Own Worst Enemy

Chapter 2

…..

"Ah, my old friend, the Avatar. To what do I owe this great pleasure?"

"You know why I am here, Koh. I know what they have all been saying. You've stolen someone dear to me…"

"Such wicked accusations! I stole no one…

But perhaps I did find someone…"

…

Katara found herself being jostled and bumped in the press of people at her local outdoor market in the inner ring of Ba Sing Se. Although she had been to Ba Sing Se many times, she still found it a stark contrast to her hometown in the South Pole. She liked the energy of the city - a wonderful change of pace, just what she was seeking right now! - but she was still trying to settle in. She had come to the market in search of a few things she needed for her new room at the Academy.

Katara had been recruited as a Waterbending Master and a part-time healer at the new Waterbending Academy, a recently established affiliate of Ba Sing Se University. Her father had been staunchly against her leaving the South Pole to take this job – in recent years Hakoda had become unusually protective of his daughter – but Katara had grown restless living in her hometown. She couldn't explain why, but she felt something strange in the village in the last year or so, like everyone there had some common secret that she wasn't a part of. She had no real evidence of this, just a feeling she got when people awkwardly shifted a conversation away from certain topics or dart their eyes to the side when she spoke. Even Sokka seemed to be extra careful about his words with her – he played as though he was as nonchalant as ever, but she could almost hear the gears churning in his head when she would ask certain questions or recount certain stories. It was starting to driver her a little nuts!

And she really was restless. Ready to spread her wings a little, leave the nest. The South Pole felt smaller to her everyday. So when this opportunity came up, despite the massive row she had with her father over him wanting her to stay at home, she accepted the job and moved to Ba Sing Se.

Katara had been hoping to run into Aang again (she had hung around Iroh's tea shop part of each day hoping he would show up there; although he hadn't come back). She couldn't explain why exactly, but she was anxious to see him. She felt something draw her to him – Curiosity? Loneliness? Acrush maybe? Oh, how could I have a crush already?! I barely even spoke to him! But whatever the reason, she wanted to see him again.

Katara made her way through the crowded market after finally finding a polite way to get away from the overly flirtatious seller-of-ceramic-bowls who had tried valiantly to ask her out. As she rounded a corner she noticed a small crowd of children gathered, craning their necks to see something. As she looked to see what had captured the children's interest, a man stood up in the middle of the small group. He had captured a small tornado in his arms and was spinning what looked like his groceries – a couple of small apples, an eggplant and even a bunch of spinach tied together with a string. A crinkle of delight creased in his eyes as he watched the children laugh and clap in glee. He laughed as the children began to throw the rest of his groceries into the spinning twister: a head of garlic, three more apples, and a small bag of steamed buns.

The children had just started to toss in lychee nuts one at a time to the now-crowded swirl of air when Aang looked up. As his eyes locked with Katara's, his radiant smile changed immediately to a look of shock. In his sudden distraction he lost control of the air cradled in his arms and the food went flying out in all directions!

The children cheered at the tremendous mess and clapped for more tricks.

Katara laughed as she picked up an apple that rolled to her feet. She watched as the Avatar smiled and crouched low to accept his now-broken eggplant from the hands of a little girl before her mother tugged her nervously away.

Having heard the commotion parents seemed to swoop in from all sides, taking hold of their children's hands and pulling them away from the Avatar, glancing apprehensively at him as they scurried their protesting children away.

Stepping closer Katara helped to retrieve more of the scattered food, handing Aang the tied stems of his bunch of spinach (the leaves having been shredded and scattered in the whirlwind).

Aang took the pathetic limp bundle of greens from her hand and laughed self-depreciatively, "Not my finest performance, eh?"

Katara smiled. She loved the sound of his laugh, like a cheerful tinkle of music. "Well I guess I wouldn't know," she teased, "I haven't witnessed you bending before!"

The Avatar's smile seemed to falter, but he hid it as he grabbed the bag to load his groceries into. "Well, it was fun anyway…" he said shaking his head at the lychee nuts scattered through the dirt.

The two gathered what was left of his groceries (opting to just leave the lychee nuts) and stood. Aang looked at her for a moment, an expression of –Ache? Yearning? what was that? – on his face before he laughed it off and diverted his eyes, rubbing the back of his neck.

Katara spoke, "Well I'm glad to have run into you again, Avatar Aang."

"Aang," he responded quickly, "just call me Aang. No need for titles."

"Aang," she repeated. The sound of his name felt weird on her tongue. It was a foreign name and took some getting used to saying it by itself. "Well, I'm glad we have met again, Aang."

He rubbed his palms on his pants nervously, as thought he didn't know what to say.

So she continued, "So… are you shopping for dinner then?"

He seemed to relax a little at the mundaneness of the topic, "Oh, yeah! I'm just picking up a few things. How about you? Have you found everything you're shopping for?"

She looked down into the basket on her arm. "I still need a few things." She looked back up at him, suddenly feeling a little nervous. "Would you like to… to help me finish up my list?"

Aang looked over his shoulder past the crowds, his hand rubbing the back of his neck again. "Oh. Yeah. About that… well, I probably… ought to…" he pointed vaguely over his shoulder, "get going… you know…"

Katara could see that he was stalling. Maybe he didn't want to spend time with her? She felt her face heat up in self-conscious disappointment. "Oh. I'm sure you have a lot to do. I mean, you're the Avatar! I'm sure you're really busy…" She looked down to hide her embarrassment at his rejection.

Aang looked back at her face, his eyebrows rising in empathy. Then he closed his eyes and gave his head a resolute shake. "No! I mean… I'd love to help you finish finding the things on your list…"

Katara's head popped up in surprise, a radiant smile on her face, "Really?! Oh that would be great!"

Aang swallowed hard, "Nothing I'd rather do more."

….

He was stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid! What was he thinking walking around the markets with Katara!? Aang knew he was playing with fire; that what he should do is run as far and fast from her as his airbending could take him. But in that moment, when he was about to make an excuse to leave, when he saw the disappointment on Katara's face… he just couldn't bear it. Lets face it, Aang had always been a sucker for Katara; he would always do whatever she wanted. And it went against everything in his nature not to help her, not to brighten her day. So he had agreed.

But you have to play the long game, Aang! You know this will only hurt more. And unfortunately, not just you...

But Aang soon found himself ignoring this voice of reason as he walked with Katara through the crowded market, the two making light conversation, laughing and joking. It was just too easy. It felt just too good!

He didn't want to admit it, but Katara's ignorance gave him some sort of sick clearance to just enjoy being with her again. She didn't know… she didn't remember all the reasons he didn't deserve to be with her right now. And he couldn't help but pretend it all away and just bask in her presence, letting her voice wash pleasantly over him.

"So right now I don't actually have many students yet. Not a ton of waterbenders in Ba Sing Se, although there are more than you might expect. There has been so much moving around since the war that Ba Sing Se has actually developed quite a large Water Tribe community living within the walls. Of course only a fraction are waterbenders, but those children and teens who are need somewhere to learn. And what I lack in students, I make up for in healing. The Academy has an open clinic that I spend half my time at. Truthfully, waterbending healing at this point is a far bigger demand on the Academy than teaching. But I enjoy the variety. And I'm just getting started."

Aang sighed. Content to just listen to Katara, enjoying her usual passion about whatever she put her mind to.

"Why are you smiling at me like that?"

Aang startled, "Oh! I was smiling..?"

Katara laughed and bumped his arm playfully. "Yes! Yes, you were smiling!" She giggled and bent a small stream of water from a nearby barrel into his face, laughing at his expression.

Aang sputtered a laugh too and then pulled a palm sized globe of water from the same barrel, tossing it back and forth from hand to hand before flipping it behind his back and splashing Katara. "Be careful who you pick a water-fight with! Unlike some people, don't forget that I can dish it back!"

Katara pulled the water from her wet clothes to fling it back at him, dodging his next attack. But before their little water-fight could get too out of hand they were scolded by the lady selling paper windows and shooed along.

Katara laughed while she pulled water from her wet hair. "Well, I just have soap left on my shopping list. Any idea where I should look for that?"

"There's soap over there," Aang said as he grabbed Katara's hand to pull her after him. He had done it without thinking, dropping her hand almost immediately after with a blush and an awkward clearing of his throat. It was just too easy being with Katara. It felt too much like before. He needed to be careful. To remember that it could never again be like before.

As Katara looked over the different soaps, Aang watched her covertly, pretending to look at the little bottles of colorful bath beads. Katara was as beautiful as he remembered. And everything about her felt so familiar. How her long hair fell over he shoulder when she leaned forward; the way she moved her hands as she smelled the different soaps; the kind way she spoke to the woman at the stall. Her mannerisms felt so much like home that he thought he might die of longing. He even knew which scent of soap she would choose before she finally decided – a bar of lavender and sea-salt. Aang could smell it on her skin with perfect memory… while he had kissed her ear, her neck, her bare shoulder.

Aang shook himself forcefully from the memories. Berating himself for slipping so easily into those now-forbidden thoughts.

His mood was sober when Katara looked back towards him, her soap safely purchased and tucked into the basket with her other things. "You okay?" she asked concerned.

"Yeah," Aang forced a smile, "yeah. I'm fine."

But the somber atmosphere continued as they walked side by side. Katara spoke again, "I want to thank you for shopping with me today. I'm really excited to be here in Ba Sing Se and working at the Academy, but I have been a bit lonely." Her brow furrowed, "I've actually been feeling lonely for a while now. Even back in my village." Adding under her breath, "maybe especially back in my village."

"Why?"

Katara forced out a breath, "I'm not really even sure. Sometimes I just felt like the whole tribe knew something I didn't, like they were all in on some great secret that I know nothing about. I'd just catch whispered conversations or pitying looks. I'm not stupid. I know there is something my father wants to hide from me. I don't know, it's hard to explain…."

Aang felt guilt sink into his stomach. He was pretty sure he knew exactly what she meant. In fact, he was sure he knew more about it than she did. "I'm sorry to hear that."

"It's okay. Really it's a big part of why I accepted this job. My dad didn't want me to come, but I just needed to get away. Figure myself out a little." Katara laughed self-consciously and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, "I'm sorry! I don't even know why I'm telling you all of this. I know we don't know each other very well yet."

Aang's mind flashed back to the round ceremonial room in the South Pole. Standing side by side, the beaded blanket on both their shoulders. The Shaman's vows:

'You are two persons but there is only one life before you
Go now as husband and wife to your dwelling

to enter into the days of your life together…'

Aang shook his head again, trying to banish the memory. He knew he shouldn't be here. Flirting with heartache. Putting her in danger again.

Hakoda's more recent words echoed in his mind: "The very nature of what you are puts Katara in danger, and it always will; unless you man up, and save her from yourself. You need to let her go, Aang! So she can live… If you don't, I will hold you responsible for killing her one day."

Suddenly Aang felt sick to his stomach. He had to get out of there. He knew he had been a fool to think that this would be okay.

Katara turned to him, concern etched on her face, "What's wrong? Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," he said too quickly. "I think I just… um, I need to go."

"Go? Already?" Katara's face fell in disappointment, "Sure. I understand. But, can we meet up another time? I mean, I really enjoyed spending time with you today."

Aang didn't know what to say. He felt awful.

"Maybe we could meet at Iroh's tomorrow after work for tea?" She asked hopefully.

Aang's heart broke at the eagerness in her voice. He couldn't bear to turn her down. "Sure. That would be nice."

He didn't like lying to her, but he was a coward. He would send word to Iroh tomorrow, asking him to apologize to Katara that he couldn't make it.

Katara smiled, bouncing happily on her toes. "Great! Well, I'll see you tomorrow then!"

"Yeah… tomorrow…" Aang turned to quickly walk away, blinking fast to hold back the tears that stung his eyes as he cursed himself.

Why am I such a weak stupid fool?!

….

Aang's heart had stopped when he saw the thick stone spike burst from the ground at her feet, hitting Katara in the side with a sickening crunch, just missing her rounded belly and the treasure within. The force of the impact sent her body flying sideways before it crumpled to the ground, unmoving. The next moment seemed to be stretched into a thousand as her name burst from his helpless lips. A monster roared within him and he fought to keep it at bay.

Sokka got to her first, skidding to his knees and pulling her into his arms, her body limp like a kite on a windless day. Sokka looked up at Aang, stricken.

Aang's breath stopped in his throat. His clenched fists began to shake. She's dead. He knew it. Stolen from him in the same unfairness that had robbed him of the other Airbenders. The Monster inside roared again – this time bursting free of any restraint. It writhed and thrashed with an agony that was indistinguishable from fury and utter loss.

The fighting continued around him, but in his own world, the war was already lost. Without Katara everything was lost! And at that moment, Aang was lost as well. Lost in the swirling blind rage and power of the Avatar that snarled to life, radiating power and seeking vengeance.

They. Will. Pay.

And they did…

…..