Chapter Two has arrived, my dudes! First off, a response to a review given by TheWallHaveEarsEddy! :D
Firstly, thanks for the review and for tips you've given me on how to handle the story and its premise. Rest assured, the other Cul-De-Sac kids will certainly play a part in the later chapters of this story, as they too will also be taught a few lessons in keeping clean and healthy. This chapter will solely feature the Eds, though, as to only give you guys a feel on how the chapters will be structured.
Still tho, thank you so much for the review and I'll try to keep it as informative and funny as much as I can, as well as making sure the Eds and the other kids are written as in-character as they can be. ;)
Ed, Edd, n' Eddy is owned by Danny Antonucci and Cartoon Network. (I do not own any of its characters nor its properties. This is purely a non-profit fanfic made for fun).
WASH BEHIND YOUR EDS
CHAPTER TWO: A HANDS-ON EXPERIENCE
[EDDWARD'S SIX STEP GUIDE TO STAYING HEALTHY AND CLEAN - LESSON ONE: WASHING YOUR HANDS]
All three Eds crowded around a shiny sink inside of a sparkly-clean bathroom, located inside of Double D's house. Eddy looked at the sink with a positively-bored expression while Ed gazed happily at his reflection in the mirror above the sink. Double D beamed broadly and clasped his hands together.
"Now then, Lesson One goes over the basics on how to properly and effectively wash your hands." he explained. Eddy raised an eyebrow in annoyance; they were really going to have to talk about how to wash your hands? This was way beyond Eddy's time and patience.
"Yeesh, Sockhead, is the concept of washing your hands so difficult that we have to add this as our first lesson?" he asked snarkily, "Washing your hands is, like, basic baby stuff." Double D didn't let Eddy's sharp tongue deter him.
"On the contrary, there is a much more proper way to wash your hands, Eddy." he stated calmly, "Most reckless people would simply run their filthy hands under a running faucet for two seconds and be done with it, but if you learn to be patient, take care, and follow the rules, your hands shall sparkling and free of germs in no time!"
Eddy barely had the strength to even roll his eyes at Double D's proud declaration. "So, what are the 'oh-so special rules' when it comes to hand washing, Double D?" he asked, feigning interest. Double D overlooked his friend's sarcasm, as to keep in-character for the "audience".
"So glad you asked!" he trilled, turning on the faucet, "Here's how you all should be washing your hands."
As the faucet began running a steady stream of warm, clean water into the sink, Double D took out a bar of fresh, sweet-smelling soap and began washing his hands, lathering his palms and wrists in the process.
"Now, after we ease the water temperature to that of a nice, warm setting, so as not to burn ourselves, we simply lather and rinse with fresh soap. We should also do a very thorough job when washing our hands, meaning we shouldn't exclude our knuckles, thumbs, fingernails, and in-between our fingers, too."
Double D rubbed and scratched the fingernails back and forth on his left hand into his soapy palms, as to keep them properly washed. He then grasped his left thumb within his balled-up right fist and twisted his right fist in a rotating motion, giving his thumb a nice scrub. He repeated the same actions again with his right hand, evenly cleaning both his nails and his thumbs on that hand, too. Eddy and Ed watched this process from the sidelines.
At last, after he rinsed off all the soap and germs, Double D's hands were as clean as they could be. He presented his cleaned cuticles and polished palms back at his friends, where Ed gazed at the spectacle with easily-amused eyes. Eddy was still dreading death.
"Now, Eddy, let's demonstrate proper hand washing with you now." he instructed, guiding the boy closer to the sink, "A hands-on experience is the cornerstone to success, that's what I say." Double D giggled at his pun (and obligatory chapter title drop) with delight.
Eddy felt the need to simply jump out of the window and to run for dear life, and he half-considered moving away to some far off country and starting a new life somewhere else (Switzerland sounded nice at this time of year, he thought), but since he hadn't the cash for plane fare nor the will to trek there by foot, he had to simply roll with Double D's instructions instead.
There, he lathered, rinsed, washed, and cleansed up his hands as best as he could, following to how Double D washed his hands as best as he could.
Eddy hated to admit it openly, but the warm feeling of the water on his hands and the smell of the soap did help ease him, even if it was for a little while. Soon, he felt his hands becoming much more clean as the seconds ticked by. However, he still had something to ask.
"Sooo...how long do I have to keep this up?" he asked at Double D.
"Twenty seconds is the optimal time limit for when you must wash your hands. Usually, to pass the time, some people would sing a short song to know how long they should exactly wash, like, for example, you could sing the ABC's song or 'Happy Birthday', if you sang that two times. Personally, I have a song of my own choosing that I like to use when I wash my hands at home." explained Double D, diplomatically. Eddy raised an eyebrow directly at him.
"And pray tell, what song do you use, Mr. Clean?" snarked Eddy. Double D blushed and averted his gaze away from Eddy, almost looking embarrassed.
"Oh, you know…'Stairway to Heaven'..." he muttered, almost vacantly. Eddy legit had to do a double take upon hearing this.
"'Stairway to-'...Double D, that's, like, a ten minute song!" he exclaimed, dumbfounded, "Also, since when do you listen to rock music!?" Double D frowned slightly.
"Eight minutes and two seconds, to be precise." he corrected, not missing a beat, "Additionally, yes, hard rock isn't exactly my style of music, I agree, but it does have a nice length of time for me to make sure that my hands are thoroughly sanitized." Eddy looked at Double D as if he'd grown three more heads before he harrumphed and rolled his eyes.
'Your brain needs sanitizing…' sniffed Eddy to himself as he finally finished washing his hands.
However, Ed, being an eager beaver, waved his right hand high in the air, like a student trying to be called upon by a teacher. "Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! Can I sing the ABC song and wash my hands, too!?" he yelled out excitedly. Double D smiled, surprised yet delighted.
"Certainly, Ed!" chimed Double D, stepping aside to allow Ed to march over to the sink. Ed rolled up his long, hefty jacket sleeves, revealing his skinny, yellow arms and hands for the world to see. He lathered up his hands with sudsy soap underneath the running faucet, ready to sing the classic ABC song with gusto.
Or...attempt to, anyways.
"A, B, C, D, E, F, Q...H, I, K, Q, D, A, N, N, Y...Q, 17, shoe...blah-blah-blah...uh...Y, M, C, A...now, I know my ABC's, I like eating pickled cheese."
Ed turned off the sink and smiled at Double D, expectantly. Double D mustered up a trying smile and a weak thumbs-up. "Uhh...good effort, Ed!" Double D congratulated, his voice slightly stilted.
'Well...at least his hands are washed…' Double D thought hopefully. Eddy groaned and shook his head at his dumb friend's random tendencies.
'Did he really say 'Q' three times during that song?' Eddy griped to himself. By this time, Double D passed him and Ed some hand towels to dry off their hands. Eddy looked over to Double D, already exhausted from today's lessons.
"So, anymore fun-filled lessons to give to our readers?" Eddy asked dryly, already regretting his question as Double D shot him a delight smile.
"Indeed, there's plenty where that came from!" chirped Double D with glee. Eddy bit his tongue, as not to yell in agony. Ed looked puzzled.
"But, Double D, what about when we have to go potty?" he asked worriedly. Double D smiled helpfully.
"Well, after using the lavatory for when you must...ahem...powder your nose, you must always make it a habit to wash up afterwards, as not to spread germs to others." he explained, making his way over to the toilet, "Additionally, you should always sanitize and disinfect your sink, your toilet, or your bathtub regularly, as not to have germs lay around after usage."
Double D then headed over to a linen closet inside the bathroom, where he grabbed something else to show to the other Eds, that being a can of air freshener. Double D smiled as his finger grazed on the can's nozzle, ready to spray.
"Plus, it never hurts to freshener up the air in your bathroom after each use." he added, and with that…
*SPRITZZZZZZ!* *WHOOOOOSH!*
...Double D sprayed the whole bathroom with the air freshener, sending clouds of mist swirling around like a fog-filled tornado. One whiff of the sweet, yet strong-smelling odor was enough to cause Eddy and Ed to cough, hack, and wheeze heavily in response, the air freshener overloading their nasal passages greatly. Eddy's eyes watered like mad.
"ACK! UGH! MY EYES! MY BEAUTIFUL EYES! THEY'RE BURNING! ECH!" hacked Eddy helplessly, his eyes red and bloodshot. Ed fanned at the air as best as he could, his face leaking tears.
"MAKE THE SMELL GO AWAY, DOUBLE D! MAKE IT GO AWAY!" he pleaded. Sure enough, Double D, who was unfazed throughout all this, ceased spraying and inhaled the scent of the air freshener, breathing out a sigh of happiness afterwards.
"Ahh...blueberries and lilac...my favorite scent." he hummed, almost wistfully. He turned his head around to inspect his bathroom. Now, his bathroom looks thrice as clean as it was before and was now free of germs and bad stenches. Double D beamed with utmost pride.
"Mm-hmm, a clean bathroom is a happy bathroom…" he declared. Double D glanced back to the two Eds, who were both wheezing on the bathroom floor like dying corpses. The boy raised an unamused eyebrow at their melodramatic antics.
"Oh, come on, fellows. It's just a bit of air freshener." Double D assured. His reassurance fell upon deaf ears.
"THAT WASN'T AIR FRESHENER, THAT WAS DEATH IN A CAN!" screeched Eddy, having just barely caught his breath again. Ed writhed and groaned loudly on the floor, breathing heavily like a madman.
"I can see the light...and it stings…" moaned Ed with a rasp. His eyes were wide and milky white, as if he met the Grim Reaper himself in-person.
Double D stared at his friends in disbelief and tried not to let his sigh sound too exhausted as he picked his friends up and back on their feet. With Eddy and Ed now upright and wobbly from the waist-down, Double D shot them his most stern-looking expression yet, with a tone to match.
"Now, boys, this is very serious information! We can't just fiddle-faddle all the while when we have lessons to teach. Everyone should benefit from this, especially you two." instructed Double D, his fatherly-sounding voice mixed with both patience and seriousness, "We have a whole list of hygiene lessons to go through and expect utmost dedication from you both in assisting me. Do you understand?"
Double D's answer came in the form of another round of choked coughs, courtesy of his two allies.
"...*cough*...Crystal clear…*cough*..." groaned Eddy, in-between coughs.
"My face feels numb, Eddy…" bemoaned Ed, his face still red and wet with tears. Double D stared blankly ahead and let out a pitiful sigh, fatigue settling inside of his heart.
"Perhaps our next lesson will be less strenuous." Double D hoped tiredly, not knowing that karma was right around the corner
TO BE CONTINUED...
And so ends that chapter!
As I said, this chapter is basically a taste of how this story shall be structured: some important tidbits and info on how to keep clean with a bit of (hopefully funny) comedy and shenanigans sprinkled into the mix. Personally, I'd say that Ed and Eddy's roles into this story are meant to be an example on how not to respond to these lessons (i.e., ignoring his advice and simply just being reckless and careless in the end), which leaves us to simply follow Double D's lessons as instructed, just to be safe.
Still tho, when it's all said and done, I'm hoping that I'm not portraying Eddy and Ed's ignorance to the point where it seems too offensive in a way, considering the bleak, stressful times we're all stuck in now. I'm simply trying to write the Eds as in-character as can be, with Eddy being stubborn and unwilling to participate in such a "boring" lesson and with Ed simply acting like a goofball as usual. Still, I'll leave that up to you, the reader, to decide that and I will be taking constructive criticism in case there's an issue that needs to be addressed so that I can fix it later.
Luckily by the end of this story, they'll eventually wise up and learn more about proper hygiene from Double D.
Maybe.
Next chapter (which should be up this week), we'll have the Eds partake in teaching us about using tissues and dealing with coughs and sneezes in "Tissue Issue", where we'll even meet up with a certain shovel-chinned jerk as well. ;)
See you then, and stay safe! :D
~Thunderbyrd