so much.

Sakura stared at the vacant spot in shock. She'd only seen one other person make food vanish so fast… and that was Kakashi-sensei himself. Okay, she could kind of see where the romance was coming from. In a creepy kind of way.

"Did you just… stash those mochi in your cloak?" Sakura asked surreptitiously. Yes, Stalker-san was chewing on one, but she was pretty sure that bulge in the weird-looking cloak hadn't been there before. Next to her, Stalker-san had a look of utter bliss, apparently due to the influence of the mochi.

(Sakura would've been annoyed, except she couldn't stay annoyed at such a peaceful expression.)

Huh… Looks like Shiemi-oba-san just got a new client.

After that, things went smoothly. Sakura got a new alarm clock, or rather, Stalker-san did, Sakura said thank you, and they both went their separate ways. It was, to say the least, an eventful evening.

What a strange person… Sakura thought afterwards, as she was walking home. Bull had poofed away after Stalker-san left and she'd gotten him an extra sausage as a thank you for his moral support. Strangely, the dog's previously intimidating presence had really put Sakura at ease by the end of the evening, even though Stalker-san hadn't turned out to be a threat at all. Just a fangirl with a crush. Sakura couldn't in good conscience tell Kakashi now. No, that would be breaking the fangirl code. But, she thought with relish, no one said I can't play wingwoman instead.

The Path of the Paper Ninja

So. Thoughts? I'm guessing that, whatever they are, you probably hadn't been expecting Itachi and Sakura's first meeting to go like THIS. Well, what can I say? I'm the number one, most unpredictable nin- oh, wait, that title is taken. Whoops, my bad.
My update schedule will probably be monthly, give or take a week. Chapter length will probably be similar. About the drawings, that depends whether I'm feeling inspired...
Also, I've basically created a tumblr account (thinknicht) so I could post my art on here, so feel free to talk to me. I barely know any fellow fangirls in real life (other than my best friend, who is my best friend for a reason), so meeting you guys via tumblr would be hella cool :P