Chapter 2
-The Hogwarts years-
Arriving to Hogwarts was one of the scariest moments of my entire life. I'd been there only yesterday but that seemed like a different life. One where I was on top and Father said we would rule. Now being led around the halls I felt just how alone I was. No, I was not in prison but I was in a way a prisoner. I was not free, I would live here for God knows how long and then I was to be tossed out for a year.
"Keep up little girl." McGonagall seemed more relaxed here like this was someplace she could be herself. I scurried after her and almost ran into her as she stopped rather abruptly. We had come to a door that looked quite plain compared to most in the castle.
"This is where your room shall be. It is connected to my personal apartment so that I can keep a close watch on you. As you are much too young to start your education you shall help in my office and with the house elves around the castle. You must always report to the head of wherever you are placed and if you should ever fail to report you will be severely punished. Do I make myself clear?" Her words spun in my head, but I followed her through the door and into a small room made up of a bed, dresser, and paintings on the wall. The painting where moving like the ones in the hall but I knew that unlike the kind faces we had already passed these where put here to watch me. I didn't have any of my own clothes. I had been informed that all my possessions had been confiscated and burned on the order of the ministry.
"I have taken the liberty of having some plain clothes and Hogwarts attire brought and placed in your cupboard. Also the ministry has given me orders to have you place yourself under a glamour spell. Your unusual look would cause quite the disturbance to people around the castle." McGonagall's voice snapped me out of my own thoughts and brought me back to the room.
"What do you mean?"
"Your eyes. They aren't normal, they are like his." I hadn't ever really noticed a difference, but up until now no one had ever really made eye contact or looked at me long enough to notice my appearance.
"Ok... well I know the spell, but how long will I have to use it?"
"Forever." It was sinking in how different my life was about to become. Not only was I to be locked here but I must also now look different. It was apparent that they were willing ot take everything from me, except my last name. That they would keep so that people knew. Knew that I was different, something to be avoided.
"Well, I shall leave you know. Dinner is a 7 on the dot. If you get the lost the painting are under strict rule to guide you to the Great Hall and nowhere else. The bathroom is through that door over there." With that she left. The room was bigger than what I had had before and cleaner too. Looking in the cupboard I saw the clothes she mentioned and noticed that all seemed rather normal to what I was used to wearing, and the was noticeably no black. Sighing I went to sit on the bed, a rather comfy bed I might add, and before long I could feel myself drifting to sleep in what would be the first night in my new home.
2 years later -
Waking up in the morning was what I was worst at. 6am. What in the world would anyone be doing at 6am. Every morning I wake up to put on my same uniform and go directly to the kitchens where I assist the house elves on preparation for breakfast. It was an easy task and one I found I rather enjoyed. Lately they had been letting me cook some of the dishes, supervised of course, but I found I was getting quite good. When breakfast was over, and all had been cleaned I went up to Gonny's office to see what chores I had for the day. Since the day I arrived at the castle McGonagall had become much more relaxed with my presence and sometimes even let me accompany her on outings or even the occasional picnic on the grounds. She became less of a prison warden and more of maternal type figure. Though I'm sure if you asked her she would deny any good feeling toward me. During the year most students never saw me or even knew I was hear. The occasional student would see me and then I would be banished to the kitchens for a week to let the rumors die down. Today I was hoping the I would be given less chores so that I could explore some of the grounds, with a companion of course. Fang had taken quite a liking to me early on and Hagrid while mostly uncomfortable in my presence was more than willing to let Fang keep an eye on me.
"Miss. Riddle." I knew that voice. It was my least favorite voice.
"Do you really think it wise to be galivanting through the castle halls in the daylight. Don't your kind usually like the shadows better." Filch had taken to seeking me out anytime he could and if no one else was near, to taunting me about Father.
"Mr. Filch, now that term has ended the headmistress has allowed me to walk the halls. And I like sunshine." With that I took off running to keep from hearing what he had to say next.
"Miss Riddle would you please slow down." Professor Flitwick was a kind man but also rather uncomfortable around me. Though it was easing up as he learned I was rather gifted at charms and I loved to learn whenever I could.
"Sorry Professor! I just want to complete all my chores now so there's still daylight left to explore."
"Well, I could see the draw in that. Just make sure not to hurt anything in the process." I slowed after that. I was almost to Gonny's office by that point, but what both Filch, and Flitwick had said was enough to dampen any high spirit I had built. While it had been two years since I came to live here and two years since the war, it was still very present. Who I was, who's I was was something I would never be able to get away from. No one ever said, "Don't run you may get hurt", it was always "Don't run YOU may hurt someone". In my time I at Hogwarts I had been so careful to not mess up, not make a mistake that the ministry might find unacceptable, but it was hard. At first, I couldn't understand why some magic that I was so used to doing everyday was so bad. But I had worked hard to be good, worked hard to put down any notion that I was a death eater, but it was never enough. The mark that I'd had since birth was always there never fading.
"Marley please would you stop daydreaming and listen." McGonagall's words cut through like a knife and I snapped backed to the present.
"Sorry Ms."
"Today I have decided that since you have worked so diligently you can have a free day to do all the adventuring you want. But remember –"
"I know. "Don't hurt anyone"" I raised my voice two octaves to finish the sentence and could tell by the look on Gonny's face that it had been a mistake.
"Young lady, listen here and listen well. You have been very diligent to behave while you've been here but for most of the people here that war is still very present in their memory, so for now it is 'Don't hurt anyone'. " Her face grew less stern and I knew that maybe I had escaped a punishment more server.
"Merope"
"Please don't call me that. You promised"
"Marley. I know it's hard for you to understand right now but I promise that one day this will change. One day you won't be feared like you are now, but that is going to take time and dedication from you to be better than your Father. To make sure that the world knows you are better than he was, and you don't want to live in the shadow of his bad deeds. But it will take time." Her voice was soft by the time she finished talking and I knew that today I would not be punished for acting out. This was a lesson I'd learned – I wasn't always punished, something Father never failed to do.
"Ok now go before I change my mind and make you work all day." The tenderness in her voice was all but gone but I hugged her anyway.
"Thank you Gonny."
"Go. Now."
I ran that day, straight to Hagrid's for Fang, and then straight to the forest: the only place I really felt like I belonged.
-The School Years –
September 1st. This was going to be the best year ever. After years of working and watching I was finally going to be able to join the school as a student.
"Gonny! Gonny!" I was yelling my room in a full panic
"What the devil is the matter with you child." She came running in wearing her night robes, and her hair was falling past her shoulders.
"I can't do it. I can't go to school. What if people hate me, or what if it turns out I'm more like him than anyone thought." I was in a full panic now, thinking of all the horrible possibilities that could come.
"My God Girl, pull yourself together. You are going to be fine, I told you we don't even need to sort you with the hat, he will place you in a house probably Hufflepuff and then you will be able to distance yourself from it all. Now, Sleep. Tomorrow is a big day for everyone." She was turning to leave but I couldn't help but feel like something was off and I had to tell her before it was to late.
"McGonagall. I – I think I want to be sorted by the hat. It just doesn't seem right to be in a house that didn't choose me. I know that means I will probably be in Slytherin but if that's where I belong then I want the chance to prove that that doesn't have to be a bad thing. I want to make it right. Please." She turned and looked at me in slight disbelief but I also though I saw some pride in her eyes.
"Alright then. It's your choice. Now please, Marley, sleep."
The next day was full of anticipation as I waited and helped prepare for the arrival of students. By the time the older students where in the great hall, Flitwick was helping me find a way to get into the hoard of first years without it being to noticeable that I hadn't been there the whole time.
"I hope I'm in Gryffindor." A tall boy near me said "Only the best gets in and my brothers in that house so I'm sure I will be as well." He was quite pointy looking, and he sounded like he knew something the rest didn't. He also seemed like the exact type of person I should not make a habit being around.
"Well I want to be in Ravenclaw, it's the smartest. I'm rather bright, I've already taught myself a few basic spells." This girl was small and quite mousy but looked like she could friendly enough if you got past her self-righteous attitude. What I noticed as I listened to everyone excitedly talk about what house they wanted was that no one mentioned Slytherin.
"Do any of you think you could be in Slytherin" I asked a few people who stood near me.
"I hope NOT. Could you imagine. I mean they say they've worked to make it better, but can you really make a house that made something so evil different." The boy that said this looked friendly enough, but his words hurt. I knew that the possibility of my not being sorted into Slytherin was very slim.
"I don't think it would be the worst."
"yeah I mean just because you're in Slytherin doesn't mean you have to turn out like the Dark Lord." The two that said this were twins, a boy and a girl.
"A house is what you make it, the house does not make you. That's what our parents say anyway."
"I agree." That was all I could respond with before the doors opened, and a hush fell over the group. All the first years started looking around in wonder at the magical ceiling and the giant tables already filled with students. But I could only bring myself to look at two things: McGonagall and the hat. The hat suddenly erupted into song talking about the grand new year and the opportunities that await. I was sick to my stomach and thought that this was a mistake. I should have just let Gonny place me where she wanted.
"Lenard Render". This was it the first name was called. "Hufflepuff!"
"Ginger Hood – Ravenclaw"
"James Alfred – Gryffindor!" So, the boy got what he wanted
"Beth Markes – Slytherin!"
"Gregory Markes – Gryffindor!"
It went on like this for a few more minutes before they finally got to me. Thankfully I had convinced Flitwick to call me Marley not Merope.
"Marley Riddle" The hall stood silent as it sunk in the last name he called. I walked up to the stool without looking back fearing I may lose my nerve. I knew from talks with Gonny that hat only spoke so you, so you could hear it.
"Ah Miss Riddle. This is not as easy as it should be given your history. You pull so many different ways, but I feel a power in you that I have only felt once before, and I want to give you the opportunity to change history."
"Slytherin". No one cheered at the announcement, rather the murmurs started at once. I put my head down and walked quickly to the table. Once there the girl Beth turned to me, "I'm glad you're here, it nice to have another girl in our year to talk to." She was the only one to speak to me the whole night. Once back in our dormitories I picked the bed nearest the wall and Beth pick the only one next to mine. I was glad for that, maybe I would have a friend.
The years started to pass quickly one after the other. I was quite gifted in Charms and Potions. I did not though have a green thumb and magical creatures made me nervous but spending 5 years in the constant presence of Dementors will do that. I still made time to see Fang, but I started bringing Beth along and before long her brother Gregory joined us. I could tell I made him nervous but in year two he finally started opening up to me. By year five, Beth, Gregory and I had become rather a tight group of friends.
"Do you think they are going to announce prefects tonight?" Gregory was certain he had done enough to make it. He was a star Keeper and did really well in all of his classes.
"I'm sure it will come soon." I knew for a fact it would. I had walked in the Gonny's office one night to find her and the heads of house talking. I was quickly forced out.
"Who do think will get it from our house, Marley? I bet it's you." Beth had long since seen past who I was and neither her nor her brother ever really asked about it. I was thankful for that.
"I doubt it. In case you've forgotten most people don't like me." It was true. Most students stayed away from me.
"Oh, they don't hate you. They just don't know you! It would be different if they did." I'm sure in her mind that could be a possibility, but I knew better. I was the one who had spent the last 10 years going to ministry hearings and seeing the faces of people who looked at me with disgust and fear. It was never going to change. I couldn't rewrite history.
I did end up making prefect much to mine and everyone else's surprise. For the rest of that year I started to see people take a chance and talk to me, and not just about Father, but about bands and clothes, and what is was like at the castle when all the students leave. Our fifth year was coming to close when I got an owl saying I needed to report immediately to the headmistress's office. I scurried up to her office and knocked tentatively at the door.
"Come in"
"You wanted to see, Miss?"
"Ah, yes, Marley." She looked up from whatever paperwork she was doing and motioned for me to sit in the chair across from her. This was unusual. We were quite close now and hearing her talk so formally to me made me fearful that I had done something horrible and was going to be sent away.
"uh-um." A man stepped out of the shadow and I immediately recognized him from my countless ministry hearings.
"Why are you here." I wasn't a rude question but as long as I'd been here I'd never seen any of them step foot in the castle.
"I am here young lady because tomorrow is the tenth anniversary of the Battle of Hogwarts. There will be a celebration held here at the castle where students and those who fought in the war will gather and celebrate." I was confused. I can understand their need for celebration but why they were telling me was unclear.
"Why does that concern me?"
"Well Marley," McGonagall looked uncomfortable, "This means that you are going to need to stay in your summer room for the night and not be seen. I'm sure you would understand why your presence may be disruptive to most of the individuals." I sat stone still. I understood now. I can't be there, I don't belong. I can try and try to be good, to be smart, and to go out of my way to change but my last name will always remain. I am a death eater.
"I understand. Can I go now?"
"Marley- "
"Sorry Headmistress, I need to finish some classwork. Thank you." I left in a hurry and didn't stop walking till I was outside the school and then I began to run. I ran and ran until the castle was small and the trees where big. This was where I always felt at home, The forbidden Forest. Dark just like me.
The celebration started at 5 the next night and I sat alone in my room. Beth and Gregory had both joined in, their parents had fought. I could hear the cheers and laughter coming from below. I wasn't upset anymore, angrier now. I wanted to belong here, to fill at home but I just didn't. The whole castle was against me. What makes it worst is that I should belong here more than anyone. I AM a Slytherin. It's in my blood and yet I am made to feel like an outsider. I was getting restless. I wasn't going to be banished to this room when it was my ancestor that built this castle. I listened at the door and could hear no one, so ever so gently I opened it and peaked out. The hall was clear. I walked down to the end of the hall to decide which way I felt I should go. While I wanted to rebel I also didn't want ot be caught. If Father ever taught me anything it was that being caught was worse than whatever you were doing. As I neared the end of the hall I was stopped by one of the portraits.
"You there." I turned to see a painting of an old rather sour looking man.
"You're her aren't you. The Slytherin. The daughter of the dark lord."
"Yes" I couldn't understand why I said that. It just sort of came out.
"I shouldn't tell you this but as a member of the great house of Slytherin I feel it is my duty to inform you that behind my frame is a passage to a place only accessible to those who know the art of parseltounge."
"Show me please."
I followed the hidden passage for what seemed like forever and finally came to a door covered in snakes.
"Open" was all I said, it was all I needed to and even though I knew nothing of what lie behind that door a part of me felt like I was already home.
I walked in and was greeted by a huge cave type room filled with snake carvings and at the end a figure head of a man I had seen in the pages of our history book. This was Slytherin. This was his place and now it would be mine
My 6th year at Hogwarts passed with nothing of notice. It wasn't till my final year that my life really began to flip. As we entered for the start of term feast I noticed quite a bit of murmuring throughout the room.
"What is everyone on about" I asked Beth
"Didn't you hear? There is a transfer student from the school in Scotland. He's apparently a hunk." She smiled at that last bit. For the last few years she became quite a bit boy crazy. I scanned the room hoping to catch a sight of this new boy. My eyes found him, and my heart dropped. Not from his ground-breaking beauty but because of his familiarity. I knew him. I felt sick. I couldn't find Gonny in the crowd, so I did what I can do best. Run.
It couldn't be him. When they sent him to Scotland I thought it would be the end, that we would never see each other again. Finny had grown to look so much like his father, but not as rough. He looks well.
"Umm sorry to bother you but I wonder if you could point me to the loo?" it was him. It was him and I just wanted to hug him and tell him I missed him and never let go again.
"Down the hall to the left". It came out naturally, but only just. I had almost done it. Gone through all my years at Hogwarts without knowing anyone personally from my past. Now I was going to be forced to look at him for the rest of the year.
"Thanks"
The fall semester went by without much fuss. I spent much of my time with the Markes, and when I wasn't with them down in the chamber. Gonny had found out about my secret hideout in the summer after 5th year. She had turned out too much more ok with it than I had expected. During the spring semester though we were assigned a history paper to do in pairs and it was over the war. As if my year couldn't worse, I was assigned to write over the absolute worse night of my life with none other than Fenrir Greyback Jr. the boy who didn't even know he had been a part of it.
"Well do you want to meet in the library after dinner to work on the paper?"
"Yeah that sounds brilliant, Marley right?"
"Yeah that's right" though my response fell on deaf ears as he had already spotted some of his friends and was running off.
"See you then Mer". I stopped in my tracks. No one has called me that since that night. Since him.
Working on the paper with Fin was harder than I thought it would be. He knew absolutely nothing that he should. Nothing that he had seen or done. It was hard, he of course knew at this point who I was and so he had no trouble asking about my experience and it killed me knowing that most of my memories also involved him. I was under strict orders from McGonagall not to try and tell him about the past or who he is. I had taken that frim in and it was a decision that I was going to have to live with and that was fair.
"So, you actually lived in the same house as Lord Voldemort. Like the Dark Lord." He sounded amazed
"Yeah I did he was preparing me for battle and to be his heir. But that's not important, we need to get back to the paper."
"But it has to be weird writing about this when you lived it."
"A little but it was a long time ago". I really just wanted to get this over with. Every day we spent together it got harder and harder to not spill everything. He was just so kind and a good guy.
The weeks past slowly and it seemed that I would never finish the paper, but spring slowly melted away to summer and it the paper was due the next morning.
"What do think? You think we'll pass. We better, with you being an actual member of the war."
"Ha, yeah you'd think, but that could also mean they will grade ours that much harder."
"Naw. Well ace it I'm sure. Say what are you doing after leaving this big ol' school?"
"I'm not really aloud to leave per say. When our examination placement results come in I have to go before the ministry before I can make any decision, and have it approved."
"Oh right. Well I'm hoping to go into law enforcement. I thought about going back to Scotland, but I've come to rather enjoy England, so I might just stay.
"Oi, Fenrir, where about to play 'splodin Snaps if you're interested."
"Count me in! Thanks, Marley for being such a cool partner on the project. See you at the feast."
And just like that he was gone. He had told me more than I had ever wanted to know. I didn't want to know what he planned on for after school. I didn't particularly care to know about anyone's after school plans. It was a hot topic among the 7th years, but I didn't have the luxury of being able to go wherever and do what I wanted. The ministry would decide. If I had it my way I actually would probably teach. Anywhere but Hogwarts. I'd leave and go somewhere new and teach to children whose family didn't know my name and I was always surrounded by fear. From what I've gathered the few times I'd had the nerve to ask McGonagall was that I would probably at least for now be told I could be a grounds keeper at the school so that they could keep an eye on me.
The end of term came and with it the placement results. I didn't even bother reading mine, I knew that the ministry would take care of that for me and that looking would only increase a hope that I had no business messing with.
"Honestly Marley fixing your hair might have been at least a small act to look like you want a job." McGonagall was always on me about my hair. If she had it her way my hair would constantly be fixed in a low bun similar to hers.
"Well Gonny, what difference will it make. I'll be working the grounds here so my hair won't make the smallest bit of difference. "
"Did you even bother to read your results. Her eyebrows raised
"No. I did not. Unlike what everyone has said I will not allow myself to hope for something that will inevitably be dashed away today by the ministry. Now are we going. They always hate it if I'm even the slightest bit late." I walked towards the fireplace in her office and waited for her to join me.
"Ministry of Magic" We were off.
Arriving to the ministry today was much less uneasy than it had been when I was a child. I knew what to expect now and walked swiftly down the long hall to the tall door and pushed it open not even bothering to glance back at Gonny. I walked to the platform in the middle of the room and stood facing the minister. What I did notice about today was that there were more people than usual, it looked almost like it had at my first few hearings. My confusion must have been evident because the minister started with a smile (quite an unusual sight)
"Miss Riddle, today you stand before us to find where we as the ministry feel you would be best suited. I have been in long talks with Headmistress McGonagall and others who have played a role in observing you and have found that you would be best suited to stay at Hogwarts."
I knew this was coming, but it doesn't mean my heart wasn't breaking. I thought that maybe I had done enough, been good enough to earn a spot in society beyond a criminal. I wanted to cry but not here not in front of all the people that would so enjoy seeing me cry.
"We feel that you would do your community well as a professor." As soon as he said it my head snapped up and scanned the room to find McGonagall. She was smiling, and it looked like her eyes might be glistening.
"Like an actual professor?" I couldn't believe what they were saying.
"Yes, Miss Riddle. An actual Professor. It is the decision of Hogwarts and the Ministry that you should assume the position of professor of Defense against the Dark Arts." My heart sank. It was a cursed position, and everyone knew that. No one ever stayed for more than a year. My father had made sure of that and now I would be the next to start and fail.
"We are hoping that in this position you will be able to live out your skill for magic of this caliber as well as be the break in sure a long curse at the school." So that's why. I was to break the curse my Father started. I was also being tested. During school I had made it a point to not stand out in this class, but it was hard. This was the magic Father had pressed into me from the time I could talk. I was a natural and that was something I had always shied away from. Now I would be tested to see if I could resist temptation. To teach the subject I was raised in and not fall into the Dark Arts as Father had.
"Does this suit you Miss Riddle? Will you accept the position?" It was as if the room stood still, waiting.
"Yes, I will." I should have felt elated. I was going to be able to teach and do something good in the world, but it was coming at a cost.
"Miss Riddle, I should note that you are still under ministry sentencing and that will not change with your new status. You must at all times keep your eyes hidden and all curriculum you desire to teach must be reviewed. We are trusting you with the learning of our children and this is your warning that should you harm a single student, accident or otherwise, we will lock you in Azkaban without hesitation. You are dismissed." There it was, the truth. They were still hoping I slipped up, made it easy for them to throw me away and forget I existed.
"Thank you minister". I turned and left the room without waiting to see if anyone else would say anything. I found Gonny soon after and she was smiling, I was not.
"Oh, Marley isn't it wonderful. You get to teach and do something you are good at." She was genuinely happy.
"Gonny, how am I supposed to be happy when this is just another way for them to try and get me to slip up and do something wrong. They gave me the one position that people associate the most with Father. I am supposed to teach children, and I don't need to remind you of some of the children that are coming, and not mess up. I'm good at the Dark Arts Gonny like really good. How am I not supposed to mess up?"
"You are a good person that's how. You've never done anything to give them reason for suspicion. You are good at the dark arts but that's why you can teach it and teach it well." Her pep talk worked only a little.
"Why the eye's though? They mention it every time, why?"
"Marley, they remind people of him. It's a remind of the horror of the war and it helps to keep people from fearing you just that much more."
"Sure." I didn't wait for the response. I stalked to the flews and got in not even bothering to wait on Gonny.
"Hogwarts"