Pit: Hello and welcome to the review show!
Ike: Derick Lindsey, yeah the survivors and the Remnants are all getting cameos in the story. Gonna have to wait and see who lives and who dies. Number of kids and adults dying might no be equal. Supports could work. Supports actually could work with the story format.
Pit: Just make sure not to accidentally S-support somebody.
Ike: What? Isn't it only up to A support?
Diddy Kong: 14Shiffna, my dude, the timeline is The Academy of Hope and Fighters of Despair followed by this story which leads up to Farewell Despair Academy.
Sonic: AngelZeroExe, Mega Man won't be appearing in this story. He'll appear in a future one.
Red: Guest, thanks. Author's mom also mains D3. Will he live? Will he die? Will he get to eat lots of food? Who knows?
Lucas: What's going on?
Monokuma: Here's your cash, good job covering for me.
Lucas: W-what!?
A/N: Yo, what is up?
Ever since watching Smash Summit 9 which was fucking awesome, amazing Melee tournament like always. I've wanted to take this series in a new direction. I want this to be more like a dating sim.
Let's face it, shipping sells. So, if I write a story where you guys decide to pick the pairings, Imma get hella rich.
Here's the list of everyone's fates, since I'm changing the story:
Ike survives, obviously. Y'all really think Imma kill of a character that's like a mix of my two favorite characters? Blue hair and a headband, ultimate plot armor.
Pit also survives, but only because I don't feel comfortable killing off someone who can't read.
R.O.B. is mass-produced, how am I supposed to kill him off?
Toon Link will die because he got too pissed off.
Lucas will be killed off next chapter. I don't want him to suffer.
Sonic will disappear until the last chapter where he's killed off for the sake of that one reviewer who reviewed years ago and mentioned hating Sonic because of for glory.
Snakes gonna enter a box and his fate will remain unknown.
Wolf's fate depends on whether he's a tier higher than Fox in Ultimate by the end of this fic.
Red's dying, his voice is too annoying.
Diddy Kong will live only and only if Zero manages to beat Mkleo.
Lucario will die because he took too much damage and didn't do shit.
Wario will live unless Waluigi makes it into Smash Ultimate.
Alph will die because everyone will forget him.
Olimar will die because Dabuz called Roy brainless and I'm salty :(
Dedede will die because he ate too much.
Meta Knight only deserves to die. So, I'm gonna have him live so that he can see himself get nerfed.
Hope you enjoy!
This was it! The moment I had been waiting forever since the world fell… I was finally being accepted as one of Zelda's followers of despair.
Zelda's followers had different branches in all four corners of the world. Sadly I wasn't qualified to join the strongest one where rumor had it some ex-Hope's Peak students were in charge. But I was satisfied nonetheless. I couldn't wait to help spread despair!
I walked into the camp ready to speak to the branch's leader. But I didn't know where the leader was. I sighed in defeat. Of course, this had to happen. Wouldn't be despair without me getting lost.
"Um, are you lost?" a short cute girl wearing a duck costume asked me.
"Yes?" I awkwardly glanced at her.
"I've never seen you before. You're new, right?"
"Yes! I'm looking for the leader of this branch."
"Oh, she tends to run off to play this lame game called Super Smash Bros Melee. Or at least, that's what she claims. I can go look for her."
"Thank you, um…"
"Duckie."
Duckie walked away leaving me alone. This first encounter didn't go as bad as I thought it would. I was expecting to meet someone completely insane and scary-looking. Duckie appeared to be reasonable which was a great quality to have, especially among Zelda's followers who were mostly insane.
Not knowing what else to do, I decided to go for a walk. I wasn't going to stand awkwardly with nothing to do all day. I didn't know when Duckie would be back.
I saw a sofa and decided I should take a rest. Sure, I had only started my walk, but sofas can't be taken for granted these days. When I see a sofa, I must sit on it. Sofas are a luxury.
I was about to jump on the sofa when I noticed a girl was already sitting on it. She had long blue hair that was tied up and was wearing a feathery jacket. She appeared to be playing Star Fox 64.
"Oh, I'm sorry to interrupt," I apologized.
"You better be sorry!" she yelled, "You made me lose my game. People like you make me wish I could fly! The air is so much better than the ground. I, Falkie Lombardi, will make sure you regret ruining my day!"
"I-I really didn't mean to ruin your day. Oh, how despairing…"
"Fuck off, bitch."
I did as I was told. I couldn't afford to get into trouble right now. But maybe I could make it up to Falkie so she wouldn't hate me for the rest of my life.
I was disappointed I didn't get to sit on the sofa, so I continued my little walk. I overheard some shouting coming from a room and knew I just had to check it out.
A tall blonde woman with big boobs and a shell on her back was sparring against a taller green-skinned woman with red hair. They appeared to be training and based on my recent experience with interrupting, I decided it would be best to not interact with them."
"Hey, bitch!" the blonde yelled at me, "Come join us! We need an extra training partner!"
"Bowsette, you can't just call someone a bitch," the redhead lectured her friend. "If you're going to insult someone, you've got to do it properly."
"What do you mean, Ganondorkie?"
"Shut the fuck up, you fucking pathetic excuse of a human being!"
Neither I nor Bowsette were sure who Ganondorkie, if that even was her actual name, was referring to. I quickly ran out of the room and thankfully, the two giants didn't bother chasing me.
"Are you okay?" a boy wearing a pink coat asked, "I'm Nan. What's your name?"
"Stay away from him!" a girl dressed in blue yelled. "Don't speak to him, you… You female dog!"
"Pop, we can't scare off a new recruit."
"Yes, we can!"
"I guess we can freeze-"
"Nice meeting you, goodbye!" I blurted out before running away once again.
My day wouldn't stop getting weirder and weirder. It got even weirder when a short blonde girl told me to follow her. I had no reason not to follow her… Right?
"All new recruits must go through tests!" she shouted as she slammed a door open, "Don't worry, there's no need to study for it!"
"That's nice."
"The first test is surviving electrocution!"
"W-what!? Will it be just a light shock?"
"Pi, stop saying nonsense to the noob," a tall woman with purple hair glared at the blonde, "The tests will all be mental. I am Mewtwo and I'll be mentally torturing you, mortal."
"We're supposed to start with the poison test," a two-dimensional woman interrupted.
"Do not interrupt me, Ms. Game & Watch."
"Mamma mia, can you stop doing this every time there's a new recruit?" a doctor complained as she kicked out the three weirdos.
I sighed in relief as the three left. The doctor appeared to be reasonable so Duckie wasn't the only sane person in the area. She handed me a form that I filled with my vital information and everything went by smoothly.
She ended up walking away before I could as her name. Oh, well, I could just find someone and ask them what her name is.
Luck was by my side! A short blonde woman dressed in green followed by a… I'm not sure… Looks like a girl… On second thought, maybe they're a guy?
"Excuse me," I interrupted their conversation, "Do you know who the doctor is?"
"No, we don't have a doctor here," the blond smiled, "We'd never hire a doctor. In fact, I think doctors are fake!"
"No way!"
"Linkle, can you stop being an idiot?" the other person who turned out to be a guy glared.
"Oh, look at me!" Linkle mocked her friend, "I'm Sheik and I'm really good at detecting sarcasm!"
"Her name is Maria."
"Actually-"
"Shut up! Your parents did the right thing when they decided you weren't allowed to talk at home!"
I laughed nervously before greeting the two blonds. I was sure if I stayed any longer, I'd get caught up in some fight I didn't want to be part of.
I walked lost in thoughts all alone before bumping into someone. I apologized profoundly to the handsome man I had bumped against. Despite looking silly with his blond hair and pink suit, he had this aura of authority around him.
"So, you're the new recruit?"
"Yes, sir! Uh… Are you the leader?"
"I wish. Sadly, the world wants nothing but despair for me. If I was the leader in this area, we'd actually get things done. Prince Plumb, the leader of despair squad sixty-nine… Why does nothing go my way? All the ugly girls like Bowsette are obsessed with me while the beauties like Linkle ignore me!"
"Oh, man… That really sucks…"
"Hey, bitch!" Duckie yelled as she ran up to me, "Sorry, I don't know your name, I just shouted the first thing to pop into my mind. Anyway, I know where the leader is."
"Let me guess, Smash?" Plumb answered.
Duckie ignored Plumb and made me follow her to a room full of video game posters. I didn't recognize any of the characters. I guess they were from that Melee game Duckie mentioned earlier.
The sound of a door being slammed open almost made me shit myself. I turned around and saw two beautiful women. The first one had long blue hair and was wearing a tiara. She kinda looked like a princess blessed with long legs and big- Holy shit, the redhead's were even bigger. Were the two trying to make me feel bad about my body?
"Hello, I'm here to speak with the leader," I said as I tried to look at the women's faces, "I'm a new recruit."
"We got interrupted for this, really?" the blue-haired woman complained, "Why do I have to deal with this?"
"Because you're the leader, Martha," the redhead smiled as she mockingly patted the shorter woman's head, "A princess needs to know who she's leading."
"Wow, Rey, that's the second stupidest thing I've ever heard from you."
"If it's the second stupidest, I guess that means I'm pretty smart. I am the strategist after all."
"You never plan anything! Plus, I got better Math grades than you!"
"I got better grades in everything else!"
"You failed dancing and javelin class! You would have failed archery if it wasn't for your stupid dad!"
"Don't insult my dad! My parents were practically your parents too!"
"Fuck you!"
"Go fuck yourself!"
"Fu-"
"Don't you fucking say that!"
I don't know how it happened, but I somehow found myself outside watching the base burn down. My life was going to get really really really weird from now on.
"Hey, Duckie, I think I should try dating someone here," I told the brunette, "Are all the hot people here single?"
"Bowsette's a single teen mom and I'm not sure about the others," Duckie answered, "Although, I don't think anyone here would want to date a bitch like you."
"Aw, darn it. I guess everyone here is kinda messed up… But that's what makes the idea so fun?"
"Are you sure about this? Maybe you should just try making friends. All the hot people here belong in an insane asylum?"
What will you choose, Huntress?
"What do I choose?" Pit yelled at the TV screen, "I need help guys! Do I date the hot people or do I become friends with the people that aren't hot!"
"What hot people?" Ike asked as he woke up from his nap, "Where?" Pit pointed at the screen. "Pit… None of those people are hot. Go the friendship route."
"Ike, of course, you don't think they're hot," Red spoke up, "Pit, go with the hot people."
"Dude, just flip a coin," Diddy Kong suggested.
"Follow your heart!" Sonic cheered.
"Aaaaaaaahhhhhh!" Pit screamed before throwing the controller at the TV screen and breaking both the controller and the TV.
"Shit, Lucas is waking up!" Ike shouted.
"Everyone act normal! I'll hide the TV under the bed."
A/N: Thanks for reading, hope you enjoyed!
I think I'm gonna go with support like conversations for this story. Next chapter's main character is gonna be R.O.B.
Dunno when the next chapter drops, but I already have it outlined. Hopefully in April.
If you want advice, updates, a place to promote your fics or just wanna chat, you can join the Super Smash Prose Discord server with the code gDK48ua
See you guys next chapter!