"How was the zoo?", Carlos wanted to know after his shift had ended and he returned home.
"I don't know", TK jerked, getting a strange look from his boyfriend.
"What? Why don't you know?"
"Because we never made it to the zoo. Max wanted to stay at the firehouse."
Carlos smiled in amusement.
"Why doesn't that surprise me?"
"Hey, last week he said he wanted to become a cop, so don't blame it on me."
Carlos smiled, giving TK a short kiss, before he hugged him.
The little gesture was interrupted by Max who stopped in front of them, already dressed in his pyjamas.
"Daddy, can you read me a goodnight story?", the 6 year old wanted to know. TK smiled at him.
"Sure. Did you choose one?"
Instead of answering, Max walked towards his parents, then straightly looked at Carlos.
"Dad, you're a cop, right?"
Since Max called TK Daddy and Carlos Dad, the police officer knew, that this question was meant for him.
He turned around, looked at Max in a consing way.
"Yes, why are you asking?"
"Can you tell me, why he did this? Why Johnny killed my mommy?"
Carlos gave TK a sad look, before he kneeled down to get in better eye contact with Max.
"Come on, let's go to the living room. This is something we just can't talk about in the kitchen."
They changed the room. Max crawled on the couch, before TK and Carlos set down on the left and right side, next to him.
"Okay, listen, Max. Some people are really sick and I think your step father did something that isn't easy to deal with. It's really bad and his brain made him to do horrible things. And he also did this, because he grew up with parents that weren't nice to him."
"I hate him."
TKs eyes started to fill with tears.
"I know you do and you have any right to feel this way."
"Can you take me to prison? I want to tell him what I feel."
TK gasped for air. It was a really emotional discussion, but Carlos shook his head.
"No, Max. I won't do that."
"Why not?"
"Because, I don't think you are ready for this. You're stepfather has to stay there for a very long time and when you're old enough, we will talk about this again, but right now, you're still not over it and far too young."
Max gave him a disappointed look.
"I'm not", he wanted to start arguing, but Carlos denied.
That's when TK interrupted the discussion.
"Max, Dad is right. I don't think this is a good idea. You're still having nightmares and therapy and we both wouldn't have a good feeling to allow you to be with him in one room. Not now. Even if Carlos is with you the whole time."
Max looked up, a devilish expression on his face.
"You don't understand me. I hate you", he whispered, then shut the door loudly before disappearing in his room. TK and Carlos gave each other a desperate glance.
TK already wanted to get up to talk to him, but Carlos held him back.
"Don't go. He needs time to deal with it on his own."
"Did you hear what he said?"
"Tyler, he doesn't mean it. He's just angry and he starts to cope with the events that happened during the last months. This is not against us. He's traumatized. It's his way to deal with the things that happened."
"And leaving him alone, while he cries his eyes out, fixes the problem?"
"Listen, you have to learn that we can't put all of the problems out of his way. Same goes to him. No one said that we don't comfort him. But he's angry now and putting him under pressure won't bring us far."
"I get it. We play good cop, bad cop here", TK mumbled, before he returned to the kitchen and left Carlos alone.
911911911911911911
Finally TK had his own way to deal with stress and anger of their 6 year old kid.
One hour later he just entered the room with a box of lego bricks and sit down on Max table. Normally the 6 year old did his homework there, but today TK used it as an ability to classify the old bricks by colors. Just minutes later he realized that his plan worked.
Max who was lying in bed finally put his blanket aside and came to the table to sit down next to his father.
No one said a word. They just sorted the bricks by their different colors and forms.
"Did you play with it before?"
"Yup, when I was your age, my dad came home for christmas and gave me a lego fire station. The bricks still belong to it. But they are also from other sets. You know, this is what happens when grandpa put them all together in one box, because I was a really messy kid."
Max continued to organize all the red bricks in one area of the table.
They both continued for a long time, until the 6 year old started to speak again.
"Are you still mad at me?"
"No, because I know that this wasn't really you. It was more like the little boy inside of you that has trouble to deal with the things he saw."
"I didn't mean it. I just wanted to defend my mom. That's why I want to see John."
TK put the bricks aside, then looked at the 6 year old in shock.
"Because I couldn't save her."
"Buddy, there is no way to feel guilty about it. It wasn't your fault."
"Yes, it was. I couldn't protect her."
TK took a deep breath to avoid to freak out.
He knew Max did a lot of things that weren't common for his age. He went shopping to buy groceries, he bought pills for his mom and even did a lot of things to manage the household. During the first weeks, him and Carlos had to fight hard to show him what a normal childhood looked like and that it wasn't common to work like an adult did.
"Max, you're not supposed to do this. It wasn't your job to do what you did. You're a kid. Kids are supposed to have fun, to play, to learn and to grow up. They are not responsible for their parents in any way."
Max looked like TK explained to him how to work for the first time, then he started to cry.
He buried his face in his hands. Thats when TK moved closed and pulled him in a hug.
He said nothing, just sat there and held him, while Max cried into his chest.
TK gently rubbed his neck. A gesture that eventually calmed him down.
TK whiped his own tears away. It hurt him to see Max like this, even if he knew that it was good that he let go of all the emotions.
"Don't tell Dad, okay? I don't want him to think that I'm weak", Max sobbed before he glanced at TK, still tears in his eyes.
"Well, sometimes it's okay to be weak. I'm sure you had to be really strong before, so you can allow yourself to be weak now."
"Really?"
"Sure."
"Have you been weak before?"
"Yes."
"But you're a firefighter? They're not weak."
"Hey", TK whipped the tears from Max cheek.
"Who told you that you can't be weak when you're a firefighter?"
He sniffled, then raised and lowered his shoulders.
"Tim at school said that firefighters and police officers are never weak."
"Really? Then tell Tim that I'm really sorry for him, because this is bullshit. Weakness doesn't depend on a job or a qualification."
Max sniffled, then looked at his dad in surprise.
"Being weak means that you reach your limit and sometimes you even pass it. And it's okay to cry and to be weak, even if you're a boy, because it makes you human."
"Why aren't you mad at me? When I stayed at the orphanage and I made something bad, Mrs. Gardener would ground me for one week. But you don't", he said in a quiet tone. TK ran his hand through Max hair.
"Because I'm not Mrs. Gardener", TK smiled weakly.
"You know, there was a quote in my principals office when I was a teenager. I didn't get what it meant, until I became your dad."
"What did it say?"
"Love me when I don't earn it, cause that's when I need it the most."
TK wasn't sure if he really understood what it meant, but from the glance in Max eyes, he realized that the little boy tried to deal with it.
"Max, it doesn't look like it sometimes, but Carlos and I, we will always love you. Even if you're rude, angry or mad. And we know that you're trying to test us sometimes , just to see how far you can go and if you can trust us."
The 6 year old didn't look TK in the eyes. That's when he knew he was right.
"What about Dad? You think he will accept my excuse?"
"Sure he does", TK winked with his eyes.
"Tomorrow. After your good night story", he waved his head towards the bookshelf, gesturing that Max should choose a book that TK would read to him.
"Harry Potter."
"Alright", the firefighter commented his choice, while he organized the last bricks of his lego pile.