It took a couple of minutes before Olivia finally reclaimed her bag, then they strolled down the sidewalk in comfortable silence for a while. They were both trying to process the fact that she was even here.

"So…this is Iowa then?" Olivia observed after a few minutes.

"Well, more precisely, this is Des Moines…" Barba retorted with a smirk.

"I know, I did book the flight.…" Olivia swung out her bag to knock his leg teasingly.

"Really, why are you here, Liv?" He asked.

"I guess I just…" she sighed, "…would you accept that I needed to take some time out for myself?"

"Trying to 'find' yourself?" Barba joked lightly, but when she looked up at the sky and sighed he felt bad for seeming to take her comment so casually.

Olivia slowed a little, looked at him seriously and tilted her head, "Maybe…but I guess I thought I'd settle for finding you first."

Barba didn't answer, just slowed to a complete stop and looked at her.

"It hurt when you left, Rafa. I understood why you had to do it and I knew that it would have been selfish of me to try to hold you back...genuinely selfish because I could only see the benefits for myself."

"Liv, I'm sorry, I…" He started but Olivia shook her head and continued.

"In many ways, you had become my solace from the rest of the world. No matter how much I love them, sometimes it feels like everyone else expects something from me - my strength, my guidance, my empathy. All you ever needed from me was my friendship, so when I was with you I felt like I could stand down - like I didn't have to be badass Olivia Benson anymore. I could breathe…"

"Olivia…" Barba started regretfully.

"I'm not saying this to make you feel bad, Rafa. I'm just trying to explain that over the last few months I've started to feel overwhelmed, suffocated...and I guess I needed to breathe."

She closed her eyes, let out a long thoughtful sigh and Barba remained quiet, waiting for her to gather her thoughts and say what she needed to say.

"Remember those nights after work, when I would just turn up at your office? I wouldn't stay for long, I'd have a drink, talk about my day, listen to you talk about yours a little and then go home?"

Barba nodded slowly.

"Well, maybe that's what this is. Maybe I just needed half-an-hour with my friend after a…" she sucked in a breath and tried to control her emotions, "…after an exceptionally long crappy day."

Barba's eyes welled with tears, he knew what leaving her behind had cost him and wasn't naive enough to believe that Olivia wouldn't miss him, but he was completely astounded by the gap she was claiming he had left in her life.

"I wish I could have done things differently…" He paused and then shook his head with frustration, "No, I wish I had done things differently, I made my own choices."

"You did what was best for you...you didn't owe me anything," Olivia maintained.

"I'm struggling to believe that either of those statements is true," Barba disputed.

She smiled at him, "Two years, Rafa, that's a lot of water under the bridge. It seems longer in a way…" She reflected.

"Yet somehow it feels like no time at all?" Barba completed her thought.

Olivia laughed a little sadly, "I guess. I missed this, you know? There's no…" she paused, clearly stopping herself from saying something, and then concluded, "…there's no bullshit with you, it's so easy."

"I'm not sure I'd go so far as to say easy…" Barba arched an eyebrow.

"The pressures came from outside, Rafa," Olivia pointed out, "…with you and I...sure we squabbled, but even that felt natural."

Ever the investigator he couldn't stop himself from asking, "What were you going to say? Before… There's no what?"

She laughed and rolled her eyes, wishing for once that Rafael Barba couldn't read her quite so well. "I guess I was going to say that there are no complications, but that would not be entirely honest…"

Barba was about to ask her what she meant by that, but then she looked around as if suddenly registering their unfamiliar surroundings.

"Where exactly are we right now?"

Barba nodded at a building across the street, "My place, I thought you could leave your things here, then I have somewhere I'd like to take you."

"Maybe I should get a room first?" She suggested.

"You're not getting a room, Liv, you're staying with me," he asserted in a tone that allowed for no arguments. "I'm not taking no for an answer, I'll take the couch and you can take the bed," he nodded over and they crossed the street.

"I'm certainly not kicking you out of your own bed!" Olivia protested.

"Well, I'm not letting you stay in a hotel," he rejoined. "Besides, if you're only here for a few days I want to make the most of my time with you. Two years is a long time and…" he paused and then concluded, "…I've missed you."

Olivia just looked at him thoughtfully and then slowly nodded.

"Does that mean that you are willing to let me take the couch?" Barba asked dryly.

"It means that I'll sleep on the couch," she compromised, "…but I will stay at your place."

He chuckled softly, "You know, it really is very good to see you…" He smiled and his whole face lit up in a way she could rarely remember seeing when they worked together.

"You look happy," she observed with a contemplative smile.

"I am," he nodded as he turned to show her upstairs, "…I'm really happy to see you."

They dropped off her bag and soon were back on the sidewalk, Barba led the way as they chatted amiably, easily slipping into their old rhythms.

"I like what you've done with the place," she teased referring to his apartment - complete with plain walls, generic art prints and basic wooden furniture.

Barba smiled, "I rented the place furnished, it's cheaper than a room and at least I have my own space. There was no point getting somewhere too pricey though, not just for a few weeks."

"Rafael Barba opting for a no-frills lifestyle? I never thought I'd see the day!" She laughed and bumped his arm as they walked. "What about impressing visitors? No…" She paused awkwardly,"…no dates?"

"Dates?" Barba asked with amusement. "In Iowa?"

"I'm sure they do date in Iowa…" Olivia pointed out with a cheerful yet slightly strained tone.

Barba smiled and nodded but then shrugged, "You're my only visitor, Liv…and as the last person I ever expected to see it never even occurred to me that I would need to impress you."

Olivia laughed and shook her head, "I don't care about your decor, Rafa, I'm here to see you." They walked for several minutes until Olivia asked, "Where exactly are you taking me?"

He nodded into the near distance, "The Botanical Gardens, a perfect place to relax and get out of your own head for a few hours. I came here last week, there's a beautiful water garden that I knew you would love…I never imagined that I would have the opportunity to share it with you though."

"You thought about me? Here in the gardens?" Olivia asked, clearly surprised.

Barba laughed and shook his head, "Out of sight does not mean out of mind, Liv, you never left my thoughts. You're…" he frowned with frustration and then tried again, "You're…" his voice trailed off.

"I've missed you, too," Olivia completed and Barba fought the urge to put his arms around her. "The occasional phone or video call is not enough, the last few months have taught me that I can't keep putting my life on hold."

The weather was chilly but bright and sunny as they walked along a path by the water.

"You're right, it is beautiful…" Olivia said softly, letting her arm brush against his as they strolled along.

Barba watched her looking over the water and smiled, wondering if he had ever seen anything in nature as beautiful as her…but stopping himself from speaking the words out loud.

They sat on a bench together and looked out at the water.

After a few minutes, Barba broke the comfortable silence, "How is Noah?"

She smiled and nodded, "Really good, he already has plans to take the dance world by storm."

Barba smiled a little proudly and nodded, "Does he know where you are?"

Olivia took a few seconds to answer, "No, I…" she paused and glanced at him, "…I passed on your 'regards' - I just felt it better that I didn't tell him about this."

"You didn't want him to know that you would be seeing me?" Barba couldn't hide the hurt or confusion in his voice.

She sighed and bit her lip a little before trying to explain, "He really likes you, Rafa, but it's been two years. Two years is a long time in a young boy's life…"

"I understand, of course, I don't expect him to really remember me, or…" Barba started to push aside the stabbing pain in his heart but then she cut in.

"Of course he remembers you, Rafa!" She realised that she was raising her voice, then tried to calm herself when she saw the shock and pain on her friend's face. "The first year…every birthday, every holiday…he started out asking when you would arrive, then he moved on to if you would be there…finally, he stopped asking altogether. I thought maybe he was starting to move on - then the other day, on my birthday, he asked if you were ever going to come home again, or if you really had gone away forever."

"Liv…" Barba's eyes were closed, almost as though trying to hide from her words.

"He's still just a little boy…" Olivia sighed, not wanting to hurt her friend but knowing that he needed to hear the truth. "Noah doesn't need his hopes building up again and if I'd told him that I was seeing you he never would have settled at Sonny's."

"I'm sorry, Liv," Barba said quietly, "it never even occurred to me that Noah would have been hurt or…"

"Rafa, you don't need to apologise, you had absolutely no responsibility to Noah and you were perfectly within your rights to move away and to start a new life…but I need to protect him."

"From me…" he clenched his jaw with frustration.

"From how much he cares for you and from how much losing you again would hurt him. Even if I'm not…" Olivia trailed off and didn't complete her sentence.

After several quiet minutes, Barba spoke again, "Do you want to talk? Or just chat about nothing? Or would you like me to shut up and let you enjoy the peace and quiet?"

Olivia laughed and surprised him by reaching out and taking his hand, linking their fingers together, "I didn't fly over a thousand miles to ask you to shut up."

He laughed softly now, "You know what I mean…"

She smiled and nodded, "I also didn't come to you expecting a bandaid to heal all of my wounds, I'm here because I realised that seeing you would make me happy…I'm tired of never allowing myself that."

"You wish you'd made different choices? With Tucker?" Barba asked, the question sticking in his throat a little.

Olivia stood and walked to the edge of the water, leading Barba to stand and follow her. When he joined her she linked her arm in his and stood silently for a few moments, then shook her head. "We didn't want the same things, what happened doesn't change that. Our problems weren't just about work, deep down I know that if we were right I could have done more to make it work…and so could he."

"You loved him," Barba said gently.

"I did…" she agreed, "…but we both know that there are different kinds of love. Some that are unhealthy, even if you can't see it at the time…and then some that ultimately are just not meant to be."

"Is there anything that I can do for you?"

Olivia smiled at her friend, it was such a simple request, one that he had asked in numerous forms over the years, sometimes clearly…but often only recognised through the benefit of hindsight. Rafael Barba didn't always know the right thing to say or do, but he never stopped trying and that meant more than a thousand perfectly delivered lines or gestures.

"A hug would be really nice...?" She suggested with a smile.

Barba's eyes lit up now - was it really that simple? A hug? He smiled, turned toward her and held out his arms.

Olivia stepped into him and wrapped her arms around her friend. This was not a brief perfunctory hug, their arms wrapped deeply and securely. Her face fell against his shoulder and she closed her eyes, briefly wondering how long she was allowed to hold him, before pushing aside that thought and deciding that she didn't care.

She had flown over a thousand miles for this hug.

Olivia felt him step closer and one hand moved up to rest on the back of her head, she heard him breathe in near her neck and did the same, taking a moment to luxuriate in his familiar and calming scent. His free hand stroked smoothly up and down her back as she took yet another steadying breath. Warmth, familiarity, comfort, home…and…she controlled a sudden urge to press her mouth to his neck by biting her bottom lip.

"I've missed you," he repeated and held onto her firmly.

Olivia felt a tear slide down her cheek and she nodded silently against his shoulder.

They arrived back at his apartment and Olivia glanced at her things on the couch.

"Please take the bed," Barba tried again, "…I can sleep out here. I could change the sheets right now…"

She smiled at him, stopping herself from admitting that sleeping surrounded by his scent was the most tempting part of his offer.

"What do you want to do this evening?" She asked, sidestepping his request.

"What would you like to do?" Barba turned the question onto her.

"Well, what would you be doing if I weren't here?" She tried a new tack.

"I don't know…" he looked around the apartment, "…working?"

"You must have something resembling a social life," Olivia laughed.

He smiled, "Well, I guess maybe going to the bar after work with Lizzie and Marcus…"

"Have you worked together long?" She sat on the couch now, genuinely interested.

"Lizzie, a little over a year. Marcus, I guess…maybe three months?" He shrugged and sat next to her.

"I liked Lizzie," Olivia smiled.

"You just liked the sass she was giving me," he smirked.

"That did endear her to me," she conceded. "Will they be at the bar this evening?"

He rolled his eyes, "Almost invariably…"

"Let's go!"

Barba looked at her with surprise and found that she was grinning. "Are you serious? You want to spend the evening in a bar with Lizzie and Marcus? You certainly didn't fly all the way out here for that torture!"

She smiled, just the idea had made him laugh so Olivia was liking this plan more and more by the second. "I came out here to see you, to spend some time with my friend…so I'd like to see how you spend your days, to get to know your colleagues."

Barba looked at her curiously and then shook his head as he reached for his phone, "I guess, whatever the lady wants…"

Barba stepped ahead and held open the door for Olivia, then rolled his eyes when he saw Lizzie waving with far too much enthusiasm from a table near to the bar.

They walked straight over and then Barba immediately regretted his haste when he realised that he was going to have to leave Olivia with his friends in order to go to get drinks.

"Lizzie Montgomery, Marcus Maloney - I'd like to properly introduce you to my good friend Olivia Benson, she's a Lieu…" he paused and smiled at her, then corrected himself, "sorry, Liv, a Captain with the NYPD."

"Captain?" Lizzie said with a broad smile. "Impressive."

"Always…" Barba replied automatically and Lizzie smiled up at him broadly.

"Red?" He asked Olivia.

She nodded up at him gratefully, "You know what I like…"

Lizzie leaned into Marcus and whispered too quietly for either Olivia or Barba to overhear, "I bet he does!"

Barba saw the whisper and Marcus roll his eyes, he was already starting to regret this.

He looked between Olivia and his friends, then shot Lizzie a look that he could only hope expressed his desire that she did not run off at the mouth.

As soon as he was gone Lizzie leaned forward and grinned at Olivia, "Tell us everything!"

Olivia looked a little taken aback but smiled at her warmly, "Everything?"

"Oh, come on! One video chat and he's walking around with a stupid smile on his face all week. Now you're here. What's going on?" Lizzie leaned in and grabbed hold of Olivia's forearm, then glanced up to see Barba standing at the bar, ordering their drinks while glancing back at the table nervously.

Olivia followed Lizzie's gaze, smiled at Barba and then looked back at her new friend, "I don't know what you mean, really…I'm just here to visit Rafael."

Lizzie arched an eyebrow, "Seriously? You're going with that line as well?"

"It's not a line, Lizzie," Olivia leaned back a little and was starting to wonder how long Barba was going to be at the bar. Maybe she was going to need back up? She looked towards Marcus who looked between the two women with a passive smile on his face.

"Come on, Olivia, he's a good looking man," Lizzie continued fearlessly, "…I mean, don't worry, he's not my type, but…"

"Lizzie…" Olivia started steadily.

"Not that you would need to worry, I've known Rafael for over a year and I've never seen him look at anyone the way he looks at you…" She continued as those she really didn't value her own life.

Olivia still looked shocked when Barba returned moments later and placed a glass of wine down in front of her. "What did I miss?" He asked trying not to sound too nervous as he sat down.

He looked across to find Olivia looking terrifyingly speechless and then arched an eyebrow up at Lizzie.

"We were just becoming a little more…acquainted," Lizzie said with an innocent smile that made Barba even more nervous.

"Riiiight…" He frowned at Marcus, who held up his hands in surrender and said nothing.

"How was your day?" Barba asked them, hoping to move the conversation on from whatever had caused Olivia to look like she had seen a ghost.

"Good…" Marcus stepped in, "…we got a lot done, boss."

"Why don't you take a couple of days? While Olivia is here..." Lizzie suggested eagerly.

"Careful, Lizzie, I might think you're trying to get rid of me," Barba smirked and then looked regretfully at Olivia, "…I'd really like to, but I just can't. It's only tomorrow though and then I'm off for the weekend."

Olivia seemed to break out of the haze she had been in for a couple of minutes and smiled at him genuinely, "I didn't expect you to put your life on hold, Rafa, I'll be fine."

Barba watched Lizzie gaze at Olivia with an irritatingly dreamy expression.

"She calls you 'Rafa'?" Lizzie smiled at him and exaggeratedly bit her lip.

"Dios Lizzie, will you please stop acting like a teenage girl!" Barba snapped with frustration.

"Olivia, why don't you come into work with Rafael? We could always use a volunteer for the day…" Lizzie suggested undauntedly.

Olivia looked at Barba, "Would that be inconvenient?"

Barba shook his head, "Of course not, but you aren't here to…"

"I'd like to see what you do, if you think I could be of any help?" Olivia replied with a smile.

"Well…" Barba glanced towards Lizzie, "…I guess that would be nice, you and I working together again. I could set you up in my office," he looked pointedly at Lizzie again, silently telling her that she needn't think that this would be her opportunity to play matchmaker.

Lizzie smiled knowingly and nodded.

"You're sure that I wouldn't be in your way?" Olivia checked.

"Never," Barba assured and Lizzie watched on with eager intrigue as the old friends exchanged a smile.

An hour later, Olivia excused herself to go to the restroom, then within a minute, Lizzie stood to follow.

"Lizzie…" Barba warned her with a low tone.

"I need to go," she said innocently.

"Lizzie," Barba took a breath, "…I don't know what is going on with you - but as a friend, I am asking you to roll back whatever game you think you're playing."

"Game?" She asked with mock naiveté.

"Lizzie!" Barba snapped and Lizzie looked genuinely shocked, he had never spoken to her like that. He took a deep breath, "Listen, I'm sorry…but Olivia and her son, they mean more to me than I could even…" he trailed off and tried to gather his thoughts.

Lizzie looked at her friend with concern and then moved her seat a little closer to him, "Rafael?"

"She means so much to me, Lizzie. She sees me as a friend, please don't play with fire, not with Olivia…" he looked at her with genuine anxiety.

Her heart broke for him, "Rafael, you're really in love with her, aren't you?"

"Lizzie, please…" He asked, looking up to see Olivia walking back toward the table.

His friend shook her head and then leaned in to squeeze his hand. "I'm sorry, Rafael, I'll be good..." She promised sincerely and moved her seat back towards Marcus.

"So, how long are you here for?" Marcus asked Olivia politely as she sat back at the table.

Lizzie noticed how Olivia automatically shifted her seat closer to Barba.

"A few days, a friend is looking after my son so I don't want to take advantage. So, maybe Monday…?" Olivia suggested thoughtfully.

Barba smiled at her a little sadly, he knew she couldn't stay for long but hearing her confirm the day that she would be leaving felt very definitive.

"Drinks?" He looked around the table and they all nodded, he got up and walked to the bar, trying to brush off the dip in his mood.

Olivia looked at Lizzie, who had fallen very quiet. After the last time, she had expected the cross-examination to start as soon as Barba had left the table.

"You've never seen him look at anyone the way that he looks at me?" Olivia asked bluntly.

Lizzie glanced at Marcus nervously.

"Lizzie?" Olivia asked again.

"I think I need to learn when to hold my tongue," Lizzie said simply and looked towards Barba at the bar.

"Did Rafael ask you not to talk to me?" Olivia said and turned to look at Barba, who saw her expression and suddenly looked a little apprehensive.

"It's really none of my business, Olivia, I had no right to talk to you the way I did. I've had a couple of drinks and I got carried away, I'm sorry," Lizzie smiled at her apprehensively.

Olivia looked doubtful and then leaned in, "You think Rafael is attracted to me?"

Lizzie looked at the table and picked at the label on her empty bottle.

"Because that's the impression you gave me…" Olivia pushed.

"Please, Rafael is a friend…" Lizzie squirmed uncomfortably.

"He's not 'attracted' to you," Marcus cut in, unable to watch his friend struggling. He knew how much her friendship with Rafael meant to Lizzie and couldn't bear to see it damaged by a little barroom banter. Olivia looked hurt for a few moments and then Marcus concluded, "He's in love with you, Olivia."

Both women looked shocked and glanced up to see Barba returning with their drinks.

Olivia stood up abruptly, "Rafa, we're leaving."

Barba looked baffled and stared between his three friends, "I just bought a round of drinks…"

"We're leaving," Olivia repeated, then surprised him by standing and walking toward the exit.

Barba turned and followed immediately, looking back at the table and glaring at Lizzie as he left - what the hell had she said?

Lizzie stared at him with an alarmed expression and shook her head as she watched them leave.

TBC…