Jyn sat in her room and thought about the many things she would need to change to make this work. They had to make sure the plans go through but also wanted to save as many lives as possible. That included her own and Cassian's at the end. She thought about telling Cassian what she knew and that she was repeating the day but decided against it. He didn't seem that put off by her the previous try but if she was actively trying to change things that could make the mission fail Cassian might not be okay with that. So this was something she was going to have to do on her own which was fine. That was something she could absolutely handle. Maybe.
So Jyn decided that the best idea would be to start small and that meant preventing Cassian from falling in the tower. The idea of watching him hit those poles over and over again was enough to turn her stomach. If she could prevent him from falling then he would be stronger for when she figured out how to get them a ship. If she let him fall Cassian might not make it back to Yavin even if she got ahold of a ship and got them off of the planet. So first things first; she needed to make sure that Cassian didn't fall.
The comm came and Jyn got dressed and walked out of her room like she didn't know how all of this was going to end. She gave the same speeches and put on the same clothes. She made sure that she was doing everything the same, for now, until she could figure out how to save everyone. This was going to be a process and one that was going to require perfecting. She could handle that. Jyn was sure she could handle that.
Or at least she was pretty sure she could handle it as she watched Cassian's devastated face when Kay stayed behind for them. He loved that droid and she needed to make sure that she found a way to save him too. Now it was time to make a significant change for the better. Now it was time to keep Cassian from falling and breaking half of the bones in his body. Jyn got the plans and began to make her way up.
"Watch out," she called as they began to return fire to Krennic and the Death Troopers. Jyn knew that now was the time and she needed to help him. "Cassian, move!" He did move but not in the right place. He was in a different position and this time Jyn had to watch as the blaster bolt went directly into his stomach instead of merely grazing him. She had to watch in horror as Cassian fell again only this time he wasn't going to get up. It was a miracle he was able to get there the first time but with a blaster bolt to the gut, he wouldn't stand a chance. Jyn tried to make it better and she somehow made it worse. She was alone now as he lay bleeding out on the maintenance platform below her.
Jyn pushed herself to climb faster as she made her way to the dish and she was so mad she was nearly seeing red. It wasn't good to let her anger get the better of her but this time there wasn't going to be anyone pulling her back when Krennic arrived. Jyn raced across the platform but instead of trying to transmit the plans she went and realigned the dish right away. This time no one fired on her and the platform didn't fall. She had her blaster in one hand and the plans in the other as she began the transmission. Jyn had just hit the button when the elevator doors open and Krennic walked out.
"Drop it," Jyn snapped. He looked surprised to see her but did what she said. "Do you know who I am?"
"Should I?" Krennic asked and he had the nerve to sound bored. There wasn't anyone to stop her from giving in to her worst instincts so she shot him in the knee. Krennic screamed as he fell down and Jyn looked down at him.
"That was for my mother, Lyra Erso," Jyn said and realization dawned on him. He had his hands up like he had the right to surrender, and Jyn did not care. She shot him in the other knee. "That was for my father, Galen Erso." There was blood on Krennic's white outfit but not nearly as much red as Jyn was still seeing. All she could think about was her parent's bodies, the way that Cassian fell, and she hated this man with everything she had. She shot him in the shoulder. "That was for Saw Gerrera and my friends," she said and then Jyn shot him in the other shoulder. "That was for Cassian Andor." Krennic was covered in red and he was screaming and crying in pain as he looked up at her. She pointed the blaster at his head and she couldn't understand the words that he was saying but they didn't matter. He didn't matter. "My name is Jyn Erso and this is for me," and she shot him between the eyes.
Jyn stood over Krennic's body and stared down at him. She didn't feel anything. She thought after all of these years she would feel something once she killed the man that took everything from her but she didn't. She felt nothing and Jyn realized that Cassian was right to hold her back the way he did. This didn't benefit her in any way. She had blood on her hands now that should feel good and didn't. It made things so much worse and Jyn hated that Cassian wasn't here with her right now.
She wanted to toss her blaster aside but Jyn kept it in hand in case she needed it. She went down to a floor that she thought was close to the one where Cassian was and the door opened to reveal the massive citadel. Cassian was lying on the platform and she didn't really want to jump to it. There was a panel nearby and she hit it. A walkway opened and she limped across. The platform hurt her knees in a way that the soft sand didn't and she wished she was near the beach with him instead of here. Jyn didn't want to know if Cassian was alive or dead but she needed to know.
When she felt for his pulse she found a very close one and Cassian slowly opened his eyes. He was covered in his own blood and she could see that it was dripping through the tiny holes of the platform. His skin was ashen and it looked like he was having a hard time focusing. She wanted to get him to the beach but not like this. Jyn knew he didn't have long now and they would never make it to the beach. She took Cassian's hand in hers and leaned over so he could see her.
"Jyn," he whispered and it sounded like it hurt for him to speak. "Did we get the plans?"
"Yes," she said since there was no point in telling a dying man that the mission he was about to die for might not have succeeded. Cassian deserved better than that and she was going to give it to him. "They got the plans."
"Then you need to get out," he said. "Please, you need to-"
"I'm not leaving you," Jyn replied and when Cassian opened his mouth to argue she shook her head. "We either do this together or not at all."
"They're going to come for you," Cassian said but she wasn't going to hear this.
"Together or not at all," Jyn repeated. He was blinking more and she could feel how weak his hand was in hers but she refused to let go. She refused to let him die alone. There was a sound from above her and Jyn looked up. It sounded like someone was trying to find something but they didn't see the two of them yet. They still had time. She looked back down and realized that Cassian wasn't breathing anymore. "Cassian?" Jyn said and she shook him a little. She had only looked away fro a second, only a second, and in the moments she looked away Cassian died. He died and she wasn't even looking at him. This wasn't fair. She had tried to keep him from falling and she made it worse. Now she was alone and there wasn't anyone with her.
One second Jyn was sitting there, trying to wake Cassian up even though she knew he was gone, and everything went white.
Jyn sat up in her room with a scream at her throat. She remembered that the Death Star blast had taken off the entire top of the citadel and that must have been what killed her. Jyn's heart was pounding and she needed to see Cassian alive. The last couple of times she did this they died together but this time he died before her. Was that going to change things? She didn't know and she needed to see him. Jyn sliced into Alliance records and found the room that Cassian was staying in. It didn't take long and she needed to see him.
She didn't bother to put on clothes or even shoes; she opened the door and raced through the base. It was the middle of the night so no one saw her but she still needed to see him. Jyn found his door and pounded on the metal with her fists. He needed to be okay, she needed to see him alive and well, or Jyn didn't know what she was going to do. She was trying to keep him from getting hurt and somehow she made it worse. Is that what happened when she tried to change things? Did she make it worse?
The door opened and revealed a disheveled Cassian. He wore dark blue sleep pants that looked soft and worn and a black t-shirt that had a few holes in it. His hair was sticking up everywhere and Jyn thought she saw a pillow crease on his face. He blinked and stared at her like he didn't understand why she was standing in front of his room and frantically slamming on his door.
"Jyn? What are you doing here?" he asked and she realized that unless she was planning on telling him what was going on, which she wasn't, then she didn't have a good reason to be standing here. Then she remembered the first time this happened and how he told her about his flashbacks. How it had happened to him before and he understood. She felt bad about using information that he gave her on a different day against him but right now Jyn didn't care. She just needed to be near him in some capacity to know that he was alive.
"Flashbacks," Jyn said. "I had a bad flashback and I ended up here." He looked a little sad as he nodded and opened the door to let her in. Jyn walked into the room and took in the sparse nature of it. If it wasn't for the boots on the floor and the unmade bed she never would have thought someone lived here. Cassian walked over to his closet and pulled out a long-sleeve button-down shirt and handed it to her. Jyn took it and realized that she wasn't exactly dressed to be in the room of a man that didn't know her that well.
"I understand," he said. "Please, have a seat anywhere." Jyn didn't want to sit on the bed, that felt weird, so she sat down on the cool floor with her back against his bed. Cassian was digging underneath his bed and pulled out a bottle of something and two glasses.
"I'm not even sure what this shit is but it gets you drunk enough to forget which I can only assume is what you want," he said. Jyn wanted to tell him that she couldn't forget because all of the details were important but she couldn't tell him. Not yet so she nodded and accepted the glass.
"If you don't know what it is then why is a fourth of the bottle missing?" Jyn asked as he opened the bottle and an extremely strong scent filled the room.
"I'm not saying I stole it from pirates," Cassian said with a smirk as he settled on the floor next to her. "But let's just say there were pirates involved at one point." He filled up two of the glasses and held his out for her to toast. "To forgetting."
"To forgetting," Jyn replied and she clinked the glass against his. She couldn't the visceral reaction she had to the alcohol and when she glanced at Cassian he was making a face too. "Saw used to brew some terrible shit but I'm pretty sure even Saw's shit wasn't this bad. Can't a Captain afford better?" Cassian huffed a laugh and refilled her glass.
"Not in this rebellion," he said and that sounded a little sad. His sleep clothes did little to hide just how lean he was and Jyn wondered how many meals he had missed over the years.
"We're going on a suicide mission so we're getting drunk," Jyn said as she looked at her glass. "It's like something out of a bad holonovel."
"To cliche?" Cassian said holding up his glass and she toasted to that. The liquor wasn't any better the second time around but the burning combined with her empty stomach was already contributing to how drunk she was starting to feel.
Jyn didn't remember what the third, fourth, or fifth toast was but by then she and Cassian were lying on their backs on the floor and he was telling a story about a mission gone bad in the most hilarious way. Jyn could feel the heat coming off of him and their arms were touching and she was becoming more and more aware of the scent coming off of his jacket.
"And Kay just insulted the guy right to his face," Cassian said and he was laughing a little. "One of the biggest pirates in the galaxy and Kay calls him an idiot. We had to turn tail and run the hell out of there or they were going to shoot us out of the airlock." They were both laughing and Jyn felt so calm and loose. "We nearly finished the bottle," Cassian said of the bottle that was sitting next to him on the floor that was nearly gone. They had drunk almost the entire thing and that explained why she was so out of it. Cassian looked over and picked up the bottle from the floor and there only appeared to be a mouthful or so left.
"I want the rest of that," Jyn said.
"I think you've had enough," Cassian replied which was the wrong thing to say because if there was ever a way to make Jyn Erso want something it was to deny it to her. She tried to snatch the bottle from his hands but Cassian was a little too fast for her. Jyn wasn't sure how it happened but they started wrestling for the bottle on the floor like the children neither of them ever got to me. She wasn't sure how she ended up straddling his waist but here she was and she had the bottle in hand.
"I told you I wanted the rest," Jyn said and she tipped her head back to drink the rest of the booze. She closed her eyes and it was enough to throw her balance off but two warm hands were on her hips and steadied her. Jyn finished the bottle and looked down at Cassian. He didn't remove his hands from her hips and she could feel his thumb touch the space between her tank top and her shorts. She set the bottle aside and looked into his brown eyes that looked a little glassy from the booze but his pupils were blown wide. She thought about the times she kissed him on the beach before they died and it was enough of a reminder that this was something she wanted when Cassian wasn't bleeding out.
Jyn leaned down and kissed Cassian without a second of hesitation. She didn't hold back as she opened her mouth and tasted the booze on his tongue. It tasted terrible still but it made her moan as Cassian wrapped his arms around her to keep her close. Jyn slipped her fingers into his frankly maddening hair and rolled her hips. The thin pajama bottoms were doing little to hide the fact that he was getting hard beneath her despite the mass amount of booze that they both drank. Cassian shifted and began to sit up and pulled Jyn firmly into his lap. She needed to breathe but Cassian moved from her lips to latch onto her pulse point to suck a bruise into her skin that was going to be impossible to hide.
"If we're doing this we're not fucking on the floor," Jyn said breathlessly and she could feel Cassian laughing against her.
"Here's to cliche I supposed," he said as he bit down on her shoulder. Jyn wanted to feel skin underneath her hands and scrambled to her feet and yanked Cassian to his. She could admit she was a little desperate as she pulled his shirt and ran her hands along the scars that lined his torso. Cassian all but ripped his shirt off her and pulled her tank top off. Jyn had to kiss him again and she did let him walk her to the small cot in his room. She couldn't remember the last time she felt comfortable enough with a man to let him be on top but Cassian was different. There had always been something different about him that she wasn't able to put into words. So she laid down and pulled Cassian down with her.
He trailed a hand down her stomach, lingered a bit on her scars, and then slipped his hand down her shorts and touched her. Jyn had to break their kiss to gasp because no man who was as drunk as Cassian should be that talented with his fingers. Every single time he touched her, slipped a finger into her, it felt like getting hit with a stun baton. She was drunk and usually, that meant she could come at all but Cassian clearly had magic fingers because it felt like she was falling over the edge almost right away.
"You need to fuck me," Jyn said as she tried to control her breathing. From there they were both a little frantic as they removed the last of their clothes and Cassian kissed her as he pushed inside of her. Jyn didn't have a ton of experience but even drunk this was the best sex she had ever had by far. There was no way anything could ever top this as Cassian seemed to hit that spot every single time he pushed inside. He by far the most generous lover she had had ever been with and reached down to touch her as she came a second time. Cassian followed not far behind and Jyn had to watch as he fell over the edge. He was beautiful.
Jyn wasn't sure how long they stayed together exchanging slow but sloppy kisses as the sweat cooled on their bodies. Eventually, Jyn got up to use the private fresher in his room and Cassian took that time to pull his pajama pants back on but not a shirt. Jyn picked up the shirt that Cassian let her borrow and smirked at him as she pulled it and only it on. He gave her a look but didn't fight as she pushed him down and climbed on top of him again. They were both too drunk to go again but it still felt good to be on top of him like this.
"So is that what you do for all of your subordinates when they come to you with flashbacks?" Jyn asked as she traced a scar on his chest.
"Not even close," Cassian replied as he watched her carefully. "Most people don't come to me for help." Jyn ran her hands along his body until she took her hands in his and pinned them to the bed. She was amazed that he let her go that. They were both sobering up and Jyn didn't know what to say to that so she didn't say anything. They settled down in his bed to get a few hours of sleep before going on the mission.
Jyn tried, she tried to stop him from falling again, and she failed. This time the blaster bolt went directly through Cassian's heart and when he fell she knew he was already dead. She sent the plans but didn't get revenge on Krennic. She knocked him out and left him there to get destroyed by his own weapon. When she got to Cassian's body he wasn't even warm anymore. Jyn settled down next to his still body and closed her eyes. The blast would come and then she would try again.