"BUFFY!"
Shooting up, it took her a second to get her bearings, to remember just exactly where the hell she was. Unfortunately, she didn't have much time to adjust before realizing it was Connor running to her, throwing himself in her arms. They hadn't spent much time together before Angel moved out, but she'd tried her best to form a bond with the boy while they were still together.
"Hey buddy, what are you doing here," she asked groggily, hugging him tightly from her spot on the couch.
"Uncle Lindsey couldn't go to the Hockey Game with us last night, so Dad said we could surprise him this morning with breakfast." Connor was smiling from ear to ear, as she tried desperately to process everything. Dad, Uncle… Connor had refused to call them anything but their names last she saw him. Finally releasing his hold on her, she watched in horror as the boy took off running down the hall.
"Dad! Guess what, Buffy's here too!"
Falling back onto the couch, she couldn't believe she'd fallen asleep here. Connor said they were here to surprise Lindsey, so it wasn't even like she could blame him for Angel's guest appearance.
Getting up, she quickly made her way to the bathroom. Maybe if she spent long enough in here, he would just leave, at least that's what she tried to tell herself. Opening Lindsey's cabinet, she grabbed one of the new toothbrushes that she knew he kept around for his multitude of one night stands. She took her time brushing her teeth, washing her face, and of course relieving her aching bladder. She found a comb and managed to brush the bed head from hair, then used one of the elastics on her wrist, pulling it up into a loose bun.
Knowing she couldn't stay in there forever, she took one last look in the mirror, making sure to adjust her shirt before opening the door. Walking back into the living room her eyes locked with Angel's for just a moment before she felt Connor back at her side, his little arms wrapping around her waist tightly. "Buffy! I've missed you."
Her eyes left Angel quickly, a sudden panic gripping her as she looked down at Connor's mess of dark brown hair and the chocolate covered, smiling face. She eased his arms from her and knelt down to his level instead, not needing the baby to decide to take the opportunity to start moving around and then wind up with the young boy shouting something out to alert everyone of her condition. She had only felt the baby twice herself and that had been fairly recently but with luck not being on her side she didn't need to chance anything. "I've missed you, too, kiddo" she told him. "How have you been?"
Connor began a long, bouncing conversation of how he was, telling her random things about what he had been doing in school, what happened on the playground a week ago and then on to asking her why she and Dad didn't live in the same house anymore and a few more awkward questions that she tried to just dance around. It wasn't like she knew how much Connor knew about what was going on or how much Angel even wanted him to and she didn't need to make things harder on anyone.
Angel never said a word but she could feel his eyes burning a hole in her the entire time, and talking to Connor she found more upsetting than she imagined it would be. Her heart for him more than it ever had before because he was already trying to get used to this new, major shift in his life and everything in it had about fallen apart out of the gates. She wasn't proud of how she handled the very surprising first appearance of Darla and him, or how long it had taken her to come around, but as time went on and once she had thought about everything and searched her heart for what she thought was best she had at least tried. She tried to encourage Angel to have a relationship with him, to have one her own self. She'd tried to get past the shock and even jealousy that he was in no way responsible for and shouldn't have to suffer over and get to know him and try to be civil with his monster of a mother, she had started to try to just take things one day at a time.
It just hadn't been easy.
But now with him right in front of her, she felt all the guilt over all of it, and emptiness over not going to ever get the chance to see if she could be a step-mother to him, if they could somehow make a family dynamic work. Many made-up memories of what could have been seemed to flash through her mind. As did the hurt over this new baby not getting to know and grow up with one hell of a cool brother.
Her hands seemed to keep going to her stomach as they talked, and every time she noticed it she quickly but subtly tried to move it as far from that area as possible. Finally, she found an out from the conversation with the mini version of Angel and stood back up. Lindsey thankfully called for her and she avoided looking anywhere even close to Angel's direction as she crossed the room.
"I didn't know-" Lindsey quickly blurted out, his voice low.
Buffy patted his arm. "I know, and it's okay. They were surprising you, Linds, they didn't know I'd be here. And I didn't even expect to spend the night."
Buffy followed him into the kitchen, daring a glance over her shoulder to make sure no one was following behind. "I am sorry, though. This was exactly what you were worried about happening. And I swear on my life I had nothing to do with it."
Buffy just shrugged. "It's fine. I mean, we're both friends with you anyway... I'm sure we will have some kind of paths crossing issues to come. As much as I would like that to never, ever have to happen again."
"You're going to take off now though."
"Well, again... I never even intended to stay this long and it's fine, I have a laundry list of things I need to do today. And no, spending any more time with my soon to be ex husband and his surprise child this morning is not on that said list in any way, shape or form."
Buffy wasn't sure what he said next, he was talking and she was following behind trying to put even more distance between her and the man sitting in there on Lindsey's couch, exactly where she had been when she'd woken up this morning, and the next thing she knew a kitchen drawer plowed into her before bouncing back. "Oh, shit!" Lindsey spat out, catching it only a second to late. "Shit, sorry. I didn't know you were still following me."
Buffy's hands flew right back to her stomach and she knew she must have looked panicked because Lindsey went from brushing it off as just an accident to looking concerned himself. "You okay? Did it scratch you or something?"
Buffy took a step back when he tried to touch her. It hadn't really hurt, more like just shocked her, but she was pregnant so of course her mind instantly worried at first.
"Stop being a baby, just let me see so I know I didn't scratch you up or cut you or something."
"Lindsey!" she almost shouted, but not in time. His hands were already lifting the bottom of the long sweater up. She knew he meant nothing by it, and under any other circumstance she wouldn't have even batted an eye at such a small, natural gesture but it didn't take much for him to catch sight of exactly what she had been trying to hide.
"I'm just trying-" and whatever else he was planning to say died on his lips, his eyes widening as they fell on the unmistakable curve of her stomach just barely showing. It wasn't by any means pronounced yet, but if you knew her, and were looking hard enough you'd put the pieces together. "You're-"
Buffy slapped at him and started shoving him toward the door at the back of the kitchen that led outside. She hurried him out of the house and shut the large door behind them before smacking him again.
"You're..." he couldn't even seem to finish the sentence, his mind imploding as he tried to let this sink in. Suddenly, many of the weird quirks she'd been doing since last night made a whole hell of a lot of sense. "Does Angel know?" he whispered harshly.
Buffy ground her teeth. "Why in the hell would he know?" she whispered back.
"Well... I wonder..."
"Well, so do I, Lindsey. Just because we haven't gotten some piece of paper signed by a judge doesn't mean we aren't already over and my life is no longer any of his business. Besides, it's not even his." she spat out angrily.
Lindsey took a step back, throwing his hands into the air as he spun around, before turning back to face her. Did she actually expect him of all people to believe that. "Bullshit." he yelled probably a bit louder than he should have."It wasn't that long ago that he filed for divorce, you actually expect me to believe you were fucking someone behind his back… you're not a cheater. Come on Buff, I know you better than that." Being stuck in the middle of his best friends' divorce was no easy feat, he constantly felt like he was being pulled in two different directions. Not that either of them were doing it on purpose, they had all just been friends for too many years, their lives were too intertwined. He saw the way Angel looked at him every time her name flashed across his phone, and he heard the hurt in her voice every single time he answered. "Look the two of you have some serious issues, I see it from both sides because I have to. But I keep my fucking mouth shut because believe it or not, I don't actually enjoy being stuck in the middle. So don't go taking what I'm about to say the wrong way, but that man in there… He doesn't deserve this. Not again."
This was exactly what she had been afraid of, why she had been trying so hard to distance herself from him too. "Please Linds, you can't tell him," she pleaded frantically, her eyes filling with tears.
"Oh fuck that. You don't get to ask me to keep this kind of fucking secret Buffy, he's my best friend, and you're having his god damn baby."
Her eyes shot from the ground back to his, "Once upon a time, I was your best friend."
"Don't start with the fucking guilt trips okay. You are my best friend, but so is he, and what you're asking me to do, I just can't Buffy. It's not fair."
Folding her arms across her chest, she bit the inside of her cheek in an attempt to reel back her tears, she never wanted him to be in the middle of this. "You know he wouldn't have wanted to keep it anyway, he probably wouldn't have even believed me if I had told him… vasectomy remember?"
"It doesn't matter. I won't lie to him, not about this."
Rubbing her hand across her face she tried to think of some way, any way, to keep him from running in there and just blurting it out to Angel right now. Logically she knew her plan wasn't full proof, but she certainly hadn't expected everything to blow up like this. "Fine. Don't lie to him, just don't tell him," she pleaded, taking a few steps to close the distance between him just before she threw herself into his arms, hugging him tightly to her.
Oh Jesus this woman really had lost her fucking mind, he thought as he closed his eyes, shaking his head, he blew out a long breath of frustration. The situations he let this girl drag him into… and he wasn't even the one fucking her. "He is going to figure this out, you know that right?"
OoOoO
His eyes never left her from the moment she stepped into the room, it was as though he'd become transfixed, lost all of his ability to focus on anything except that tiny blonde that for the time being was still his wife. He'd watched her stumble through her conversation with Connor, and had to bite his tongue when she tried to explain to the eight year old why they didn't live together anymore.
Now he understood why Lindsey had declined to go to the Hockey game with them last night, why he hadn't returned any of his texts about Connor wanting to see him. He continued to watch her silently as she stood, refusing to meet his eyes as she followed Lindsey into the kitchen, making sure she kept as much space as she possibly could between them.
Feeling as though he may vomit, he waited until she had retreated out of the room before he found the strength to move his legs again. Taking a seat on the couch, he couldn't help but breathe in her scent, he didn't know why he was so shocked. They were bound to run into one another at some point, especially over here.
Hearing some commotion from outside he let curiosity get the best of him, standing once more, he turned around and grabbed the remote. Handing it to Connor he instructed him to wait here for just a minute.
Peeking through the kitchen window, he saw Buffy nearly collapse into Lindsey's arms. It was clear that she was crying, despite everything they had been through the last couple of years, despite the divorce, his first instinct was still to run out there and comfort her. Gripping the granite of the counter top, he silently reminded himself that it was no longer his place. She didn't love him anymore, hell they were probably only fighting because she thought Lindsey was behind this whole surprise visit.
Continuing to glare through the window, he tried to decipher what they were saying but he couldn't hear anything through the glass. Obviously Lindsey wasn't happy about something, the scowl on his face proof of that. When they finally broke apart, he watched as she used the sleeves of her sweater to wipe the tears from her face. That was the only thing he didn't understand, Buffy didn't cry often, surely the mere sight of him didn't upset her that much.
"Dad, I'm hungry."
Glancing toward his mini me, he reluctantly walked away from the window to open Lindsey's fridge. "I'm not so sure we're going to be able to keep those breakfast plans pal, how about I make you a bowl of cereal if I promise we can stop by McDonalds for lunch."
Connor considered his Dads words carefully, he really wanted to go to breakfast with Lindsey, and Buffy too. But his Dad never let him go to McDonald's, always saying how their food was garbage. "Fine, but we get to eat inside," Connor paused for a second trying to get the best deal out of this situation. "The play area...for an hour." he added as an afterthought.
He couldn't help but chuckle at his son's tenacity, sometimes it really was like staring in a mirror. It was no secret that he never wanted kids, but now that he had one he was slowly discovering that this parenting thing wasn't so bad after all. It had taken them a while, but he was proud of how much their relationship had grown recently. Bending down so that he was eye level with his son, he held out his pinky finger in front of him.
"Forty-five minutes."
Contemplating their arrangement, he really wanted to go to breakfast but he wasn't about to turn down forty-five minutes at McDonald's either. Nodding his head, he too stuck out his pinky linking it together with his fathers.
"Deal."
That was the scene that Buffy saw playing out as she had came back inside. She didn't know why such a simple act between the two of them seemed to strike right through her but it did. Not too long ago she'd had a closer relationship with Connor than even Angel did and now it just looked and felt like everything had become so... natural. Well, in the little she had seen of them in many weeks now anyway. And this was also coming from a man who had spent so much of his life uninterested in children. In public it was like he avoided them at all costs, even friends who'd had kids he did everything possible to not wind up stuck around them. He'd never been outright rude or anything to them... just... a lot of disinterest and avoidance really.
Now... here was this. Being called dad, having little rituals, pinky promises over who knew what.
Sucking her breath in when she heard Connor again say her name, Buffy did her best to smile at the young boy, looking back away from Angel's. She hadn't expected them to be right there when she swiftly ran back inside and had, had the misfortune of locking surprised eyes with him once more as she'd rushed inside.
"We're going to go to McDonald's!" Connor told her happily, unaware of any of the uneasiness filling the room. "You wanna come, too?"
She could have swore she heard Angel make some sort of noise but she was already too fuzzy brained from talking with Lindsey and too trained on simply acting like her estranged husband wasn't closer to her right now than he'd been since the night he moved out, walking away from her as she begged, cried, and pleaded for him not to go. "I'm sorry, Bud, not today okay? I was just leaving actually."
Buffy ruffled through his hair for a moment before pulling away, just as she heard the door open and Lindsey come back inside as well. She didn't dare turn around to look him in the eyes again either, moving away quickly and going back deeper through the house to grab her bag so she could get the hell out of here as quickly as she could manage.
She didn't want to deal with any more either so didn't bother looking behind her, just prayed he would actually follow through on his end through this whole mess. She knew it was too much to ask of him and in no way was it fair. She'd hoped she could have had more time before he figured it out, or that he would have just let her go on with the lie that it was someone else's, but fate didn't want to be on her side there.
OoOoO
When Lindsey came back inside after chasing after Buffy as she'd all but ran out of the house, Angel thought the man looked like he'd aged a couple years from this morning alone. He didn't know what was going on with Buffy but he knew his unexpected visit probably had at least some to do with it all.
"Everything okay?" he dared to ask, even though none of this was any of his business.
Lindsey rubbed his forehead for a moment. "Absolutely fucking not," he breathed out. "Sorry for the drama," he added a moment later.
Angel shrugged. "I guess it's to be a little expected," he offered.
"Maybe," Lindsey agreed. "I didn't tell you before about our plans because I didn't want to make things awkward. Didn't really work out."
At that, they both chuckled a bit. Angel had to fight the urge to ask anything more about what was wrong or what they had even done together and he hated that, too. He didn't want to care, but it wasn't as easy as flipping on a switch or pushing some magical button. Instead, Angel kept his mouth shut as Lindsey paced around a little before letting out a huge sigh before asking how the game had gone last night, how his weekend with the little one had been.
"You said something about breakfast?" he also added.
"Well, I didn't think you'd be available after all so I kind of got roped into some new plans."
"Yeah?"
"Promised the kid some McDonald's play area time."
Lindsey made a face. "That sounds like a straight nightmare," he mumbled. "But am I still invited to tag along?"
"If you want to."
"Yeah. Just give me a minute to go get changed," he said. Really he wanted to storm over to Buffy's apartment so they could continue the conversation she ran out of him on or to actually discuss this huge bit of news and try to understand just what in the hell she was thinking trying to play this ruse but he couldn't deal with it right now. He needed some time and space. Hanging out with Angel might not have been the smartest thing to do with all this shit either but he needed a distraction. It wasn't like the broody man was going to want to talk about her and Connor, certainly not bridge a conversation. Connor, he figured probably would bring her up but then again would be too busy acting like a monkey once they got there to care.
OoOoO
Buffy was fairly certain she didn't even take a full breath again until she was back home, leaning back against her door, twisting her hand behind her in order to lock it. Her eyes closed, her hands coming to rest on her stomach as she did everything possible to keep herself from falling apart.
She really hadn't been ready to see Angel, Connor, for Lindsey to find out she was pregnant. She had hoped with all she had Lindsey would just take her telling him it wasn't Angel's and let sleeping dogs lie... but that was one heck of a tall order with someone who knew her better than anyone else on the planet.
He'd tried to get out of being stuck in the middle of this, tried talking sense into her that sooner or later the truth was bound to come out, trying to guilt trip her over questions of what she expected to tell this child about where he or she'd come from and it was all just too much. She'd finally just asked him once more to keep his mouth shut on everything halfway between one of his little rants and hugged him even tighter before pulling away and just running from it all. From the conversation, him, her own worries and thoughts, her former family...
Buffy let out a huge breath as she slunk down to the floor. It was certainly one thing to deal with being alone and not having to see reminders and having Angel's damn face right there with zero warning. It was one thing to have it in her head that once people started realizing she was pregnant she'd just tell them some story and the reality of it, there was a heaviness in lying about this even the one time so far. But despite all of that, she had to believe everything happening was for the best, she had no other choice.
OoOoO
He'd been waiting on her doorstep one afternoon when she got home from work, she was honestly shocked it had taken him this long to show up. Without a word he stood and followed her inside, he looked rough, like he'd barely slept in the days since he discovered her little secret. As soon as the door closed behind them, he instantly crossed his arms and began demanding answers.
Sighing, she took a seat on the small sofa in her living room, closing her eyes and taking another deep breath she prepared herself to face him, knowing he would balk at anything less than the truth. Finally meeting his penetrative glare, she cleared her throat before beginning the story of how she found out herself. How she had fretted all day on what she should do, how she should tell Angel, already knowing it probably wouldn't be the most welcome news… especially since he had moved out the week prior. She told him how she had finally convinced herself to go over to his house, since that's where she assumed Angel had been staying.
Which was exactly what would have happened, except when she opened their mahogany door to leave she'd been blindsided by a constable, there to serve her divorce papers.
Obviously, there was no way she was going to him with that kind of news after that. Her original intention hadn't even been to keep the baby, she explained. Knowing not only how Angel felt about kids, but how hard of a time he was already having adjusting to the surprise that was Connor.
"Then what, you just decided to pull a Darla?"
Flinching at the harshness in her friend's voice, she tried desperately to keep her tears at bay. "Of course not," she whispered her voice thick with emotion. How could he ever compare her to that vapid whore. "I know he's your friend Lindsey, and despite what he may tell you, he wasn't perfect… he hurt me too."
Lindsey hadn't meant to come across so cruel, he just hated every bit about this situation, and quite honestly he was tired of feeling like he was constantly betraying one of his best friends. "Look Buff, I'm sorry. I know shit is two sided, but he's not keeping something like this from you… I wouldn't let him."
Unable to control her tears any longer, he watched as she seemed to deflate, curling into herself on the couch as she absolutely fell apart. Groaning, no matter how pissed off he was, he couldn't very well just stand there with her crying like that. Walking over to sit next to her, he pulled her into his arms as he leaned back on the cushions. "Stop crying, it's not the end of the world Summers. But you are going to have to tell him, I mean did you really think he wouldn't notice the baby was his… have you seen his forehead?"
Try as she might, she couldn't help but chuckle, a part of her relieved that this secret no longer sat solely on her shoulders. "I want him to sign over his rights."
Of fucking course she did, "Why?".
Sitting up from her perch under his arm, crossing her own arms across her chest, he couldn't help but stare at the outline of her stomach, the reality of the situation fucking drowning him. "I know firsthand what it's like to grow up with a father who couldn't care less about your existence Linds."
He wasn't sure what to say to that, it was true, Hank was a piece of shit any way you looked at it, but Angel had come a long way since Connor showed up in his life. "If you honestly thought that he didn't care, then you wouldn't be so worried about him finding out."
"You're going to tell him aren't you?"
OoOoOo
He wasn't sure if he felt better or worse leaving Buffy's apartment, they had known each other nearly their entire lives, he understood where she was coming from… but it didn't matter, Angel deserved a shot at this. Sure he knew his friend had never cared too much for children in the past, but that was before he was unexpectedly thrust into fatherhood.
Besides Buffy wasn't exactly coming from a completely unbiased place, according to Angel her feelings regarding Connor's sudden appearance in his life had just exacerbated a lot of their issues. She was hurt and jealous, which he understood on some level, Buffy had always been great with kids, loved them. That was why she had become a teacher, it really was Angel who had been vehemently against them, going so far as to get a vasectomy before they got married. Which, he was still confused as to how the situation had turned into what it had, he always thought that was the only tried and true method, hell the both of them had.
Clearly there was a doctor with some explaining to do.
Somehow she'd managed to get him to promise to keep his lips sealed until she could figure out a way to tell Angel herself. He still wasn't comfortable with the idea of keeping something so monumental from him, but even he wasn't exactly looking forward to Angel's response, and he damn sure didn't want to be the bearer of that news if he could help it.