Present

Quinn sat in the most comfortable chair in the hospital room which had slowly become like a second home for the two of them over the last few months. She had scooted the chair closer to the bed, and had her feet up on Joe's bed. She had her Mac open and was typing away. It seemed as though every waking moment she was looking up new kinds of therapy, all natural. Just a few months back Joe had put his foot down, and kept it down when she tried convincing him that there was this new cutting edge clinic in Europe that were experimenting with new treatments. As hard as this was, Joe simply squeezed her hands, and looked her right in the eye. He told her that whatever time he had left, he wanted to spend it with her here. He had fought long enough, and didn't want to spend his last few months drugged out of his mind, living overseas. He had made peace with what was happening, and due to his beliefs, he didn't want to keep lying to himself over what was happening. He was dying, plain and simple. This resulted in many tear filled fights. Quinn accused him of giving up, of abandoning her, letting her be a widow at age twenty-five after she had all ready lost so much. This argument lasted weeks, until finally one night he wiped her tear streaked face as she sniffled, completely defeated. The fights started off with her pacing, pulling at her hair, shouting and screaming at him. Finally this one certain night, Joe was doubled over, sitting up in bed, having just vomited blood, tiny strands of beaded blood dribbling down between his two full parted lips. Quinn became hysterical, calling for the nurse, her hands flapping in panic like two tiny little birds as the nurse came in to help clean him up.

That's when the tears started. Once the nurse left, Quinn began apologizing, telling him she was sorry, as if she was the cause for upsetting him and making this happen. Sitting across from him, she had finally hit a brick wall. She had been beyond exhausted, drained, and emotionally at her very end. He knew this had been so much for her. The late night emergency room visits, the doctor appointments, watching as he received painful injections and treatments. Watching her handsome, strong, kind, and caring husband start to quickly drop weight, and become a weak empty shell of his former self. This had been going on for years now, and after losing the baby, this had finally been it. Reaching across, he squeezed her hands, his hospital bracelets along with his others jingling that he had collected over the years. He grasped her hands and held him as tightly as he could.

Quinn suddenly looked so much younger than she really was. Suddenly she looked like a frightened little girl. He had only seen her cry like this twice before. Once after they lost their little boy, and the second when he was diagnosed.

"Quinn, look at me."

Quinn bowed her head ashamed, before finally she sniffled loudly and looked up. Joe started at her, his eyes serious.

"Listen to me, I've spent enough time being angry over what happened. I know this is testing your fate and believe me...it's testing mine. I'm furious that I won't live long enough to grow old with you...I'm furious I'm leaving you alone and I'll just be you're first husband that died young..."

Quinn shook her head, tears still slipping down her face.

"I'll never remarry..."

Joe gave her hands another gentle squeeze.

"Don't you dare say that. Your life isn't over after I'm gone. You are so beautiful, so smart, so talented...you have your whole life ahead of you and I hope it gives you a little sound of mind knowing I'll be looking in on you from time to time. You're a fighter Quinn...ever since you had Beth you've proved that you're much stronger than you think. I refuse to believe you're going to give up. You made me the happiest man ever. I feel like an actual angel appeared before men all those years ago...and it was our density that we were meant to be together."

"I'm a horrible person..."

Joe shook his head.

"No, you're saved my life in more ways I can even count."

"Yeah sure...as you lay here dying..."

"It's because it's my time. I can say...that in this short time I was on Earth I met my soulmate, had a beautiful son who's waiting for me in Heaven. I'm so grateful for every single second we shared together. You made me so happy Quinn, and after I'm gone you need to keep going. You need to keep believing, and know I'm in a better place with our little boy. We'll be watching...and you better meet someone wonderful, have lots of babies, keep using that beautiful voice of yours, and keep working on being the best version of yourself."

Quinn hung her head down, chest heaving, before Joe leaned forward, gently kissing her forehead. Since then, there hadn't been any more fights. Joe knew how badly she was taking this, and hid behind a wall of keeping strong for him, doing research, and being his voice to the doctors, demanding answers. He knew she had thrown herself into keeping busy, not allowing enough time for the reality of what was happening to truly set in. She currently was sitting, typing away on her laptop, her feet up on the bed, as Joe sat up, his hospital positioned upward. The nurse had just come in and gave him his pain medication in his IV. It had just started going to his head, and he sat back, blankly looking up at the TV mounted on the wall, which was playing the news. Just then Nancy, his nurse came in, checking his IV bag.

"How you feeling sweet pea?"

Joe blinked, feeling all ready soupy from the medication.

"Better now beautiful."

Nancy rolled her eyes, playfully swatting his arm, causing him to crack up. As she turned over his hand, she checked where his IVs were, making sure the bandages were fresh and wrapped just tight enough. Smirking, she looked at his tattoos.

"Boy, these tattoos are something else..."

Joe laughed as she lifted his arm, looking them over. Despite the fact she had seen his tattoos countless times, she still seemed fascinated by them.

"Which one is your favorite?"

Joe smirked and held up his left hand, showing the tattoo wrapped around his ring finger. Instead of wearing a ring, he had Quinn's name tattooed and wrapped around her finger. Squinting, Nancy smiled, actually reading what this said for the first time.

"Isn't that sweet. You got any honey?"

She turned towards Quinn who was still sitting up on her laptop. Raising an eyebrow, Quinn looked up.

"Well, I had one removed..."

Joe smirked, knowing exactly what she was talking about. The iconic Ryan Seacrest tattoo during her teenage breakdown. She got it layered off, and covered up with several roses instead shortly before things started up with Joe. Since then, she got two more. Smirking, she shut her laptop, actually liking Nancy, and how sweet she was to Joe, mostly whenever he started getting a little loopy on his meds. Sliding her laptop into her bag, she lifted her blouse partly, showing the name Jospeh in beautiful script over her ribs. Nancy smiled looking at it.

"Isn't that just the sweetest?! Plus look at you! So thin! Ah to be young!"

Quinn chuckled, glancing over at Joe who smiled, as Quinn started to let her blouse drop. Nancy glanced down for just a mere second and pointed.

"What about that one?"

Quinn instantly knew what he was talking about and felt her heart drop. Instead, she sighed and glanced down. On her other side was written her son's name.

Nash.

"Um, that was our son's name."

Nancy's face dropped, embarrassed.

"Oh, I'm sorry honey...I shouldn't..."

Quinn fixed her blouse and shook her head, forcing a smile.

"Don't be. I got it about a year back...made me feel better."

"Do you mind me asking his name?"

Joe sadly smiled and spoke.

"Nash. Nash Hart."

Nancy sighed.

"That's a wonderful name. I lost a daughter, crib death...God that was nearly fifteen years ago. I think it only made it a little easier because my husband and I all ready had four other children. Still, breaks my heart to see that sort of thing happen to young kids like yourself."

Quinn sadly nodded.

"He...was stillborn. I delivered him. He had a cyst in his kidney..."

Her words trailed off, clearly struggling to talk about this. Joe had tried to bring her to a support group a few times, but in the end Quinn figured this just wasn't for her. Nancy sighed, before walking over and gave her a gentle kiss on the top of her head. Quinn was grateful. As good as her relationship was with her mother now, she never quite felt as close as she should have after the whole Beth thing and her father blowing up on her ending their bond together. He had shown his face only twice since then, and both times weren't exactly pleasant. Quinn knew if it hadn't been for Joe she honestly would have ripped his face off. Instead, she was shown so much comfort and kindness by this one woman in the last year.

She saw how sweet she was with Joe, and perfectly understood the pain they were going through. In fact, the whole reason why she went back to nursing school was because she lost her teenage daughter to breast cancer almost ten years ago. Joe had remarked that sometimes when the pain was extremely bad and he couldn't sleep, Nancy would sit up with him, helping him pass the time. She would either pray with him, read, or simply talk about her family. She had said more than once that Joe and Quinn were the most adorable couple she had ever laid eyes on and felt as if it was a complete pleasure being able to care for Joe and get to know his cute little wife.

Quinn knew that Nancy had heard abut Nash, but at this exact moment there wasn't any uncomfortable silence, or fake tears. Instead, she gave her a warm comforting smile and rubbed her arm.

"Tonight when I say my prayers for my daughters Bella, and Gina I'll say one for your boy Nash. Such a handsome name."

Quinn smiled up at her, before Nancy turned and told Joe she needed to start her rounds but she would be back soon with ice chips. With that, the two were left alone. Quinn smiled looking at her husband, before she got up, scooting the chair back.

"She's so sweet..."

"Yeah she is. I was thinking maybe we could surprise here with flowers since Valentine's Day is coming up. I have her address, sorta as a thank you for everything..."

"That sounds sweet, sure."

Quinn carefully crawled into the narrow bed, hating how thin her husband felt as she slipped her arms around him. On Joe's left bicep he had gotten the date Nash had been born tattooed beneath the outline of a cross. The very thought of that day still haunted Quinn, and she knew it was only a matter of time that everything would come to surface again. She suspected it might blow up when the time finally came that Joe was no longer here to help her push away those horrible memories. Still, she figured she would maybe bring this up now while the meds were working their magic.

"So..."

She said, laying beside him, gently tracing his arm tattoos with her pink painted fingernail.

"Have you thought about it anymore?"

Joe, who was clearly stoned on his meds, nuzzled up against her, wearing a loose fitting T-shirt and sweats.

"Hum?"

"You know, saving...some of your sperm."

She was careful with her words, knowing very well despite how strong the meds were what Joe's reaction would be. Closing his eyes he sighed.

"Quinn..."

Quinn tried to stay calm as she shrugged.

"Listen, this is me actually thinking about the future. I'm not being dramatic or shouting. I just think it might be a good idea. We can donate it to the clinic, it doesn't cost much to keep it there...and maybe...further down the line when I want to maybe try and have another baby..."

"You can do that with your new husband, or boyfriend...or whatever guy is lucky enough to be with you. You're still young Quinn why are you thinking about this?"

Quinn tried to control her breathing, refusing to cry. Instead, she stared at his T-shirt and played with a tiny string that had come undone on the material. Trying to focus, she knew this wouldn't be easy.

"Because...if what you're saying is true...and I'll be alone soon...I want...some part of you still with me. Is that too much to ask?"