Chapter Summary: Dr. Glassman processes his feelings about Lea's death and remembers his favorite recent memory with her.
AN: Sorry I kept changing and editing the chapters. I had some of the better written rough drafts saved on my computer files that wouldn't open, but they're working now and I can finally use them to write the story. Also, some feedback would be appreciated :)
Dr. Glassman sat on the couch with Debbie and glanced down with joy and sadness at Shaun and Lea's daughter, who was fast asleep in the travel crib and unaware of everything that was going on. She was spending the night with him and Debbie so Shaun could have some space and get some sleep. He offered to stay with Shaun for the night while Debbie would care for Nell, but Shaun declined and said he just wanted to be alone.
He was still in shock over Lea's sudden death this morning from a massive seizure that caused her to become brain dead. He didn't see it, but Shaun did...and this was officially the third time that Shaun had witnessed a loved one die. Nell was there when it happened, but she was lucky she wasn't going to remember it.
As for Shaun, on the other hand, Aaron knew that he was going to be taking this very hard. And to be honest, he himself was kind of taking it hard as well. The irony in it is that he never expected to ever have to grieve over Lea. Her death felt like losing Maddie all over again.
Until almost a year ago, Aaron never expected to actually love Lea like a daughter. He started to care even more for her when she got pregnant, which was when he truly got to know and see her more vulnerable side.
Most of all, he actually regretted the way he acted towards her before all that. While understandable, his hostility and distrust towards her were totally inappropriate, and so was barging into her apartment. She was always a good friend to Shaun, and he knew he should have been more appreciative of her.
He was definitely going to miss her, especially her sassy attitude.
Aaron's thoughts were then interrupted by a tiny, delicate gag. Noticing that Nell had spit up all over her onesie, he reached over towards the travel crib and then lifted her out of it.
"Debbie, can you get the diaper bag?" He requested. "Shaun said there were spare clothes in there."
"I'm on it," she confirmed, getting up off of the couch to retrieve the diaper bag from the dining room table.
Aaron glared back at Nell. "Your daddy wouldn't like it if we kept you in dirty or stained clothes," he cooed.
Once Debbie returned with the diaper bag, they used a burp cloth to wipe up the vomit before changing the baby into a fresh onesie.
Aaron held Nell in his arms while Debbie patted her tiny head. The infant glared up at them with open eyes; she definitely had Shaun's blue eyes. He remembered when Maddie was this tiny, which was 33 years ago. If she was still alive, she probably would have had a child of her own by now, and it was sad that she never got that opportunity.
"She is just adorable," sighed Debbie, trying to get her and her husband's minds off everything that happened.
They haven't interacted that much with either Shaun or Lea since they visited them in the hospital after Nell was born. To Aaron, seeing Shaun hold his newborn was a heartwarming image, especially when her tiny hand grabbed his finger and squeezed it. It also made him feel like he was a grandfather.
Not long after Lea started dating Shaun, she told him about the incident with the baseball bat in the parking lot, which was the first time he ever felt bad and even concerned for her. Shaun apologized for it, but he was very angry with Shaun when he found out. He felt even more for Lea when she revealed the true reason why she didn't want a relationship with Shaun at first. It wasn't that she wasn't interested in him romantically or even because of his autism, it was because she believed that she would be a terrible girlfriend and that she didn't deserve to be happy. She didn't think Shaun would be able to handle her issues. She just used his autism as an excuse, which she regretted and apologized for.
And when Shaun told him about Lea's family, especially her mother, he actually started to care a lot more for her.
When Lea and Shaun told him that they were having a baby, he was kind of shocked as well as concerned because they had only been dating for seven to eight months, but he was happy for both of them anyway since they had known each other and lived together long enough.
When Lea was pregnant, she kind of drove him crazy with her hormones and her sassiness while working for him. He couldn't help but laugh at the time when she cried hysterically because the computer at her desk wouldn't turn on and she turned out to be pressing the wrong button due to pregnancy brain.
Aaron also thought about the last time he and Debbie ate together with Shaun and Lea.
Aaron and Debbie were having dinner with Shaun and Lea in their apartment. Lea was 38 weeks pregnant and they all wanted to have just one more moment together before the baby was born.
And since Little Murphy could come anytime at any day, it was now or never.
"So, what's it been like working without me?" Lea, whose maternity leave started two weeks ago, asked Aaron. "I'm guessing my absence is a blessing," she joked.
"I'm enjoying getting a long break from you, but I do miss your sassy attitude," quipped Aaron. "I'm going to be missing it for the next 14 weeks."
"Claire told me that she hates that I won't be working with her for 18 weeks," added Shaun, whose paternity leave would start as soon as the baby was born.
"Well, since your last year of residency isn't that far, I don't blame her," chuckled Aaron, followed by a giggle from Debbie.
The atmosphere quieted down for a little bit before Shaun finally spoke up.
"Can I ask you something, Dr. Glassman?" Shaun requested nervously.
"Sure, Shaun," Aaron, intrigued, gave a reassuring nod. "You don't need to ask me for permission."
"He's afraid it will ruin the mood," Lea forewarned, looking somber as she took a bite of her green beans.
"What?" Aaron chuckled in confusion as he took a sip of water. "Why?"
"It's a personal question," Shaun stated bluntly.
"Look, if you're going to ask me anything, just go ahead and ask me, please," cajoled Aaron.
Shaun just decided to let it all out and tell his mentor what was on his mind.
"What...was it...like...when Maddie was born?" Shaun asked, still nervous, wondering if he should have asked that. He has asked Dr. Glassman questions about what he should do as a birth partner in the delivery room, but he never asked him about his experience in being one.
Aaron guessed that Shaun and Lea were afraid to ask this question because of the mention of Maddie, but he knew that Shaun would have a lot of questions about being a father, so he expected his deceased daughter to at least be brought up at some point.
"I appreciate you being considerate," began Aaron. "And while a question with a mention of Maddie can be saddening a little, it's not like you were asking me about her death. I would love to share good memories, too."
"So, what was it like? How did you feel?" Shaun beseeched before explaining his reasoning. "I asked Dr. Park about how he felt when Kellan was born, and he said that he was nervous and excited and that it was the proudest moment of his life. I asked a few patients and some of the employees who had children, too. But I want more answers and I saved you for last."
"Well, my answer is the same as Dr. Park, but I'll say the whole thing anyway. It was the best day of my life," admitted Aaron. "The birth was indescribable. I couldn't help but be so overjoyed. I was also kind of in disbelief because it was kind of weird to grasp at the fact that this baby was my own child that I was suddenly responsible for. It was pretty overwhelming, but I knew it was going to be worth it."
Although Maddie didn't make it to adulthood, Aaron still believed that raising her was worth it. That didn't mean he had no regrets, though.
"Were you nervous about being a good father?" Shaun asked.
"Oh, yes," said Aaron. He smiled at Shaun and Lea, completely understanding how they felt. Shaun had gone through the doubts and fears of fatherhood many times, and Lea had the same feelings about motherhood.
"I guess it's safe to say that both Shaun and I are experiencing the same thing," beamed Lea, who then winced a little bit as she felt what she thought was either Braxton Hicks or a real contraction.
"Lea, are you alright?" Debbie asked in concern as Lea groaned softly for a few seconds.
"It could just be Braxton Hicks," hypothesized Shaun.
When Lea took a sip of water, the pain subsided. "Yep, it's definitely Braxton Hicks because they stopped as soon as I took a drink of water," she sighed in disappointment. She had been having a difficult pregnancy and she was so tired of being pregnant. She just wanted this baby out of her. "Damn it, I was really hoping this was it!"
"So was I," sympathized Shaun, disappointed that this wasn't actual labor.
"Are you sure?" Aaron asked, half-joking and aware that Lea was totally correct. "Because if this is the real..."
"Yes, I'm sure 100%," replied Lea. "Our obstetrician, doula, and Shaun told me that Braxton Hicks subside once I change positions, drink, or eat, and that is what happened. They all also agree that if these were real contractions, I wouldn't need to get to the hospital until they are less than five minutes apart, when my water breaks, or when my mucus plug comes loose. And neither of those things have happened yet."
"Okay, noted," acknowledged Aaron, already aware of all that as well.
"How do you two feel about this?" Debbie initiated, changing the subject.
"I'm still nervous and anxious, not just about being a parent, but also about everything that can go wrong during childbirth," divulged Lea.
"Me, too," agreed Shaun, obviously nervous as he stimmed with his hands.
"I'm sure everything will go fine," reassured Aaron for the umpteenth time. "I wish you two the best."
"Thanks, Glassy," Lea voiced, giving him a sweet smile.
Aaron was proud of both Shaun and Lea and was looking forward to meeting his surrogate grandchild.
"You got this."