A chat convo between Shepard and Jack after the infamous cat-fight, late at night in the captain's cabin, set before the previous chapter. I'm trying to get as many of these out as I possibly can. There's so much material I've written over the past 2 years, I might as well throw it out there.
S: I gotta say, I dunno whether to be impressed, jealous, or pleasantly surprised. You accomplished in 30 seconds what most men couldn't dream of. It's a new world record.
J: what the actual fuck are you talking about.
Oh, Shepard can almost see her signature scowl.
S: You. Melting the ice queen's heart.
S: Quicker than that ardat yakshi bitch that tried to kill me last week.
Jack is typing...
S: And you know what the difference is?
Jack erased her message.
J: the asari bitch is a better lay?
S: oh, she was to die for.
J: really.
The level of amusement with her comment is palpable.
S: You bet. Wonderful girl.
S: Shame her mom walked in. splattered her across the floor before I could introduce you.
S: She would have loved your poetry.
J: shepard you know this playful shit fucks me off.
J: what do you want
S: I'm afraid that's on a need to know basis
J: i just threatened to splatter your genetically perfect princess all over the fucking walls of her cushy little office. You're this close to the same treatment.
S: Just close? I must be losing my touch
Jack is typing…
S: Although, I do keep an open door policy. You're welcome to visit any time
Jack erased her message.
Jack is typing…
J: you know what fuck you. I don't take this shit from anybody.
S: Gee, don't I feel special?
S: Y'know, I haven't had the best set of nerves given the circumstances, but I seem to recall
S: I don't either
Jack is typing...
S: Who was it that watched me toss some asari smart-ass out of a nth story window for sassing me?
J: im starting to think you got issues with blue bitches
J: but lemme guess, me and my new girlfriend
S: Exactly
Jack is typing…
S: All I wanna know is
S: Are we good?
Jack stopped typing.
Jack erased her message.
J: of course we're good, jackass. continue fucking mission
Jack is typing…
J: ugh
J: why don't you ever just ask me this shit upfront
J: wasting all time
S: Because it's less fun.
Jack is typing…
Jack erased her message.
J: y'know what sounds fun right about now?
Jack is typing…
J: turning you cerberus fucks inside-out. stealing your ship. becoming pirate queen of the galaxy
J: maybe skip that shit and sign up for the andromeda initiative
S: Ship AI will fly us into a thousand suns before that happens
Jack is typing…
J: better chance surviving that than this collector shit
S: I'm glad you're in a better mood
S: You're welcome to try
J: crazy bitch
S: Birds of a feather
Jack is typing...
J: jesus christ
J: yea whatever
J: just fuck off shepard
J: I'm gonna lay my ass down to sleep before you ask more questions
J: be here forty days and nights
J: fuuuuuuck
S: go to bed, Jack
Shepard sent attachment. (nini~.zip)
Contains: 3 images.
Files cannot be previewed in chat.
Download? (Y/N)
Jack is typing…
Jack erased her message.
Chat is idle...
Jack sent an attachment. (fuckoff.3di)
Image hidden. Filters: explicit content.
May contain: nudity, coarse language or gestures.
Show anyway? (Y/N)
Shepard's curiosity, of course, gets the better of her. "EDI, I'm not gonna open this and find soft porn, am I?"
"If by 'soft porn' you mean, 'moderately explicit three dimensional images of Jack formatted for holographic display,' yes," EDI intones. Sensing the commander's confusion after a moment, she adds, "That is not a joke."
"Rated on a scale from tit belts to butt-naked, please."
"Intermediate."
Shepard opens the attachment, only very mildly surprised to see a pop-up scan on her 3D display. It's Jack in all her glory, sitting cross-legged in her underwear with a corkscrewed grin and a big middle fingered hand resting elbow-on-knee. The animation cycles for several seconds before a prompt to set as one of her screensaver idles appears. Shepard smirks and accepts.