"In short, your death was in vain."
"What?"
"And you've got no place in heaven or hell."
"Back up—"
"And so, you can become a wandering ghoul, or take the test for revival! Choices, choices, what's it gonna be?"
"Give me a goddamn second!"
By the time Yusuke wrung a clear explanation out of the bubbly grim reaper, dusk had fallen. Her body was discovered. Ambulances showed up and police broke the news to her mother and her school.
Hovering above her house, Yusuke watched as Atsuko greeted the police. She wore the gravest expression Yusuke had ever seen. Even in her ghostly form, Yusuke shifted nervously.
It was the first time she'd seen her mom without alcohol, cigarettes, or eyes bleary with sleep.
She looked capable of murder.
It was discomfiting to see her usually lackadaisical mother in such a lethal mood, so Yusuke drifted off in the direction of the Yukimura household. As expected, the class rep was horrified. Yusuke watched as Keiko got the news and promptly burst into tears.
What a crybaby, Yusuke grinned. Bet she's never picked a fight, let alone seen death. It's not a bad reaction.
It was entertaining for the first five minutes. By the ten-minute mark, however, Yusuke's good mood vanished.
"Yusuke," Keiko kept crying. "Yusuke…was a good person. She was a good person! She didn't deserve to die! She was my friend!"
Keiko was crying so hard that she had trouble breathing. A pile of tissues overwhelmed her waste bin. The deluge of tears had ruined her carefully-taken notes. Her eyes were bloodshot and at this rate, Yusuke worried she might permanently damage her vision.
"Keiko," Yusuke said abashedly. She reached out a hand, hoping to comfort the brown-haired girl, but her spirit body passed right through. "Keiko, don't cry…I'm just a stupid delinquent…I'm not worth it…"
By the time her funeral came around, Keiko looked no better. Her mother hadn't touched a bottle or cigarette since Yusuke's passing and the murderous glint in her eyes had yet to fade. Kuwabara pitched a fit at the back of the procession, pummeling a few boys to make his way to her memorial plaque and give her a piece of his mind.
"I was supposed to defeat you!" the tall boy roared. "How can I take the title of Sarayashiki's strongest if you're freaking dead? Come back and fight me, you idiot! Come back!"
When Kuwabara's shouts faded into sobs and the little boy from the car accident asked when the big sister would get out of the box, Yusuke made up her mind.
"Botan," she called. In a moment, the pink-clothed reaper manifested.
"What is it?"
"The test of revival…I accept it!"
"An egg?"
"Yes, Yusuke," the teeny toddler said. "It's a special egg and if you manage to hatch it, you can come back to life!"
"I have to hatch an egg like a freaking chicken?"
"Well…yes, more or less—"
"Y'all are wack."
"If you don't want it—"
Yusuke snatched the egg from the wacky toddler and pocketed it carefully.
"I never said that. I'll take care of the weird-ass egg, so long as y'all bring me back to life. Anything else?"
"Well, you should make sure your body doesn't get cremated."
"Oh, shit," Yusuke realized. "No one knows I'm not dead! How're we gonna take care of that?"
"You can do it through dreams!" Botan piped up. "Come along, Yusuke! We haven't got time to lose!"
They hightailed it to the human world. To their surprise, Atsuko had already realized Yusuke wasn't dead. The comatose body was neatly placed on Yusuke's bed and covered with a blanket. Once again, the cold, sharp look in Atsuko's eyes left Yusuke discomfited.
"Damn...didn't know my mom was so sharp…" she said, scratching the back of her head. "I guess the body will be fine." She turned to Botan. "What's next?"
"Let me slap him," Yusuke growled, floating behind the cheating bastard. It was ridiculous that the young ghost was hung up over a buffoon like him. "Teach me how to slap him, just this once!"
"Yusuke, I can't let you do that…" Botan sighed.
She might not be able to slap the rat bastard, but nothing stopped her from scaring the shit out of him.
"GRAHHHHHH!"
Botan pinched the bridge of her nose as Yusuke terrified the two-faced man. At this rate, she wouldn't be surprised if the delinquent girl's egg hatched into some kind of imp.
Kuwabara was beat up, sleep deprived, and almost dead.
"That's enough!" his friend cried. "My job isn't important!"
"I'm fine," Kuwabara grumbled, flipping open his science textbook. "Don't worry about me and keep supporting your family! These guys are wimps compared to Urameshi. I can handle them!"
So Kuwabara said, but Yusuke couldn't help it if his assailants' faces were so ugly that her murderous intent involuntarily poured from her spirit body and scared the fools away.
"C'mon, doofus," Yusuke muttered as she watched the orange-haired boy study. "You got this. That Akashi bastard won't know what hit him…"
He made a 53 and Takenaka prevented Akashi from pulling any bullshit. On his way home from class, Kuwabara looked right at the spectral pair and muttered a faint thanks.
Yusuke grinned.
"Excuse me, Yukimura," a handsome boy said. He had followed Keiko after class and cornered her in the hall. "Ever since I entered school, I've been watching you. Will you go out with me? I promise to never let you down!"
Five feet above their heads, Yusuke scowled. Beside her, Botan giggled.
"Oh, young love," the grim reaper chuckled. "I'm sure one day you'll be chased too…"
"Love is stupid," Yusuke deadpanned. "Strength is what counts!" She drifted toward the handsome boy and swatted at his face. "He looks weaker than Kuwabara! I bet I can take him in three seconds!"
Botan sweatdropped.
"Yusuke, there's no need to be violent…"
"I'm sorry," Keiko said, and Yusuke paused her swatting. The handsome boy looked thunderstruck.
"You…you have another?" he exclaimed.
Keiko looked at her shoes.
"There is someone who interests me, yeah."
"Who?" the boy demanded.
"A troublemaker," Keiko said, and Yusuke's eyes widened. "There's a troublemaker who I can never keep off my mind…"
The boy slunk away, crestfallen.
Yusuke crossed her arms behind her head and looked a little pleased. Botan squinted at the delinquent girl.
"Keiko is such a good girl. How on earth did she become friends with an irresponsible nincompoop like you?"
"We grew up as neighbors," Yusuke bristled.
"Sheer luck, then?"
"Shut up!"
"You should be grateful…"
"Why should I be grateful for a prissy nerd like her…"
"Yusuke, don't say things you don't mean…"
Several hours later, when Keiko walked into a burning house to retrieve Yusuke's body, Yusuke threw her spirit egg into the flames to prevent the brown-haired girl from being burned alive.
In the spirit world, Koenma smiled.
Such compassion deserved another shot at life.
"Blow life into me? How?"
"Through the mouth, of course!" Koenma cackled.
"Wha—"
"Why so surprised? CPR requires mouth-to-mouth, don't it? It's the same concept, just blowing back life instead of oxygen! Go visit three people in a dream and as long as one of them understands, you'll be fine!"
You make it sound so easy! Yusuke thought.
Drifting about the human world, she tried to come up with three people but could only think of her mom. Yet, for some godforsaken reason, her mom was nowhere to be found when she needed the lady the most.
"GAH!" Yusuke exclaimed. "Where the hell is she?!"
"That's strange," Botan said. "If she's in the human world, I should be able to find her…"
Behind them, Koenma looked uneasy.
"Ah, don't worry about Atsuko! I'm sure she's got her reasons. Yusuke, why don't you consider that orange-haired boy? He seems to care about you very much!"
"Kuwabara? Hell no," Yusuke cried, "He's like…some kind of brother-uncle-brat to me! That's disgusting!"
"Uncle…?"
"He's got one of those faces, okay…"
"Have you got anyone else?"
"Erk," Yusuke squirmed. Her eyes shifted about and she came to the inevitable conclusion. "I mean…I guess the class rep would probably take it seriously…"
"Indeed!" Botan agreed. "Keiko is a very responsible girl! I'd say she's your best bet—not to mention your only bet!"
"You don't have to put it like that!"
Pathetic though it was, Botan was right. Keiko was literally the only person in the world who might take the dream seriously. She had Kuwabara for backup and, Yusuke winced, Kuwabara's sister for backup-of-the-backup because the older girl had cut her hair a few times and they vaguely knew each other. Frankly, neither of the Kuwabaras appealed to her. Silly though it was, Yusuke cared just a tiny bit about who her first kiss went to, given it wouldn't be her mother.
After she delivered the dreams, Yusuke crossed her fingers and prayed that it was Keiko who pulled through.
A deranged screeching came from the Kuwabara household.
"Wha—What the hell was that?" Kuwabara said to himself, sitting bolt upright in his bed. "Why did I dream that? What's wrong with me?"
Urameshi Yusuke was his rival. His ball-busting, ass-kicking, take-no-prisoners rival. From the first time they fought, Kuwabara couldn't see anything but a fearsome opponent. If Urameshi ever caught wind of anything resembling physical desire on his end, she'd probably castrate him on the spot.
"Ugh," Kuwabara shuddered. Just the thought of it gave him chills.
This morning, he'd been in charge of cleaning the cat litter and Eikitchi had been suffering from explosive diarrhea. The smell had probably fucked with his head, leading to such bizarre nightmares.
Kuwabara nodded to himself.
Yes, that seemed like a sound explanation. Everything was because of Eikitchi's diarrhea. He'll take care to wear a face mask the next time he took out the litter. Assured of his sanity, Kuwabara gave the dream no further thought.
In the next room, Shizuru blinked awake.
Pixie cut girl…?
What a coincidence that she dreamed of the girl who had recently passed away. However, Shizuru figured the punk girl wouldn't need her help. Yukimura Keiko had spent thirty minutes talking about the delinquent during her haircut, after all. If Yusuke needed assistance, she knew where to find the ever-responsible class representative.
"You," Keiko murmured, crouching beside Yusuke's body, "Are so stupid."
She was an idiot who pulled on Keiko's hair and called her nasty names and perpetually missed class in favor of picking fights with thugs.
"You have such shit taste," Yusuke spat. She held a thug by the collar, pinning him against the wall in a dark alley. Around the corner, Keiko clenched her torn uniform. "Going after an ugly hag like that…Have you no shame? No balls? I think Iwamoto is more suitable for a pig like you…"
There was a crunch. Keiko winced as blood trickled down the thug's nose.
"You touch Sarayashiki's class rep again," Yusuke said quietly, "And I'll rip your head off your body." She clenched her hand around the boy's throat until his face turned purple. His unconscious body hit the ground.
From that day on, delinquents called her names and threw trash at her back, but they never dared to lay a finger on her body.
Keiko brushed her hand against Yusuke's face. Free of her usual scowl, her face was smooth and feminine. Short hair and a boy's uniform did not change the fact that Urameshi Yusuke was a woman—and a fine one, at that.
"Your friend is prettier than you!" the boy jeered. They were in elementary school and Yusuke donned a prim uniform. She played with the boys and had no problem rolling around in mud, but her fair skin shone beneath the dirt and her hair reached the middle of her back.
"Yusuke's prettier, and faster, and more fun than you! No one likes you, so get lost!"
Keiko's eyes watered.
Her hair was cropped short, her body was frail, and she couldn't do anything but study. She wanted to play. She wished she could run, wished she could play ball, but she couldn't, she was a good for nothing know-it-all—
"SHUT UP!" Yusuke screeched. "All of you! Shut! Up!"
The next day, Yusuke showed up in the boys' uniform with her hair cropped short. She didn't just roll around in the mud, she basked in it. Dirty, rude, and violent, boys and girls alike turned on her.
"That Urameshi is so gross," they whispered. "She's scary…and mean…good thing we have Yukimura to keep her in check…"
Keiko tucked a strand of hair behind Yusuke's ear. Beneath her raven locks, there was a scar on the back of her skull. Keiko ran a finger along the scar. On the inside of her palm, there was a similar scar. A faint smile crossed her face.
Yusuke was five years old and alone in the sandbox. An older girl approached. In her hand, she held a pair of scissors.
"Mama said you're dirty," the girl said. She had long, frizzy hair and a squashed face. "She said dirty girls don't deserve to look nice. Dirty girls shouldn't have nice hair. They should look ugly, to match what they are inside."
She grabbed a handful of Yusuke's smooth black hair. Yusuke cried out in pain. The girl snarled.
"Shut up! You're dirty, and stupid, and you don't deserve to look nice! You should be UGLY and I'll give you what you deserve!"
The girl swung the scissors forward. They were surgical scissors, sharp enough to cut skin. Blood flowed from the back of Yusuke's head. She screamed.
"Help!" she cried. "Someone, please! Help!"
There were people around, but they averted their eyes instead of coming to her aid. The girl pulled Yusuke's hair harder, preparing for another blow. She swung her hand forward and Yusuke squeezed her eyes shut in fear, anticipating pain.
But the pain never came.
"OW!" another voice cried.
Yusuke opened her eyes.
A brunette had grabbed the scissors from the older girl.
"Ow, that hurts…that really hurts!"
"Get out of the way!" the older girl snarled.
"No!" the brunette cried. She grappled with the older girl for the scissors. "My mama said…it's not nice…to hurt others!" Miraculously, the brunette wrested the scissors from the older girl. "I'm going to call the police!" the brunette declared. The other girl flinched. "This is bad behavior and the police will punish you! Just wait!" The brunette took a deep breath. "POLICE!" she yelled. "POLICE, A BAD THING HAPPENED! POLICE!"
The other girl recoiled.
"You—You little—"
A siren started to blare.
Wide-eyed, the other girl retreated.
"I won't forget this, ugly!" she shouted in her wake.
The brunette girl stuck her tongue out.
Yusuke looked at her in wonder.
"I'm Keiko!" The brunette said cheerfully. "My mama taught me to call the police if I see bad things! That girl seemed awfully mean," she rubbed her hand with a wince, "And it's never right to run around with scissors! People get hurt!" She looked at Yusuke's head with concern.
"You have a big booboo on your head. Let me kiss it better!"
"I—I'm okay!" Yusuke flushed with embarrassment as the brunette pulled her into an embrace and kissed her head repeatedly. "I'm better now! Really!"
She was sure her heart hadn't been injured but all of a sudden, it ached far more than her head.
In the empty apartment, Keiko's lips met Yusuke's. The delinquent girl's body started to glow. Her eyes flickered and slowly, she propped herself into a sitting position. She looked at Keiko. The brunette smiled. She pulled Yusuke into a hug.
"Welcome back," she murmured.
Yusuke grinned. She wrapped her arms around Keiko's waist.
"Damn good to see you again."