Author's Notes:

This one went on a bit longer than I planned, but I started having fun with it and kept going. I hope you guys enjoy this one!

ContriversalNews, I thought of your review when writing this. I did have to use some OOC-ness to pull off this dumb joke. But that's why it's so funny. I hope this chapter helps develop his thoughts on it while not sacrificing on any of the pervy humor.

Thanks for the reviews, guys! :D

Disclaimer: Konosuba Copyright Studio Deen (2017)

Chapter 2: The Second Day

Kazuma had waited all morning for nothing. He loitered around the guild hall for hours, but nada. He strolled around Axel and even waved at every girl he passed by, nichts. Not a single woman in the whole town seemed interested in him.

Didn't Wiz tell him this worked like a pheromone? After one whiff of his scent, they should all be begging for him to take them!

So, where were they!?

He'd have to make a stop at Wiz's shop to get down to the bottom of things. Maybe he'd have Wiz spritz him a few more times just to be safe.

Although, maybe the problem wasn't with the love potion, but rather with the three parasites hanging off his every limb. From the very moment he left his bedroom that morning, Aqua, Megumin, and Darkness were all over him. At first he thought that maybe they were under the effects of the love potion, but then he laughed. These girls were devious and conniving. He wouldn't put it past any of them to use this opportunity as an excuse to weasel something out of him.

Aqua and her bottomless gut were going to drain him of all his money one of these days. And Megumin's obsession with explosion magic had her increasingly passing hints that a certain Crimson Demon mage would be ecstatic if he'd loan her the money to buy a newer, better, more powerful staff. And Darkness was… well, she was just Darkness. There wasn't anything different about her, but her incessant masochism was no less annoying.

Right now, he had a goddess on one arm, a crusader on the other, and a mage hitching a ride on his back. Just what had his life become?

Actually, forget the love potion for now; Kazuma was going to have Wiz make a repellant so that he could have a few hours of privacy before his party members came back to him like thirsty vultures.

Seriously, do they think I'm made of money!?

His endless, singular train of thought continued in a circular fashion until they arrived at Wiz' place in one slow moving heap.

Kazuma had to shake them each off his body just so he could enter. But Aqua immediately latched onto his legs, crying, begging him to go on a walk with her later on.

Tch. As if. I'll probably get jumped and robbed to pay off your tab.

Megumin grabbed a hold of his shirt and followed him closely, insisting that she needed him to carry her all day long.

With one look down at her slender legs - both of which were upright and stable - Kazuma just glared at her embarrassing attempt to get him to lower his guard.

Megumin's face burst with color when she realized her plan's fatal flaw, but no foolproof plan survived contact with the enemy. So, with a swift change in the finer details, she grabbed her thighs and wailed.

"K-Kazuma! Oh, Kazuma! Help me! My legs are so weak, they're going to-"

The young man was already inside the building, and shutting the door behind him.

Incidentally, Darkness chose that exact moment to sidle up next to him, only to have the door smack her right in the face.

Aqua and Megumin watched with a small measure of concern as their beloved crusader was knocked back and grabbed her face.

Darkness was visibly quivering, and when she lowered her hand she gasped. She rounded on her two friends, and proudly showed them the nose that Kazuma just tried to break with his careless door slam.

"Look! Look at this! Oh," she sighed, falling to her knees and looking up, "Is this love? Is this what love feels like?"

Clutching her nose and giggling to herself, Darkness was content to be left alone and forgotten by her one true love. Meanwhile, Aqua had found herself a perch on Wiz' shop window, where she had begun to growl with a nasty sneer. And Megumin was sitting on the doorstep, lightly knocking on the door, and making these soft, cute sounds like a puppy trying to get attention from its master.

Kazuma couldn't care less about any of that, however. For at that very moment, he was busy with a rather large problem; two to be exact. His eyes analyzed the one from top to bottom, side to side, and then he repeated this with the second one.

This young man considered himself well-versed in some matters of life. One of those was boobs. But try as he might, he just couldn't figure it out.

"Are these actually real?"

Wiz was holding two trinkets up for him to see.

"U-um, yes?"

Kazuma's eyes were all over her except for her hands, but she didn't even seem to notice.

He didn't seem interested in buying anything, so she set her newest wares aside and put her hands together. Giving him a big smile, she stepped closer - and tripped over herself, falling chest-first into Kazuma's face.

They're actually real.

Was this what his new life was destined to be? Soft, cool, and comforting? If so, he'd have to go and thank Aqua. She might have been useless at a lot of things, but he was able to meet Wiz' boobs because of her.

The lich blushed and stammered, and she hurried to push herself off the young man before he suffocated under her rather bountiful bosom. But her hands slipped on the stone beneath them, and before she could blink her tits had smashed Kazuma's face completely.

Her sweet smell, her tantalizing softness, the slight chill from her undead heart…

Kazuma took it all in. And even as his lungs screamed for air, and his body prepared itself to meet Eris once more, he was determined to enjoy every second of this pleasure. It was, after all, the dream of every shut-in male teenager to find himself trapped between two huge boobs.

The moment was cut short when Wiz managed to roll off of him.

Taking in a gasp of air, Kazuma looked up at the ceiling with this wide, dopey grin. Then, he heard Wiz gasp, and he saw her pointing at his crotch.

"I-i-is that a potion bottle, or-"

And the moment wasn't just ruined, but utterly destroyed as he jumped up and turned around, holding his hands firmly over his groin.

"It's n-NOTHing, don't worry about it, Wiz!"

He heard the lich get up and move behind the shop counter. And in the meantime, his eyes were looking around everywhere on the opposite side of the shop - far, far, far away from Wiz' surely-judgmental gaze.

Kazuma just happened to look up and see Aqua, and his face turned pale. She had seen everything. Fuck…

He could hear her in his head.

Huehuehue! What's wrong, hikiNEET? Was that too much for a virgin like you?

He screwed his eyes shut and willed away his erection with all his might; as well as filed away this event in a safe place, deep inside his mind, where it would never be remembered ever again.

Why couldn't he just enjoy a woman's big rack without something awful happening to ruin it for him!?

The poor guy was so caught up in his own inner turmoil that he failed to note how Aqua was massaging her own chest and looking at him with a sinister leer.

"S-so, um… yes?"

Wiz' awkward smile made him want to die.

"Y-yes?" he replied with this broken smile.

"O-oh, I mean, can I help you with…" she trailed off, blushing hard at how that might come across.

"So, w-why are you here?"

Kazuma really wanted to just go home - but they were outside. That reminder sent chills down his spine, and steeled his resolve.

"Actually, I wanted to know more about that love potion."

Wiz flinched, and put her hands up, her blush getting deeper.

"U-um, i-it doesn't work on liches."

Kazuma still pushed on, even though he visibly deflated at this depressing fact.

"N-no, I w-wasn't curious about that-"

His voice squeaked, and Wiz just kept smiling, choosing not to comment.

"-I actually wanted to know how soon it would start working."

"Oh! Instantly."

Kazuma's mouth hung open.

"But… no one is acting any different."

Wiz tilted her head and leaned forward.

"No one? You haven't noticed anyone trying to get closer to you or just talking sweetly to you?"

Kazuma thought long and hard about it; all the women he passed on the street, all the girls at the guild hall. Every single female that passed by his party didn't give him more than a passing glance.

"Absolutely no one."

Wiz hummed, "That's strange. I was sure that potion worked as soon as a lover smelled it on their love interest. The only way it wouldn't work was if-"

She happened to look at Kazuma's face at that moment, and had to immediately look away. She didn't know it was possible for someone to look that miserably dead, and she actually was dead!

"M-maybe you didn't use enough?"

He held back as many tears as he could, and sniffled.

"Y-yeah."

The friendly and understanding lich did her best to spritz him anew with the love potion; giving him service with a pitying smile that didn't lift his spirits at all.

Kazuma couldn't smell the invisible fragrance that was soaking into his skin, but Wiz assured him that if there was a girl out there in love with him, then she'd be twice as crazy for him now.

That was finally enough to revitalize his mood, and he stood up straight and gave himself a fist bump!

Now all of Axel's female population better watch out because Kazuma the Thot Slayer was on the prowl!

Right as he was heading to the door, he happened to hear Megumin moaning about something just on the other side - probably wanting him to ferry her around all day again - and he was reminded of something important.

"Hey, Wiz! Are you able to make a repellant to get my party members off my back?"

The lich tilted her head. Kazuma could see the imaginary question marks appearing around her head.

"Repellant?"

"Yeah. They've been clinging to me way too much and I want some peace and quiet."

"O-oh? ...Um, a-all three of them?"

"Yeah, but they got worse after we left your shop yesterday. I swear, those girls think I'm just rolling in money."

Wiz' smile was so strained it hurt her cheeks.

"So… you want an antidote?"

Kazuma hummed, "Sure, whatever would keep them away."

He leaned toward her, waggling his eyebrows and giving his best I'm-too-sexy-but-I-can't-help-it face.

"I don't want those girls hanging off me when my lover shows up. They'll end up scaring her off! Ha ha ha!"

Wiz had to bite her cheeks, giving a strained Hmm!? in reply.

"So, yeah, if you could make something for me, I'd really appreciate it."

Wiz was utterly speechless as she watched him open the door and step outside.

No more than a millisecond passed before those three girls' eyes dilated. Surely they must have caught a whiff of the extra love potion on his skin. Wiz could do nothing as they jumped him before the guy could even shut the door.

She had to give Kazuma props though. He not only managed to evade their grasp, but he tore out of there faster than she thought possible.

She quietly closed her door, and decided it would be best to start on the antidote immediately.

Kazuma noticed something after they left the shop. The girls must have realized suffocating him with fake feminine comfort wasn't gonna work because they seriously stepped up their game.

Was it a bad thing when he wished he could go back in time to where Megumin was only asking him to carry her everywhere? Ever since they left the shop, she'd been acting even more strange. Her hand kept bumping into his. And every time Kazuma scolded her for something, she'd clutch onto her cape and look away, like she was holding back a river of tears that threatened to burst at any second.

Aqua kept making these weird faces, too, and staring at him constantly. It was unnerving. She also kept bending her back and pushing her chest out, like she was imitating a chicken. And she always faced him. Sometimes she'd run into carts and walls, and once she nearly got stomped on by a horse, but she surprisingly continued her weird behavior without complaint. Was she trying to show Kazuma something?

Darkness might have been the most concerning. When there was enough room for her to squeeze in, she'd throw her arms around the adventurer's neck and whisper in his ear about her lie to her father - how Kazuma had impregnated her. She'd breathe across his lobe, sending shivers down his spine, and tell him it wasn't a lie, but a promise.

That was finally when Kazuma realized something was wrong.

He was seriously hungry and needed to eat.

So, he hurried back to the guild hall. He tried to lose the girls, but no such luck. Maybe if he had a squirrel suit… Nah, that'd be too loud.

But, this lunch was particularly awful. Every time he surveyed the room, not a single female was staring his way. Oh, what he wouldn't give for just one lovesick glance…

Meanwhile Aqua was pushing her boobs into his arm, Darkness was leaning onto his other arm, and Megumin was sitting across from him with her feet resting on his lap.

This was the problem. It had to be. His lovers were too scared to come near them because of the weirdos latched onto his-

Suddenly, a hand slammed onto his back, causing Kazuma to gasp.

"Ha ha ha! I knew you had it in you! Man, what I wouldn't give to be in your shoes right now."

Kazuma looked at this gruff adventurer's face and was surprised to see genuine jealousy and pride in those eyes. Come to think of it, he'd been so obsessed with women that he never once thought to look at the male population. So, now that he was… he was very surprised to see just how many men were staring at him with looks ranging from shock to jealousy to seething rage.

"So, what's it like having your own harem, boy?"

Kazuma chuckled, "Well, you see, they're actually like-"

Suddenly, it clicked, and he choked.

"Excuse me, my own what?"

The older man laughed, slapping his back again.

"Not the type to kiss and tell, huh? I can respect that. Just try not to steal anymore girls, will you? We lads need some, too!"

Kazuma watched as that man walked away, and even when he turned back to his food his brain was still bogged down as that one word flooded his mind.

Harem? The fuck!?

He looked at each girl in turn. Darkness' warm smile only inches from his face. Her soft, kissable lips that had more or less propositioned him to knock her up less than an hour ago.

Aqua's sparkling blue eyes were admiring him like he was a god, and come to think of it she actually hadn't asked him for a single eris since yesterday.

Even when he looked at Megumin, he couldn't hold her gaze for long. Her eyes were twinkling as if she was gazing upon the most beautiful explosion she'd ever seen.

Slowly, the wheels started turning in his head. But, no, it simply couldn't be true. Even if it was, who would ever want those girls in their harem? They're hopeless, useless, and perverted!

But still, he kept a close eye on them. Wiz did say they'd be filled with lust, right? He kept looking for signs that they wanted to screw his brains out, but they were all just acting really possessive and affectionate for some odd reason.

Ah, maybe it was their time of the month.

Y-yeah. That explained it.

Or so Kazuma thought.

As the day progressed, the girls were becoming more… intense.

After lunch he agreed to take Megumin out for her daily target practice, but she insisted he choose the location.

"I already told you it doesn't matter to me," he tried.

But her sparkling crimson eyes were too powerful to ignore.

"You know I don't waste my magic on meaningless targets. My power yearns to strike down an object of your choosing!"

She sighed and held her staff close to her chest.

"What could feel better than using Explosion on something Kazuma designated? Ah, I already feel the tingling in my limbs; seeing the satisfaction in his eyes, feeling the pride in his arms as he carries me home to celebrate a job well done."

Kazuma watched as her thighs were rubbing along that staff; a weird dance she occasionally did when she was especially primed for detonation.

Her wording was concerning, however. And even when she did exercise her control over the ultimate destruction magic, her eyes never once gazed upon the hell she created. Rather, she kept them trained on him.

She was smiling more than usual, too. And she clung tightly to him as he carried her home.

Perhaps the most troubling was how she kept nuzzling into his neck, like she was scenting him or something.

It made chills run down his spine.

Once he arrived at their mansion, he was yet again confronted with a startling scene: Aqua in the kitchen.

Two things that you'd never put together. With all the possible ways for her to cut herself, ruin their stock of food, or burn the place down, she was normally kept away from it. So why was she standing by the table with a very satisfied smirk and a very frilly white apron on?

"I made you dinner, Kazuma-sama," her toothy smile was surely meant to strike a God Blow to his heart.

All of these things raised warning flags, but the most startling of them all was when Aqua turned around to collect his plate. And she revealed that she was wearing nothing underneath her apron.

The goddess hummed and shook her hips to her own rhythm as she ladled out his share of the meal for him. Then, when she turned and came back, her smirk was even more sinister.

She leaned down toward him, squeezing her arms against her boobs to make her bare cleavage more pronounced. The apron was so tight it looked like it might explode any second, and all of the generosity in her bosom would be on full display for him and him alone.

"I hope you liked it," she leaned even closer to him, "I know I'm already your favorite, but it doesn't hurt to spoil me now and then…"

Her bedroom eyes locked with his blank, monotone gaze for several moments. She bit her lip, and she nearly moaned as she squeezed her thighs together.

"I'll be waiting for you after you finish your meal~"

She turned around and walked over to the doorway, and with her bare ass still facing him, she took off her apron and hung it up. Quickly holding a single finger over her nipple to preserve her modesty, she gave him a wink and headed out the door and toward her bedroom.

As his eyes followed the swinging motions of her hips, his brain was playing catch up.

Megumin's behavior was already unsettling, and now this… There just- There was no way! No way those girls actually wanted to bang him, right?

He stared down at the gruel Aqua made. Calling it food was too generous. But he still took a bite anyway, idly wondering if he'd see Eris in a few moments.

One bite later, he set his utensil down and ran a hand down his face.

There really wasn't a point in ignoring the situation any longer. If what Wiz said was true, then they will become drastically worse with each passing-

"K-K-Kazuma?" spoke a soft, gentle voice.

"I'm Kazuma," he replied, blank and monotone.

"I-I just sent a letter to my father for you."

He was still looking down at the plate of whatever it was Aqua tried to make, wondering just how much stressful his life could get.

"Oh?"

He happened to turn around, and sure enough there was Darkness leaning against the doorway, wearing her cute nightgown.

She was biting her lip, and her entire face was red.

"I-I-I told him that… th-that since you made me pregnant, you're going to make an honest woman out of me."

Kazuma's face twitched.

"Come again?"

She stepped toward him, her whole body visibly quivering and her eyes becoming more aroused by the millisecond.

"A-a-and I do mean honest! K-Kazuma, you have to make sure I didn't lie to my father!"

Kazuma felt like he was watching this unfold from somewhere else; like an out of body experience.

She stepped closer to him, her hands reaching out.

"My father's expecting a grandchild, Kazuma!"

It was like she was possessed by a god of lust. Did she even realize what she was saying?

"Y-you will h-have to… t-to…"

Oh, her face was scarlet red. Kazuma was surprised she hadn't fainted yet from this much arousal.

"TO MATE WITH ME!"

Kazuma wiped his cheeks with a napkin and politely laid his things aside. He got up and pushed his chair in. Then, without even looking at Darkness, he walked past her and out the doorway.

"Y-you're really going to do it?"

The blonde crusader's body shook with a mini-orgasm as she followed after him. She was like a dog in heat, following after her male. Except her tail wouldn't be wagging happily at the situation she found herself in, it would instead be raised straight up and out of the way.

With each step that got closer, Darkness seriously began wondering if she could go through with this. Could she have s-s-sex? Get pregnant with Kazuma's child? She wouldn't be able to go on adventure's with Aqua and Megumin anymore. She'd be stuck at home, as a pregnant housewife. W-would Kazuma be the type to lovingly dote on his wife… or would he want to do degenerate things to her while she was helpless and round with his child?

She was so excited, and smiling so wide, and so thoroughly distracted by her own imagination that she didn't notice that Kazuma was already in his bedroom door. But as soon as she looked up, he shut the door in her face, and their tanky knight fell backward onto the floor with a bloody nose and a dopey lovestruck face.

"Twice in one day! My husband's a real stud!"

A doorway opened up and a fully naked Aqua leaned out to gaze down upon that hopelessly perverted meatshield.

"Oh? Your husband?"

She held a hand up to her mouth and laughed loudly.

"Don't make me laugh so hard, Darkness!"

Then, her eyes narrowed.

"...like he would ever marry someone like you, when he has a goddess like me."

Darkness was unscathed by her remarks as she stood up and approached her naked friend. She put a hand on Aqua's shoulder and gave her a kind smile.

"You really shouldn't pretend to be a goddess just to make yourself feel better, Aqua. You should put your faith in Eris and trust in her guidance."

"Tch, like I'd ever trust a goddess that lies about her breasts."

Darkness' smile only grew, but her eyes were twinkling as she casually looked down at her friend's exposed chest.

"I would have thought you'd find inspiration from Eris."

The crusader coyly lifted her own massive tits with her hands, and her smile turned into a smirk.

"You two have a lot in common."

That hit Aqua like an arrow to the heart. She fell back against her open door and clutched her precious boobs.

"Darkness! Take that back! My boobs aren't flat!"

The blonde turned and slowly walked away, pausing just long enough to look back over her shoulder to deliver the killing blow.

"When Kazuma has a real woman like me, they might as well be flat."

Aqua fell to her knees, her tears already streaming down her face.

Kazuma listened to all of this happen as he leaned against his closed bedroom door. If he needed anymore proof, then that was surely it. The young man sighed and stepped toward his bed. He sat down and held his face with his hands.

It was too much to process in one day. He should just sleep and worry about it tomorrow.

He looked around at his bed and saw a lump. It was at that same time that he noted how quiet Megumin had been all evening. In fact, he didn't remember seeing her anywhere after they got back home.

Kazuma got up and walked around his bed. Then, he pulled the sheets off - to reveal a small pile of his clothes.

Hmm, he hummed to himself.

So, why weren't his clothes put away?

He went over to his armoire and just stared at it blankly for a few seconds before he opened it up.

And staring right back at him was a scared Megumin, crouched and attempting to hide in the small, cramped space.

"Oi, Megumin."

She gave him a shaky grin.

"W-who's Megumin?"

Kazuma was dragging her across the floor. She was flailing her arms everywhere. And Chomusuke was hanging onto her shirt for dear life.

"Hold on! Wait! Kazuma!"

He held her up in one hand as he opened the door with the other.

"You wouldn't really throw me out two nights in a row, would you?"

The bland expression he'd had all evening was unchanged.

"Out."

Megumin was deposited on her bum, landing with a groan. She looked up and glared at him.

"If you do that to me again, I'll tell everyone you touched me."

A sound - like broken glass - came from down the hallway.

"He touched Megumin when he's already promised to marry me!?"

Kazuma looked one way, and saw Darkness rushing to pounce on him. He looked the other, and there was a fully naked Aqua holding her breasts and crying about them being totally real. And he looked down at a smirking Megumin.

"I'll tell them the truth if you let me and Chomusuke sleep in your bed tonight."

He idly considered it for a split-second, and then he grabbed the cat and slammed the door shut.

Three girls were trying to break in, so he moved his furniture around to barricade the door.

Chomusuke sat down on the bed and watched as his master's boy friend went around locking up all the windows, and checked every entrance three times over to make sure they were totally safe.

"There, that should protect my virginity for one night," said the young man as he laid back on his bed.

Kazuma suddenly felt so tired and weak. He watched as Chomusuke nested down on his chest for the night.

"If you try anything funny, I'll toss you out, too."

The cat just purred, and soon both had fallen asleep.