A/N uploading the second chapter much earlier than I thought I would because I'm bored and I'm positive about this story. All belongs to JKR, hope you enjoy xx
L'appel Du Vide
L'appel du vide, literally "the call of the void", is a French phrase used to refer to intrusive thoughts, or the urge to engage in destructive behaviours during everyday life
Chapter Two: All Things That Fly Must Also Fall
"We are just shadows in the cascades of history."
May 2nd
Marlene McKinnon stood leaning against the stone wall that led to the Great Hall, waiting for her friends to catch up with her. She had sprinted out of the classroom to avoid the lunch rush in the corridors but Lily, who hated to hurry anywhere, had lagged behind with Alice and Dorcas.
Marlene felt her stomach grumble and scanned the massing crowds one more time before turning to enter the Great Hall by herself, and she crashed straight into Remus Lupin, sending the armful of books he was carrying to the floor.
"Oh! Remus I'm sorry!" Marlene instantly dropped her own bag and bent down to help pick them up.
Remus, who was also crouched shook his head and smiled, "Don't worry about it Mar –"
"Ahh, of course, McKinnon, ever the clumsy one."
Marlene froze and closed her eyes briefly. It was almost like he materialised whenever she found herself in an embarrassing situation. Having handed the books back to Remus who was now watching Sirius with a cautious expression, Marlene got to her feet and dusted herself off, trying to appear dignified. "Black," she greeted.
Sirius was smirking and leaning against the spot of wall she had just vacated and looking at her in that infuriating way that made Marlene want to hit someone. Of course if she ever did something like that it would probably just make him smirk more. She glanced at Remus, but she could see instantly that he wasn't going to be much help in this situation because he was looking intensely at the floor space in front of him.
"Well?" Sirius asked, raising his eyebrows and crossing his arms across his chest and looking at her expectantly.
Marlene blinked, suddenly feeling like she had lost the conversation completely. "Well what?" she said, not even trying to keep the snappishness out of her voice. It was typical of Sirius Black to confuse her and make her look like an idiot whenever they spoke and she really wasn't in the mood.
"How was it the other night?"
Marlene's frown grew deeper. "How was what?"
Sirius let out an incredibly exasperated sigh and unfolded his arms, hoisting his bag higher on his shoulder. "Jeeze McKinnon, you know how to make a guy work for it. How was your date the other night... you know, the one with Zabini whatsitsface?"
Marlene blinked again and raised her own eyebrows. She saw Remus raise his head from the corner of her eye and stare at Sirius. "Why on earth do you want to know?" she asked Sirius. It was an honest question; he had never before taken any interest in what she did, so could anyone blame her for feeling slightly suspicious when he apparently wanted to remedy that?
Sirius frowned, like he didn't really know the answer to that question. Either that or he hadn't thought it through properly before he'd started this conversation.
Marlene waited a heartbeat before she decided that she didn't want to hang around waiting for Sirius to decide more ways to humiliate her. She shook her head and picked up her bag that was still at her feet. "Forget it, Black."
"No, wait!" Sirius said as she turned away from him. "I'm genuinely interested."
Before her brain could think it through properly, Marlene turned back to him and scowled as she took in his expression of apparent pure curiosity. "Do you really want to know how it went, Black?" She snapped. "It was shit. Do you want to know why too or is that enough for you?"
Sirius didn't say anything for a second, which supplied Remus with the chance to pat Marlene's arm sympathetically and shoot his friend a dangerous look that plainly told him to stop. Apparently Sirius either didn't see that look, or he chose to ignore it because he shook his head and said "that's too bad. If I were you next time I'd go for someone who's a bit less stuck up their own arse."
Marlene sent him a death look which tried to convey how much she wished him a painful ending and turned away from both Sirius and Remus and stomping into the Great Hall, casting her eyes around frantically for rescue in the form of friends.
Both of the marauders followed far enough behind that she could ignore them but not so far enough that she could block out what they were saying – although they seemed of the opposite opinion.
"Why do you have to rile her up like that Padfoot?" Remus was saying in a way that sounded reprimanding. "And why would you ask her how her date went? You knew it went badly."
"I don't know – I find it fun to watch her squirm," Sirius said. "Although I actually didn't know about the –"
Marlene spotted Dorcas in that moment and sped up. She didn't want to overhear Sirius's fake excuses and petty reasons behind his constant humiliation of her.
She let her bag drop to the floor and sat down heavily on the wooden bench next to Dorcas. "When did you get in, I thought you were walking with Al and Lily?" she asked her friend as she watched the brunette help herself to potatoes.
"We bumped into Potter, I didn't want to stay and watch them drool over each other but Alice finds it sweet for some reason, so I took a detour," Dorcas bit into a chunk of boiled potato, shaking her head then paused, looking at Marlene who shifted and avoided her gaze. "Man you look pissed, what happened?"
Sirius and Remus decided to use this particular moment to seat themselves opposite them and Marlene felt her scowl grow deeper. "I got held up," she muttered.
Dorcas shot one look at Sirius and her expression cleared of confusion, to be replaced by exasperation. "For Merlin's sake Black, do you have to be a dick the whole time?"
Sirius gaped, "What did I do?"
As Dorcas obviously didn't know and couldn't answer this, the conversation ceased for a millisecond before Remus said under his breath but loud enough for everyone to hear, "Apparently he does."
Sirius turned to him, "of course you'd take her side!"
"Don't be a dick Black," Dorcas snapped.
Sirius just rolled his eyes and started tearing up a bread roll. Marlene could feel his eyes on her but she refused to look at him, instead choosing to poke the peas around her plate with a fork and block out the conversation which was now flowing between their two friends.
About three minutes later – not that she was counting – Alice and Peter arrived, chatting amiably together, with Lily and James in tow. The latter two were walking behind, hand in hand and giggling like children.
"I'm always torn between finding them adorable or sickening," Dorcas mused.
"Adorable," Remus said reluctantly, like he was trying to be nice.
"Sickening," Sirius said, wrinkling his nose and turning away from his loved-up friends.
"Don't be a dick Black," Alice said from behind him.
Remus smirked and Marlene choked on her pumpkin juice, trying to fight a grin.
"What have I done?" Sirius looked around the table in dismay.
"You can't help it Pads," Peter said, sitting down next to him and patting his shoulder. "It's just who you are."
Sirius frowned, like he couldn't quite decide whether Peter meant that as a good thing or not. Marlene rolled her eyes and looked away from him, her gaze turning across the hall. It landed briefly on Max Zabini who was sitting at the Ravenclaw table. He was chatting with some of his friends and laughing at something. As she watched them, he suddenly looked up at her and their eyes met. He had a smirk plastered on his face, and in that moment, Marlene instinctively knew he was talking about her. She ducked her head, feeling the heat rise to her cheeks and praying that her embarrassment was left unnoticed by the others sitting around her. Unfortunately, Sirius seemed to have some sort of radar when it came to things that made her flustered.
"Hey McKinnon what're you –" His eyes drifted to the Ravenclaw table where they narrowed suspiciously. "Ignore him," he said suddenly, his tone changing into something Marlene had never heard directed at her. There was no harsh edge to it; that had been swapped for something softer.
Marlene chanced a small glance at him across the table. He was watching her carefully, a funny expression on his face. Their eyes met and she felt a swooping sensation in her stomach the moment they did. It was the most peculiar sensation, like she had just casually stepped off the edge of a cliff. It was weird, and Marlene didn't like it. She dropped her gaze and glanced around to see if anyone else had noticed anything. Everyone appeared to be absorbed in their own things, so Marlene grabbed her bag and attempted to make a quick and subtle exit.
"Where are you going?" Alice asked, snagging her hand as she tried to move past. She was looking at Marlene with a puzzled expression, which made everyone else look up and see her standing there – caught out trying to slip away unnoticed.
"I need to drop a book back at the library," Marlene lied.
A little crease appeared between Alice's eyebrows, but she said nothing. She let Marlene move past her and nobody said anything else to stop her.
Marlene gritted her teeth as she walked past the Ravenclaw table. Max raised his head as she walked past but she let her anger at him overcome her shyness and she shot him a look of contempt before brushing past his seat and stalking out of the Great Hall.
Marlene didn't go to the Library. Instead, she took at left before the staircase up into the main castle and walked along the corridor until she got to the courtyard. As well as the fact that it was home to her favourite smoking spot, she also liked to sit by the fountain or under the oak tree whenever she was alone. As they had entered their seventh and final year at Hogwarts, Marlene had found that it was more often than not. Lily was always with James – either dealing with Head duties, or cuddled up in the corner somewhere. Alice had Frank – her boyfriend of nearly three years, and even Dorcas had some sort of 'thing' with Remus Lupin. All of this meant that Marlene had to find other things to fill her time, and most of that time was spent here; smoking, reading or writing.
She settled down against the tree. It was a warm day, and there hadn't been a drop of rain in two days after the Saturday downpour, so the ground was dry and the sun shone through the fresh green leaves onto her face. There was only a couple of other people hanging around in the courtyard; a trio of Ravenclaw third years sat on the grass and a couple of Hufflepuff fifth years throwing crumbs for the fish in the fountain pond.
Digging in her bag, she pulled out her journal and a pen – Lily had introduced her to the things a few years ago and Marlene knew she would never go back. She had barely touched it to the page however, when a voice stopped her.
"I knew you were the type to keep a diary."
Marlene slammed her book closed and turned to face Sirius as he plopped himself down next to her. "Black," she muttered in greeting.
"I also knew you were lying about going to the library," Sirius continued like she hadn't said anything at all. He hadn't looked at her once since he'd disturbed her, but now he did, eyebrows furrowed in an expression could pass as confused, but could just as easily be bemused. "Why?"
"Why what?" Marlene mumbled, looking away from his stare and down to the grass in front of her.
"You know what Marlene," he said, actually using her proper name for once. "Why did you lie to Alice?"
"Why does it matter?" Marlene shot back.
Sirius let out a huff of air that sounded like it had been waiting a long time to be released. "Fine," he said quietly. "You don't have to answer that then..." he paused, glancing down at the brown leather book in her hands. "What's in the diary then?"
Marlene sighed. Obviously he wasn't going to relent trying to make conversation so she gave up trying to discourage him. "It's not a diary," she said, trying to keep the reproachfulness out of her voice but knowing straight away that she failed. "It's a journal."
Sirius frowned. "Is there a difference?"
Marlene shifted. She felt uncomfortable with his sudden attentiveness. It was a side of him she rarely saw, and never experienced it directed at her. "Diaries are things that girls write down their innermost feelings in," she told him carefully.
"Aren't you a girl?"
Marlene couldn't stop the laugh that burst from her lips at that. "Yeah," she said, allowing herself to smile slightly. "But this is a journal. I don't talk about my 'feelings' –" she mimed quotations. "I like observing things, and I record it all in here," she indicated the journal then paused, before saying quietly, "I want to be a journalist when I leave school."
Sirius blinked at her, looking like he was surprised at this information. Then his face relaxed and he shrugged. "Sounds like you've got it figured out McKinnon."
Marlene's forehead creased as she frowned slightly. She could never work him out. One moment he seemed interested in what she was doing, and then when she opened herself up the tiniest bit, he doubled back to his indifferent ways. It was exhausting trying to keep up sometimes. Finally having enough of the abrupt silence that had descended on them, Marlene let out a sigh and made to get to her feet, muttering under her breath, "I'll be off then."
"No, wait!" Sirius reached up to grab her arm but let go instantly when she turned back to face him, like he'd been electrocuted. "I wanted to ask you what happened the other night."
Marlene raised her eyebrows in confusion. She didn't have a clue what Sirius was referring to.
"I mean on your date, what happened to make it so bad?"
Marlene glared at him. If he thought she'd tell him just so he could find something else to use against her he was poorly mistaken. "That's none of your business."
Sirius stared at her for a second before he shook his head. "You think I don't care?" he asked, but it didn't sound like a question he wanted her to answer. When she said nothing – because she couldn't think of a single word to say – he grimaced. "I do care actually. I saw the way he was looking at you at lunch and I wanted to know if you were okay."
Marlene didn't know what it was; maybe the fact that he looked more genuine than she had ever seen him, but she sat back down again and before she had even realised what she was doing, she had opened her mouth and said "He didn't like the fact that I'm friends with muggleborns and blood traitors."
Sirius didn't say anything, just looked down at his hands as they both let that hang in the air between them. Marlene wasn't looking at him but she could sense that he wanted to say something but was holding back.
She shook her head, "I should've known it really," she said quietly. "He's from one of those families. The ones that value blood above anything, like –"
"Like mine," Sirius cut her off, still not looking at her.
Marlene stared at him. She had never seen him like this before and it made her feel nervous. He was supposed to be the git who she couldn't get rid of because their best friends were dating each other, and that was supposed to be it. She had him pinned down and worked out to an extent that she didn't have to think about him in any way apart from a pain. But now, it was like a layer had been peeled back and she saw for a moment the pain underneath the façade of arrogance he wore every day.
She also didn't know much about his family, only that he had been disowned over the summer, which meant he was hated amongst the pureblood hierarchy; hated by his own family.
"I didn't mean –" Marlene started.
"Yeah, you did," Sirius cut her off again, turning to look at her. There was hardness to his face and a grim look in his eyes. "And you're right; you should've known."
Marlene gaped at him, not quite believing the turn the conversation had taken since he'd first sat down.
Sirius face relaxed as he looked at her shocked expression. "But it's not your fault," he finished quietly. "You saw through it, and that's the main thing." He turned away from her, sighed, and then got to his feet, brushing the grass from his robes. "I'll let you get back to your writing," he said, turning and walking away like the conversation had never happened. "See you later, McKinnon!"
Marlene sat still for a moment after he'd disappeared back inside, trying to absorb what had just happened.
It wasn't so easy to hate Sirius Black in moments like that.
A/N I hope you like it, leave a review and let me know.