PART TWO
"Allo!" the worm said cheerfully when the five stepped up to him. He cocked his head, looking at Sarah. "Oh, s'you again."
Sarah grinned. "Yep. I'm back."
"You want to come inside and have a cuppa tea? Meet the missus?"
"No, I'm afraid not." Sarah gave him an apologetic smile. "I do feel bad that I never asked your name before, though."
The worm's grin broadened. "Why it's William, is what it is. That's awfully nice of you to inquire. Why don't you all come inside, have some tea?"
Hoggle grunted. "And how are we supposed to fit into that hole?" He pointed to the tiny opening beside William.
"Dunno," William bobbed his head to the side in what looked like a shrug. "It's your job to figure that out. I'm only supposed to invite you. Good manners, an' all."
"Has anyone ever taken you up on that offer?" Hoggle crossed his arms over his chest, scowling at the little creature.
Sarah rolled her eyes. "I'm kinda in a hurry, guys. Can you save your argument for later?" She glowered at Hoggle when he started to protest. Once he backed down, she turned to William. "I've got to get through the Labyrinth in four hours."
"Three hours and thirty-eight minutes," Didymus interjected helpfully.
"Whatever." Sarah waved him off, turning back to the worm. "Can you tell me which way to go?"
William screwed his tiny features up in a pensive expression. "Well, that's the existential question, innit? It's like Nietzsche says: 'You have your way. I have my way. As for the right way, the correct way, and the only way, it does not exist.'"
Sarah shook her head. "But Galileo says, 'All truths are easy to understand once they are discovered; the point is to discover them.'"
"Good point, good point." The worm nodded. "But when you get down to it, 'It does not matter how slowly you go so long as you do not stop.' That's Confucius, all right."
Sarah threw up a hand in the air, still cradling Freddie close to her chest. "But it does matter how slowly I go. If I want to succeed in smacking Jareth down again, I've got to get through this maze in four hours!"
"Three hours and thirty-six minutes," Didymus piped in cheerfully.
"Whatever!" She glared at the fox until he shrank back. "Which way? That's a simple question with a simple answer!" She felt the heavy hand of Ludo fall on her shoulder.
He gave her a gentle squeeze and said, "'Judge a man by his questions rather than by his answers.'"
All eyes turned to the gentle giant. Sarah's mouth fell open. "Did you…just quote Voltaire?"
Ludo glanced at each of them in turn, his head dropping to his chest. "Oops. Sawah friend."
"Three hours and thirty-four minutes, my lady."
Didymus's proclamation broke Sarah out of her shock. She turned to William. "Just tell me which way to go."
William did his lop-sided head-bob again. "As Socrates says, 'I know nothing except the fact of my ignorance.'"
"Oh, for crying out loud!" Hoggle shook his head. "You gets in there." He pointed to the wall opposite William. "It's an illusion. Walk forward and turn left."
"Never go that way!" William cried out. "Are you trying to lead her straight to that castle?"
Sarah's stomach dropped. "What did you say?"
"Yes," Hoggle interjected, "as a matter of fact, we are."
Sarah barely heard her friend's words as her face grew hot with anger. "Are you telling me that you kept me from taking a shortcut through the Labyrinth last time?" She lunged forward, ready to squash the horrible little creature, but Ludo held her back. "Do you have any idea what I went through!?"
"Now, now," said William, a quiver in his voice as he scooted back, "it's like what Confucius taught: 'Before you embark on a journey of revenge, dig two graves.'"
Sarah struggled against Ludo. "Oh, I'll dig a grave, all right!"
"Uh, my lady," Didymus said, "perhaps thy vengeance upon this poor fool should be reserved until after His Majesty has been vanquished."
Sarah narrowed her eyes, but stopped fighting Ludo. The fox was right; she didn't have time for a fight.
"Fine," she said, shrugging off Ludo's massive arms. She backed toward the opening, still giving the little traitor the evil eye. "Why don't you suck on some Nietzsche: 'I'm not upset that you lied to me. I'm upset that from now on I can't believe you.'" She spat at him before following Hoggle down the path.
The sun was setting on the horizon, careless of the debate below (though he was rather inclined toward Galileo, himself).
After what had seemed hours—which had only been thirty minutes according to Didymus's annoying updates—the long corridor finally broke into a beautiful enclosed garden. Sarah had only seen the like in photographs of royal grounds.
"Wow! Is this Jareth's?" she asked, inhaling the fragrance of the multi-colored blossoms blanketing the walls. Everything was so vibrant—even in the waning evening light.
"No." Hoggle scowled. "This is my property." He nodded toward a sturdy, well-built shack on the far side of the gardens.
Sarah stared at her bedraggled, warty friend and readjusted her opinion of him. "It's not what I expected." The words were out of her mouth before she could think better of them.
Hoggle glared at her. "What? You thought it would be all filthy like those no-good goblins?"
Sarah cringed, but she didn't deny it. Hoggle threw his hands in the air and stormed off, muttering under his breath. Before Sarah could utter an apology, she was interrupted by a wet hissing sound. Hoggle spun around, eyes wide with horror as automatic sprinklers popped up from the ground, showering the earth with water. He barreled toward Sarah, yelling at the top of his lungs.
"NO!" He slammed into her, knocking her over.
Freddie flew from her arms—quite gracefully for a rabbit—straight into the center of the offending water. Sir Didymus and Ludo dashed toward the little creature, but Freddie darted away from their grasping hands. Sarah watched the scene with no small amount of fear, wondering what grim fate would befall her sweet bunny.
"We're in for it now," Hoggle muttered as he sagged against the ground, running a wrinkled hand over his face.
Sarah started to ask her friend to elaborate when she was drowned out by the sound of several dozen pops. In bursts of glitter, bunnies of various shapes and colors appeared all over the garden, under hedges, inside of rose bushes, on top of Ludo's head.
This had been Hoggle's fear? Adorable bunnies everywhere? Hardly frightening, Sarah thought. She was rather delighted to be surrounded by so many of the fluffy little things.
"Best run through the Labyrinth ever!" she squealed, picking up the nearest bunny. It was a beautiful charcoal grey color.
As soon as her fingertips brushed its soft fur, the temperature plummeted and dark clouds rumbled in from the direction of the castle. Sarah was vaguely aware of Hoggle hollering something about not touching any of the bunnies, but she was transfixed by the fog rolling down the pathway toward them.
"Drop the rabbit!" Hoggle yelled next to her, terror quaking in his voice.
"What?" Sarah said, startled out of her daze.
"Milady," Didymus interjected, "thou holdest in thy hands a dark plot bunny. I fear this tale will now take an ominous turn."
As though to punctuate his statement, piano music filled the air, urgent and sinister. A figure slowly descended on them, obscured by the thick fog. Sarah shivered, her heart galloping like a wild horse. The bunny tumbled from her hands as she scrambled to her feet, backing away. Snowflakes drifted lazily down around her.
The music grew louder as the figure drew near. Sarah could make out Jareth's features as he began to emerge from the mist and he was not the Goblin King she knew. Gone was the playful smirk he always wore, replaced by a cold, impassive mask. His head was crowned by a ring of winking stars.
"Erlkönig," Ludo murmured.
"What?" Sarah asked, mesmerized by Jareth as he advanced in languid step.
"We ain't supposed to be in stories like this," Hoggle replied. "We keep most stories family-friendly. This ain't one of those."
Sarah swallowed thickly. What happened to her in dark stories? She really didn't want to stick around to find out. "I dropped the bunny," she said in a desperate whisper. "Why isn't any of this changing?"
"'Nother bunny," Ludo answered.
"Why, yes! My brother, Sir Ludo, speaks the truth!" Didymus exclaimed. "You must choose another plot bunny to change the course of this tale!"
"Find Freddie!" Hoggle grabbed Sarah's arm and dragged her away from the approaching Goblin King.
Sarah tripped over her feet and fell hard again on her already sore butt. (As you might recall, she already injured her poor derriere when she ran headlong into a wall in the previous chapter.) Immediately Jareth was upon her, helping her stand. The gesture appeared chivalrous, but there was something in his eyes, cold and alien, that made Sarah shrink from him.
"You have hurt yourself," he said in a quiet voice as he came closer, chilling the air even more with his frosted breath. "I will curse the ground for daring to injure my lady."
Sarah glanced at his glowing crown and did a double-take. "Are those Christmas tree lights?"
Jareth's eyes darkened in response and she stepped back.
Hoggle groaned, muttering something about idiot girls. "Run!"
Sarah didn't need to be told twice. She shot off, almost forgetting to look for another, less-ominous bunny. Everything was lumpy shadows in the mist and swirling snow, and Sarah thought she saw a horseman riding by with a cat in his arms. "What was that?" she said, just before her shins banged into something hard, pitching her head over heels into a shallow depression in the ground.
"Ow," she moaned, feeling like she had enough of falling down, thank you very much. She sat up, searching for the offending item which had cut off her escape. Her mouth hung open when she found it. "A fog machine? Seriously?"
Jareth was upon her again, his laughter sending chills down her spine. "I should have known it would not be this easy," he murmured, drawing a frigid finger across her jaw. He was terrifying, but at the same time, those Christmas tree lights twinkling around his head were ridiculous.
"Hello, no!" Sarah stood and ran away—or at least tried to. She didn't even make it one step before performing a full-on face-plant. (Sir Didymus was inclined to give her a perfect score for the flop, but Hoggle felt he was being too generous.)
"You have got to be freaking kidding me!" Sarah screamed as she spun around. "Why do I keep falling down?"
"Because that is how I seduce you in this story," Jareth answered above her. "You come to harm— several times, in fact—and as you lay bleeding, I make my move. Not to mention the disturbing and incomprehensible visions I give you." He flung open his cloak, revealing two dark-haired Children-of-the-Corn girls, a caged bird, and red ribbons.
Sarah shook her head. "That is so wrong."
Jareth canted a brow, gazing down at her with his disconcerting eyes. "Perhaps. And yet, our author finds the tale oddly compelling, as many others do. I am rather fond of it, myself."
Out of the corner of her eye, Sarah saw a flash of white fur wandering within arm's reach. "Freddie," she whispered hopefully. Before reaching for the bunny, she turned to Jareth. "Count me out, buddy!" With dramatic flair, she grabbed the ball of fur and clutched it to her chest.
The fog and clouds receded rapidly as if blown away by an unfelt wind. Even though it was full dark now, the air turned warm and inviting. Jareth vanished and Sarah blew out a sigh of relief.
"I'm so glad I found you," she said, holding the little animal up to inspect him. Unfortunately, it wasn't her beloved Freddie; this rabbit's fur was longer and fluffy. Very, very fluffy. Sarah frowned in disappointment. At least the bunny was white. That meant a vanilla plot, right?
She glanced around the garden and found Hoggle, Ludo, and Sir Didymus standing over her, apparently unfazed by the dark plot they had narrowly avoided.
Hoggle held out a hand to help her up. "Top o' the morning to ya, miss."
Sarah stared at him. Did he just speak with an Irish accent? "Morning?" She looked up at the night sky glittering with stars.
"Well, 'tis morning somewhere." He chuckled at his own joke.
Sarah didn't find it funny. "What's wrong with him?" she asked Didymus.
The little fox shook his head. "Methinks thouest hare isest thouest tribulationaries and such things." He waved his rapier toward the bunny in her arms. "The plot thickenest with thouest fluffestry forthwith."
Sarah blinked at him. "What?" She turned helplessly to Ludo who merely shrugged.
"I believe he was referring to your fluffy plot bunny." Jareth had returned and was leaning against Hoggle's modest shack. He gave Sarah a disarming smile—nothing like the cold and frightening Goblin King he had been but moments before. Pushing off the wall, he said, "Sarah, may I have a word with you?"
"Um," she said, instinctively backing away. She didn't trust any version of Jareth—especially if he was being polite. "I kinda have to get going—so I can beat you and all."
Jareth nodded. "Of course. I wouldn't think of interrupting your run. Would you mind too terribly if I, perhaps, accompanied you for a while?"
She looked him over with narrowed eyes. "I'm not in the mood for any of your tricks."
He laughed, and it was wholly unfettered. "I suppose I deserve that. I promise, no tricks," he said, holding out his hands. "Please, give me this opportunity to redeem myself."
"I'm still beating this Labyrinth." Sarah crossed her arms over the bunny. "As long as you don't interfere with that, you can come along." She walked past her friends and murmured, "Keep an eye on him, will you?"
"Thouest mayeth counteth onest me, Lady Sarah," Didymus replied, bringing the hilt of his rapier to his chest in a rousing salute. "The Goblin King matcheth not I, the valiant knight of valorestry!"
Sarah groaned, shaking her head. "I understood, like, three words of what you just said."
"Aw, don't be down in the mouth, miss," Hoggle replied, patting her arm. "He's a bit out o' character, that's all. Nothing doing. You'll find your little friend, Freddie, and everything will be right as rain again. Right as rain, I promise you."
Sarah threw a hand in the air in exasperation. "I don't even know what that accent was! Why are you all acting so crazy?"
"It's your fine friend here," Jareth answered, plucking the rabbit from her arms and examining it. "I'm fairly certain it's an OOC plot bunny."
"An OO-what bunny?" Sarah asked. She didn't try to take the creature back; it wasn't Freddie, after all.
"Outest of Characterest hare," said Didymus. "We musteth all behavioreth differientately from ourest characterestry verity."
Sarah held up a hand. "Seriously not helpful. Just…don't talk. At all."
Didymus bowed. "As my lady wishesteth."
"You know what?" Sarah waved her arms, stepping back from all of them. "I don't have time for this. You three," she said, pointing at her friends, "come with me—and don't say a word until I find Freddie." She jabbed a finger toward Jareth. "And you, stop being so damn polite. You're weirding me out."
Without looking to see if anyone followed, Sarah stalked down the path. She kept her eyes peeled for a little white bunny.
"It was not my intention to 'weird you out,'" Jareth said, keeping pace with her. "I feel compelled, however, to speak with you. I want to apologize for my less-than-civil behavior toward you when you wished away your brother. And for stealing your cat more recently."
Sarah wanted to scream. "First of all: Not. My. Cat." She took a deep breath before continuing, "And second: what's with the Mr. Nice Guy routine?"
Jareth tapped his chin. "It could be the plot bunny, of course," he said, nodding toward the rabbit in his hand. He set the creature down and watched it hop away. "But I'd like to think you are witnessing the gentle heart I've kept hidden under this villainous exterior." He clasped Sarah's hands, a single tear trickling down his cheek. "Oh, beloved, if you only knew how lonely my existence is—how I've wept every day since you turned me away. Please reconsider my offer. I'll give you everything you could possibly want!"
Sarah snatched her hands back. "Okay, you are so unsexy like this."
"Aye," Hoggle said. "He be worse than a mindless wench pining after some scalawag."
Sarah glared at the dwarf. "Pirate, now? Really?" She needed a bunny—any bunny would do. A couple more hours of this OO-whatever thing and she'd murder them all. A grey and cream colored rabbit hopped across her path in that instant as if in answer to her silent pleas.
"It's been a laugh with you all acting nuts," she said, leaning over, "but I think I'll take something different, now. Thanks." She picked up the rabbit.
Jareth disappeared as the fog rolled in again. The sounds of motorcycles could be heard in the distance, and they were growing closer with frightening speed.
"That can't be good," Sarah said, letting the bunny go.
"You got that right," Hoggle grumbled, sounding entirely like himself again. "We better move fast—and this time don't trip over those fog machines."
"Two hours and forty-two minutes," said Sir Didymus to no one in particular as they ran.
A/N: Reference to Subtilitor's Erlkönig used with permission. Did anything in this part tickle you? Tell me about it! (It feeds the muse!)