Preface The following will contain adult themes, including sexual content (lemons), minor violence, and coarse language (18+ only). This is a parody of the Percy Jackson series, and not meant to be taken seriously (this is lol what do you expect). Written in the style of the Heroes of Olympus (3rd Person, varying perspective)

Chapter 2: Ancient Powers and Stupid Rainbows

PERCY

Percy was really, really getting tired of snow.

He had gotten aquainted to the mild weather that the Camp normally provided, but the snow was particularly stubborn this year and it was mostly Piper's fault. Ever since Piper and Khione tangoed the camp had been inundated with swaths of winter spirits, Anemoi. Jason usually called them Venti being the Roman dude he is, but Percy preferred to call them Annoying Snow Demons.

All he wanted right now was a place to think, preferably where his snot wouldn't turn into icicles.

In the center of the cabins horshoe Percy sat down, cross-legged and extend his frost-laden arms toward the warmth of the hearth. The embers crackled softly, and Percy basked in the radiating warmth. It was time to figure out how the hell the quest was going to work and Percy wasn't too fond of his first thought:

"I don't need to find Aphrodite's dildo to have Khione fuck me over with this stupid snow." His frustration faltered as a soft voice let out a small chuckle beside him.

"An interesting thought son of Poseidon, but this isn't Khione's snow." Percy turned to a familiar face and met with eyes of cozy flames.

"Lady Hestia." Percy smiled. Hestia was dressed in a plain burlap dress, adorned with a silky maroon scarf over her head. She looked older than when Percy last met her, maybe in her mid-twenties. Even though she's the eldest of the Olympians she always had a youthful energy. But, Percy noticed she seemed a bit drained.

"It shows doesn't it?" Hestia calmly noted. Percy always forgot that the gods knew what he was thinking. "My family is torn once again..."

"Yeah... I was just about to try to figure out... you know, getting Aphrodite's dildo and whatnot to save Olympus from Hades." Percy noted sheepishly.

"A good start, but even Athena is blind to petty squabbles. This - all of this," Hestia gestured gracefully to the swirling winter winds around them, "it all comes from something ancinet - far older than Khione... a presence older than Hades, even older than I."

"Who?"

"That I do not know. It pains me to say, but the fate of Olympus lies tethered to Aphrodite's trinkets. Perhaps each a part of a scheme unknown to even the Oracle, but if their absence divides Olympus - the world will be flipped on its head."

"But... how am I suppose to find all of them?"

"Jackson. Percy, you already know where to start." Hestia smiled and turned back to the hearth.

"Well, we haven't seen Khione for a while... but there's still snow and now Aphrodites... erm-stuff has gone missing. Whoever is doing this is claiming domains, the snow... each trinket is a domain? The necklace is... uh, wealth? The perfume is... the perfumey domain... and the last object is... I dunno the dildo is the domain of small dicked husbands?" Percy hated his brain sometimes, but he hated how his mouth repeated his thoughts verbatim in the worst moments.

"Everything that you just said is wrong." Hestia calmly noted, stoking the fire unabashed, "But now you know where you must start."

Percy took a long pause.

"Khione? We have to find her, so we know who in the gods' names have taken over her domain... right? ... right?" Percy turned his head to find empty air where Hestia once sat.

THALIA

It was a good day for Thalia Grace. A quest to save Aphrodite's ass? Fuck yeah! Now her day was about to get better.

The Artemis cabin had some very nice privacy perks. Walking around au naturel without a worry in the world was the way she liked to live. The Lieuteant of Artemis had her own private floor in the atic of the cabin, though 'atic' doesn't really describe it. Ornate silver styling decorated the room, which included a plethorah of weapons, a bed that felt like a cozy warm marshmallow, and a hottub. Zoe really was living in luxury during her Camp visits, and she seemed to have add some neat customizations for future Lieutenants.

Thalia took the head of the tub faucet and swung it up. The soft whir of mechanical gears turned to life, and out of the wall a drawer popped out. She looked into it with a stupid grin, "Zoe you naughty girl.." dozens of 'toys' were in the drawer. Thalia knew that one doesn't simply go without boys without some alternative.

She pulled out her favourite, a petite celestial bronze bullet vibrator, from the silver drawer and carefully put it back. With the turn of a knob hot water began streaming into the tub, and Thalia slowly let her legs, then torso sink in. Every battle-hardened bone seemed to melt as her muscles relaxed in the warmth of the water. She took the vibrator in hand, and let the hand fall between her legs, and with the click a soft buzz was followed by Thalia's moans. She'd always had a vivid imagination, and now it was really working wonders.

"Oh fuck! mmm get on top of me Percy." The son-of-Poseidon had become a regular visitor of her imagination - a small crush. Once locked away... Thalia hated that thought. Annabeth and Percy had a quiet split, not even the Aphrodite cabin was able to find out. A crush that's taken is one thing, but when they become single and you're locked in an oath of maidenhood... that's when Zoe's magic drawer comes in handy.

Thalia's hand moved the bronze bullet at the speed of, well.. a bullet. "Mmhmmm, yeah that's the spo-oHH fuucking hell!"

She could feel her feet starting to curl. Her hips began to twitch in erotic rolls, as she fucked the toy harder and harder.

Just as she felt herself teeter over the edge, it all came crashing to a halt when Percy fucked her over - except not in the way she wanted.

"Ayy Pinecone Face, I've been looking for you everywhere. We need to talk about, the WOAAAH."

Percy's shimmering rainbow figure now had his hands over his eyes.

"What the fuck! PERCY!" Thalia screeched at the Iris message.

"Uhhh... tell me when you're decent. This is really important..."

"Put your hands down! And explain to me right the fuck now, I don't give a damn now!"

Percy slowly put his hands down, and let out a low whistle.

"If you tell anyone about this, I'll slit your fucking throat!" Thalia said with an eerie calm.

"Okay..." Percy noted, "Can you meet in my cabin in 10 minutes, I wanted to... talk to both of you about the quest... I'd recommend clothes, but if it's one of those days I'm cool with a naked girl in my cabi-"

Thalia swept the iris message away and cursed the rainbow godess under her breath.

PIPER

Piper felt underprivileged - and that's coming from a demigod daughter of a movie star zillionaire.

Percy's cabin seemed more like an ornate greek shrine then a living quarters at first glance- the tall marble ceiling, lack of beds apart for the one california-king sized one that Percy used... but it had clearly been Percy-ified. She noticed several piles of dirty laundry under Percy's bed, and a haze of dust in the air told her that Percy had given a whirl at dusting the furniture.

"Sorry about the mess, it's seen worse..." Percy grimaced as he walked through a particularly dusty area of the room. "I was thinking about meeting in the war room though."

"Wait then why the fuck did you invite us to your cabin?" Thalia passive-aggressively - scratch that - just plain aggressively asked.

"Oh, not the Big House war room - I found a pretty sweet meeting area under this cabin, follow me!"

Percy walked up to a salt water fountain that was in the center of the room, and squinted in eyes. Piper recognized that as his 'I'm concentrating to do some bad ass water thing'-face. Suddenly the fountain water rapidly drained, revealing the metal rungs of a ladder leading down.

"Oh shit!" Piper exclaimed, peering down the 30ft hole now in the fountain, "That's hella deep."

"Ha! That's what she said!" Percy grinned as he entered the hole. Thalia went next and Piper followed her down. The rungs of the metallic ladder was dry, but still smelled of sea salt. At the bottom of the ladder she finally understood what a war room was supposed to look like.

The cave-like room had rows of celestial bronze weapons lined the walls - Thalia looked like she was in heaven when she saw the range of bows - and at the center table three chairs overlooking a massive map of the continental United States, labled with various hotspots from Greek mythology. Percy on the other hand was at a tall stainless steel fridge, taking out a few bottles of blue soda and some blue brownies. Piper never did understand how Percy thought blue was appetizing.

"Okay, Pipes! Pinecone Face! We need to talk business." Percy shouted, extending his blue soda to both as if it were an expensive wine bottle.

"I'll pass.." Piper quietly declined.

"Hey, your loss!" Percy chuckled, taking a swig straight from the blue bottle.

"So, I was talking to Hestia- ya know, super sweet goddess of the hearth. Anyways, she seems certain that there's some big thing going down, with Aphrodite's stuff being stolen - some ancient god trying to claim hodly domains. Khione hasn't showed her face in a while, and apparently the snow demons weren't sent by her."

"Wait... why the snow domain?" Piper asked.

"I dunno, Khione can be a bitch... it could be personal knowing all the godly drama that happens so often." Thalia sighed.

"Well now we have a lead!" Percy got up and examined the gigantic map, "There! The origin of the snow domain."

"Fucking hell, Utah?" Pipe grinned when she remembered Leo's Wilderness School antics - before their demigod days.

"Alta, Utah... that's why I knew. It was in Quebec a few weeks ago, and apparently the map gets updates. Someone must've taken down Khione and moved it there. So... I gues we're going to Utah." Percy grinned widely.