Disclaimer: I own nothing but a past used to make this story.

AN: WARNING! This story deals with sensitive material. Depression, abandonment, thoughts of suicide, self-harm. If you can't handle those themes, then I implore you to turn back around.

Chapter one: Unsatisfactory

"That's it!"

I jumped as my father's hand came crashing down on the table where I sat. I dropped my spoon back into my cereal bowl. I hadn't been eating it anyway. I glanced up at his red face and hardened features. He looked like a man on the edge. I wondered how long he had looked like that. I hadn't been paying attention, so absorbed my the circles in my bowl.

"You're going home," he stated matter-of-factly.

My brow scrunched in confusion. "But... I am home?"

"No," he breathed. "Home. To your mother. In Jacksonville."

I could feel my eyes widen and my heart to stop in my chest. He couldn't be serious. My face crumpled and I could feel the ever-present lump growing bigger in my throat. "What... why? What did I do wrong?"

His shoulders fell and he slumped down into the chair across from me. "You're not getting better, Bella. You're – you're a shell of a person. You're just going through the motions. This isn't healthy. This isn't normal, Bella. You need your mother. There is nothing I can do for you. I'm lost here, kid." He looked so desperate, desolate and done.

"This isn't fair," I mumbled into my cereal bowl. "I – I need to be here." I had to be. I couldn't leave. What if... what if...

"He's not coming back," my father stated calmly as if reading my mind. My head snapped up and met his cool brown eyes from across the table.

"How could you s-say th-that to m-me?" Why was he being so mean? How could his words be so careless? My fragile heart sputtered in my chest and locked my arms over it to keep it together.

He shook his head. "I'm not trying to hurt you, kid. I'm trying to help you. You sit here all day waiting. Just waiting for something that isn't going to happen. Edward," the name sent a shiver of pain down my spine and a crackling fire in my chest to blaze and burn me from the inside. "Isn't coming back. He moved, Bella. He just moved away. You're acting like he died and you walk around here like a zombie. You're not living. It's not right." He threw his arms in the air and dropped them like boulders to his sides.

I bit my lip to keep the sob I felt growing at bay. "I – I...don't do this," I begged pathetically. I couldn't leave. Everything was here. The memories that kept me half of a whole. The bed I laid in with Edward, the wall he threw himself into, the rocking chair he inhabited every single night. The little memories he couldn't take from me. They were all here.

I needed to be here.

My father stood from the chair, the sound of it grating across the floor making me cringe. "I've already called your mother and booked the ticket. You leave in two days." He sighed sadly with finality and the look of defeat made my stomach drop. He had given up on me. He, too, decided I wasn't worth the trouble.

Looking down, I nodded. "Okay," my voice was barely above a whisper. Still nodding I stood from the table and shuffled slowly to the stairs, my body and mind on autopilot. I wouldn't chase him too. I knew better. If I wasn't wanted, then I wasn't wanted. I stopped at the bottom and looked back at my father. His face was now pale and tired, his eyes brimming with unshed tears. His eyes met mine.

"I'm sorry," he muttered with a shrug. "I'm doing this for you."

I nodded and climbed the stairs to my room. I went to my closet and pulled down the long-unused suitcase, the bright yellow flowers on it an opposing sentiment. Taking my clothes from the hangers and emptying my drawers in a trance. I barely registered the motions and was kept from emotion. I couldn't allow myself to feel. It hurt too much.

My mind repeating the same mantra. Over and over. No one wants you.

.

I locked my arms over my chest, my head lolled to the side as I watched the passing cars flying by. Mom and Phil sat up front, neither of them saying a word. When my mother picked me up from the airport, she took one look at me and threw herself at me, her eyes welling with tears and her hands grasping at me; my hands, my shoulders, my face. Her imploring eyes sought mine but I was loathed to meet them.

I couldn't.

She said no words to me other than "Welcome home, my sweet Bella." There was nothing else to say I supposed. Her once awkward, shy, hopeful and naive daughter had returned to her an abandoned and busted shell. I didn't have to be a mind reader to see the disappointment on her face.

I was a disappointment. Nothing more. Not satisfactory. Just there. I thought about Edward, and just thinking his name made my heart melt in the worst possible way. I thought about how I wasn't enough for him. I thought about the coldness of his eyes as he broke my heart into a million pieces and stomped on my soul, leaving me to chase after him on that rainy day.

Unsatisfactory.

I thought about my father's eyes as he told me that I couldn't stay with him. I wasn't doing well enough for him to keep around. I wasn't healing the way he thought I should. He wanted me gone. A burden he no longer wished to bear.

Unsatisfactory.

Then, I had a new disappointed heart to contend with – my mother. It was written all over her face the moment she laid eyes on me. She didn't want this Bella around her. She wanted her best friend, the girl who went along with all her half thought out whims and entertained her gossipy nature. I couldn't be that for her now. And she could see that. With just one look.

Unsatisfactory.

I was simply unsatisfactory.

I sighed a shaky sound and fell further back into my seat, my head turned to the window as the unfamiliar surroundings engulfed me. The ride back to my mom and Phil's place was a long one from the airport. No one talked. No one interacted, save for Phil reaching over to place his hand on my mom's outstretched one. I felt the pang in my chest and dropped my eyes closed for the remainder of the drive.

"Come on, Bella. We're home," my mother whispered close to my ear. I cracked a tired eye open and looked at her. Her creamy skin and dark hair and eyes, so much like my own, yet miles apart from my current state if brief glances at my refection were anything to go on.

I stood from the vehicle and grabbed my one bag that sat close to me while Phil carried the rest of my minuscule luggage inside, hauling it up the stairs. I followed silently behind him as my mother trailed behind me. I felt caged in this new place. This place that was not my home. My heart thrumming in my chest for the home so far away from me now.

"Here it is," Phil smiled tightly, gesturing to the large room that surrounded me. I took a step further inside and forced a smile.

"It's nice," I managed to choke out through the lump in my throat.

My mom came up next to me, she put a hand on my shoulder and squeezed lightly. "This is home," she said softly.

I nodded and smiled while my heart cracked at the word. "Home."

Phil and my mother left me to get settled in. Something my mother would never do before. She would have stayed right there with me, helping me unpack and gossiping and gushing about her life and Phil and her adventures. But she left with a nod and a smile, closing the door on her way out.

I dropped the smile from my face and fell to the floor, my chest vibrating with silent sobs and choking on the lump in my throat. As my unsatisfactory soul weighed me down to the floor, a heap of broken glass, so fragile and harsh against every breath I took. I laid my head on my hands letting the plush carpet absorb my heartbreak.

No one wants you.

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