Chapter Two: The Siren and the Whispers

"A man with outward courage dares to die; a man with inner courage dares to live." -Lao Tzu

"Hey, Reid, come over here!"

Spencer glanced up from his paperwork at Morgan's call. They had just finished a case, and a few of them had swung back to the office to pick some stuff up. Hotch had gone home to Haley and JJ, who'd fallen asleep in the jet, snagged a ride home with the unit chief. Getting up, he headed over Morgan, picking up a folder as he did.

"What?" The young doctor asked, looking up at his friend blearily. Even though it was only four in the afternoon, he felt bone dead exhausted.

Derek was at his desk, a few papers sprawled out in front of him. He was drumming a pen on the desk, but when Reid came over, he sent it down and looked right at Spencer. The young man shifted in slight discomfort. "How are the nightmares?"

Pursing his lips, Reid gave a shrug. It had been a few weeks since the case with Cory Bridges, since he'd told Morgan about his nightmares. It was sweet, really, that he cared, but sometimes Spencer wished he hadn't told him. He could handle himself, he was a grown man after all.

"Still happening?"

Reid nodded.

"Ah, damn, kid, I'm sorry. Gideon didn't talk to you, then?"

Spencer tucked his hair behind his ear and felt the fragile paper crinkle as his other hand clenched. "He did. It kind of helped, and they're getting better. I think. Honestly, don't worry about me. You'd be crazy if our job didn't get to you in some way, right?" He faked a chuckle.

Morgan raised an eyebrow, not seeming convinced by what Reid thought had been a perfect stretch of the truth. "You're talking to a profiler, Reid, don't try anything with me."

"I'm not!" he argued.

"How bad are they?"

The young doctor held his gaze for a moment, hoping Morgan would give in. He didn't so Reid sighed and glanced around. Elle was staring into space, Gideon was in his office, and Garcia was nowhere to be seen. A few other coworkers milled around, but none seeming interested in his conversation. Finally, he turned back to Morgan. "It's like I can only sleep when I pass out. I'm scared to dream."

The agent gave him a concerned look, reaching out to touch his shoulder. "Just breathe, kid. Stay with us."

Hauled out of his memories, Spencer stirred in surprise. There were inaudible whispers and an excruciatingly loud siren. The confusing fog didn't lift, but Reid's eyes flickered open. Blurry figures gathered around him and he could see one of them hovered over him.

Trying to move away from the figure, Reid's face twisted in pain and his arm jerked toward the blurry shape, trying to get him away. Agony seared through him and it only worsened when somebody grabbed his wrist and tried to move it back down.

"Just breathe, Reid! Try to calm down," the sort of familiar voice then got louder. "Help him, dammit!"

Somebody tried to respond, but Spencer's mind grew foggy again and he couldn't understand what had been said in reply. His head went limp against whatever he was laying on and all will to speak slipped away from him.

"I just can't believe she's really gone. O-or I guess I just don't want to. I just want her to walk inside the conference room because it was all just a dream…" Reid looked over at JJ. "I know it's been weeks, and dreams rarely, if ever, feel like they last weeks. And even then when weeks pass in dreams, you can't remember the individual days… but I remember everything. So I know this is real…"

The blond reached out to touch his hand. Grief shouldered its way onto her expression and tears filled her gaze. She looked away and tried to brush away her tears. It had been five weeks, one day, fourteen hours and- "Spence…" JJ's words forced him out of his mind.

"Sorry."

"No, don't be sorry. I just… I know that look. You can't keep track of it all in your mind or you'll never move on. Emily wouldn't want that…"

"If Emily wouldn't want it then why doesn't she come in and stop me?" Reid snapped, standing up quickly before an apologetic shimmer flickered across his face. He slowly sat down back and buried his face in his hands to stop himself from crying again. "It's just not fair…"

JJ stood up and moved over to him, wrapping her arms around him. "I'm sorry," She whispered, but it was so quiet that Reid couldn't even be sure that she had even said it.

Honestly, Reid wasn't sure if he could handle being a profiler anymore. His friends -his family- were all slowly disappearing. One by one just being… picked off. Elle, it was partly his fault she'd gone off the rails. Gideon, Gideon had left because Reid couldn't do anything to help him. And now Emily… "Who's next?"

"What?"

"Who's next? Who's going to disappear next, huh? Morgan? Hotch? Which one of us is going to die or leave or-" Reid faltered. "Which one of us is this job going to destroy next?"

"What's happening? What's happening to him?"

JJ didn't respond, but somebody let out a scream and Reid clenched his eyes shut. When he looked at his friend, he saw that she had disappeared. The young woman was now lying on the hardwood flooring, blood pooling around her body.

"JJ!" Reid gasped, running over to her. Bending down beside her, he searched her body for which wound to bandage first but there were just too many. "JJ, no! No!" She let out a shuddering breath before she ceased to breathe at all.

The young doctor screamed for help, but he could make so sound. Crimson coated his hands and he looked around for somebody that could be of use. The walls seemed to run away from him, leaving him in the middle of the floor with JJ's dead body and nothing he could do.

"We're losing him! How far until the hospital? We need to get him to surgery, and quick!"

"You're losing him?"

Someone touched his shoulder, pleading quietly that he stayed awake. But Reid could only see the images of his dead team play in his head like a broken record.

The empty room became a field, and the more the young man looked, clarity dawned on him. He was in a cemetery! Standing in front of JJ's grave that was neatly placed beside Emily's.

He spotted Morgan's gravestone next… then Garcia's… followed by Rossi's and Hotch's. As Reid ran by their graves, he stumbled over a rock. Toppling to the ground, he slipped into a large rift in the ground. Spencer's hands jerked out to grab the grass, and his fingers dug into the dirt, giving him just long enough to read what was on the last grave.

Spencer Reid. Beloved son and agent.

His fingers slipped and he fell into the hole.

"He's not breathing!"

"Get him inside, and hurry!"

"Why hasn't anyone come out yet?" Morgan asked Hotch, staring at the door that Spencer had been taken through hours before. It had been -he glanced at the clock- eight hours since they had arrived with Reid and still, nobody had updated them. "Where the hell are the nurses?"

Hotch, who had taken over for JJ a few hours into waiting, didn't answer at first. "I don't know," he sighed. Morgan looked over at the chief.

The older agent was staring at the ground, fists clenched and worry etched across his face. Aaron Hotchner didn't typically show weakness or even emotions, so the amount of fear that he was holding in his eyes felt like a gut punch to Morgan. If one of the most focused men he knew was at a loss for words, Derek didn't even want to know what that meant.

"Did you know that Reid spoke with me before the three of you drove off? And do you know what he said?" Hotch's voice was quiet.

"No, what'd he say?"

"He said; 'If anything happens, you're a better father than mine ever was' and then he thanked me. It's like he knew something was going to happen. I should've kept him from going…"

Silence hung in the air after that but Morgan felt obligated to speak. "We all knew that Teagan was suicidal. Things could've been worse," as he spoke, the words felt like a lie. More people could have died, maybe, but why did Reid have to get caught in the explosion so five people could live? "If he… you know… he'll be remembered as a hero." Morgan knew that what Spencer had done was right, even if Derek hated it. If Spencer hadn't found Teagan, five more teenagers could've been caught in the explosion.

"He already is,"

The doors opened quietly, and a nurse spotted them and offered them a small smile. "Spencer Reid?"

For a man who seconds earlier looked could've passed as a statue, Morgan got to his feet in record speed. "Yeah, that's who we're here for. Is he okay?"

"Spencer Reid's surgery lasted longer than expected, but he was moved to a recovery room about two hours ago. Someone was supposed to alert you but…" the nurse fidgeted, slightly awkward. "...we're sorry you weren't told sooner."

Derek gritted his teeth, "Is. He. Okay?"

Being moved to a recovery room was a good sign, but the nurse had this grim look to her. Morgan had seen the same look on JJ when she was talking to the families of the victims. He was actually sure that he had used that same look before. Having the roles switched was driving Morgan mad. Hotch stood up and placed a hand on the other agent's shoulder.

"Spencer was very injured when he arrived here. Just surviving to this point is a blessing…"

The slow answering made Morgan need to force his anger back. He was about to snap but Hotch got to speaking first. "What has happened to him?"

Spencer's gaze followed one of his nurses' movements to the door. As the anesthesia wore off, he was growing more and more aware of what was happening, but it was like cotton had been stuffed in his brain. It didn't operate quite right.

"You have two visitors," the nurse explained after glancing out the little window in the door. "Are you feeling good enough to talk with them?"

Reid nodded slowly.

As the doors opened, Reid watched as Morgan hurried into the room. "Kid…" stress seemed to melt away from Morgan's face at the sight of him and Spencer could say the same thing about himself. After being surrounded by people he didn't know for a couple hours, seeing somebody he knew was a relief. "How're you feeling?"

"Like somebody activated a bomb next to me," the doctor replied dryly. When he saw the concern make its way back to Derek's face, he offered a smile. "Kidding, mostly. I don't think the anesthesia has worn off yet, to be honest. I can't feel anything."

Something grim shadowed the agent's face but before Spencer could question it, he recognized Hotch standing at the doorway. "Hotch?" There may have been a bit of uncertainty in his tone, but he couldn't be too sure. He rubbed his head to try and get rid of the cotton. "Sorry, I… wasn't expecting you. Thought you'd be working the case."

Hotch didn't get upset at the agent's lack of recall, instead, he offered a small smile. "The case is closed. We got Teagan."

"Oh," As Reid heard the words they made sense. "Right. What happened to her? And the other teenagers?"

Morgan had taken a seat, and he paused his texting at the question. Hotch responded again, "Teagan survived, but we lost five kids in the explosion. Two are in the same state as you. In surgery or recovering and two got away with minimal injuries."

Half of the teenagers had died. Reid looked away, pursing his lips. He couldn't remember much from what had happened, but he didn't need to. He should've been able to save those five kids. That was his job. He'd failed. The more he thought, the more the cotton disappeared. And he found he didn't want it to go away anymore.

"Three kids survived because of you, kid. Two of them remembered you jumping in front of them when the bomb went off. Everyone was thrown back, but by being the hero, you and the vest took most of the damage." Morgan murmured, setting his phone down and nodding when Reid flashed him an uncertain look. "They would've died without you."

"How much damage did I take? I can't remember much and…" Reid's hand moved to his head, pressing his cold hand to his forehead. Now that the medication was wearing off, he was getting a migraine.

Neither of the two agents answered right away.

Panic took flight in Reid as he noticed the look they both shared. Something was wrong with him. He couldn't focus. Fear took hold of him and he gripped the blanket tightly. "What's wrong with me?"

"You suffered third-degree burns, internal bleeding, and a concussion. That's just the start, too." As Hotch spoke, Reid found himself examining his bandages which he hadn't noticed until that moment. One of his arms was wrapped up, he had bandages on his stomach, head… he couldn't feel any on his legs. But then again… he couldn't feel his legs at all.

"Oh my god…" Spencer murmured, feeling shocked for a moment before he struggled to throw the blanket off of him. "No, no, no…" he couldn't feel his legs. He could feel his legs! He jabbed a finger into his leg. Nothing. "No!" the doctor clenched his fists and began hitting his legs, desperate to feel something.

Morgan jumped up and tried to grab at his arms but hesitated to pull at his bandaged arm. "Reid, Reid stop!" Tears were spilling down the doctor's face as he continued to punch his legs. Finally, with Hotch's help, the agents were able to grab Spencer's wrists and keep him from harming himself more.

A sob escaped Reid's mouth and he buried his face into Hotch's chest. "No… this can't…" he was breathing heavily. "I can't…" Spencer felt his heart pound in his chest and the ability to breathe knocked away from him. Fear blazed in his eyes. "I can't breathe…"

"You're having a panic attack, Spencer," Hotch gasped and as Morgan shouted for a doctor, the unit chief tried to calm the young agent down. "Just try to breathe, you're going to be okay. You're going to be okay!"

It was clear from his voice that neither of them believed Hotch's words.

"We'd stared into the face of Death, and Death blinked first. You'd think that would make us feel brave and invincible. It didn't." -Rick Yancey

A/N: Hope you enjoyed! Please leave a review, I love reading about your opinions!

Stay safe!