numb your heart's desire
;;
ii
;;
Keeping her promise to Satoshi might be harder than Chitanda thinks, and she believes she is nowhere close to mastering her spellcasting just yet.
"Let's take a break," Mayaka says, patting Chitanda on the arm.
Chitanda does not argue; shutting her notebook close and inhaling deeply, it's a much-needed breather. She's quite drained, magic is a frustrating and tricky process.
"So, how's it been? Living at Oreki's place?" Mayaka asks casually as she gathers large books into her small arms.
Chitanda takes a moment, pausing from storing away potion vials to watch Mayaka step onto a stool to tuck away her books.
"Well," Chitanda drawls, "Oreki-san is barely around, I've learned to skip making lunch for him. Sometimes I'm not even sure if he eats his dinner. Maybe he just takes a few bites and then tosses the rest into the fireplace? I've noticed crumbs around the hearth,"
Mayaka hums in response, finally stepping off the stool, then suggesting they have afternoon tea together.
Chitanda nods in agreement before getting to work. Then as her hands begin busying themselves — washing away the remains of powders and leftover ingredients under the tap; grabbing a near-by kettle and filling it with water — her mind floats around.
Chitanda wonders if there's a way for her to speed up the process of her current situation. Right now, the main reason Chitanda doesn't know how to move forward is because there's a large gap in her knowledge of the contract Satoshi oh-so desperately wants to break.
That, and the fact that she doesn't understand Houtarou, Satoshi or the history they have together. Houtarou is formal, if not distant. And Satoshi is friendly but also devious. No matter how Chitanda looks at it, the two men seem to be keeping themselves at arm's length away from her. It's troubling.
But, Satoshi himself said there were clues she could find, didn't he? Maybe Chitanda can find a way to drop a few curious hints here and there and get Mayaka to tell her something valuable?
It's lucky that Chitanda's inquisitive nature has shown itself during the past few classes, if not, her sudden curiosity on things would have blown her cover.
As Chitanda moves the kettle to a stove, she asks, "Mayaka-san, what do you know about Oreki-san?"
Mayaka turns away from the cookie tin in her hands. "No comment,"
There's a hint of irritation behind Mayaka's words, making Chitanda think it's best not to prod about Oreki any further. So Chitanda moves on.
Twiddling her thumbs, Chitanda is hesitant but still curious. "And what about Fukube-san?" She asks.
Mayaka pauses, eyebrows knitting together.
Chitanda, in response, freezes too. Oh no, did she ask the wrong question? Chitanda can't help herself! It doesn't add up. Satoshi claims he can't leave the house, but more often than not, he's out of sight and Chitanda can't help but wonder if he's playing a game of hide and seek with her, or if he's stepped outside for a bit.
The small silence almost makes Chitanda want to retract what she said, when Mayaka drops her serious gaze.
"He's mischievous; he jokes around too much and doesn't give anyone a clear answer. He fills his head with useless knowledge and devours whatever he can get his hands on — just about anything and everything, but I don't know what good it serves. He's fascinated by a lot of things on this earth, but it all comes out as trivial."
Either this answer means Mayaka thinks too little about Satoshi or cares too much that she's elaborated a long list of Satoshi's faults.
"He's ... odd, isn't he?" Chitanda tries to put it lightly.
"He's not human."
Chitanda winces at Mayaka's harsh words. Maybe what Satoshi had said about Mayaka being strict with him is a true statement. Chitanda figured Satoshi was being dramatic, but it seems he is capable of being serious from time to time.
"Is that so?" Chitanda asks, hoping she doesn't sound like a person prying for answers.
Mayaka only lets out another hum, "Why do you ask?"
Chitanda doesn't know how to answer. So she doesn't.
"If this is the matter of you being stuck in a house full of talented magic users," Mayaka says, cutting in Chitanda's silence. "Don't think too much into it or sell yourself short. Have confidence,"
The corners of Chitanda's mouth dimples. It's nice that Mayaka's encouraging and telling Chitanda she's doing okay.
"You're doing more than fine, Chii-chan," Mayaka adds.
Chitanda nods. Their lesson for today is ending on such a nice note, she likes that Mayaka has taken to calling her 'Chii-chan'. She likes that Mayaka is developing not only their friendship but also reassurance towards her confidence.
Though, it doesn't stop the questions running around Chitanda's head. But the conversation is so lovely and a signal to an end of any serious talks. It's likely that they'll only exchange some light chatter during their afternoon tea.
So Chitanda swallows down a lull of disappointment and stares blankly at the tray of biscuits that Mayaka is arranging.
;;
Chitanda supposes she is alone in this matter.
She says this because there aren't a lot of people she can ask regarding the contract.
Houtarou is never home.
(Not that Chitanda could ask Houtarou, it strongly feels like she and Satoshi are conspiring against him, so, Chitanda should feel comforted by the wizard's absent presence.)
Satoshi is under an obligation to not speak specifics.
(Not that Satoshi didn't speak. He would often talk her ear off about facts and tidbits when he's not serving the occasional customer or lobbing logs into the hearth's fireplace. At this point, Chitanda isn't sure if everything he tells her is a clue or not.
"Did you know that some witches and wizards can breathe life into inanimate objects?"
"Did you know falling stars can be caught?"
"Did you know that there are hundreds, if not thousands, of creatures that have the ability to shape-shift into humans?"
"Did you know mermaids exist? Along with demons, harpies and dragons? Though, dragons are smaller than they are made out to be, and mermaids are not as dangerous as their cousins, the sirens. Some even say sirens are harpies, though it is difficult to tell until one's demise.")
And though Mayaka is sharp tongued, she's better equipped with witty answers than information about Houtarou and Satoshi.
So, really, Chitanda thinks she's the only person she can rely on.
;;
"Are those herbs growing by the window Mayaka-san's plants?"
"My, Chitanda-san, you have sharp eyes. You're very good at catching attention to detail, if you keep this up, you'll be able to find all the clues to my contract." Satoshi says over a mouthful of lunch, then swallows. "And, yes, those plants are Mayaka's doing. A lot of our ingredients are from her. I suppose it's one of the reasons Houtarou hasn't severed his friendship with Mayaka yet,"
"What?"
"No, I'm just joking." Satoshi waves Chitanda's slight panic away. "Houtarou would never do such a thing. Neither of them would,"
"Oh," Chitanda lets out a breath of relief, her hand resting on her chest.
"You've likely pieced together that Houtarou was Mayaka's apprentice. She taught Houtarou all the magic he knows today." Satoshi says before chuckling. "Houtarou doesn't show it, but he respects Mayaka a lot. Well, maybe he did show it. Your apprenticeship for example. Houtarou could have recommended any other witch or wizard, he sure knows a lot of 'em, they used to meet bi-monthly for a gathering. However, Mayaka was the first person that popped in his head and I don't think Houtarou would have suggested anyone else."
A frown begins spreading on Chitanda's face.
"If that's the case …" Chitanda says slowly, poking at her meal. "If that's the case, then why does Mayaka-san act so disappointed in Oreki-san?"
Satoshi pauses, "It's … based on a disagreement. I know what it looks like between them with their jabs and cold stares, but they really do care about each other. It's funny, history like theirs isn't easy to erase. But there is only so much Houtarou and Mayaka will acknowledge when they're together."
Chitanda wonders what would happen if Houtarou and Mayaka were forced to discuss their disagreement, would someone end up with a nasty enchantment?
And just as Chitanda's pondering about this, a knock at the door startles her.
"It's a customer," Satoshi says in a knowing voice.
"I'll get it,"
"Are you sure?"
"Yes, I can handle it. Just finish your lunch," Chitanda says then pushes herself away from the dining table. And once she's close enough to the door, she takes a peek.
It's fun seeing how magic affects the changing coloured doors and the different backgrounds — green hills, a bustling kingdom, a busy market place — when someone approaches the house to buy a spell. Chitanda's taken it upon herself to learn how to serve the occasional customer when she's not learning or resting, taking Satoshi's recommended walks or doing chores.
"250 Yen," Chitanda grins when she hands the customer his bottle of liquid courage.
He blinks at her. "250? Isn't it 50 Yen?"
50? Why such a drop in price? Is he trying to scam her? She may be new but she's no fool.
"Sorry about that, sir." Satoshi appears behind Chitanda. Extending a palm to accept the small sum of golden coins.
There is no argument on either side, but the customer does have several inquiries.
"I came by earlier and saw that the shop had gone missing. It's a good thing that sign on the lawn was there or I would have panicked. Why the sudden change? Is this going to be a permanent occurrence by any chance? Are you thinking of relocating?"
Satoshi gives him a friendly grin. "We're not moving anywhere, we're just running a few errands that require near-by travelling, but we'll always come back."
The customer nods, satisfied by the answer before thanking the two and going on his merry way.
When the front door shuts, Chitanda stares, gapping at Satoshi. Does he dislike Houtarou that much to take such little money?
Satoshi lets out a laugh, amused by the concern expression on her lovely face. "Don't look at me like that, Chitanda-san. Our prices have always been flexible. We charge the people from the Irisu kingdom more than the folks down at Market Chipping and by the outskirts of the hill."
Chitanda blinks, still perplexed. "Is there a reason for this?"
"Houtarou's orders. It's all about affordability."
Dark eyebrows knit together. "So Oreki-san charges less for those with little to no income?"
"Yes, sometimes he even gives spells and potions for free." Satoshi explains.
Chitanda blinks harder. Something's occurred to her.
"I'll write up a list of prices for you." Satoshi says when Chitanda doesn't say anything further. "But don't let the customers from Irisu kingdom see, the last thing we need are headaches and unnecessary debates, alright?"
"Oh, um, of course!"
.
.
.
The view of the starry sky across the hills is so nice tonight that Chitanda ends up sitting on the steps leading up to the porch. Satoshi joins her soon later, grabbing a dining chair and placing it by the entrance. They alternate between making comments about the moon and twinkling lights, but they mostly sat in silence.
After a while, Chitanda's purple eyes settles on a wooden sign post propped in front of the house; Satoshi had told Chitanda that Houtarou had made it after inquiring the set time Satoshi took to travel to Mayaka's. Painted on it is the two small windows of time the house is away; when Satoshi drops off Chitanda and when he came back to pick her up.
That's when Chitanda turns to Satoshi, a question climbing up her throat. "Fukube-san, why does Oreki-san bother with the sign?"
Satoshi raises a brow. "Because there are people who rely on their knowledge of where Houtarou's shop is. Houtarou has powerful magic, it's known that he often uses it to cure a lot of troubles and aches. It's true that losing a customer or two won't make much of a difference for the business, but it does affect how customers go on with their day. Some of our spells are the driving force for their income; a bag of wind for sailors, enlarging spells for crops, a drop of youthfulness to keep the florist's flowers alive for a bit longer,"
"If location plays such a big part, can't Oreki-san just enchant a doorway to Mayaka-san's cottage so the house wouldn't have to move around so frequently?"
"Ah, well," Satoshi points to the three colours near the door that tells her which portal is being used. "We have four slots, only three is being used now; green for the hills, orange for Market Chipping and blue to the heart of the Irisu kingdom. We could give the final slot to Mayaka's cottage, but we need a physical house and a doorway leading to the woods. I think you've noticed that Mayaka's cottage is the only building around the surrounding area, and there's no way she'll allow Houtarou to enchant a portal to her house."
Chitanda silently absorbs this piece of knowledge. She wonders if this is relevant too.
"How did you hear about Houtarou?" Satoshi asks out of the blue.
Her face scrunches up at such a question. Chitanda is quiet, her jaw resting on her hands. There's a pause.
Satoshi must have seen the perplexed expression on Chitanda's face because he ends up calling out to her.
"Chitanda-san?" Satoshi says, yanking Chitanda's attention to him.
Chitanda tilts her head slightly. "I … have a vague memory of how it came to be," She replies truthfully.
She mostly remembers walking for a long, long time (though, it must not have been more than a day, she would have collapsed in exhaustion without food, water or shelter). She must have looked like a bigger mess than she thought because it took someone approaching her to make her snap out of her daydream-like trance. The folks had inquired where she was headed, and she didn't answer. Not because she couldn't, but because she genuinely didn't have a clue.
Chitanda remembers how aware she was about being cursed but not on how to cure herself. Her disheveled state must have been enough for the kind people to tell her that, if she were to travel up the hill, then she'd encounter Wizard Oreki and he'd help her.
"I think I was told about what potential Oreki-san's spells could do." Chitanda finally answers.
.
.
.
Before she falls asleep that night in another borrowed nightgown, Chitanda thinks back to her conversation with Satoshi; about Houtarou making it a habit to help others with his magic.
If it is true what she's witnessed and what Satoshi had said, then why does Satoshi want to break his contract? Satoshi mentioned that it was entered into willingly, then couldn't the ending of their agreements be negotiated without a third party involved? But then again, even if Satoshi is still benefiting from whatever Houtarou is offering him, Satoshi was desperate enough to seek help from a total stranger. He must really hate it here.
It's odd though, from the little interactions Chitanda's seen, Satoshi doesn't act the least bit indifferent or hostile towards Houtarou. Is politeness part of a clause? Chitanda doesn't think so. Even if such a requirement did exist, she doesn't think she'd be able to hide her displeasure. But maybe Satoshi didn't hold any prejudice against Houtarou? Maybe it's just a dislike for the contract?
Chitanda doesn't understand. She can't pin-point what kind of person Houtarou is. She knows Houtarou has extended his kindness to her. She knows when faced with a person in need, he gives discounts or barely charges those who can't afford his spells. It seems to Chitanda that Houtarou uses his talent for good. He appears to be thoughtful and nice to others, not the type of person to lock up another in a house forever. But Satoshi is evident of such an action.
There are so many questions revolving around Houtarou. She has a lot to think about.
;;
Chitanda awakens at dawn, bright and early. She's already familiarised herself with the lone bathroom down the hall and the wardrobe in her new bedroom. Now all she needs to do is make a mental to-do list and start her day.
The boiling kettle hovers over the low hearth and Chitanda is in the middle of cracking an egg into a pan of leftover bacon fat when Houtarou walks slowly down the steps; dark brown hair swept up in a fluffy mess and a shawl tossed over his shoulders like his pink and grey cape. He begins yawning openly until he stops midway, green eyes landing on Chitanda.
Chitanda pauses too, she wonders if he reacted so because he's forgotten about their living arrangements. Did he think his meals magically appeared when she leaves early for her classes or when he returns after dark? Or did he forget about her? His brain is probably foggy with sleep and barely functioning. Does he currently think that this is all a dream?
Chitanda knows she should be concentrating on Satoshi, but she can't help but feel curious about the wizard too.
"You're up early for once! Good morning," Chitanda smiles, setting the warm eggs on top of three plates before putting away the pan. "Breakfast is ready. Where is Fukube-san? Should I wake him up?"
But Houtarou only mutters, "Your clothes …"
"Oh," She tugs at a sleeve. "I hope you don't mind that I borrowed something to wear. I only have one pair of clothes, the one you saw me wear on my hike up the hill,"
Houtarou does not reply. He stays silent for a bit, as if deep in thought. His eyes look far away before it flickers back to reality. He glances at the low fire burning in the fireplace.
Chitanda follows his gaze. "I can add more logs," She offers.
Houtarou does a gesture, waving his hand in the air, Chitanda does not know what it means. Why did he do that? Is he telling her to keep quiet? Or to drop the topic?
"I'll feed the fire, don't touch it." Houtarou says. "In fact, don't move, I'm going to make you something."
It takes a moment for the sudden statement to set into her.
"What? Why?"
Houtarou lets out a small sound that Chitanda cannot decipher before making his way to the workbench at the corner.
Chitanda watches Houtarou grab ingredients inside a rectangular box from a shelf above. He mutters to himself as he performs alchemy; pouring measurements from glass jars into a wooden bowl and crushing them into powder. There are reactions of sparks and fizzles, Houtarou doesn't flinch from any of the haphazard sounds or pops.
Moving, Chitanda stands closer to Houtarou to get a better look. She wants to inquire if he should be performing such magic when he's half-asleep but a final puff of smoke tells Chitanda the spell is complete.
Houtarou pulls out a silver necklace from the ashes inside the bowl. A heart-shaped rose quarts stone and beads of rowan wood decorates it.
"Wear this. Tuck in underneath your clothes and don't let anyone see or know of its existence." He says then drops it into the centre of her palm.
Chitanda blinks, weighing the jewellery. "Whatever is this for?" She asks, she still doesn't know if she can trust him.
"The necklace is for protection,"
"Against?"
"Bad luck, unwanted spells," Houtarou lists and makes his way back to his chair with the kettle now in his hand, ready to make his morning coffee and end the conversation like their discussion from days ago.
Chitanda wonders if this is a joke. She's an apprentice, but surely she's not that clumsy to cast an enchantment back at herself. This must be a trick. If not for a laugh then for some cunning scheme.
"I don't need this," Chitanda finally voices out.
"Even if it's protection against trouble?" Houtarou asks, throwing her off.
"... You think I'll bring trouble?"
"You misunderstand. I didn't say that."
Then what does he mean?
Houtarou continues stirring his coffee, not bothered to say more and Chitanda remains silent too, not knowing how the wizard feels about her company.
;;
Notes: Okay, I know Chitanda would never under any circumstance not trust Oreki, but I'm following the themes of Howl's Moving Castle where Sophie gets word that Howl eats young women's hearts and she thinks, Hmm, I don't trust this fancy man but I kinda need to be around him. The implied dark magic involved makes Howl double suspicious.
I'm gonna use a similar premise, except the reason Chitanda doesn't side with Oreki is because she sympathises with Satoshi more (for plot reasons). Chitanda strongly believes no one should be stuck in a house and we all know she's going to voice out what she thinks.
— 28 March 2020