We open to two couples on the Irrumabo mountains having sex.
Man: Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!
Woman: Damn! You're...a good...OOOOOOHHHHH.
As they continued to have sex, a meteor flew above them.
The meteor crashed in the middle of a field.
The couple stopped having sex.
Man: What was that?
Woman: You came.
Man: Not that. Over there.
The man pointed to the field far from the mountain.
Later.
The man and woman go to the field where the meteor crashed.
Woman: What is it?
Man: Isn't it obvious babe?
Woman: I don't know what is, you're an astronomer so you know everything.
Man: I kind of lied. But I do know that is a meteor.
Woman: Is it made out of meat?
The man sighed.
Man: I hate it when the prettiest girl is the stupidest girl.
The man and woman approach the meteor.
The meteor was glowing and making a strange vibrating noises.
Woman: That sounds like my vibrator.
Man: This is gonna go on Instagram.
The man took a picture of the meteor.
Suddenly two claws shot out of the meteor and grabbed the man and woman.
The claws pulled the man and woman in the meteor.
Woman: Those funny hands feel like my pet crab.
The next day.
South Park elementary.
The 4th grade class.
Kyle: Have you heard about what happened to Mrs Nelson?
Kenny: I heard she went back to her home country for the funeral of her cousin's sister's boyfriend's brother's former roommate's dog.
Kyle: That's sounds terrible.
Cartman: She's gonna eat the dog's corpse when she gets there.
Kyle: Cartman!
Cartman: What?
Kyle: That's a racial stereotype.
Cartman: What? It's true.
Stan entered the class.
Kyle: Where have you been?
Stan took a seat on his desk.
Stan: Stupid farm.
Cartman: Oh boy. Here we go.
Stan: What?
Cartman: Another one of your farm rants.
Stan: So. My Dad's a terrorist, a murderer and is the monster that legalised cocaine.
Voice: Who legalised cocaine?
A man who sounded British enters the classroom.
The man looked like he was in his late thirties. He wore a dark brown suit, converse sneakers and a tie.
Man: Good morning. Are we sitting comfortably? Good. I'm your substitute teacher. My name is Mr. John-
Suddenly a paper plane hit the man.
Cartman laughed.
Man: Alright. Let me continue.
The man started to write his name on the chalkboard.
Man: My name is Mr. John Smith but you can call me The Doctor if you want.
Butters: Why? Are you a Doctor?
The Doctor: I'm a Doctor of everything.
The intro starts.
Starring.
David Tennant.
Stan Marsh.
Kyle Broflovski.
With
Eric Cartman.
And
Kenny McCormick.
Doctor Who.
The Creature From Beyond.
By
Walter Bryan Cranston White.
We continue the episode in the 4th grade classroom.
The Doctor wrote the word Neptune on the chalkboard.
The Doctor: Neptune. Neptune. Neptune. Neptune. Neptune. Can anyone tell me who or what Neptune is?
About 20 students raised their hand.
The Doctor: There's no wrong answer and...you. Boy with brown hair and red coat, what's your name?
Clyde: Clyde.
The Doctor: Clyde. What or who is Neptune?
Clyde: Uh...a city in Greece?
The Doctor: No. But there is such thing as a Neptune city in New Jersey. I've been to New Jersey before, never going there again. Can someone else answer?
The class raises their hands.
The Doctor: You.
The Doctor points at Stan.
The Doctor: What's your name? I might feel bad for you if I called you the boy in the red poof ball hat.
Stan: Stan Marsh.
The Doctor: Nice to meet you Stan Marsh. What do you think Neptune is?
Stan: What kind of studies is this?
The Doctor: You'll see.
Stan: Well, are we talking about Neptune, the God of the sea?
The Doctor: You're correct about Neptune being the name of the God of the sea. He almost knocked me out of my ship. But no, we're talking about the planet Neptune. Can someone tell me about Neptune? Raise your hand.
Everyone raises their hands.
Cartman: Me! Me! Me! Me! Me!
The Doctor: Alright. Uh...
The Doctor points his finger at Cartman.
Cartman: Eric Cartman.
The Doctor: Nice name. Tell me something about Neptune.
Cartman: It's right by Uranus.
Cartman started laughing.
The Doctor: I'm not sure why you're laughing, but that is correct.
Cartman: Huh?
The Doctor: Neptune is the 8th planet from the sun while Uranus is the 7th.
Cartman laughed.
The Doctor: But we're not here to talk about...that planet.
Cartman: Aww.
The Doctor: But obviously, we're here to talk about Neptune. A beautiful planet, but not a great destination for a holiday. As it is very cold, temperatures tend to drop at -353 degrees. Again, not a great holiday destination. Neptune has-
As The Doctor continued to speak, Stan started to talk to Kyle.
Stan (Whispering): What do you think of this substitute so far?
Kyle (Whispering): I don't know dude. I kind of like the way he speaks.
Stan (Whispering): Have you heard the way speaks about Neptune? He talks like he's actually been there.
Kyle (Whispering): Maybe he's just making bad jokes.
The Doctor: And that's all you need to know about if there's life on Neptune. Now does anyone have a fact or a question about Neptune before I hand out your homework assignments?
Kyle raised his hand.
The Doctor: Yes, you. Can I have your name?
Kyle: Kyle Broflovski?
The Doctor: Kyle Broflovski. Are you by any chance related to Gerald Broflovski?
Kyle: Sorry?
The Doctor: Ignore that. What were you about to say?
Kyle sat on his chair confused.
Kyle: You asked me if I was related to Gerald Broflovski.
The Doctor: Did I? Don't know why I asked that. I mean, I don't know him personally. Oh, I'm getting off topic what was your question or fact?
Kyle still sat on his chair confused.
Later at recess.
Stan, Cartman, Kyle and Kenny were chatting.
Stan: Why did he ask you if you were related to your Dad?
Kyle: I don't know.
Stan: Well whatever the reason, it might not be good.
Kenny: He could have a grudge against your Dad.
Kyle: I guess.
Stan: He might've been a client he failed.
Kyle: Seems likely. But I think he is a fellow troll...
The boys stare at Kyle.
Kyle: ...he met online one time which doesn't mean my Dad is a troll.
Cartman: I think he may be a nazi.
Kyle glared at Cartman.
Cartman: If he's a Nazi, than he's doing everyone a favour.
Kyle: I doubt he's a Nazi, Cartman. Because if he is, why would he have a grudge against one Jew?
Cartman: Maybe that particular Jew ruined his life.
Kyle: How?!
Cartman: I don't know! I just wanted to make a theory!
Stan: Well whoever he is, we're gonna find out.
Cartman: I have bets that he's a Nazi.
Kyle: That's stupid.
Cartman: I do think he is.
Stan: I think we should have a bet.
Kenny: What?
Stan: I think we should have a bet. If one of our theories turns out to be correct than we have to give the winner five dollars.
Cartman: I'm in for it.
Kyle: Yeah, because I wanna see the look on Cartman's face when he loses.
Cartman: Ay! I will not lose, you'll see.
Meanwhile.
PC Principal was in his office, drinking coffee.
The Doctor entered the office.
The Doctor: You wanted to see me?
PC Principal: Yes I did Mr Smith.
The Doctor: Good, because I wanted to ask you something.
PC Principal: Can I have permission to ask you a few questions before you ask me a question?
The Doctor: Uh, sure.
PC Principal: Where is your country of Origin? You're British right?
The Doctor: Oh, I'm from lots of places.
PC Principal: Right. Anyway, how are you liking your temporary job?
The Doctor: I'm enjoying my temporary job, I enjoy teaching my class about all the things I know. And I'm gonna continue enjoying it. I'm gonna teach them history, math, science and culture studies. Because I know person of your talents likes things to be PC.
PC Principal: That is correct.
The Doctor: Hows about you answer mine?
PC Principal: And what might that question be?
The Doctor: Was there an unidentifiable object crashing around your area?
PC Principal: Yes there was last night. The object crashed in the field near the Irrumabo mountains. Why is that a concern?
The Doctor: It's not really, I was just curious.
PC Principal: Ok. Kind of a random topic to be discussing but ok.
The Doctor: Is there anything else you wanna be discussing?
PC Principal: No, not right now.
The Doctor: Oh good, I'll see you tomorrow.
The Doctor exits the office.
Outside the school.
Stan, Kyle, Cartman and Kenny were waiting by the exit while dressed in beige trench coats and a hat.
Stan: Cartman, why are we dressed like this?
Kyle: Yeah, we look like a bunch of flashers.
Cartman: It's so we won't look suspicious.
Stan: But we do. Look, those cops are eyeing us.
Cop 1: Those kids are wearing some nice trench coats.
Cop 2: Yeah, they're so hypnotic.
The cops continued to stare at them.
Cartman: Lets just continue to not act suspicious.
The Doctor exits the school.
Kyle (Whispering): There he goes.
The boys started to follow him.
Later.
The Doctor is at the coffee shop waiting for his coffee.
Richard Tweek: A latte with no sugars and laced with whipped cream.
The Doctor: Yeah that's me.
The Doctor takes his latte and starts to drink it.
The boys all stare at him as he does so.
The Doctor exits the shop and almost throws up his latte.
The Doctor than throws the latte away.
Kyle: That looked like a good latte.
Later.
The Doctor is seen walking around Stark Pond.
The Doctor walks to the edge and dips his finger in the water and puts that wet finger in his mouth.
Stan, Cartman, Kyle and Kenny watched on in confusion.
Stan: That river is filled with piss.
Later.
The Doctor is walking to the crash site while Stan, Kyle, Cartman and Kenny are behind him.
The Doctor makes it to the crater and starts to stare at it.
The Doctor enters the crater.
The Doctor continues to look around.
Officer BarBrady approached The Doctor.
Officer BarBrady: Excuse me. That site is reserved for the FBI.
The Doctor shows him a piece of paper.
The Doctor: Which is why I'm here.
Officer BarBrady: My apologies. What have you found?
The Doctor: Just rocks.
Officer BarBrady: And????
The Doctor: Just rocks so far.
The Doctor picks up the rock.
The Doctor: It's just rocks and ash, go back to what you were doing.
Officer BarBrady: I don't have anything to do. What do you want me to do?
The Doctor: Uh, I don't know...rescue a cat?
Officer BarBrady: Rescue a cat? That is exactly what a police officer always does. They always tell me it's a firefighter, but they're wrong.
Officer BarBrady walks away from The Doctor.
The Doctor continues to examine the rock.
The other boys were still watching him.
Stan (Whispering): So, he's an FBI agent?
Kyle (Whispering): I think so.
Cartman (Whispering): Or maybe he's an FBI Nazi.
Stan, Kyle and Kenny glare at Cartman.
Kyle (Whispering): Why do you think he's a Nazi?
The Doctor: Ah ha.
The Doctor pulls a loupe from his pocket and starts to examine the rock by looking into the loupe.
The Doctor: Oh that's beautiful. Never thought I'd see these again.
Stan (Whispering): What's he talking about?
Kyle (Whispering): I have no idea.
Cartman (Whispering): Maybe he's found the thing that'll power the weapon to execute all the Jews.
Kyle (Whispering): Are you done?
The Doctor: Are you gonna go home and do your homework assignment?
The boys stood surprised.
Kyle (Whispering): I don't think he's seen us.
The Doctor: I don't think it's wise to leave your homework assignments at home.
The boys stared at each other and started to make a run for it.
The Doctor chuckled.
Later that night.
The airport.
Mrs Nelson exited the main entrance.
Mrs Nelson: Waste of time. It's just a dog. We were gonna eat it anyway.
Later.
Mrs Nelson is driving in her car on her way to her house.
Later.
Nelson residence.
Mrs Nelson enters her house, exhausted.
Mrs Nelson takes a seat on her couch and switches on the TV.
Suddenly she heard something coming from her backyard.
Mrs Nelson switches off her TV and gets off the couch.
Mrs Nelson grabs a torch and enters her backyard.
Mrs Nelson: Hello? Hello?
Suddenly, Mrs Nelson sees a shadowy thing eating something.
Mrs Nelson: Hello? Snooki, is that you?
Snooki (Off-Screen): Snooki next door. Snooki want smoosh smoosh.
Mrs Nelson: Excuse me? Whoever you are, can you please get out of my backyard?
The shadowy creature starts to walk up to Mrs Nelson.
Creature: (Speaking strange language).
Mrs Nelson: What is that? Is that Klingon?
Mrs Nelson screamed as the creature suddenly grabbed her by the neck with its claw.
Mrs Nelson got pulled into the shadows as there was a loud crunching and squelching noise.
The next day.
South Park elementary.
4th Grade class.
The Doctor: And I have reviewed a lot of your work and I gotta say, I'm impressed. A lot of you have A's B's C's and one E-. Eric, you got most of it correct but allot of it is just profanities which I don't wanna say out loud.
Cartman: Aww!
The bell rings.
The Doctor: Right student, it's recess.
The class started to make its way to recess.
The Doctor: Marsh, Broflovski, Cartman and McCormick could you stay for a moment?
Stan, Kyle, Cartman and Kenny all stared at each other in fear.
The Doctor: Don't be shy.
The boys approached The Doctor.
The Doctor: Why were you following me last night?
The boys nervously stared at The Doctor.
Kyle: We...we...we...weren't following you.
The Doctor: Hmm. You sure about that?
Cartman: Look asshole! We weren't following you!
The Doctor: Yes you were. Don't lie to me Eric. I'm not gonna be cross, as long as you tell me the truth.
Stan: Look Doctor, we're sorry you thought that we were following you. But we weren't.
The Doctor: I know you were. I heard your whispers.
Cartman: We swear we weren't doing anything. You're just trying to make out we're the bad guys!! We aren't the bad guys!!! If anyone's the bad guy it's you!!!! You're a fucking Nazi!!!!
Kyle: Cartman!!!
The Doctor: And you're intolerable!!! Now I know you probably miss your teacher, but I am your substitute teacher until Mrs Nelson comes back!! Do you understand me Eric Cartman?! Because you and your friends are gonna be in a heap of trouble if you're not gonna be honest with me!
Cartman: Ok. I'm trying to prove to my friends you're a Nazi.
The Doctor angrily stares at Cartman.
Later.
Principal's office.
PC Principal: I find it insulting that you're assuming that Mr Smith is part of a ruthless member of an ideology I do not tolerate!!! Apologies to Mr Smith!!!!
Cartman (Grumbling): I'm sorry.
The Doctor: I didn't hear that. Could you please say it louder?
Cartman (Grumbling): Sorry.
The Doctor: Louder.
Cartman: I'm sorry you Nazi asshole!!
PC Principal: Eric Cartman you have five weeks detention congratulations!!!
Outside the office.
Stan, Kyle and Kenny were waiting for Cartman.
Stan: Did you ask your Dad if he knew a John Smith?
Kyle: My Dad said no.
Kenny: So he's not a client he failed? Or a an old friend he wronged?
Stan: So maybe he is a Nazi or new theory: he's a hitman.
Kyle: I guess I better keep my Dad safe.
Stan: Yeah dude. I'm not sure why he isn't after my Dad.
Kyle did an annoyed sigh.
Later at Broflovski residence.
Kyle was holding a knife while outside his parents room.
Kyle: Come on you mother fucker. I know you're planning to kill my Dad. Come out wherever you are.
Ike exits his room.
Ike: What the fuck are you doing?
Kyle: Ike, somebody is planning to kill Dad and I'm outside trying to catch a glimpse of the killer.
Ike stares at Kyle.
Ike: Meh.
Ike was about to go back into his room.
Kyle: Aren't you gonna help me?
Ike: I would, but it's my bedtime.
Ike goes back into his room.
Kyle yawned.
Suddenly, Kyle heard a scream.
Kyle: Huh?
Kyle followed the scream from outside.
Kyle entered the backyard.
Kyle: Hello?
Kyle screamed because he saw a woman covered in bite marks and blood.
Woman: Kill me.
Kyle only stared at the woman in fear.
Woman: Please.
Suddenly, the woman got dragged into the shadows while screaming.
Kyle stares on in fear.
Kyle stares at the darkness in fear.
Kyle points the knife at the darkness waiting for whatever the threat might be.
Kyle: Are you ok?
Suddenly, a human arm hit Kyle in the head.
Kyle: Eww!
Kyle noticed claws sticking out of the shadows.
Kyle stood in fear as the creature started to make its way towards Kyle.
Suddenly, somebody grabbed Kyle by the arm.
Kyle saw who grabbed his arm and it was none other than The Doctor.
The Doctor: Run!
Kyle started running as The Doctor attacked the creature with a fire extinguisher.
As the foam hit the creature, it growled.
The Doctor: Stay back!
The creature knocked The Doctor onto the ground with its claws and ran away.
The Doctor got up off the ground.
Kyle returned to the backyard.
Kyle: Is it gone?
The Doctor: Just as I suspected.
Kyle: What?
The Doctor: A Neptuna, from the planet Neptune.
Kyle: But I thought there was no life on Neptune.
The Doctor: There is. I kind of lied.
Kyle: What do you mean you lied?
The Doctor: I lied because I didn't wanna look suspicious if you ever told your parents what I said.
Kyle: Oh I under-No! I don't understand. What the fuck is going on?!
The Doctor: I will tell you everything. When the time comes.
The Doctor places his hands on Kyle's head
Kyle: What are you doing?
The Doctor: When the time comes, I will tell you.
The Doctor closes his eyes.
The next day.
Kyle woke up in his backyard.
Kyle: What am I doing in the backyard? Oh shit!
Kyle ran into his house and saw his Dad eating breakfast.
Gerald: Kyle, what are you doing in the backyard?
Kyle: I don't know. I don't remember.
Gerald: Did you sneak into my coke drawer? Because that is specifically for me, Mom and guests.
Kyle: I swear I didn't use any of your cocaine, unless I...was drugged.
Gerald stared at Kyle with confusion.
Gerald: What is going on?
Kyle: Dad, somebody is out to kill you. He might be hitman. It's my new teacher John Smith, he asked if I was related to you.
Gerald: I don't know him Kyle.
Kyle: Yeah, I know. But I think he knows you're the troll.
Gerald: You know what Kyle? You might be right.
Kyle: What are we going to do?
Suddenly, there was a knock at the door.
Gerald ran to answer it.
Gerald opened the door and it was none other than The Doctor standing on the front porch.
The Doctor: Gerald Broflovski, John Smith FBI.
Gerald: You're the one who's causing my son problems.
The Doctor: What do you mean?
Gerald: Why are you out to kill me? Maybe we can talk to each other and-
The Doctor: I'm not here to kill you. Although you are being monitored by us due to the fact you are a troll.
Gerald: Oh.
The Doctor: Listen, I'm gonna go and investigate the backyard.
Gerald: Oh ok. But how do I know you're part of the FBI?
The Doctor shows Gerald a piece of paper.
The Doctor: Does this prove your point?
Gerald: My apologies. Investigate as long as you want.
The Doctor: Thank you.
The Doctor enters the backyard.
The Doctor starts to investigate the garden.
The Doctor: Where are the footprints?
Kyle entered the backyard.
Kyle: Excuse me.
The Doctor: Aren't you supposed to be at a school?
Kyle: It's Saturday.
The Doctor: Is it? I guess all my travelling made me lose track of all the days and weeks.
Kyle: Ok. Are you actually an FBI agent? And was the whole teacher gig a cover up?
The Doctor: All yes.
Kyle: I don't believe you.
The Doctor: You don't?
The Doctor approached Kyle.
The Doctor: Maybe my piece of paper says otherwise.
The Doctor shows Kyle the piece of paper.
Kyle: It's just a blank piece of paper.
The Doctor stares at the piece of paper.
The Doctor: Oh well. Psychic paper doesn't work with everyone. I guess wiping your mind was kind of pointless.
Kyle: Wiped my mind? What happened?
The Doctor: I'll show you.
The Doctor grabs Kyle.
The Doctor: I hope I don't do this again at some point.
The Doctor head butted Kyle and flashes of Kyle's memories flashed before him.
Kyle: Ow and Oh my God!
The Doctor: Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!
Kyle: Wait a minute, a Neptuna from the planet Neptune? What is a Neptuna?
The Doctor: Ow! I forgot how much that hurt.
Kyle: What was that?
The Doctor: My memory's being transferred into your head. It's really painful and I hope I don't have to do that again.
Kyle: Why did you do that?
The Doctor: Do I need to? I'll explain it instead. I was here last night investigating the creature that has been going around South Park which turned out to be a Neptuna from Neptune. The Neptuna somehow ended up on your back garden and I followed it there and you found me in your garden along with the Neptuna and to make sure I stay undercover, I had no choice but to wipe your mind.
Kyle stares at The Doctor with confusion.
Kyle: Who are you really?
Suddenly, there was an explosion from the distance.
The Doctor: Tell you later, explosion. Feel like I should check it out.
The Doctor started to run and Kyle followed.
The Doctor: Why are you following me?
Kyle: I have to find out what's going on over there as well.
The Doctor: Why?
Kyle: It's near my school!
South Park elementary or what's left of it.
There was a huge crowd of people staring at the sight of the destroyed school.
The Doctor and Kyle arrived.
The Doctor: Oh I don't like the looks of that.
Cartman: Hooray skwel has been destroyed!!!!
The Doctor: What do you wanna be when you grow older?
Cartman: A dictator, like my hero Hitler.
The Doctor stared at Cartman awkwardly.
The Doctor: Ok, interesting career choice. I'm not sure if I have advice about this one.
Kyle: What happened?
Stan: The school has been blown up.
Kyle: I know that part, but why did the explosion happen?
Stan: I don't know.
The Doctor walked through the police line.
Stan: What's Mr Smith doing?
Kenny: Trying to get himself arrested probably.
Yates: Hey! You're not a cop!
The Doctor shows Yates his psychic paper.
The Doctor: You're right I'm not.
Yates: My apologies of course you're not a cop, you're an FBI agent.
The Doctor: Right, tell me anything except the obvious.
Yates: We have a casualty.
The cops bring a stretcher with a body covered in a white sheet up to The Doctor.
The Doctor removes the sheet and inspects the body.
Yates: Yup, pretty gruesome.
The Doctor: What was his name?
Yates: Mr Venezuela, he was the school's janitor before the explosion took his life.
The Doctor covered the body back up with the white sheet.
The Doctor: That is grotesque. Go take him to the police funeral home.
Yates: Do you mean a morgue?
The Doctor: Yes I think so. I'm gonna investigate the explosi-Fur! I'm a lucky man.
Yates: What?
The Doctor: Oh nothing. Just found a coin.
Yates: Oh, right wheel him away.
BarBrady: Ok people. Nothing to see here, everything's under control.
Yates: BarBrady, you're late.
BarBrady: I am? Aww, I was too busy trying to save a cat.
Stan: So Mr Smith is an FBI agent?
Kyle: Not exactly.
Stan: What do you mean?
The Doctor exited the crime scene holding a plastic bag with something inside.
Kyle: Are you gonna tell us who you are?
Cartman: Yeah, are you gonna tell us you Nazi asshole?!
The Doctor: I am not am not a Nazi, although I did go undercover as a Nazi in Poland 1942 in order to evade capture.
Cartman: Ha! I told you he was a Nazi!
Stan: He said he had to go undercover as one.
Cartman: But I still win the bet.
Stan: You only win half of it.
Kyle: But wait, we don't know if he is a failed client of my Dad.
Kenny: Or somebody who has a grudge against him.
Stan: Or a fellow troll he met online one time which doesn't mean he's a troll.
The Doctor: I am not a failed client, I don't have a grudge against him and I am not a fellow troll he met online that one time which doesn't mean he's a troll.
Cartman: Ha! That means I get half of the five dollars.
Stan: Ok, that's two dollars and twenty five cent.
Kenny: Good thing I have that.
Kenny, Stan and Kyle hand Cartman his money.
Cartman: Ha Ha! Ha! Ha! I can't wait till I turn these to quarters so I can put them in a pool and than I can swim in it.
Kyle: Now are you gonna tell us really?
The Doctor: Follow me. I wanna study this back at my ship.
Kyle: Study what?
The Doctor: This.
The Doctor shows them the plastic bag with white fur in it.
Later.
The boys are seen following The Doctor to a police box.
Cartman: That's just a porta-potty.
The Doctor: It's not a porta-potty, it's my ship.
Kyle: Ship?
The Doctor: I'll show you.
The Doctor uses his key to unlock the police box and what the boys saw on the inside shocked them.
The inside was just a toilet.
The Doctor: Oh. You're right, it's just a porta-potty.
The Doctor walks behind the porter potty and finds another police box.
The Doctor: I hope this is the right one. Better check.
The Doctor presses his key and the police box made the beeping sound of a car being locked.
The Doctor: Like that? I recently installed that.
The boys stared at him unimpressed.
The Doctor: Like a car. Do you like it?
The boys continue to stare at him unimpressed.
The Doctor: Judging my those faces obviously not.
The Doctor approaches the police box and stands by the door.
Cartman: That ship looks tiny as fuck, how does he pilot that?
The Doctor: Well prepare to be amazed.
The Doctor opens the door.
The Doctor: Hold on, I gotta check if it's the right one.
The Doctor enters the police box.
A few seconds later The Doctor poked his head out.
The Doctor: Come in.
The Doctor pulls his head back into the police box.
Cartman: I wonder if his ship will be poorer than Kinny's house.
Kenny glares at Cartman.
The boys enter the police box and were surprised what was inside.
The inside was bigger than the outside.
There was a console with allot of buttons and levers and there were pillars that looked like they were holding the ship together.
Stan: Jesus Christ.
The Doctor was standing at the console looking impressed.
Kenny: This is incredible.
Kyle: It's bigger on the inside.
The Doctor continued to be impressed with himself.
Cartman: Holy shit, this place looks poorer than Kenny's house.
The Doctor's expression changed to unimpressed.
The Doctor: Poorer than Kenny's house? This ship has been my home ever since I ran away from my home planet.
Stan: Home planet?
Kenny: Knowing shit about aliens?
Cartman: Living in a poor excuse for a spaceship?
The boys glare at Cartman.
Kyle: Who are you really?
The Doctor: My name is The Doctor, I'm a Time Lord from the planet Gallifrey. I'm over 900 years old and-
Cartman: Time Lord?
The Doctor: Yes a Time Lord.
Cartman: If you're a lord of time then why didn't you stop the assassination of John F. Kennedy?
The Doctor: I'm not supposed to stop that. There are moments in time I cannot change.
Stan: Was there a time you prevented an event that wasn't supposed to change?
The Doctor: No.
The Doctor's face turns into sadness.
The Doctor: No there wasn't.
Flashbacks to The Waters of Mars is shown.
The shots of Adeline committing suicide is shown.
Than The Doctor's face of realisation.
Flashback ends.
The Doctor: No, I haven't.
Cartman: What is this shit hole?! You call this a ship?
The Doctor: Yes.
Cartman: Well what kind of ship is it??
The Doctor: TARDIS.
Kyle: TARDIS?
The Doctor: Yes that's Time And Relative Dimensions In Space. It can travel through time and space.
Stan: If you can travel in time, why can't you catch the creature when it crashed on this planet?
The Doctor: I feel like it would cause some time interference. So I can't just go back in time and catch the creature, because that could be breaking the laws of time.
Cartman: That's a bullshit excuse.
The Doctor: It's an excuse you're gonna have to live with, like the rules, don't touch any button, explore if you wish to and just don't do anything I would do.
Cartman: Why would I wanna go look around a ship that's boring as hell and as poor as Kenny's?
The Doctor: There's a pool.
Cartman: Well why didn't you say so?
Cartman starts to take off his clothes.
Cartman continues to take his clothes off as he starts running.
Kyle: So, what is-
Suddenly, Cartman's underwear hits Kyle in the face.
Cartman: Heads up!
Kyle removes the pants from his face.
Kyle: Disgusting. Anyway, what is in the bag?
The Doctor: It's fur.
Kenny: What kind?
The Doctor: I know what it is, I just have to be sure.
Stan: It's probably a cat.
The Doctor: It's not a cat, I know it isn't.
The Doctor opens the bag and pulls the fur out from it.
The Doctor: It's white. But I still need to be sure.
Kyle: Do you have any high tech equipment to find out what it is?
The Doctor: Yes. Although it's not high tech.
The Doctor sticks the fur in his mouth.
The boys stared at him confused.
The Doctor pulls the fur out of his mouth.
The Doctor: You're right, just a cat.
The Doctor throws the fur at Kenny's face.
Kenny: Disgusting.
The Doctor: Guess, I gotta keep searching.
Suddenly somebody's phone started ringing.
The ringtone was the Imperial March.
Stan: Sorry, that's my Dad.
Kyle: You have coverage in here?
The Doctor: Yeah, I travel in time and space of course I need coverage.
Stan answers his phone.
Stan: Hi Dad.
Randy: Stan! You need to get back right now, something has happened to my crops.
Stan: Do I need to?
Randy: Yes! Everyone needs to see it.
Stan did an annoyed sigh.
Stan: What happened to your crops?
Kyle: Do you wanna tell me how you know my Dad?
The Doctor: Ok, I-
Stan: I gotta get home. I'm sorry I have to leave so soon.
The Doctor: What's happened?
Stan: My Dad's crops have been destroyed by something.
The Doctor: Destroyed how?
Stan: He didn't say, he just said they've been destroyed.
The Doctor: Your Dad's crops might have been destroyed by something interesting. I'm coming definitely. Where is it?
Stan: Tegridy Farms.
The Doctor: Tegridy Farms it is. It goes out of business this year.
Stan: It goes out of business?
The Doctor realises his mistake.
The Doctor: Forget I said that.
Stan: Doctor, can I ask a favour when we arrive?
The Doctor: Sure, what is it?
About a minute earlier.
Tegridy Farms.
Randy: Get here as soon as you can son.
Randy hangs up.
Randy: He better get here as soon as he can.
Randy then gets a text from Stan and it said "See you in 4 seconds".
Randy: Ha! Lol.
Suddenly, Randy hears a strange noise.
A strange noise that went "Vworp Vworp" repeatedly.
Randy: What is that noise?
Then the police box appeared in front of Randy.
Randy stands in shock.
Randy drops to the ground.
Suddenly, Stan, Kyle, Kenny and The Doctor exit the TARDIS.
Stan: Hi Dad.
Randy is in utter surprise.
The Doctor than drops to his knees.
The Doctor: Hello, I'm Mr Smith. I'm Stan's substitute teacher.
The Doctor shakes Randy's hand.
The Doctor: I'm gonna investigate the crops.
The Doctor leaves Randy to look at the crops.
Cartman then exits the TARDIS, naked.
Cartman: Hi Mr Marsh. Where are the assholes?
Randy than nervously points to where the "assholes" were.
Cartman than goes to where Randy was pointing.
The Doctor, Stan, Kyle and Kenny were staring at the destroyed crops.
Stan: They're gone.
Kenny: My parents are gonna be sad.
The Doctor walked into the field to investigate.
Stan: Oh my God! I get to go home!
The Doctor: Aren't you already home?
Stan: Yeah this isn't my home.
The Doctor: It seems like a lovely place.
Stan: Lovely but it is run by an evil asshole.
The Doctor: That's your Dad.
Stan: Wait a minute, is this the day the farm closes down?
Stan smiled.
The Doctor: Not saying, you'll know too much about the future.
The Doctor continued to investigate the field.
Cartman rendezvoused with his friends still naked.
Cartman: What's going on?
Stan: Something ate my Dad's crops.
Cartman: So that means you might get to come home.
Stan: Hopefully.
Kyle: Where are your clothes?
Cartman: I wanted to see what was going on. I had no time for getting my clothes on.
Kenny: But it'd be nice if you put some pants on so I wouldn't be able to stare at that watermelon ass.
Cartman: Ay!
The Doctor: Hey boys, can you help me investigate? I need help sometimes. And Eric, could you put some clothes on?
Cartman: No.
The boys jumped over the fence to help The Doctor investigate.
Kyle: Doctor, I forgot to ask, what's a Neptuna?
The Doctor: I told you it's a creature from Neptune. Oh, you want more info about them don't you?
Kyle: Yeah.
The Doctor: The Neptuna are savages. They like to eat anything that moves. The Neptuna that is on your planet, is the last of its kind.
Kyle: How did it happen?
The Doctor: The Neptuna ate its own kind. Because when food supplies on Neptune ran out, they had no choice but to eat each other as a means to survive. The last Neptuna in the entire universe goes around eating any creature it finds.
Kyle: Can it be killed?
The Doctor: No. But people have gotten rid of it by trapping it in a rocket and launching it off the planet. When you encounter the Neptuna, I need you to run.
Kyle: Ok.
They continue to investigate.
Kyle: Doctor, what's the creature you're looking for?
The Doctor: A creature that's a herbivore or in millennial speaking, a vegan and Cartman can you put some pants on at least?
Cartman: Fuck you.
Kyle: Doctor are you gonna tell me how you know my Dad?
The Doctor: I guess it's time. Years in the futuuuuuurreeeeee-Bingo.
The Doctor finds white fur.
The Doctor: And just to be sure.
The Doctor pulls a screwdriver shaped device out of his pocket, points it at the fur, pushes a button and a light shined from the tip and made a noise.
Stan: What is that you're using?
The Doctor: Sonic Screwdriver, it's a sonic device that's useful for everything except for wood, I gotta work on that setting. One of the features is helping me look for life forms like a metal detector.
The Doctor starts to use his Sonic Screwdriver like a metal detector.
The Doctor: Follow me and put some clothes on.
Cartman: The TARDIS is so far.
The Doctor: No it isn't.
The boys follow The Doctor.
Kyle: So, how will we know if we find the creature?
The Doctor: Like I said, it sometimes works like a metal detector. So when it beeps faster than before, we know we're close.
The screwdriver started to beep faster.
The Doctor: Getting close.
They start walking through a forest.
The Doctor: Are you even cold without your clothes?
Cartman: I was naked in front of the town one time.
The Doctor: Right.
Stan: Are we getting close?
The Doctor: Close, close, close, closer!
The Doctor was pointing his Sonic Screwdriver at a cave.
The Doctor: Hello hello. Allons y.
The Doctor enters the cave.
The Doctor: That means "let's go" in French.
Kyle: Hey Cartman, do you wanna know something else in French?
Cartman: Ok.
Kyle: Mettez des vêtements, gros cul.
Cartman: What does that mean?
Kyle: It means "put some clothes on, fat ass!"
The Doctor laughed.
The Doctor: Oh that's a good one.
The boys follow The Doctor into the cave.
Stan: Does the Screwdriver work as a torch as well?
The Doctor: Yeah, why?
Stan: Because the light isn't bright enough.
The Doctor: Hold on.
The Doctor pushes a button and the light got brighter.
The Doctor: See?
Cartman: Why do you think the creature ate all your Dad's crops?
Stan: It got hungry obviously. Why aren't you wearing clothes?
The Doctor: Marijuana is a drug, so I think the creature got addicted to it.
They walked deeper into the cave. They came to a halt when The Doctor stopped.
The Doctor: Oh, hello there. I knew they existed.
Stan: What is that?
The creature had the slender body of a cheetah, the wings of an eagle, the tail of a dog, the first two legs were the legs of an eagle while the other two were the legs of a dog and its head was the head of a cheetah.
The Doctor smiled.
The Doctor: A Wheatah. I never thought I'd get to see one in my entire lifespan.
Kyle: A Wheatah?
The Doctor: Yeah.
Kyle: What's that?
The Doctor: A Wheatah, from the planet Ameliana. Named after the planet's founder Amelia Earhart.
Stan: Amelia Earhart? As in the pilot?
The Doctor: Yeah, she's not dead. She's alive and well in the Nexus.
Stan: Nexus? From Star Trek Generations?
The Doctor: Huh? It's not from Star Trek.
Stan: Well, it is.
Voice: Who interrupts my slumber?
Stan: Who said that?
The Doctor: They are psychic.
Kyle: What are?
The Wheatah wakes up.
Wheatah: I am psychic.
The Doctor couldn't help but stare in awe.
Wheatah: Why are you smiling?
The Doctor: Sorry. Hello, I'm the Doctor. I'm smiling because I've just heard so many legends about your species on my planet and it's amazing to finally meet one of you at last. You're so legendary that your planet isn't even marked anywhere in the galaxy.
Stan: What are you doing here Mr Wheatah?
Wheatah: My name is Romanus and I came here by mistake.
The Doctor: What do you mean?
Romanus: I left my home planet to escape the wrath of the Daleks.
The Doctor's face turns into a face of fear.
The Doctor: The Daleks attacked your planet?
Stan: What are the Daleks?
The Doctor: The most dangerous beings in the universe.
Romanus: When I got into my ship and left my planet, I didn't realise I had a guest. A Neptuna from the planet Neptune had somehow gotten into my ship. It tried to kill me and then eat me. During the scuffle I somehow ended up this planet our people call Hoath, but you call it Earth. For the last few days I've been hiding from the Neptuna and have eaten allot of crops. Especially this one funny one that made me speak sentences I thought were philosophical but was absolute bull shit.
Stan: Yeah, I applaud you for that.
Romanus: May I ask a question?
The Doctor: Go on.
Romanus: Why isn't that walking watermelon wearing clothes?
Cartman: Watermelon?!
Kyle: Can you please put on some clothes?!
Cartman: Fine! I'll go back to the RETARDIS and put some clothes on.
The Doctor: It's called TARDIS.
Cartman: Whatever.
Cartman leaves the cave.
Romanus: What will you do with me Doctor?
The Doctor: We're gonna get you home and we'll deal with the Neptuna.
Romanus: I can't come back home. The surviving Wheatahs have all agreed to meet on the planet Felspoon.
The Doctor: Felspoon. Brilliant choice. There's allot of plants to feast on there.
Kenny: Felspoon?
The Doctor: Felspoon. It has mountains that sway in the breeze.
Kyle: Sounds nice?
Suddenly, Cartman returns.
Cartman: What sounds nice?
Stan: I thought you were going back to get your clothes.
Cartman: I was, but some asshole blocked my path.
The Doctor stared at Cartman with worry.
Kyle: That doesn't sound good.
The Doctor: Stay here. Look after Romanus.
Romanus: I do not need looking after.
The Doctor heads to the exit to the cave to face the asshole.
Romanus: Why aren't you wearing clothes you watermelon?
Cartman glared at Romanus.
Outside the cave.
The Doctor exited the cave to face the creature.
The creature had claws like a lobster, feet like an eagle and the body of a tuna.
The Doctor: A Neptuna from the planet Neptune.
Neptuna: (Speaking some alien language).
The Doctor stared at the creature with confusion.
The Doctor: No offence, but I can't speak your language.
Stan exited the cave.
Stan: What's g-
Suddenly Stan started to laugh.
Stan: That looks ridiculous.
Neptuna: (Speaking some alien language).
Stan: I'm laughing because you look ridiculous.
The Doctor looked at Stan in amazement.
The Doctor: You speak its language?
Stan: I can?
Neptuna: (Speaking some alien language).
Stan: It's Klingon.
The Doctor: Klingon?
Stan: Yeah, the Neptunas are fluent in Klingon.
The Doctor stared at Stan in confusion.
Stan: Klingons? From Star Trek.
The Doctor: That explains why Gene Roddenberry decided to stay on Neptune for a few more weeks. Translate for me will you?
Stan: Ok.
Stan (Speaking Klingon): What are you doing on my planet?
Neptuna (Speaking Klingon): I am looking for the Wheatah.
Stan (Speaking Klingon): Why?
Neptuna (Speaking Klingon): Because a Wheatah is a very rare feast. Eating one would be of the best dinners I've had.
Stan: It wants to eat the Wheatah because it's a very rare feast.
Neptuna (Speaking Klingon): I've eaten allot of things on this planet that wasn't to my tasting. Here's one I've eaten recently.
The Neptuna threw a head to The Doctor.
The Doctor throws the head to the ground.
Stan looks at the head and was in shock to discover who it was.
The head was the head of Mrs Nelson.
The Doctor: Know her?
Stan: That's my teacher.
Stan (Speaking Klingon): That was my teacher you bastard!
The Neptuna smiled at Stan.
Neptuna (Speaking Klingon): Give me the creature.
Stan (Speaking Klingon): The Doctor won't allow that to happen.
The Doctor: Keep it talking, I'll be back.
The Doctor ran into the cave.
Inside the cave.
The Doctor: We gotta get out of here.
Romanus: Why?
The Doctor: The Neptuna has found you.
Kyle: It's here?
The Doctor: Yes.
Cartman: But where shall we go?! The TARDIS is at the farm.
Kenny: Than we're fucked.
Kyle: Than we have to keep it distracted somehow.
The Doctor: It's ok, Stan's keeping it distracted.
Stan suddenly ran into the cave.
Stan: It knew I was stalling.
Kyle: Oh fuck dude!
Cartman: Do you have a plan?
The Doctor: Usually in these moments I would think of a solution but I didn't have time!
Cartman: So we're fucked?
The Doctor: Pretty much.
The Neptuna approached the group.
Neptuna: (Speaking Klingon).
Stan: It wants you to be his guest.
Romanus: It is not happening.
The Neptuna started to slowly approach the group.
The Doctor: I've just thought of one. I'm gonna use my Sonic Screwdriver to interfere with somebody's mobile phone so-
Suddenly Kenny charged at the Neptuna and started to fight it.
The Doctor: Or Kenny can kick its bottom. Children, Romanus, to the TARDIS.
The Doctor, Stan, Kyle, Cartman and Romanus started to run out of the cave.
Stan: What about Kenny?
Kenny: Go on without me.
Cartman: Ok, your sacrifice is well noted.
Kenny: What?!
The Doctor: Thank you Kenny.
The group continued to run out of the cave.
Kenny: You morons! You were supposed to stay here and save me.
Kenny continued to fight the Neptuna.
But the Neptuna grabbed Kenny's face and then tore it off.
Neptuna (Speaking Klingon): A delicious feast.
Outside the cave.
The group made it out of the cave.
The Doctor: The TARDIS is beyond the forest, just west from here. I need you to follow me.
Romanus: Or I can fly us there.
The Doctor than stared at the Wheatah's wings.
The Doctor smiled.
The Doctor: Are you sure?
Romanus: The Neptuna will catch up with us on foot. All of you get on my back. Except for the watermelon.
Cartman: Oh fuck you!
Romanus: I am serious, you look like you can lose some weight. That and I don't want your crotch on my soft fur.
The Doctor, Stan and Kyle hop on Romanus' back.
Cartman: I demand to get-
Romanus than took off.
Cartman: Or you can fuck off! Sure, sounds better!
Up in the air.
Romanus was flying in the air with The Doctor, Stan and Kyle on his back.
Romanus: What do you think of me as your ride?
The Doctor was enjoying it allot.
The Doctor: I haven't had this fun in my 900 years of my life.
Kyle: It's a little bumpy.
Stan: I think it's gonna make me sick.
Romanus: Please don't be sick on my fur.
Stan: What if I accidentally throw up on somebody on the surface?
The Doctor: You know what? I have a sick bag.
Then the sick bag flew out of The Doctor's hand.
The Doctor: Or I did.
Stan: I'm definitely gonna be sick.
Romanus: Move your head to your left or right and throw up. Because Ben Affleck threw up on me when I was giving him a ride one time and it really didn't help me one bit.
Stan then turned his head to the right and threw up.
The Doctor: Oh wait, I have a spare sick bag.
Stan: Oh jeez, I hope my throw up doesn't land on anyone.
On the ground.
Wendy was walking with a bunch of books in her hand, while the vomit was coming down faster.
We keep cutting to Wendy walking and Stan's vomit coming down faster.
But instead of the vomit landing on Wendy you readers are probably thinking, it lands on the front windshield of a car.
The driver steered out of control and accidentally crashed into the White's residence.
Robert White exited his house.
Mr White: Look at my house!
The driver turned out to be Steve Black (Token's Dad).
Steve: I'm so sorry Mr White, I think a giant bird threw up on my car.
Mr White: Giant bird or not, you still crashed into my home!
Steve: Do you see that disgusting liquid with a bunch of lumps on my windshield?!
Mr White than punched Steve.
Steve than punched Mr White back; causing them two to get into a fight.
Wendy only watched on in annoyance.
Meanwhile.
Romanus landed at the TARDIS where Cartman was waiting for them.
Cartman: Took you long enough.
Romanus: Yes. Next time I come on this planet remind me to not bring the boy in the red poof ball hat on a magic Wheatah ride. He's quite queasy.
Kyle, Stan and The Doctor got off of Romanus.
Kyle: And why haven't you still got clothes on?
Cartman: Because the door is locked.
The Doctor: Sorry.
The Doctor clicked his fingers and the TARDIS unlocked itself.
The Doctor: Go on in Romanus.
Romanus entered the TARDIS.
The Doctor: You coming you lot?
Kyle and Cartman entered the TARDIS.
The Doctor: Stan, you coming?
Stan was standing still in fear. His sweat was dripping from his face.
The Doctor: Stan?
Stan pointed upwards.
The Doctor: What?
The Doctor looked up and realised that the Neptuna was on top of his TARDIS.
The Neptuna then grabbed The Doctor by the neck.
The Doctor: Get in the TARDIS!
Stan ran into the TARDIS.
The Neptuna forced itself into the TARDIS while holding The Doctor hostage.
Neptuna: Give me the Wheatah.
Stan: It speaks English.
Kyle: And it has Kenny's voice.
Cartman: And it's holding The Doctor hostage!
Romanus: Why are you pointing out the obvious? That's gonna get a little annoying very fast.
Kyle: Why do you have Kenny's voice?
The Neptuna stuck its tongue out to reveal that it has a human tongue.
Neptuna: The boy was nice enough to lend me his tongue, even though it took some persuading.
Cartman: Well tell Kinny it was a dumb decision.
Neptuna: Tell him yourself, he's swimming in my digestive system.
Everyone was shocked.
Stan: You killed him.
Kyle: You bastard.
Neptuna: Now it's simple, if you don't give me the Wheatah then I will slice this man's neck.
The Doctor: Time Lord.
The Neptuna grinned after hearing him say that.
Neptuna: Time Lord. I thought your race was long gone, but only one remains. I never thought I'd see one, your race is rarer than the Wheatah. Now I get to feast on your two hearts.
The Doctor: Think again mate you don't want me. You want the rest of the Wheatahs and Time Lords.
Romanus: Doctor, what are you doing?
Neptuna: Yes, I want them all. Where are they?
The Doctor: The Whetahs and Time Lords are all living on Felspoon.
Romanus: Doctor, what are you doing?!
The Doctor: I have no choice Romanus.
Stan: Doctor, how could you? You're risking Romanus' people for your own safety.
The Doctor: I might die Stan, I have no choice but to surrender.
The Doctor pulls a face of regret.
Neptuna: Wise decision Time Lord. Now before you take me to Felspoon I have a question. Why is the walking watermelon naked?
Cartman: Stop asking that question I'm putting my clothes on!
Cartman was now wearing his clothes.
Later.
The Doctor was piloting the TARDIS.
While Stan, Kyle, Cartman, the Neptuna and Romanus were sitting on the floor.
Neptuna: Once I get to Felspoon, I will eat you first.
The Doctor: Actually the Time Lord President is worth eating first because he actually has three hearts.
Neptuna: Ok than. Time Lord President first, Wheatah second and Time Lord last.
Kyle: I can't believe this is how we're gonna die.
Cartman: Yeah, we're gonna die at the hands of a space tuna.
The Neptuna growled at Cartman.
Cartman: It's true!
The Doctor: We're here.
Neptuna: Brilliant. I cannot wait.
The Neptuna grabbed Stan.
Neptuna: Now, you will follow me or this boy will have a hole in his throat.
Romanus: Doctor, you have let me down.
The Doctor: I'm gonna let this boy's parents down if I'm not careful.
The Neptuna slowly approached the door.
Neptuna: I'm gonna have the feast of my life.
The Neptuna opened the door and realised that the TARDIS wasn't on Felspoon, it was floating in front of the sun.
Neptuna: You!
Kyle: Take this you stupid tuna!
Kyle than threw a shoe at the Neptuna causing it to tumble out of the TARDIS while holding onto Stan's leg.
The Neptuna was clinging onto Stan while Stan was trying to hold on by the TARDIS door.
Stan: Help!
The Doctor: Hold on!!
The Doctor grabbed Stan by the arm.
The Doctor: Hold on!!!
Neptuna: If I'm gonna die, than the least I can do is have one more feast before my demise.
The Doctor was struggling to hold onto Stan.
Stan's arm was slipping from his grasp.
The Neptuna grinned.
Suddenly, Romanus ran up to The Doctor.
The Doctor: What are you doing?!
Romanus: Helping.
Stan: Stay back!!
The Doctor: Hold on Stan.
Romanus: Let go of Stan, it's me you want.
Neptuna: Yes!
Romanus: Grab my tail, let go of Stan.
The Doctor: Don't do it Romanus!
Romanus: It's my choice.
Romanus offered his tail to the Neptuna.
Neptuna: My final f-
The Neptuna lets go of Stan's leg to try and grab Romanus' tail, but instead gets sucked into the sun.
The Doctor pulled Stan into the TARDIS.
Romanus: Ok, this wasn't how I expected things to go.
The Doctor: Are you ok?
Stan: Yeah. Hey guys, thanks for the help.
Cartman: We didn't wanna be sucked into the sun.
The Doctor starts to stare at the sun.
The Doctor stares at the sun with so much regret.
Romanus: You had to do what you did Doctor.
The Doctor: I caused the death of the last Neptuna.
Stan: It was heroic either way.
Kyle: I know it was difficult decision for you and I'm sorry you had to do it.
The Doctor: It's ok. You ready to see your people Romanus?
Romanus: I'm ready.
Cartman: Ok, lets get this thing to the planet of spoons.
The Doctor: Felspoon.
Cartman: Whatever.
Later.
The TARDIS lands at its destination.
The Doctor: It's outside Romanus.
Romanus: I am forever in your debt Doctor, same with you Stan, Kyle and Walking Watermelon.
Cartman: Ay!
Romanus: I'll stop calling you that once you lose your weight.
Kyle: That's impossible for him.
Romanus: Right. I'll see you later Doctor.
The Doctor: Yes.
Romanus: I know what you did was difficult, but it was something you had to make in order to save me. You didn't have to you know.
Romanus exits the TARDIS.
The Doctor stares at the console with sadness plastered on his face.
Kyle: I'm sorry you had to do that.
The Doctor pressed some controls.
Later.
The TARDIS landed back on South Park.
The Doctor: We're here.
Cartman: Well, I'm not staying in this shit hole for one more minute.
Cartman and Stan exit the TARDIS.
While Kyle just stayed.
The Doctor was staring at the console.
Kyle approached The Doctor.
Kyle: Are you ok?
The Doctor: You saw what I did, I executed the last known evidence of life on Neptune.
Kyle: It was still a sacrifice made, even though you were unwilling to do it.
The Doctor: I don't know if I can go on after this. I broke the laws of time, I'm delaying my meeting with the Ood.
Kyle: The Ood?
The Doctor: Yes.
Kyle: What's an Ood?
The Doctor: The Ood's an Ood. And now, I executed the last of the Neptuna.
Kyle: Doctor, I don't want you to kill yourself, maybe you could try and forget it.
The Doctor: Yeah, I always forget the bad things I've done. Sometimes they come up, but I have countless places to be. I'm thinking of where I'm going next. I could visit Walt Disney World or be at Queen's Live Aid performance or a planet where it is illegal to hop. Oh! How about I visit Queen Elizabeth I of England?
Kyle: Yeah, the last one sounds good.
The Doctor: Maybe you could join me on my adventures. I could use a companion.
Kyle starts to think about the offer.
Kyle: It's tempting, but I don't want to worry my friends about where I am. Besides you live for the danger.
The Doctor: Oh, I am the danger.
Kyle laughed.
The Doctor: I do understand your concern. Go and enjoy your life, you look like you have a decent life anyway.
Kyle: I do Doctor.
The Doctor: I'll see you again, whenever that day comes.
Kyle: Yeah me too.
Kyle was about to exit the TARDIS, but he stopped.
Kyle: Doctor.
The Doctor: Yeah?
Kyle: I forgot to ask, how do you know my Dad?
There was a pause.
The Doctor: Oh yes! I forgot! I don't know your Dad personally, but this year he comes out as being a troll. It made global news and he was sent to jail for three weeks. The three week prison sentence was because of trolling, but he was classed as a hero for preventing the first World War 3.
Kyle: Oh.
The Doctor: So, it's best to not tell your Dad about it.
Kyle: I won't.
The Doctor: Just to make sure the laws of time are intact.
Kyle: I know.
Kyle exited the TARDIS.
The Doctor: See you soon Kyle Broflovski.
Outside the TARDIS.
Kyle was smiling while walking home.
He stopped when he thought back to what The Doctor said.
Kyle: First World War 3?
The TARDIS made the familiar grinding noise as it was disappearing.
Kyle: Doctor wait! Doctor!!
But the TARDIS was long gone.