"Make me feel something."

Those were words, feelings I knew so very well, and who was I to turn away someone so desperate. Besides, I wasn't opposed to being beaten and bruised myself- in fact, I was quite excited at the newfound prospects of the evening.

"Up," I commanded, though I didn't give Emma much of a choice. No, instead I was pulling her up by the collar of her shirt. Though she didn't seem to mind.

We were quick to move things upstairs, as if it were an unspoken rule, we didn't touch each other until we were in my bedroom. This was Henry's house too, and as if not a sick way of respecting that then for the sake of privacy, for forgotten strewn clothes were the enemy of many.

Emma slammed my bedroom door shut and if it wasn't for better judgement, I would have thought she was eager, almost as if this was something she had been thinking about- wanting.

"Take it all off," I commanded, gesturing to Emma's entire outfit.

And Emma complied. There was nothing slow or sensual about the way Emma took her clothes off, nothing meaningful, no instead they were ripped from her body in a flurry. Eager to have nothing between us. And when she was naked, nothing covering pale bruise-able skin she began her stalk towards me.

"No," I stretched out my index finger and pressed it into Emma's chest- Hard. "I want you up against the wall." And so, I began to move towards her, each step I took forward, she took back.

It was when her body hit the wall- just next to the door, at the space between us became less and less. Her back was completely flat against my pristine white wall. I was against her now, not completely, but enough to feel the heaving of her chest as she took each breath.

"Regina," Emma's tone was soft, she was almost begging. Almost. But, instead, I think she had intended to quicken the pace.

"You don't get to call me that, not tonight."

Emma's eyes squinted in curiosity for a moment, and then again- for the first time in what felt like too long- she began to take up more space. Somehow, her body grow, her mental strength did as well. "Would you prefer, My Majesty?" It was quick, harsh and intended to cause me nothing but shame and hurt.

Oh, but what she didn't know. I could feel every fibre of my being come alive. I was on fire. I had forgotten the pleasure of hearing that damned fucking title, in that tone. It was a pleasure I had forgotten. There was no denying the storm that was brewing, electric crackling as our skin touched, the inferno this night was sure to ignite. This was an animalistic need, one which would be fed until I was truly satisfied.

There was a part of me that knew I would have played a wounded mother, that I should have said no. That part of me told me I should have hidden what I could for the sake of the curse. But then, there was the long-neglected Queen in me who wanted every ounce of control she could have. And so, I nodded- once. "And I'm going to make you scream it."

I saw Emma gulp- fear and excitement mixed into one- right before I kissed her. The kiss didn't last long, but it was hot and dirty… Just the way I wanted it.

As my lips started to roam Emma's body so did my hands. There were no soft gentle caresses, no tentative touches that asked permission. No, right away it was rough, and Emma seemed to understand that- the way her nails dug into my neck and shoulders. She wanted to feel just as much as I did.

My hands trailed over the tops of Emma's thighs; my nails left red marks in their wake. Then I was grabbing Emma's hips and crashing them into mine. Emma grunted as her hips crashed back against the wall, mine atop of them. And then, there was a hand around my neck, daring to squeeze.

"Get your clothes off. Now," Her words were so demanding, forceful. "Or, I will tear them off myself."

I took half a step back from Emma, her hand still around my neck. "You get one wish tonight." I waggled my finger for extra effect. "You sure that's how you want to spend it?"

Her reply was almost immediate. "Yes." She peeled herself from the wall and closed the gap between us. "Take them off."

And I did. I wouldn't say I took them off slowly, but it sure as hell was with purpose. There was something about the way Emma's mouth hung open ever so slightly, or the small gasps when I took items of clothing off- though I can't imagine Emma would ever admit to those. Once I was fully naked, I wasted no time in pressing Emma back up against the wall. I used the second Emma took to recalibrate to force both of her hands above her head, and I held them there easily with my left hand and my right trailed lower- searching.

After a small descent, I found what I was after- Emma's tight and perky nipple. Between my thumb and forefinger, I twisted it. The noise Emma made was somewhere between a gasp and a moan, and so I did it again. And again, then my hand was moving across to her left nipple.

I took a moment to capture Emma's eyes. "Stay." I ordered. My left hand leaving her wrists.

Then, both of my hands were on her tights. My mouth moving south to take up residence on Emma's nipples. And as my nails raked over Emma's thighs and hips, my teeth did the same elsewhere. Emma's soft supple flesh was soon to be nothing but red marks and bruises.

I gave no warning, my right hand easily slipped between Emma's tights, two fingers quickly made their way between Emma's wet folds. And, as Emma gasped, adjusting to the new sensation I removed my hand just as quickly. Emma moaned and shot me a disapproving glare. She should have known that kind of attitude wouldn't get her far. My hand came back, slapping Emma's pussy hard. Sending shockwaves through to her core. She moaned again, but there was something hungrier about that one. Something I wanted more of. I slapped the same spot again, harder- her moans only got louder, hungrier.

On the fifth or sixth slap, instead of removing my hand, I plunged two fingers into Emma. It was so easy; she was so ready and wet. She'd been waiting.

Her yelp of shock had quickly turned into a string of pleasured moans. And so, for a moment I continued my motions, giving Emma exactly what she wanted. Emma's eyes had fallen closed at some point while I was slapping her, but as I brought my left hand to her throat her eyes shot open once more.

My grip was light to start with, but after Emma uttered a simple. "Fuck, yes." It tightened exponentially. Surely leave a bruise, even if it was just a thumb print.

There was something to be said about that moment, about Emma's willingness to have absolutely no control. Perhaps not sexual, but I know Emma now. And believe me when I say she doesn't have a submissive bone in her body. The knowledge I have now only makes that memory sweeter. She wanted me, the dominating, the controlling, the all mighty and powerful Queen. Even if it was only for a night.

Before Emma could even begin to get close to an orgasm, I removed my right hand. My left hand gripped a little harder- hard enough that Emma knew to follow when I began to move my arm. Soon enough I was pushing her against my bed, then onto my bed. Then I was disappearing into my walk-in-closet. Only to return seconds later with a vintage travel case in hand. I put it on the bench at the foot of my bed and opened it up to Emma- who had made herself comfortable on my arrangement of pillows.

Her eyes widened a little as she saw its contents. "A sex toy collection." At first, her tone seemed a little disbelieving, but then there was a look on her face that said it-all-makes-sense.

I glared a little, raising my brows. "Don't underestimate me, Miss Swan."

She shook her head as if to signal she didn't- wouldn't. "Use it well and I'll make a note not too."

It was a challenge and we both knew it.

I reach into the case for two things. First, a WeVibe, second a bondage restraint harness accompanied by a set of handcuffs.

It was almost pathetic how easy it was to get Emma to follow an order, on her knees- kneeling before her Queen.

First were the cuffs. I put them on tighter than I normally would, but I received no complaints, so I moved on. The second was the collar and leash. And, finally, the harness connecting the two. It was simple enough, a metal rod down Emma's spine connected the collar and the cuffs- Emma's couldn't move her hands from the small of her back. There were two straps to keep it in place, one around Emma's hips and the other around her ribs, sitting just under her breasts. Emma looked a delight, tied up and helpless.

"Turn around." I ordered, and so Emma shifted on her knees to face the headboard.

"Down." But, with that order, Emma took to long to comply. So, with a firm push between her shoulder blades, I pushed Emma onto her stomach. She groaned, a mix of discomfort and pleasure I'm sure.

And before I could even tell her so, Emma was pushing her ass up towards me. Her knees bending a little under her body to support her weight.

"Good girl," I purred before slapping her ass.

The moan that erupted from Emma's throat made me want to slap her again, but I had other things to do. So, I pushed forward. I picked up the small WeVibe, and turned it on. The small V-shaped toy vibrated in my palm for a moment while I found the right setting- constant powerful vibration.

Then, I was putting it inside of Emma.

"Oh my God, Reg-" She had the sense to stop herself. "My Majesty." She moaned. The toy fully inserted. There was an inch and a half inside of Emma, the rest outside, sitting between Emma's labia majora and atop her clitoris. "It feels so good." Her words fell from her mouth with moans shortly following.

I nodded, knowing full well the pleasure Emma was experiencing. But I moved on. I placed both my hands on her hips as I positioned myself between her legs, my naked hips coming to meet her bare ass. I thrust against her a few times, only to get her to begin rocking against me. She was so desperate and easy to manipulate.

My hands trailed to her thighs, I stroked her soft skin for a moment, only to end my motions with a slap. It was hard enough to unsteady Emma, I waited for her to regain her balance, and then I slapped again- harder. Her moan filled the room, but this time she barely moved.

She was still rocking against me, begging to be touched. I moved my left hand to her hip- pulling her, pushing her, I guided her rocking. She hummed in approval when I turned up the power of the WeVibe, but that only made her rocking more desperate. Then I was cupping her pussy with my right hand, I slapped once- to be met with the enjoyable sound of wetness. Emma ground down on my hand, the toy firm against my palm and surely deep within Emma with the force she was using to push onto my hand.

I could feel the toy moving between my hand and Emma's wet pussy. I could feel her grinding become more erratic. I knew what she wanted; I knew what she needed. But it was always a game with her, and it was time she learnt to submit because there was no way she was winning this round.

"Please," It was a whisper wrapped up in a moan.

"Please what?" I demanded, slapping her somewhere between her hip and thigh.

"My Majesty, please." I couldn't see her face, but I was sure the look in her eyes was nothing but hungry desperation.

"Don't," I slapped again- harder. "Make me ask again," and with each word, came another slap- harder and harder.

"Fuck me," Emma groaned out, forcibly pushing her ass into my hips. "Please."

That was where I wanted her, I wanted to see Emma Swan beg. I'm sure begging doesn't come naturally to Emma, and so, that was enough for me to play nice- for the time being.

I slipped two fingers from my right hand inside of Emma. I was met with silicone on one side and wet tightening walls on the other.

"Fuck!" Emma took my fingers easily and bounced on them as if her life depended on it. And it was a sight to see. Red ass slapping against me and she rode my fingers, her face buried in the mattress and her hands in tight fists and she shrugged against her restrained. She wanted more, and at that point I couldn't find a reason not to give it to her.

I inserted a third finger. Much to Emma's pleasure. I let her ride them for a while as I continued slapping and clawing at her ass. It was when her walls tightened even more that I knew she was close. So, with my free hand, I grabbed the leash attached to Emma's collar. I pulled, hard. Which, in turn, pulled Emma's torso off of the mattress. Just her knees and my surprising strength to keep her up.

She was moaning more, louder, letting out curse words between each raggedy breath. I knew the tension from pulling the leash was causing the collar to tighten on Emma's throat- restricting her breathing. But she clearly loved it.

Emma was slamming back against me, riding my fingers with all strength she had. And, soon enough, she was panting two simple words. "I'm cumming, I'm cumming, I'm cumming." Over and over, until all she could manage was one last moan before her body tightened, and froze. It was then that I let go of her leash, no warning, just dropping her onto the mattress. Her body went limp after that, sinking into the mattress.

I was still for a long moment, just watching her. Wondering how someone's chest could be so still. Then there was a thought, untie her, don't wait for her to ask. And I did, some kind, gentle side of me took control. I undid her cuffs, and quickly she moved her arms up by her head. Then came the straps around her hips and ribs, red marks in their place. And, finally, the collar from around her neck.

I tossed the restraint set onto the floor. After that Emma turned onto her side and looked at me, still between her legs. She blinked her few times, words slowly forming in her mouth. "Never did I think that you were capable of that," and somehow, I knew it was a compliment.

Then she swung her left leg across me, now on her back, she lay just to my right.

Her tone firm, Emma said, "Sit," patting her own thighs as she spoke.

I was foolish to comply so easily, but I did. Within one swift moment, I was straddling Emma's waist.

"Good," Emma almost- almost- cooed. She looked pleased with herself, and it only agitated me.

I was apprehensive. I could see the look in Emma's eyes, the one that said she wanted to take control. I knew that with every inch I gave, she would take a mile. But what I also knew was how much I wanted- not her- but to be hurt for the sake of pleasure. My body and mind fought each other; was I to completely lose myself and let Emma take control, or was I to control everything- even the way she touched me.

I dug my nails into Emma's chest. I wanted to draw blood, but Emma's hands over mine stopped me. She glared at me curiously for a moment before speaking. "Off," It was simple enough, and soon she was pushing me down onto the mattress, and she was up, feet on the floor and making her way over to my case of sex toys.

She took her time to look through my vast collection. And then there was a look on her face, she had made a decision. Slowly, into my sightline she filled a purple dildo, harness already attached. She didn't ask permission, didn't ask my opinion, instead she made haste pulling the harness up her legs and to her waist where she tightened it.

I didn't have an issue with being fucked with a strap-on, no, but it infuriated me that Emma was cocky enough to control the narrative.

Emma climbed back onto the bed, and easily settled between my legs. She watched me silently, taking in me- my body, my legs, my hips, my chest, my neck and finally she locked eyes with me. "Turns out, the most beautiful you've ever been is when you're silent and naked beneath me."

I glared at her and rolled my eyes. "And you were sexy, until just then." I spat back, how dare she insult me.

"You think I'm sexy," Emma winked, it wasn't really a question. And quickly she was off of the bed once again, she only came back once she found her singlet. Again, she was between my legs. "And I like it when you're quiet." She held up her singlet, shifting closer to me she put her hand into my hair and pulled, I was forced to lift my head and soon enough, Emma's singlet was in my mouth, acting as a gag.

I didn't fight it, knowing that this wasn't something I needed control over, no. I would take my power elsewhere.

Emma settled back between my legs, and before I had enough time to really adjust, she was inside of me. Two fingers and knuckle deep. "I guess I won't need lube," She commented, her fingers roughly pushing into me. It felt good, and part of me liked being degraded, so I said nothing about the attitude in her tone. Instead, I found Emma's rhythm and began to rock my hips against her fingers.

But, as quickly as her fingers came, they left. I was about to protest- reprimand Emma for teasing me, but before I could get a word out, she was shoving herself into me. The full length of the dildo slid inside of me so easily and I couldn't help but moan. It was a long time since I had felt something so big inside of me, I could feel all of it- stretching me with each thrust Emma made.

Emma leant down and into my personal space- that was her first mistake. Then she was kissing my neck, my jaw but never daring to kiss my lips. She moved one her hands up from my hips and held my throat. That was her second mistake- instability. From there it was easy to flip us. And, just like that, I was on top.

Blinking, Emma realised she didn't have all the power. She never would, not even now.

I smiled down at her, that wicked evil smile that brought fear into the hearts of many. Emma only stared back with a look of annoyance- fear never to be found. She reached upwards and grabbed my hair, sharply she pulled me down- our lips mere inches apart, eyes locked.

"At least turn around." She growled. "If you didn't have to look at me, there's no way in hell I'm looking at you." It was somewhere between an order and a threat, but I couldn't help but agree- and it wasn't like I wanted to be looking at her anyway.

So, I lifted myself up. I groaned at the loss of contract, sliding off of Emma as I moved positions. My whole body arched to be filled once more. So, I was quick to straddle Emma once more- this time facing away from her. Then, I was settling myself back onto Emma's big hard strap. I moaned as I got to the base- thankful it was filling me again.

Then, Emma, with no warning began to thrust into me- hard and fast. I let out a string of moans and groans. It took me a second to rebalance myself, but once I did, I was riding Emma, matching her rhythm and roughness.

She put a hand on my hip, guiding my thrusting, but also controlling me, making sure I stuck to her rhythm. Then there was a hand pulling my hair, nails digging into my scalp. Emma was good- but I wanted harder- rougher.

"Harder!" I demanded.

Thankfully Emma didn't argue my order.

She pulled her hair tighter and pulled me back a little. Lifting her own torso, she met me half-way. Her mouth in my ear, "You'll get the hurt you deserve."

With that she let my hair go, one hand scratching along my tight and the other repeatedly slapping my ass with each bounce I made on her strap.

"Do you want me to make you bleed?" Her tone low and sultry.

I moaned in response, but I should have said yes. Because that annoying goodie goodie part of Emma that didn't receive official consent stopped her from drawing blood. I should have said yes.

Instead of making me bleed, Emma bruised me. The marks she left on my thighs lasted weeks after that night. And good lord did it feel good.

Emma managed to keep thrusting harder and faster, despite the assault on my thighs and ass, and soon enough I could feel an orgasm building. I think Emma could tell, one hand continued its assault, but the other came to my side- just under my ribs- strong and steady she held my shaking body up. I was riding Emma as hard as I could, my moaning loud but shaky and finally when my orgasm hit, I let out a loud. "Fuck!"

That orgasm tore through me, hard and anything but fast. It was electric, ecstasy. Emma's thrust had slowed down immensely after I yelled, but still- for a while- I was content rocking my hips against Emma as the final waves of my orgasm washed over me.

And finally, I took a deep breath and lifted myself off of Emma. We both groaned that time, at the loss of contact. And then, I was lying next to her. The both of us staring up at the ceiling. We lay there, wordlessly, for so long. Either too scared to break the silence or content with the nothingness. I'm not sure.

I remember Emma leaving, it was well past midnight, my bedroom only lit by the moon cracking through the curtains. She walked quickly through my room and pulling her clothes on as she did so. I watched her from my now seated position in my large bed, I watched her jump back into her skin-tight jeans, watched her reach for her shirt, and as she began to fix the buttons, she turned back to me- looking me dead in the eye.

And finally, Emma spoke to me properly for the first time since we were in my study. "I'm leaving town. Now. So, this never happened. We don't ever need to bring it up. We don't ever need to talk again unless it's about Henry." Her words we so sharp and forceful. I couldn't help but feel rejected. It's not that I had wanted a relationship- of any kind. But I knew by the way Emma was speaking, that not only did she not want a relationship (sexual-ship, shall we call it) but she had regretted the night's events. That was the part that burnt me, never had a sexual partner regretted my company, I may have been the Evil fucking Queen, but the sex I had was always consensual and pleasurable for everyone involved… I took offence in the idea that Emma hadn't.

I lay awake for the rest of the night. I felt addicted- already. How foolish I was. I didn't want her, per se, but I wanted the feelings that came with her. I knew that the night's events were the feeding of an addiction. But I couldn't be sorry. Couldn't regret it. I felt alive. I hated it, but it was true, and I was furious that the one thing to make feel that way in half a century was her, and she had rejected me. In every way, shape and form.

I couldn't shake the lyrics that swirled through my mind.

With her sweetened breath, and her tongue so mean
She's the angel of small death and the codeine scene
Feeling more human and hooked on her flesh I
Lay my heart down with the rest at her feet
Fresh from the fields, all fetor and fertile
Bloody and raw, but I swear it is sweet
And lease this confusion, I'll wander the concrete
Wonder if better now having survived
Jarring of judgement and reasons defeat
The sweet heat of her breath in my mouth I'm alive
With her sweetened breath, and her tongue so mean
She's the angel of small death and the codeine scene

I spent hours awake, quelling and squashing any lick of feeling, any smell or taste for hope. Not for her, but for myself. If she could so easily turn herself off, then I'd match it- go further if I must. If she'd close the door, I'd deadbolt it and threaten to burn the place down. Emma Swan wouldn't win against me, even with this setback. It took me a while to realise Emma had been playing my game all along, my she was good at misdirection, but after that night I knew- we were playing the same game, playing with the same fire, and we both desperately wanted to win.

I forced myself up just after 11am. A headache and no sleep, I was not prepared for Henry to come barging back into my house, cries and anger the only things to follow.

Henry was upset the day after Emma had left. He blamed me of course, and I could do nothing but let him yell at me. It was just past 4pm when I had had enough. I told him I would buy him a burger and shake for dinner if he stopped his whining. He agreed. And even if it was just for the evening, I would take it, my head had been throbbing since noon- I needed quiet.

The diner had been quiet for a Saturday afternoon, so as we stepped inside it only took me a matter of seconds to recognise the mane of blonde hair in the back booth. Emma. I glared into the back of her head, so many questions swirled through my mind, and then Henry had noticed her.

"Emma!" Henry let go of my hand and ran towards her.

She turned in the booth and easily slipped out just in time for Henry to run into her. The hug lasted long enough for me to make my way over to the two of them.

"You didn't leave!" Henry sounded so happy, and I couldn't help but let out a sigh.

"You said you were leaving." It wasn't a question.

Emma nodded as she pulled from her embrace with my son. "Decided not to."

I hadn't gotten more of an answer from Emma that night, or any other time for that matter. I never truly knew why she stayed, no matter how many times I asked. Henry thought it was for him, I knew better- but not by much. All these years, 6 to be exact, I've never figured it out. I stopped asking long before Emma and I actually became friends. But perhaps if I asked now, she would tell me. Perhaps I should ask.

A part of me, in my moments of desperation, had thought Emma stayed for me. I had hoped Emma wanted me- but it was clear, that night had been a mistake for Emma. For a long time, I tried to convince myself that it was for a mistake for me as well. But I know now that that whole night was a blessing, and possibly one of the best things to ever happen to me. It wasn't the sex- though it was fantastic- no, it was Emma opening me up, telling me to break free. I did Em, I did.

When the curse broke, I had feared for my life, and then there was Emma- my saviour. She saved my life, and again many times after that. Emma always stood by me, without fail, she believed in me- and I think that its because she has always seen me. Despite everything, even knowing full well I was Evil Queen Emma was always there, and I think that's because she sees so much of herself in me- much like I see myself in her. And I thank the stars every day for that.

I had always been drawn to Emma, wanted more from her- and I'd take whatever I could get. I could see so much potential. A part of me, the Evil Queen, I suppose, would always say how Emma ruined me. Drove me to be a better person, filled me with passion, love, desire- with life. And, eventually, I realised the extent of my feelings for Emma. By then it was far too late, curse broken, death, destruction, realms travelled, loved grained, loved lost, redemption arch and unfortunately, Killian Jones.

I had never expected it to last, always thought Emma would realise she was too good for him. And honestly, I had always wanted to watch Emma break that pirate's dirty heart- but she never did. No, instead I watched them marry each other, only a matter of hours ago. And in all my lives, in all the realms, and through all the curses I have lived, I have never been so heartbroken.

I fell in love with two small words. I'm in. Sure, at the time I had been in love with Robin- there is no doubt or question about that. But Emma's commitment to my happiness- me- well, that was the point of no return. I knew to pursue it was pointless, I knew acknowledging my feelings for Emma wouldn't do me any favours. So, I choose to ignore them, push them down until I could barely feel them, take my chances with a man that loved me back. I feel as though I should regret that choice, but I can't bring myself to. I learnt too much from him- the whole experience.

And now, I am feeling the most emotions I have felt in quite possibly my entire life. I watched her get married- to a man that doesn't see her potential, to a man that treats her like she is replaceable and insignificant. I had so many opportunities to tell her how I truly felt, I had every chance in the world and I blew it. So, as her friend- her family even- I helplessly watched her vow her life, her soul, to someone else. When I heard her say I do, I could feel my heart getting ripped out and shattered into a million piece. The universe is cruel that way; irony and karma go hand in hand.

…

Regina dropped her pen and pinched the bridge of her nose, just begging herself not to cry. But, she had no tears left, not for Emma, not for myself, nothing. Regina had been crying all night, writing her feelings- her experience- down in her journal, for if she couldn't tell a soul she would at least tell the leather-bound pages that knew all of her deepest thoughts.

Regina sighed as she looked up to the clock. 2:07 AM. She had been there for far too long, an empty bottle of wine and broken heart made for a distracted mind.

Pushing away her journal Regina rose from her position behind her desk. Perhaps a good night sleep was what she needed. And with that thought Regina began to make her way from her study out into the hall, towards the foyer and right before her foot hit the first step of many to the second floor- to her bedroom, Regina's movements were interrupted by a light knock at the front door.

Regina groaned. A knock at this hour never meant anything good. Though she considered that fact that it may be Henry, deciding that spending the night with his grandparents wasn't fun anymore.

"Emma?" it was safe to say Regina was more than surprised. "What on ear-"

Emma cut her off by stepping into the Mills manner, uninvited but always welcome. Regina curiously turned, watching Emma walk into the foyer. Closing the door Regina leant her back against the white wood. Emma was looking off into the dining room, not yet willing to face Regina. There was so much about this that made Regina anxious, and the only question she could ask was "Why?"

And slowly, Emma turned to face her, tear-stained cheeks and the look of regret in her eyes- a look Regina unfortunately knew.

"Why what?" Emma almost growled, but it was to sad to course any damage.

Brows raised and arms crossed, Regina shook her head. "I have a lot of questions." She admitted.

"Ask away." Emma shrugged. Her tone cold, bitter, and yet so desperate.

Regina took a moment, watching Emma, something was off. Emma's mood was like something she had never seen. Regina hadn't even smelt liquor on Emma when she entered so daringly. No, this wasn't a drunken state. This was something Regina had never seen, possibly something Emma had never felt. But, as her curiosity got the better of her, Regina had brushed those thoughts off and found herself wondering if this was her chance. Would tonight, of all fucking nights, be her chance to get all the answers she had ever wanted.

It took Regina moment to push the words off of her tongue, "You never left. Why?"

The look on Emma's face told Regina she need not explain further. Emma knew exactly what she meant. "I tried for weeks after that night to leave, and I just couldn't." Emma took a couple of steps closer to Regina. "And whatever wild wacky death adventure drew me away, you were always the guiding light to bring me home. And it took me so long to realise why."

Regina glared at Emma, so curious and so fucking anxious. Why, why, why? Emma was no more than three feet from Regina, and it was then that Regina could feel the knots in her stomach. "Again, why?"

Emma let out a hollow laugh and began rub at her face, as if she had had this conversation a thousand times over. "I'm such a fucking idiot." Emma sighed, her nails now clawing across her scalp.

Regina couldn't help the small laugh that escaped her lips. "Why?" She asked again, it would be impossible not to be able to find the humour in this conversation.

Looking over to Regina Emma rolled her eyes, a smile pulling across her otherwise gloomy face. "It took me until tonight to realise, that's why," Emma's mood was starting to improve with Regina's playful attitude.

Regina shot Emma a glare and she unfolded her arms only to lightly wack Emma's shoulder. "Don't make me ask again." Though Regina's deminer was playful, there was a dead serious look in her eye.

Emma nodded, taking in a deep breath, and on her exhale, she blurted, "You're the love of my life."

Regina pushed herself off of the door and was in Emma's personal space within seconds. "What?" Surely, she hadn't heard that right. Regina was franticly searching Emma's eyes for an answer. What kind of a cruel God must there be if this was truly happening? Regina had taken a second to question whether she was actually awake. And as Emma spoke again, Regina realised she was.

"And I'm an idiot for not realising until my wedding night to another person." Emma explained further.

"That, I can agree with." Regina opted for the safer option, because revealing her own feelings felt like a little much right now. Regina was curious, and scared- no, terrified. Because of none of this made sense. Emma had rejected her, a thousand times over. Emma had proven time and time again that she wasn't in love with Regina.

Shoving her hands into her pockets Emma looked to the ground, shame and anxiety written all over her face. "I should have known sooner." Emma sighed, "If I'm being honest, I think I always knew, I think there has always been a part of me that has loved you. But, in some ways, it was easier to ignore than to confront."

Always fucking knew? Regina scoffed internally- Then Emma must be a sadist and a masochist all at once, Regina couldn't help the thought that if it was purely a sexual preference she wouldn't mind, but emotional turmoil wasn't her style. Regina, more than anything right now felt sad, mourning what could have been if they had been honest with each other, but she couldn't help the sassy remark that came next. "Geez, thanks,"

Emma glared. "Surely, you can understand that, in some way."

It was then, with those words that Regina realised Emma truly had no idea, no inclination as too how Regina felt. "You really are an idiot." She sighed; this should have been a happy moment- if not one of the best nights of her life. The love of her life was telling her she felt the same, and yet Regina just felt tired. This was all wrong and Regina knew she deserved better, not by much, but common decency? She deserved that much.

"You're not wrong, but dare I ask, why?" Emma looked curiously at Regina; it was obvious there was something wrong- something Emma couldn't figure out.

Regina nodded slowly, taking a moment to respond. "I have loved you for years, Em," Somehow, through all the hurt her words were so simple, so easy to say, and each word was filled with nothing but love.

Emma's eyes widened, her smile consuming her entire face. "What?" She took another step towards Regina. "Why didn't you say anything?" Emma reached out, her hand now caressing Regina's arm.

Hopelessly, Regina shrugged, "I tried, a few times, but it was always so messy. I figured; it would be best to let at least one of us have a happy love life." And that was the truth. In death-defying moments or those of such heightened emotion, Regina had come close to admitting her feelings, but there was always something, or someone, stopping her.

Emma took a deep breath, nodding. She knew Regina was right, it would have been messy, but surely not messier than it currently was. "And, I suppose it was best for me to figure out my feelings for you on my own."

"Yes, I suppose so," Regina agreed, knowing that if she told Emma her feelings and Emma hadn't realised her own then she would pull away, and Regina always feared it would be completely. Regina knew Emma, well, and still after all these years, flight was her natural instinct.

"I really wasn't expecting this," Emma gestured- everywhere.

Regina let out a low chuckle, "Every way I dreamed of this day, and it was never quite like this." Regina had spent hours upon hours dreaming, day-dreaming, of this very moment. It was never so sad, it never felt wrong. But Regina supposed she hadn't fully won over karma yet, so she couldn't argue.

Emma stepped even closer, both of her hands of Regina's respective arms. "Then tell me, how did you imagine it?" Her words soft, full of hope.

Looking into Emma's eyes, Regina took a moment to really think. "I suppose, I had always hoped you come to your senses, then come running to me." Regina explained. It seemed easy enough, and in every scenario, Emma would make her feel safe, warm and wanted. But right now?

"Is that not what's happened here?" Emma prodded with a light laugh.

Regina shook her head sadly. "It was never your wedding night," Regina added bluntly. "And it was always happy," Regina sighed. "it was always joyful embraces and kissing."

"We can make that happen." Emma wiggled her eyebrows with a smirk- so quick to dismiss all the hurt and pain.

Regina hated that she wasn't happy, hated that she couldn't just accept this and blissfully fall into the arms of the woman she loved so much. "Emma," She just about growled. "You have a husband, you got married today." Regina could feel the tears welling in her eyes, she put it down to too much wine, but deep down she knew better. "For 6 years you have ignored any and all feelings between us, you've pretended like there was never anything between us." Regina couldn't help but let go of the tears she was holding so tight. "You rejected me." Regina choked on a sob. "You switched off completely after that night."

Taking her hands from Regina's arms only to put them into her pockets once more, Emma nodded. "I'm sorry." She took a raggedy breath, her own tears not too far from falling either. "I was an idiot back then, and I'm an idiot now."

"I need you to take more responsibly than that."

"6 years ago, I didn't have a clue, I was drawn to you- but up until that night, I had assumed it was because of Henry. I quickly learnt better." Emma moved backwards only to take a stepped option on the steps of the foyer. "After I realised, I couldn't leave, I again, put it down to Henry. I hated myself so much for enjoying the sex we had. I was so confused. We fought, constantly, we literally beat each other up in a car park for Christ sake!" Emma's face was in her hands. "And all I could think about was how much I wanted to sleep with you, again." Emma ripped her face from hands and stared at Regina. "What kind of fucked up, toxic relationship would that have been?"

Regina took a breath and fell back against the door, this time letting her body slide downwards until she too was sitting, knees in front of her body as if to act as a shield from the rest of the world. She closed her eyes, her mind a blur.

"I had to ignore my lust, desire- whatever, for you. I knew back then, and I know it now, that if we had had any kind of physical relationship it would have been devastating. Maybe it was harsh, but if I hadn't made that clean break, we would have destroyed each other." Emma wasn't playing around now, her words strong, mind stronger.

Regina let out a low humming growl. "I know. Don't you think I know that?" She looked up to Emma, chasing her eyes- unwilling to let go. "I'm not saying I wanted a relationship. I'm saying that you switching off completely was bullshit, and some form of acknowledgement would have been nice. You know, after we became friends,"

Emma glared, throwing her arms into the empty space between them. "When on earth would I talk to you about something like that, Regina?"

Regina let her fist fly into the door behind her, the loud bang echoed throughout the house. "Maybe when I tried to bring it up!" Regina sighed, wiping at a tear that was threatening to drip from her chin. "You would always shut it down." It was almost impressive how Emma always managed to change the topic when Regina tried to bring up their past. But avoidance was something both women had grown to excel at.

Slumping her shoulders, Emma groaned. "Never intentionally, I can honestly say I never noticed you trying to bring it up. If I had, I would have at least the decency to talk with you about it."

Regina could feel her blood begin to boil, she didn't want any of this, she didn't ask for this- and tonight, she didn't want it. "But you never bought it up?" Regina sighed letting her head fall against the door, eyes tightly shut. "How oblivious are you?"

Emma shrugged. "Clearly very," Emma moved to a kneeling position in front of Regina. "I'm sorry. I was so scared. I took so long just to be your friend, I thought that if I brought it up, I would screw up everything we fought to build. I thought it was something you wanted to forget."

Regina knew Emma was close, and so she blindly reached for her, unwilling to open her eyes.

Emma gently took Regina's hands. "Besides, I didn't think that after the curse broke you would want to acknowledge the fact that you fucked Snow-White's daughter." Her words were lighter, joking even.

Regina groaned, opening her eyes to Emma. "You're not entirely wrong, I suppose it would have never been as simple as I would have hoped."

"You suppose?" Emma jabbed lightly, testing the waters with Regina's playful side.

Regina rolled her eyes, though there was a smile pulling at the corners of her mouth. "But that doesn't excuse the fact that you're married- here on your wedding night no less, admitting you love another person." And that was probably one of the first things Regina should have questioned, because it made no sense- Emma should have realised sooner.

Letting out a hum of agreement Emma nodded. "I know it's a lot, all of this. But I wouldn't be here if it wasn't ethical," It was almost a question with the way Emma's voice pitched, it was probably about word choice. "throughout the entire ceremony the only person I could look at was you. And when I said I do; I couldn't help but imagine saying those words to you. It's awful, I know, but the wedding was like a light switch, it was like all of a sudden, I realised how madly in love with you I was. Killian and I went back to the Jolly Roger after the reception and I found myself unable to kiss him, unable to look at his with anything but regret. I told him, told him I didn't love him and that I was in love with you."

Bewildered, Regina looked to Emma for more explanation. Emma had explained it as if it were so easy, as if she was changing her mind between a burger and a warp after ordering. Regina could only wish for it to be that easy.

"All he said was, I knew the sea was the only one for me, then he told me to leave. I watched him untie from the docks before fully walking away. Eventually, I found myself at your door." Emma shifted position, now sitting crossed legged in front of Regina.

Regina took in a deep breath, It wasn't completely unlike Killian to just give up- Though Regina mused he would be back in a month or two ready to fight for Emma. "Still doesn't change the fact that you married him. That you're married." Regina argued, though at this point she didn't want to argue, no, she just wanted to sleep. All of this was just too much.

Regina wasn't wrong, Emma thought. "I did, and I shouldn't have, but we aren't legally married. We didn't sign the papers- Killian wanted to do it at sea."

Regina let out a low hollow laugh. "Doesn't really make it better,"

Emma laughed as well, "It does, marginally." She held up her thumb and forefinger a centimetre apart.

"Marginally," She agreed. But marginally wasn't nearly enough.

"How can I make this better?" Emma asked as she gestured between them.

"I don't know, Emma," Regina shook her head. "I'm so tired." Regina's brain was functioning at about 30% and that was nowhere near enough for this conversation.

Emma yawed at the realisation of how tired she was as well. "How about we sleep, figure the rest out later."

Regina could do that; it was an acceptable plan. "Okay," approved.

Emma stood first, quickly to take Regina's hands and pull her to her feet. "Good night, Regina." Emma leant in slowly and left a soft kiss on Regina's cheek before reaching for the door handle. "I'll come back tomorrow." She promised as she cracked open the door.

Regina shook her head, flattening her palm against the door and closing it with a light push. "The love of my life just told me that she loves me too, there is no way you're not sleeping in my bed tonight."

There was no argument to be made, in fact, Emma couldn't be more pleased with the idea. And so, she easily took Regina's hand when it was offered to her. Regina wordlessly lead Emma up the stairs, down the hall and into her bedroom, a place Emma had only been once before. But, this, it was a redo, a fresh start. Regina was stopped, her arm pulled back by Emma's unwillingness to move more than a foot into the room.

Regina looked to Emma softly, noticing there was a question on her lips, one she couldn't ask. But, after taking a moment to capture Emma's eyes, Regina knew exactly what to say. "We aren't who we used to be, Em." And that seemed to be enough.

Emma stepped further into the room, closer to Regina. Easily Emma wrapped her arms around Regina's waist and pulled her in tightly. Regina melted into the hug, her head resting in the crook of Emma's neck, the smell of vanilla spice filling her nose once more. The embrace lasted quite some time, neither woman willing to let go.

Smiling to herself Regina took in a deep breath, and on her exhale, she let go of the pain of the past. She knew that there was more to be done, more to be talked but, but letting go of the past seemed to be the starting point of her next chapter.

Regina was the first to pull from the embrace, quickly pulling off her own shirt she gestured for Emma to do the same. Regina was ready for bed; thus, she was ready to rid herself of her day wear. In the preference for speed, both women opted for underwear over sleepwear and quickly enough they were under the covers. All lights off and nothing star light slipping into the room.

"I do love you, Emma," Regina assured, her eyes closed and body turned from Emma, but her words still full of meaning.

"I know, I love you too," Emma mumbled against Regina's back as she snuggled in closer, her arm tightly wrapping around Regina's waist.