The next chapter is brought to you by the incredibly talented and beautifully whimsical Alinyaalethia who reports she hasn't had so much fun in ages.
An exasperated Gilbert got up to answer the door. This was really most inconvenient. All he'd wanted to do was –
"Gilbert!" said an imperious voice on the other side of the Ingleside door. It swung open to reveal…
"Aunt Mary Maria!" said Gilbert, horrified. He wasn't sure what was worse; that his aunt was on the veranda or that beyond the veranda appeared to be a swirling void. Had something happened to the Ingleside garden?
"It took you long enough," said that woman venomously.
"I thought we made it very clear – " began Gilbert, recovering from the worst of the shock and attempting now to gather his dignity.
"And how is dear Annie?" asked Mary Maria.
Exit dignity stage left, perused by imperious Aunt. How exactly, did one explain that one's wife had, well, for want of a word, vanished.
"Thought so!" crowed Mary Maria. "I am here, Bertie – "
"Really Aunt Mary Maria, I guarantee there is no universe in which I have ever let you call me – "
"Frankly Bertie," said Mary Maria before he could finish, "I am here because there is no universe in which you like me, full stop." She sniffed for effect. "It's a travesty against common feeling and family ties, but there it is. And it means I am the Universal Constant."
"Er…" said Jem, goggling, as Mary Maria had by now propelled herself into the dining room by mane force and self-will.
"James, really," said Mary Maria, "I thought you'd moved past baby-talk."
"Well, it's just…" began Rilla, but found she couldn't finish.
"And I thought you, Marilla, had moved on to full sentences."
"Now look," said Gilbert, "you said something a minute ago about being a constant – constant something. I think the sooner you explain that and move on the better for all of us. Otherwise I'll have to tell everyone how old you are to everyone present."
"That only works once, young man," said Mary Maria severely. '"But the fact is, you're right. I came for a reason. As I say, I am the Universal Constant."
"Aunt Mary Maria," said Di with what Gilbert thought was tremendous patience, "we still don't know what that means."
"It means, you nitwit child," said Mary Maria, "that I am the only thing you can agree upon – all of you can agree upon. Across every universe."
'"Sorry?" said Jem for all of them. "Every universe? Isn't there just the one?"
"No," said Mary Maria, now truly vexed.
"David! Where is David? He should be here by now. David!"
Said Di to Nan in an undertone, "does she mean Uncle Davey?"
"No!" said Mary Maria, more imperious than ever. "I certainly do not mean your Uncle. Though perhaps that will help make my point. How are his hands?"
"Hands?" said Gilbert, baffled.
"Uncle Davey's hands are fine," said Shirley. Simultaneously Jem said, "They've never been the same since that time the fire – since he pulled poor Tommy out of the fire."
"Tommy?" said Rilla. "Davey's son isn't Tommy. It's…actually, I don't think any of his children get names. They're just sort of a jumble. But Davey's hands are fine; he's a minor actor and people would know if they weren't."
"He is all those things," said Mary Maria. "Just as Tommy is occasionally Tommy and occasionally an unnamed collective of children. And this morning this woman came to see me." She gestured here to a woman who had been lurking in the background. She was shockingly nondescript. Gilbert watched as his children's eyes slid off of her, seeing her but not taking her in. "She has variously called herself Cora, Ella, Abigail, and I don't know what else," said Mary Maria, sounding if it were possible, still more vexed. "More names than a cat, that woman has, and the only one that she agrees is definitely hers is Blythe."
"You don't mean," said a shocked Gilbert, "That that is mother."
"Oh but it is, Bertie," said Mary Maria. "That is exactly what I'm saying. And it's all part of the same thing. You see, the universes are unravelling. And there are two things across the worlds that people agree on; their dislike of me and your mother's last name. So here we are."
"Here you are," said Nan. "But I really don't see what we can do about it." She then promptly vanished.
Jerry looked up from his phone and tried to look covertly horrified. He did not succeed.
Walter said, "Time is unravelling?"
Before Mary Maria could answer the door to Ingleside swung open seemingly of its own volition and two young people ricocheted through it.
"David!" said Mary Maria. "Anne! Not before time! Make them," and she waved at the assembled Ingleside dining table, "understand!"
"What she means," said poor David Blythe with a flourish, "is that time is out of joint, oh cursed spite – and it's our job to set it right."
A/N I am going to open this up to anyone who is brave enough to join in. All you need is a healthy dose of insanity and a sense of humour. Just PM oz diva if you are interested.