Summary: Rey is confronted by her friends about her feelings and what her plans are for the future.

AN: Okay. So, suuuper sorry this took a long time to post. Corona hit the US like a ton of bricks and I'm on the frontlines. I had a lot more originally planned for this chapter, but I really wanted to get it out to you guys, and I came to a point where it actually seemed to wrap up nicely.

Secondly, I finished reading the TROS novelization and while the ending of the saga still doesn't do it for me, the book lends soooo much more to our favorite couple and their character developments that we just miss in the movie. #RELEASETHEJJCUT!
I cried. A lot.

Extra shout out to Whittlefire for not only beta'ing for me again, but also sending me the TROS book while all my libraries got shut down. 3 You da real MVP! 3

Rey awoke just before dawn, her cheeks stiff with dried tears. She tried to stretch the deep ache she felt in her body, hands rubbing away the salt that had crystallized on her lashes and had glued some of them together. She padded over to her clothes and pulled a pair of cropped leggings from the small pile. She didn't have the strength to take off his sweater just yet.

She was surprised to find Chewie at the dining table, his paws wrapped around a steaming mug of caf. She noticed a second cup was placed down for her, and she could tell from the invigorating scent wafting across the room that he'd made it just how she liked it. Rey gave him a tired smile. Her eyes felt glossy again. They sat in companionable silence for some time, taking in the faint sound of waking wildlife that permeated the old hull, sipping on the caffeine.

A soft growl was as close to a whisper as he could manage, the rolling sound cutting through the silence like a knife. His admission had Rey wondering when he first knew about them. She ruminated on the thought as he continued, expressing a guilt he felt towards Ben's childhood. He was silent for a moment, releasing a pent-up sigh. Rey felt that bubble swelling in her chest again and tried to chase it with a long draw from her drink. Then, what could only be described as a sorrowful chuckle escaped him as he wondered how she'd managed to sneak him aboard the ship. She stiffened, her eyes following the patterns of scratches left on the surface of the table, tracking the gouge marks to beat back memories of a less than innocent bond moment. Instead, Chewie broke her concentration with a guttural phrase, thanking her for being the one to bring him back. She smiled softly at the musical notes of Shyriiwook and her eyes dampened as they chased the echoes of his words down the corridor; the sounds dancing with a ghost of gangly limbs, shaggy hair, and princely arrogance. The Falcon was Ben's home more than it was hers.

The dam she'd constructed just to be able to get out of bed finally burst and she poured her soul to him. "We… we were bonded," she started, her eyes and voice far away. "From the F-Force." She told him everything, from the very first connection on Ahch-To, to… their last moments on Exegol. Gods, the release she felt from finally opening up to someone. He listened quietly, not judging, just letting the tide of her memories wash away some of her pain.

"I loved him," she felt herself say, so quietly, and the world fell away from under her. The past tense of her admission was a hot blade twisting deep inside her. She'd never said it out loud before. Not to anyone. Not to him. Rey put her head in her hands and cried again in earnest. Her heart broke for the umteenth time when she caught his scent in the sleeves, no longer able to hold back her sobs. Chewie's large arms circled her, and she sank in his embrace, tears soaking into his fur. Listening closely, she could hear the unmistakable sound of him weeping with her. This war had cost him more than most.

When they finally parted, Chewie looked at her softly and made an offer. Rey, eyes red-rimmed and chin trembling, nodded in relief, the wet tracks on her face refilling. She did want to leave the Resistance. "Everyone is expecting me to be happy, to celebrate. It's exhausting." She pulled the sleeve over her hand and began to wipe away tears dangling from her jaw, sucking in a wavering breath. "Besides, no one knows me. Not really. And if they found out about Ben and I? They'd cast me out anyways."

Chewie agreed to fly out with her, but ultimately wanted to return home to Kashyyyk. With everyone gone, his life debt had been repaid. The last ten years had been the most challenging the Wookiee had ever faced. He just wanted to return to his family.

Family. She swallowed down the meaning of the word. She'd starved before. It seemed she would again.

The early morning light hung in the canopy of the trees; its soft glow filtered down to the jungle floor. Rey moved lightly as she packed her belongings and headed back towards the Falcon. She was ready to leave but had no real destination in mind. She planned to stay with Chewie until she had a better alternative. There would be no escaping what happened. The real challenge would be learning to live with the heartbreak.

They worked in companionable silence while loading supplies. She imagined that he would be relieved to be free of the memories that surely haunted him on the old freighter.

"Where ya goin'?" Poe waltzed over and leaned against a stack of crates, arms crossed over his chest and his voice oddly stoic.

Chewbacca let out a series of low roars and growls as he picked up one of the containers, shaking his head while knocking the general off balance.

"Chewie's life debt has been repaid. He's going home." Rey added for him. At this, Poe's tongue went in his cheek and he nodded, rubbing at the stubble on his chin. Despite their victory yesterday, he looked like hell; his eyes sank deep into his skull and his color was gray. He must not have slept much, either.

"And you?" The question wasn't accusatory. Just the tired inquiry of a leader trying to weave back together the fraying ends on the rope of his people.

Rey regarded him for a moment, trying to determine how best to proceed. While they were too similar in personality to truly connect, Rey liked Poe. She respected him and his leadership. She just didn't want a fight- the idea of the following conversation just tiring her already.

"I ended the First and the Final Orders. I have earned my leave."

He contemplated her words for a moment, looking down as he scuffed some of the underbrush with his boots. "You're one hell of an asset," Ah, that was General Dameron talking. She was almost going to interject at the objectification until he continued. "And we'll never be able to fully thank you for what you have done." He paused. "But the Resistance is a cause people volunteer for because it's what they believe in- a better future. Freedom. It was never meant to be a cage." Rey regarded him for a moment, not sure if she should walk away. After a poignant exhale, his face softened, and his hands dug into his hair. "Every ship was dead in the air," he leveled an eerily stoic gaze her way. "-Sinking to Exegol, and I had nothing to say. No last-minute stroke of genius to save everyone. No words of comfort as we fell to our deaths. I heard the screams of so many of our people, and there was a moment when I accepted that no one was going to make it out alive. That we were a lost cause." He scoffed. "I don't know what you did, Rey. Hell," he swung his arms wide, "the galaxy will probably never know what you did… But you saved us."

She set her lips, then, refusing to let them tremble with emotions bubbling to the surface yet again. He walked over to her, and gently put his hands on her shoulders. "No one walks into a battle like the one you did and comes out the same person. If you need to go off and realign your chakras or recharge your crystals- or whatever it is Jedi need to do- do it. And do it unapologetically."

Relief spread through her in a smile, and she pulled the pilot into a hug. "Thank you," She breathed.

"Besides, the galaxy needs to learn to fix itself without using the Jedi as a failsafe to correct all of its bad behaviors." Poe gave her a gentle squeeze and kissed her hair. "Just know that you always have family here with us." She nodded, speechless and smiling through tears. Her heart voraciously ate at that word, yet she knew she'd never be whole. "But you have to take BB8 with you as an insurance policy. If it's been too long, he'll pester you to at least check in. Plus, I think D-O would appreciate the company." He released her and turned to whistle for the droid.

At the sound, Finn's head turned towards them from across the camp. He and Rose had been holding hands and talking close. Rey could feel his confusion wash over her through the Force. The couple began making their way over, which prompted Rey to continue loading the last containers onto the ship. One battle down, one to go. Breathe in. Breathe Out.

"What's going on?" Rey regarded him for a moment before answering.

"I can't stay here," she stated while handing a crate to Chewie.

"Why not?" He sounded hurt as he walked under the hull of the ship, leaving Rose to wait in the periphery. This was not going to go as smoothly as with Poe, she could tell. Rey looked at them both, but continued to load, not wanting to answer. "Rey?"

"I just… can't. You wouldn't understand."

"Help me understand."

She scoffed, imagining his reaction at her desperate need to flee from the people celebrating Ben's death… but maybe there was something else she could confess.

"I need…" she began hesitantly, "to work through my darkness."

"Rey? What are you—Darkness?" He shook his head in disbelief. "I know you! You're—" She shot him a glare. They'd had this conversation before.

He paused for a moment, mulling things over. "Then, let me come with you."

"No." She was resolute. "I need to be alone."

"Alone? I need you, Rey!" he begged. His frustration leached into the air.

"No, you don't." She countered. "You want me to train you." Her voice hollowed and she swallowed deeply, "I can't."

"You can't or you won't?" his retort was biting, and he narrowed his eyes.

She could feel herself getting hot, so she set her jaw and started walking up the ramp to put more distance between them. She really didn't want this to escalate, but that outcome seemed inevitable. The Force prickled her neck in anticipation, and not a moment later, Finn came up and grabbed her hand, whirling her around in the process.

"I'm not going to let you run away." His determination left her seething. She was too tired to continue this charade of patience.

"That's rather rich coming from you." Her upper lip curled, and her body tensed for a fight, but still he held on. Had he not had enough, yet? The din of the camp had begun to quiet, listening to their exchange. "For the last time. Let. Go. Of. My. Hand." Her words were like ice.

"No." He shook his head to drive his point, tightening his grip around her fingers. Pompous asshole.

Suddenly, the world seemed to slow. Everything was in razor sharp focus. Her body was electric, and for a moment she feared it would find an outlet through him. But a voice whispered in her ear, sweet and low, offering an alternative course of action... she gave in to it, relishing in the way it pulsed through her body. With pure fire in her eyes, and a devilish curve to her lips, Rey spoke with nothing short of dominant conviction. "You will release my hand and let me leave this planet." Oh, she lavished the sweet rush and bathed in the power behind her suggestion. Storm troopers were always easy, the voice sighed.

Finn's posture went rigid and he dropped his hands to his sides. He nodded slowly with glossy eyes, "Leave whenever you want." He parroted, indifferent, he walked down the ramp back to Rose.

"HEY!" her shrill voice caught the attention of the rest of the camp. "What the FUCK did you do to him?!"

Rose's reaction was like a cold bucket of water. The engines ignited, and Chewie hollered at her from the cockpit. Yes, now was a good time to leave. She backed towards the door needing to flee the situation; nausea roiling her stomach. She watched BB8 scurry in as she closed the ramp, not having the heart to look her friends in the eyes.

Rey was taken aback at the green glow of the planet beneath her. Kashyyyk was more beautiful than she could have ever imagined. White-capped mountain peaks rose from lush, blue lakes and the ground was blanketed in a dense, green forest. As they approached a clearing to land, she marveled at the huts nestled among the impossibly tall trees. Rope bridges draped through the branches like party streamer, connecting the huts of the village. The climber in her felt giddy, excitement welling up in a need to explore.

Rey followed Chewie down the ramp, taking in the pleasant atmosphere. It was different from the rainy, humid, jungle of Ajan Kloss. She bristled, remembering the unpleasant sensation of air too thick to breathe and the heavy way her clothes clung to her body. It was… comfortable here. The mild climate caressed her skin in a soothing, gentle breeze. The Force was strong in this place.

Reaching the planet's surface, her feet sank beneath her in a familiar way. The sand on the beach was softer than the dunes back home. Home, she marveled. Her mind stumbled, like it was brushing the dust off of a box of long forgotten memories. Would she ever again find such comfort? While her life on Jakku was by no means luxurious, it had a routine she could depend on. Wake up, scavenge, clean, sell, eat, sleep. Rinse. Repeat. There was comfort in the familiar. Now? She had no idea what her purpose was.

A loud shrill caught her attention and her furry companion raced towards a gathering of Wookiees, howling in return. Rey smiled at his excitement as two smaller Wookiees leapt into his embrace, the rest of the group crowding around them, shouting their praise at his return. Chewie turned to her, then, introducing her to his clan. She wasn't sure she'd remember all of the names, but made a note of his wife, Mallatobuck, and son, Lumpawaroo. The natives were very interested in the last Jedi of the Rebellion, bringing up fond memories of Master Yoda during the Clone Wars. They bombarded her with questions and whooped in praise at her efforts to end the war.

Rey began to feel overwhelmed in the crowd, the constant barrage wearing on her fraying nerves. For all of their might and intimidation, Wookiees were apparently an affectionate race. But she craved distance. Chewbacca sensed her panic and intervened, parting the sea of creatures and leading her away. With the din of the crowd softly rumbling in the background, Chewie offered her a chance to rest.

They corkscrewed their way up a tall tree and after some time, Rey was sure she was beginning to feel dizzy. Lost in her headspace, as she was trying to combat the swirling environment, Rey nearly ran into the back of her companion. They had stopped on a platform with a modest hut wrapped around the trunk. It felt darker than what it should despite the foliage. Like there was a shadow cast over the structure. Remnants of old leaves decayed on the roof and spiderwebs clouded the windows. Chewie identified it as Han and Leia's and said she could stay there if she wished, or she would be welcome to stay with his family.

Rey wanted to say that she would be fine. A dusty old house was a palace in comparison to her rusting old AT-AT any day. But, an eddy of leaves swirled in a sudden breeze that sent a shiver through her bones. Whispered voices floated to them in the wind but seemed lost on Chewbacca. Her heart sank, recognizing the strength of her psychometry when it came to all things Ben Solo. Rey took her lip between her teeth to keep it from quivering. No, she would conquer those ghosts another day. Chewie simply nodded and led them across a bridge to another dwelling.

Despite being high in the canopy, the treehouse had all of the modern comforts, some of those had more adaptations to better suit the environment. They passed through a full kitchen that scented the home in a wonderful aroma. There was a sitting area with large lounging couches circled around a great fireplace. Overstuffed pillows adorned nearly every surface and she supposed it was sensible to want to maximize comfort when you were as big as a Wookiee. As they passed by, she marveled at hunting trophies mounted on the high walls and a vast array of more traditional weapons that decorated the spaces in between. She dawdled a moment, intrigued by the different blades before quickly rejoining her host down the hall.

Chewie showed her to a guest room with a Wookiee sized bed and a door to access the balcony outside. Nature inspired decor added a coziness to the room, along with a great many books that stood on shelves made from tree limbs. Windows were everywhere, which let in a wonderful glow of light from the outside. And in the distance, she could make out the rise of a mountainscape.

Chewie had given her privacy after pointing out the fresher in a side room. He mentioned that dinner would be served later, but that she had a good few hours of downtime if she wanted to be alone. She gladly took him up on his offer.

Rey entered the lavatory and wondered about the location of the fresher. There was an ornate and beautifully stained-glass door that led outside, the sunlight passing through made a mosaic on the floor. Rey stepped out and discovered the answer to her mystery.

A sun shower. Out in the open. She giggled, excited at the prospect of a real water shower. It was nearly useless to rinse on Jakku, and water was too precious to waste on hygiene. At the resistance base on Ajan Kloss, rain was an overabundance, but showers were always fast and efficient to help get as many people clean as possible. Here? She had a moment to enjoy it. Rey stepped back inside to put her clothes into a cleanser while she bathed.

At first, she was hesitant. It felt so exposing to be out in the open, which wouldn't be an issue for a Wookiee, of course, but, after looking around, she realized the balcony faced away from the rest of the village. Her nakedness out in the open made her feel giddy and free.

The warm water on her skin was bliss, releasing tension deep in muscles she didn't realize she'd used. She focused on the burning pain, and imagined it washing down the drain. Rey's fingers massaged into her scalp as she released her buns. Her hair was midway down her back, now. She wondered for a moment if Wookiees brushed their fur. The image of a frizzy Wookiee made her smile as she wrapped a lusciously soft and incredibly large robe around her body.

Rey finger-combed through her tresses as best as she could, debating on whether or not to cut off the excess length. She felt bone tired as she padded over to the enormous bed. When was the last time she'd really slept? Surely, it was well before The Emperor made his grand return. Her body settled and released any lingering tension that hadn't been washed away from the shower. An ache that permeated everything nestled over her like a burial shroud. The bed was impossibly comfortable; a considerable difference from her hammock in the old walker, or the stone slab in her hut on Ahch-To. Hell, she'd thought that her cot on the Resistance base was the most luxurious thing until she experienced a true bed- in the private quarters of Kylo Ren, no less... but, it stood to reason that the Supreme Leader of the Galaxy would not settle for anything other than the best furnishings.

Don't think of him. She scolded herself. She was tired of crying.

Instead, Rey focused on the songs of the birds outside, the soft light of the sun warming her skin, and the life burgeoning all around her. She breathed in… and out. And soon enough, she was pulled off to that sweet realm of restful slumber that had evaded her for far too long.

AN: Sorry that Rey is so... weepy.
I promise it won't always be like this.

As always, thanks for your continued love and support. Kudos and Comments mean so much to me!

Happy CoronaWriMo! 3
Stay safe out there, friends.

~Anaelle