The sun was blaring through the window when I awoke.
"What…?" I asked, momentarily confused about where I was and why I wasn't upstairs. Then it all came crashing back down to me. The fight. My ugly mistake. Mal's angry words. Him storming off only because I couldn't get to the door faster. I buried my face in my hands, only to find my knuckles extremely sore. Dried blood caked over jagged cuts, rimmed by purple, yellow and black bruises. I sighed, angered by last night's stupidity. I got up, got dressed, then marched down to the freezing cold spring to wash off the dried blood.
The snow no longer crunched under my boots like it should, instead omitting a sad sloshing noise. The air was fresh and crisp, and still cold enough where I wore my heavy fur coat. When I got to the spring, I knelt down on the bank and splashed my face with water. I froze when my hand grazed my cheek, remembering another awful event that had happened last night. His hand on my face, his cold voice in my ear.
"It had to be a dream," I told myself. I had seen the Darkling die, as had dozens of witnesses. We had even burned the body. Despite all of these facts, the Darkling's return was one of my worst fears. Because with my powers gone, he would be unstoppable. I shrugged off these dark facts. I didn't want to think about him.
I continued to delicately scrub off the blood, attempting in vain to prevent the scabs from opening again, when I saw something out of the corner of my eye. It was a dark shape, a flash of black against the white snow. I stood up and turned around.
"Hello?" I asked tentatively, scanning the wood. When nothing responded to my voice or caught my eye, I turned around and continued. I was soon finished, and I wrapped my knuckle with a cloth to soak up the blood from the broken scabs. I then turned and walked back to the cabin. Once I arrived, I made my breakfast of dried meat and gritty water.
I took out my sketchbook, something I had found with my old things. I had forgotten how much I had loved to draw, even back when I was the Cartographer's apprentice. I began to sketch small details that I missed. The way my summoned light would dance between my fingers. Genya's sparkling eyes. Nikolai's charming smile. Zoya's windswept, raven hair.
I turned to another blank page and began to draw Mal. His tall frame, his sharp features, his...Amethyst eyes? I looked down in horror when I realized I had drawn not Mal but the Darkling. Even seeing his face made from pencil sent a shiver of fear down my spine. I ripped out the page, lit a match, and let the drawing burn, chucking it into the fireplace.
I watched the flame consume it until all that remained was a pile of ashes. Saints, I thought. What is wrong with me? It was one thing to have nightmares, but a different thing entirely to hear his voice and see him out of the corner of your eye. I realized my hands were shaking and I tightened them into fists to stop them.
"Am I going crazy?" I asked under my breath. No, I thought. I couldn't be. I was just stressed and tired and angry and upset. I grabbed my coat and walked outside, savoring the fresh air. There was something so peaceful about the green trees, frosted branches, and gentle breezes. I spent the rest of the day wandering the woods, watching wildlife and listening to the calming noises of the forest. That night, when I got back to the cabin, I found the courage to sleep upstairs. My hurt by Mal's words and actions had cooled, replaced by anger, along with the creeping fear that I felt whenever I looked at the shadows.
I had trouble falling asleep. My paranoia grew in the darkest hours of the night, and whatever sleep I could get was haunted by nightmares. Mal's angry face, gauging my reaction as I watched him kiss another. Nikolai kneeling before a tall man dressed in black before being speared through by a spear made of shadows. Genya crying out in pain like a wounded animal as she watched David's limp body being dragged away by faceless men. And my screams for mercy as I watched the Darkling kill, everyone, I loved. Many times I woke up, soaked in a cold sweat, reaching for Mal's warmth and recoiling when I found emptiness.
At some point in the night, I couldn't take it anymore. I swung my feet from the bed, got dressed, ran a comb through my tangled white hair and walked downstairs. I put a pot of water to boil over the fire to make tea. By my guess, it was somewhere around 1 bell, and the moon could be seen peeking through the windows. I began to pace desperately back and forth, running my hands through my long pale hair. Suddenly, I felt a cold breath on my neck, as if someone was standing too close behind me.
I whirled around, clapping my hand to the back of my neck. No one was there. I closed my eyes, counted to ten and willed myself to calm down. I walked over to the fireplace, poured the boiling water into a mug and let the tea bag steep. I resumed my frantic pacing. After my tea had cooled significantly, I raised the mug to my lips. Just as I was about to take a sip, a shadow moved out of the corner of my eye. I slammed my mug down on the coffee table, the tea splashing everywhere. I didn't even look this time; I knew nothing would be there.
"Stop torturing me!" My voice came out hoarse and tired. I didn't expect anyone to respond, I just needed to yell at something. So it terrified me when I heard a soft chuckle. I dived for the knife I kept slung around the back of one of the chairs and raised it threateningly. "Who's there?"
" Now Alina, don't play dumb. I know you're smarter than that." The knife clattered to the floor with a metallic clang. And out of the shadows stepped the Darkling.
"No," I whispered. "No, no, no, no, no!" I backed up slowly until my back was touching the door. "This can't be happening." I cried. "You're dead!" The Darkling stepped forward, taking two steps for every one I had taken back. Soon he was so close our noses were a finger length apart. I could feel his warm breath on my face.
"Oh but I think I'm very much alive." He wore a cruel hint of a smile on his face, proud that he had shaken me so. I could feel my chest heaving for breath, my eyes wild.
"What do you want? Why are you here? Can't you just leave me alone?" The Darkling reached out to stroke my cheek, and I recoiled away from his touch, banging my head against the door. His hand was cold and smooth. Despite myself, a thrill ran down my spine. The Darkling's smile grew.
"I am going to take the throne of Ravka. And I need to make sure you won't get in the way." I let out a humorless laugh.
"I hope you haven't forgotten, have you? I might as well be an otkazat'sya. There's nothing I can do to stop you." I wish my voice hadn't caught on the last sentence. I hated looking weak, I hated being helpless, especially when the Darkling was concerned. He studied me.
"But that doesn't mean you won't try. And besides, do you really think I could do this-'' He raised his hand from my cheek and summoned a nichevo'ya. I watched it warily. "-While you couldn't summon? Alina, I am your balance and you are mine; our abilities reflect that. You were just weakened to the point of powerlessness in the Fold, and now, I believe you are starting to get them back." I swallowed, my throat suddenly dry.
"You're lying."
"Now what would I have to gain from lying to you?"
"What would you have to gain from telling the truth?" I lifted my chin. "If what you're saying is true, I could stop you." He shook his head.
"Alina I know you better than you know yourself. Do you really think you could stop me? Maybe with three hundred years of training. But even with your amplifiers, you'd lack the control necessary." He used a condescending tone of voice, speaking to me the way one might speak to a five-year-old. I bristled.
"So you come here to make sure I can't get in the way, only to tell me that I have no chance of stopping you? Old age must be getting to you, Aleksander." I spat his real name out like an insult. Rage flickered behind his grey eyes. Faster than I would have thought possible, his hands shot out, gripping my wrists and pulling me into him. His lips brushed my ear as he whispered into it, his voice tight with anger.
"I came here to make something very clear for you, Alina. You are going to come with me. And if you try to escape, fight back, or sabotage me, I will kill all you hold dear. There's nothing you can do about it; you can't beat me in a fight." I trembled with fear, and he opened the door and dragged me outside. I was barefoot, and the bitter cold stung my toes. I could see a huge black horse, waiting in the snow.
"No," I growled. I wouldn't let him take me or kill my loved ones.
"What did you say to me, Alina?" The Darkling asked a warning note to his voice. I didn't respond, instead, kicking him squarely in between the legs. His grip loosened and I took the opportunity to run, not stopping until I had swung my legs on over his horse. I flicked the reins, urging the horse on into a gallop. Soon the forest was blurring past me. I needed to get to the village and hopefully find Mal. Then I hoped we would be able to make it to Nikolai in Os Alta and warn him. I turned around to see if the Darkling was following me.
I was met by the sight of a great wall of shadows. Crying out I raised my hands, trying to call the light. To my relief, I could feel the light again. The Darkling hadn't lied after all. The brightness I had summoned was weak and flickering, barely disrupting the shadows at all, leaving me engulfed in darkness. Somewhere behind me, the Darkling laughed.
"Really Alina, is that the best you can do?" I felt a nichevo'ya grab my wrist. I yanked it from its grasp, but not before it sunk its teeth into my skin. I let out a scream, the light I held in my hand flared, and the world around me turned white. I could feel myself losing consciousness, the effects from the bite, it's pain burning and throbbing. I gritted my teeth and urged the horse on. I could tell he was getting tired.
"Come on...Just a little farther…" Another wave of darkness slammed into my wall of white. My powers were weakened. I think the Darkling's reasoning as to why I had lost them was true. Even now, I could feel them getting stronger and stronger by the second. But I knew it wasn't enough. The Darkling's shadows surrounded me once more, and I couldn't find the strength to break through again. My hands were slippery with blood, and my wrist hurt so bad my head spun. Black spots danced before my eyes. If he takes me I thought He will find a way to use me. I couldn't do that to Nikolai, to Genya or Mal who had sacrificed so much so Ravka could be the beautiful country that it was now. Using this as motivation, I let go of the horse's reins and extended both of my arms. The light that followed was a brief blinding flash, and I took that moment to dive off the horse.
My body jolted on impact, but I managed to roll behind the nearest tree. The Darkling ran right past me, in the darkness not realizing that I was no longer on the horse. I let out a sigh of relief, as the black horse veered left and away from my intended path. I wished I had my boots on. My feet were already numb, and I feared getting frostbite. Through the trees I could see the lights of the village, and I took off on a fast walk. I knew that my trick would not last long; soon The Darkling would realize and comb the woods for me.
As I walked I ripped off my blood-stained coat sleeve, tying it around the area of my wrist just before the wound, like a makeshift tourniquet. I was dizzy from pain and blood loss, I needed to stay conscious. Five minutes later I was stumbling through the streets of Prorisyska. This was where I assumed Mal would be. If not...Well, I was screwed. I didn't have a horse or boots and I was being chased by a man who would tear Ravka apart to find me. I stopped in front of the local tavern, the Sleepy Wolf. This was most likely where I would find Mal, drowning his troubles in kvas and gambling on card games.
Despite the late hour, the pub was packed. Every table was filled with many different types of people; drunkards, travelers, soldiers, and even some Grisha, identifiable by their vibrant keftas. I scanned the room, searching for Mal. I felt relief run through me when I saw him, sitting in a corner surrounded by people, most of them young women who stared at him longingly. I brushed off the jealousy that threatened to overwhelm me. My petty feelings were not my biggest problems right now. I approached the table, pushing through the thick crowd of people. Mal was engrossed in a card game with four other men, all of them very drunk.
"Oh great," I muttered. Just add a drunk Mal to my pile of issues. I tapped him on the shoulder. "Mal." Either he didn't hear me or he was ignoring me. I hoped for his sake it was the former. "Mal!" I said, louder this time. When he still didn't react, the largest group of girls giggled.
" I don't think he's interested, honey," said a beautiful Suli girl. " I mean why would he be in someone like you?" I stared daggers at her. Tonight was one of the worst nights of my life, and it took everything I had not to unleash my rage on her.
"Malyen Oretsev I swear to the saints, stop ignoring me!" My voice came out slurred, probably from pain or blood loss. I could tell the crowd probably assumed I was drunk. Mal turned around, wrinkling his nose when he saw me.
"What do you want?" I tried not to take offense by his contemptful tone, but I felt my hysteria bubbling over.
"We need to get out of here." I hissed in his ear. My breath came out in short ragged bursts. "The Darkling-h-he's alive."
"You must have had a little too much to drink," The Suli girl said. I ignored her.
"Nice try Alina," Mal said, before turning around, back to his card game. I gripped his shoulders and swung him back around to face me.
"How would you explain this?" I shoved my wounded wrist in his shocked face and watched as the blood drained from his face as he realized that it was a nichevo'ya bite he was looking at. Mal stood up, taking in my appearance for the first time, my blood-stained and torn coat, my matted hair and the unshed tears in my eyes. He wrapped me in a hasty hug.
"I'm sorry." I almost flinched away but caught myself just in time. The way his lips brushed my ear reminded me all too much of the Darkling.
"It's okay," I said shakily. "Now let's get out of here." He released me from his hug and nodded. We began to walk away when the Grisha I had noticed earlier rose to their feet.
"Not so fast," they said. I felt sick as I realized they most likely worked for the Darkling.
"Get away from us. We're leaving and there is nothing you can do about it." I tried to sound confident, but in reality, I could barely stand. Around me, the occupants of the Sleepy Wolf got quiet, all of them watching the fight that was about to unfold. I tried to walk past the Grisha, but the one in the Etheralki blue grabbed my shoulder.
"Alina Starkov," he said quietly enough where I was sure only Mal and I could hear. "I can't say I'm not disappointed. This is the famed Sun Summoner, the worshiped Santka Alina." He sneered at me. "And a weak, defenseless pile of skin and bones." I felt more rage than I could safely contain. In the past hour the man who haunted my nightmares had showed up in my house, chased me through the woods with his shadows, caused me a great deal of mental and physical pain and this, this... man dare call me 'weak'? I struggled to keep my light from bursting from my fingers.
"What. Do. You. Want?" I asked, venom dripping from every word.
"It's not about what I want; it's about what the Darkling wants." I went rigid in the man's grip. I acted purely on an animal like instinct, throwing out my hands and releasing a blinding flash of light. I then grabbed Mal's hand and together we ran outside, to the stables. Mal led me to his horse and helped me on, before jumping on in front of me.
"Where to?" He inquired.
"Os Alta. I need to talk to Nikolai." He nodded, and at once we were off. I watched the scenery as it flew by, feeling numb. My wrist throbbed with every bump, my feet were freezing cold, and my heart ached with fear. Yet somehow I felt nothing at all. I soon fell asleep, my head leaning against Mal's warm back. Inside of me, the flames of my power burned bright.