It had been few days since I had told the SVU squad about my 'stalker'. No further information had been found other than the fact that there were several same looking cases in the past few years, all in different states. The only thing connecting these cases were the text messages. In all cases the victims had been raped but no one had been able to identify the attacker nor had there been any DNA left. When Nick and Amanda had come to tell me this, I had gotten another panic attack. It had taken them over an hour to calm me down and a quick call to Dr Huang whether to bring me to the hospital. I refused and promised to call him if I needed prescription.

I hadn't gotten any more messages since that night few days ago. I had finished my anatomy test and I felt good about it, though it was a diffcult one. I didn't expect full marks but if I got even 80%, I would be happy, I thought.
As I was walking to the library once again, I thought that maybe the stalker had gotten tired of me. I passed a cafe shop when I glanced on the window, and then I saw it. I had paid attention to a old red Chevy car in front of my college. My school wasn't very big and I pretty much knew all the cars in the parking lot and who they belonged to. This car however was very old but it had blackened windows. Now I saw the same car waiting on other side of the road, opposite of the cafe shop I was passing. 'Could this be coincidence or is that car following me?' I thought myself. I didn't turn my head to stare at the car in case there was someone following me, I didn't want to let the driver know that I had seen it.

I walked fast the rest of the blocks and entered the librabry. I was having a presentation tomorrow and I needed to finish it. Once I opened to school books, I was able to put it aside. I was concentrating on finding resources on respiratory function when I got a sensation that someone was staring at me. I lifted my head up from the book and saw a young man staring at me couple tables away. He was blonde and wearing a red adidas sweater. He had a book in front of him but I got a feeling he was not here for studying. I put my head back down and tried to focus on alveolis and its functions but I couldn't concentrate anymore.
I gathered my books and turned off my computer after saving the power point presentation and backed my things. As I left, I stole a quick glance on the table where the young man was sitting but it's empty.

'Well, maybe he got what he came here for already', I thought. I stepped out of the library and started heading towards the nearest bus stop. I didn't have to wait for long for my bus and I hopped on. I put my ear pods on and selected a mucis list that consisted my favorite movie soundtracks. It had immediate soothing effect on me and I forgot about the car.

I hopped off the bus 20 minutes later and started heading towards home. As I was humming to Pirates of the Caribbean theme song and nearing my home street, I saw a familiar car. I stopped.
The same red Chevy that I had spotted two times already today. It was parked couple of streets away from me and I couldn't see if there was someone inside or not. I could feel my heart racing as I turned around and headed opposite direction, away from home.

'Okay, this is not coincidence. It has to be following me' I thought to myself. What do I do now? I didn't have any proof that it was following me exactly but how come I have spotted it already three times today in this huge city? I started walking and pulled my phone out from the pocket. I dialed Nick's number and waited anxiously for him to pick up. It rang and rang but he didn't pick up. 'Fuck', what now'.
I was getting anxious. I was still walking, but without a direction. I couldn't walk around forever or it would look very suspicious. I dialed Nick again but he wasn't answering. Next I tried Olivia and Amanda but without luck. 'Okay, try to keep calm. Maybe they are in the middle of interragation'.

Next I dialed Fin's number. Just as I was hanging up, he picked up.
"Ellen, hey, are you okay?" he said. I sighed loudly, relieved.

"Oh hey Fin… Mmm… I think there is someone following me. I'm scared." I was shaking as I was telling him this.
"Where are you? I'll send a civilian car to you and just tell me everything", he ordered.

I could hear him telling someone to take a car and head towards my location. "Okay, I have a car coming to you. Now, tell me everything", he said soothingly. I revealed to him that I had spotted the same car three times, first at school, then at the cafe shop and now.

I also told him about the guy I saw staring at me in the librabry. I could hear him writing down all the information I had given him.

"Fin, is my uncle okay"? I asked him, a hint of panic in my voice.

"Yes, kiddo, he's fine. He's in the court right now, everyone else is but me. But don't worry, I stop by and get them all", he said soothingly.

I let out the breath I had been holding and thanked him. I was nearly in tears when I hang up. Fin told me to stay put but hidden, that the patrol car would be there in 5 minutes and the rest of them in 20. I was sitting on a bench, hiding behind big bushes near a park which was only a short walk from my home street. I couldn't see the car anymore but I was certain I had not been followed by anyone.

I was trying to stay calm but as I was waiting my mind wandered to dark places. Maybe I had irritated someone at my school or maybe I had done something bad to someone without me realizing it. Had I punched, kicked or submitted someone so bad that the person wanted revenge. I tried to remember my last opponents but for what I could recall, all had been very good sports after our matches. It felt like eternity but at last I saw a black SUV car stopping by the red light just before the turn to the park. I didn't move though because Fin had ordered me to stay put. I waited until the car was next to me.

"Ellen, are you okay? I'm so sorry I couldn't pick up the phone", Nick was the first to get out of the car and I practically ran to him and he hugged me like he hasn't seen me ages. I hugged him back just as tightly. Nick didn't let me go until we got in the car.
Fin was driving and Olivia was sitting next to him, Nick and Amanda were in the back seat. I scooped in the middle as Fin started driving towards our home street.

"Where's Carisi", I asked them.

"He went with the patrol car so we could be in the loop. They are just pulling in and we are going to wait until they have cleared the Chevy and the near by area", Olivia said calmly from the front seat. I nodded and I made a silent hope that Carisi and the other police officers would be fine.

Amanda could easily read my mind and she gave my hand a light squeeze. "Don't you worry a thing, he knows what he's doing and he won't be alone".

I knew she was just trying to calm me down but I couldn't help but worry.
It would be my fault if any of them got hurt.

Fin had driven a block away from me and Nick's house and has parked. From our spot I saw the red Chevy and it hadn't moved since I saw it an hour or so ago.

Couple civilian looking police officers were approaching the car from behind and I could see Carisi walking from the front. One of the officers knocked on the car's window. I saw him talking so the window must had been opened. Suddenly I gasped loudly and I heard Nick yelling "Shit" and he, Olivia and Amanda jumped out of the car. Just as Fin started the engine I heard two loud bangs and then silence.

'Oh my god, what I have caused, someone has been shot and it's totally my fault' I thought to myself. My breathing quickened and all I could think about it is 'It's my fault, it's my fault, it's my fault'. Somewhere from the distant I heard Fin yelling

"Hey bro you need to come here asap" and I had no idea who he was calling.

My head was spinning and it was becoming difficult to concentrate on my surroundings because of the panic attack. I felt like drowning. Me fainting is just moments away when I heard a familiar voice.

"Ellen, you need to calm down. Focus on me and my voice, okay darling. Hold your breath for a second and start counting with me, can you do that?". It's Nick, he had kneeled in front of me. And he's alive.

With what little power I had left, I listened to him and held my breath for a second before counting slowly to ten. Nick didn't break a eye contact with me as he counted down with me. My breathing slowed down and I no longer felt faint.
I had to take a look at him. He looked to be fine, a little worried but no wounds nor bruises, not even a hair out of place.

He kept looking at me, ready to help me again if needed. "Thank you. And I'm sorry. I got scared when I heard those gun shots. What happened anyway"? I said apologetically.

I really hated it when I had a panic attack and people witness it. He didn't answer right away but studied me.

"No one got hurt, so don't you worry about that anymore" he said and I sighed relieved. He continued calmly "The guy in the car was arrested for carrying a gun and trying to speed away. Carisi had to shoot but he was smart and shot the tires instead."

Nick stood up and shook his legs. I lumped back on the seat and didn't say anything. So they got the guy. But for some reason I didn't feel as assured as I probably should have. I looked up to Nick again and see him scratching the back of his head. He wasn't looking at me but at the scene.
There had to be something else, something he was not telling me, I thought.
I heard jogging noises and saw Olivia coming to our way. She hadn't even reached us yet when she said loudly that Carisi and the patrol car had taken him to the precinct and that we should head there too. Nick only nodded and rushed in the car. Amanda and Fin had also arrived back at the car but have now switched places, having Fin sitting next to me.

I really didn't care who sat where as long as everyone is alive. I could feel the tension in the car, but no one had yet to say anything. Olivia had arranged a search warrant on the guy's home and also warrant on his phone. I leaned on Nick and closed my eyes. Would this nightmare finally be over?
The drive to the precinct was not long but I still managed to drift off.

I was jolted awake when Amanda parked the car and the doors are opened. I followed everyone inside and we squashed in to elevator.

"Sonny's already interviewing our guy and I'm going in there as well. The rest of you will be listening to every word he says and making notes. Also, make sure to run a back round check on him. Report to me" Olivia ordered everyone as we got out of the elevator.

They all agreed and were off to their work. I was left standing there, having no idea what to do and where to be. I didn't want to be in a way.
I didn't usually care much about coffee but as the coffee machine was in a peaceful corner, I decided to go sit by it.
I started the machine and waited for my coffee to be ready.

I felt like this all is happening to someone else. Just hours ago I was in a library and now in a police station, waiting anxiously if my stalker had been found or not. I closed my eyes and leaned back on the wall, the warm coffee in my hands. I stayed that way a minute or two, just taking in my surroundings. I opened my eyes and I could feel myself relaxing a bit.
I glanced a clock and saw that it's already 5.30pm. I was supposed be at our training gym by 7pm because I had kid's class to teach and then my own training. At least I would have something to focus on other than the investigation. Just as I was leaving the precinct I heard footsteps behind me.

I turned around and saw Nick coming to me.
"I'm so sorry Ellen, I totally left you out". He stopped in front of me and I was trying to read his face.

"It's okay, I needed some quiet time after everything that has happened today afternoon. So was the guy the one who has been stalking me?" I quirked an eyebrow to him as I ask.

He didn't't reply right away and I slumbered a bit. "Do you have to go somewhere now or can you come in for a sec?" He was not making eye contact and it scared me. What have they found out?

"Mm.. well I'm supposed to be teaching at 7pm but I guess I can cancel it. But I was hoping to get my own training afterwards..." I said, trying to sound cool but he could see through me.

"Well, cancel the teaching and you can come to our gym and I'll train with you, is that okay?"

I knew outsiders were not supposed to be in the station's gym but everyone knows me and my athlete career so it has been led slide. I nodded and told him that I'll be in the office in a minute, that I would be just making a quick call to my dojo.
Luckily the sensei who answered the phone is a gentle nature and she promised to teach the class for me. I briefly explained to her that I was needed at the station and she didn't ask further questions.
I got back inside and headed towards Olivia's office. Everyone else was there already, even Dr. Huang. He smiled at me and I returned the smile as I sat on the couch. Olivia was sitting behind her desk, Fin and Carisi sitting on it. Amanda was sitting on the couch with me. Nick was standing by the door but I looked at him with pleading eyes.
He sighed and came to sit next to me.

"You're all scaring me. I have waited for hours someone to tell me what's going on and now I'm not even able to go teach. Just tell me already" I said more angrily than I meant. But I was getting tired of being left out even though it's me who this concerns. Nick took my hand but it's Dr. Huang who talked first.

"We do understand your anger, Ellen. And we'll tell you everything we have gathered so far". His voice was very soothing, and so is his presence.
I looked at him as to keep going.

"He's not your stalker. He was ordered to follow you today by someone. He wasn't supposed to get caught but because you had paid attention to the car, we were able to catch him. He's a run away from home and has a slight mental disability. We believe that whoever bought him was aware of his condition. Jeremy just did what he was paid to do..", Dr. Huang explained.

"But, who then..." I started but was interrupted by Olivia. "We don't know yet. He had contacted Jeremy couple days ago and told him to rent a car and follow you around. He paid him $5000".

I could feel the panic rising, we were no nearer to the stalker than we were yesterday. Nick could feel my hand shaking and he scooped closer to me.

"Jeremy told us as well that he was sent pictures of you and your school so he knew where to and who to wait for" Nick told me.

I'm trying to understand this all.
"So what now? What's the plan?" I asked.
I could see it in their faces that it bothered them that they had not figured this out yet. That there were no leads, no nothing.

"We just try to keep you safe and keep tracking on those numbers. It'd also be vice if you had an officer with you at all times".

Olivia was looking at me with worry in her eyes, worry I have not seen for years, not since Noah got very sick.
"What about you guys? What about Noah? I can't bear it if something terrible happens to any of you, you are my family!"

I started sobbing hard and soon they were around me, saying reassuring words and promising me that everyone would be safe. I just needed to believe them. Easier said than done..

Couple of hours later, after I had calmed down and the station quieted down, we headed to the gym with Nick. It was him who got me into martial arts. After skating, I didn't have any hobbies and I wasn't really doing anything apart reading and studying. He suggested that I give it a try and from the beginning I was hooked.
I had left my old gi and kickboxing gear at the station for training like these, if I wasn't able to go to my own gym.

As we were walking down the stairs towards the gym, I asked Nick which one we would start with.

"We could start with kickboxing, do some drills and light sparring for few rounds. Then bjj if that's okay for you". He answered me smiling. It's good to see him smiling again, he reminded me of my dad when he grinned like that. I nodded and disappeared to change my clothes. When I came back, he was already warming up. He looked at me challenging and I grinned at him. I know that challenging look too well. This will be fun!