Two weeks later.
Can you imagine a person who thinks about only one thing. Like a zombie: "Brains, brains, brains". That's me, yet in my case it's: "Kai, Kai, Kai". Today is really important day. He must finally notice me, he must think i'm weak and stupid enough to be totally into his bullshit, he must believe me.
Here's my plan which partly worked.
I sat on the bench next to his house, i was crying and my nose was bleeding (yeeees i punched myself as hard as i could). He saw me from the window and came outside. Here's our dialogue:
- What's up?
- Nothing! Get away!
- Shhh, i can help you. I'm the one you can trust. What happened to you?
- Dad. He beat me. (I knew everything about his family and of course about his asshole dad, who caused suicide of his mom. I thought this can impress him, and it did)
- They're such bastards sometimes. My father wasn't better than yours. He's dead, fortunately. Come with me, it's cold here.
Then i entered his house. We were alone. Winter wasn't home. We sat in front of each other at the big empty table.
- Raise your pinky. Once we make contact you cannot lie to me. Only truth and nothing but.
- I understand.
- What's the thing that scares you the most?
- Nothing. (Don't know why i said so)
- Don't lie! (He made that crazy face, and it sent shivers down my spine)
- Fine...I'm afraid of my future. This is the scariest thing ever! I don't wanna live in the shit i live now. I want my life to mean something. I'm also afraid that the only person i love won't ever know that or when he finds it out, he'll simply use me.
- Are you still a virgin?
- Yes.
- Why your chicks are burning? Is there something you didn't tell me? Does this have to do with me?
- Yes. (Hell things go out of control! He is pressing down on me)
- You knew about me, right? Am i the person you love
- Yes. (Fuck, fuck, fuck!)
- I know what you want. You want me to fuck you. You want me to do it rough. You want to obey. And this is your greatest fear: to admit it. Am i right? (He stood up)
- Yes. Will it hurt?
- I'll make sure it will. (And then this goddamn smile which drives me crazy). Come closer. (He starts unbuttoning his shirt and i start losing my mind) I want you to know that if there's someone in my life who is a part of my crew, one of my people, i'll fight for them, i'll kill for them, and if they want me, i'll find the way to make sure how much i love them. Take off your clothes.
I'm not going to tell you how it was (it's not 50 Shades of Grey). One thing i want to say is that it was increadie, the first time in my life i really felt alive.