Notes: This chapter features the song "I (don't) love you" inspiration from Eisa96's video ( watch?v=5dCEu2cSxeg)- although I did change up the roles to have it be from Yamato's perspective due to the nature of the story. As a side note, the official song title is "I (don't) love you" but the title literally means "I Still Love You", which is the last line of the song. I don't know why it was translated like that.
Yamato's day wasn't going anything like he had planned. Yamato and Taichi hadn't had a lot of time to spend together lately, so when Taichi called during the day yesterday to ask from the blonde's help for shopping for a new recipe Taichi wanted to try, Yamato jumped at the opportunity. He had his doubts due to his lack of sleep. If he had any idea how the day would have turned out, he would have stayed home with Gabumon and Augumon.
"Meiko and I are going out."
The statement was harder for Yamato to process than he expected it to be, especially since it was partially his fault. He was one of the people to push Taichi to call her after she left back for Tottori. Despite that, it was still a stab into his chest. If it had just been that, he would have been fine. But, the song that was playing at a mini-concert was too much for him to bear.
Currently, Yamato was trying to calm down the torrent of emotions that swirled inside of him as he hid in the bathroom. He splashed water over his face and stared into the mirror. He was trying to find anything else to think about other than the song, but none of the words left his head:
"My feelings reached you without words
But my love for you poured out too much and was lost every time it spilled out
So I held my breath and felt devastated, unnoticed
I know the time we laughed together never comes back
I will never fall in love again like this...
Hey, just let me hear your voice again
Leave me sweet memories even if it's a lie
Let my feelings reach you one more time
I want to end it with a beautiful memory at least
We were walking along together
But our distance grows little by little
I try to smile but every time we become distant
My heart aches and I want to cry
I pretend to be happy but this pain just grows
My sorrow just goes up to the sky and disappears
Hey, just let me hear your voice again
Leave me only good memories even if it's a lie
I can not see you anymore? I don't like that answer,
Maybe we should have never met on that day?
I love you, I don't love you, I love you, why?
I love you, I don't love you, that's a lie, I love you
Hey, I love you, I don't love you, no that's not right, I love you, I don't love you is a lie.
I don't love you, I don't love you love, I don't love you, No, I don't love.
I really don't love you. I don't love you, I don't love you.
I don't love you, I don't love you love, I don't love you.
I don't love you, I don't love you. That's a lie, I love you.
I still love you ..."
It exemplified his feelings about the situation and he didn't have the emotional strength to continuing shopping with the oblivious brunette. The blond could feel himself getting choked up again. He knew he couldn't spend too long in the bathroom since the brunette was bound to come in and check on him. He tried calming down his breathing first forcing himself to do long, deep breaths. Once his breathing was in check, he stood up straight. He checked to make sure the signs of the emotional turmoil wasn't obvious on the surface. He splashed water on his face once more. Now satisfied with his control on his emotions, he left the bathroom and meet back up with the Taichi.
It wasn't hard to find him either. Taichi was bent over the various vegetables piled onto their designated shelving obviously trying to find the ones he needed. From the confused look on his face, Yamato guessed he wasn't having much luck. As much as he didn't feel like dealing with the complicated emotions he was feeling, he couldn't just leave Taichi in a pinch. So, he approached and Taichi looked up as he did.
"You doing okay? You were in there forever." The brunette had a teasing quality to his voice, but genuine concern was there too.
"I'm fine," Yamato lied, bending over to check to what else was on the list that Tai was holding out. He could see Taichi staring at him out of the corner of his eye, but choose to ignore him for the moment. He picked out the next item on the list with a fair amount of ease.
"I believe this is what you were looking for," Yamato said, as he handed the veggie to Taichi. This earned him a slightly pouty look.
"How do you make it look that easy? I've been searching for that damn thing since you left with absolutely no luck... Why do there have to be some many types of vegetables?" Tai looked over at the vegetables with a certain amount of disdain.
"Mostly practice and experience. I've been shopping on my own a lot, so I am pretty familiar with these things. But maybe if you'd pay attention more in home economics, it wouldn't be so hard. Besides, vegetables are good for you." Despite Yamato's calm and teasing response, he heartbeat increased seeing the look on Taichi's face, like every time he saw the pouty look on his face.
"Who needs to pay attention in home economics when they have such awesome friends who are almost as good as a professional chef?" asked Taichi, as he swung his arms onto Yamato's shoulders, grinning at him. The physical contact was both a blessing and a curse to Yamato.
"Leave me only good memories even if it's a lie." The line echoed in Yamato's head. They couldn't continue this lie forever. Yamato was more aware than ever that eventually their lives would lead down different paths and they wouldn't see as much of each other. Just the thought of that, made it feel like Yamato's heart was snapping into two and it was getting hard to breathe again. He wondered if they didn't see each other anymore if the pain would lessen any. If he walked away, if he could subsist on the good memories to get him through the day. The ache deep inside spoke another story.
"One day, you'll have to do this on your own and it is better if you learn rather than keep depending on others. I may not always be there to help you." Even as the words left Yamato's mouth, he felt like such a hypocrite. He was constantly relying on Taichi for support and grounding. Technically, even if stuck close to the brunette's side, he'd still have to learn how to do this on his own. Even if they were to get in a relationship, Taichi would still need to learn how to take care of such things when Yamato was busy. The last thought that passed through Yamato's head, his feelings threatened to break through his facade. He snapped back to reality to find Taichi frowning at him.
"What do you mean by that? Are you planning on leaving town soon or something? Is that why you've been acting so weird today?" Taichi was watching him carefully at this point, but Yamato counted himself lucky that Taichi wasn't very good at reading people's emotions.
"No, nothing like that." Yamato managed to say the line in a neutral tone. "It's just that life my have different plans for us. Beyond what we can predict. You need to know how to do these things on your own."
"Even if we get separated by distance, we'll always be best friends." Taichi looked at Yamato with a serious look on his face, one that Yamato had seen a few times before. "We promised each other that nothing would ever get in the way of our friendship. I don't see how distance would change that. Although, you're probably right that I should learn this stuff." Taichi delivered the last line with a certain amount of humor, but Yamato could tell there was still tension in his shoulders.
For Yamato's part, he was having a hard time giving any kind of response. Hearing Taichi repeat the promise and how much it meant to him was more than Yamato expected or could deal with. The song he wrote for Tai last night also came flooding back into Yamato's mind. Taichi was turning around to continue their shopping, but unable to control his own body, Yamato reached out to touch Taichi's arm. The contact of skin against skin was warm and pleasant. Tai looked back as he felt the contact.
"What's up?" Tai cocked his head to one side, trying to pin down the unusual behavior his best friend was exhibiting today.
"Ah, sorry. We should get finished. I have a new song to practice with the other members of Knife of Day later today." Yamato quickly let go of Tai's arm.
"Oh, for your upcoming concert?" Tai inquired, perking up again.
"Yeah, I just finished writing it last night," said Yamato. He actually only started last night after the dream, but it still wasn't a lie.
"Late night, huh? That's explains your moody behavior," Tai teased. Yamato just rolled eyes.
As they continued shopping and chatting, Yamato couldn't help but appreciate the little bit of time he got to spend with the brunette, even if he was oblivious. Maybe the good memories were worth the lie. At least for a little bit longer.
Final notes: Haven't decided if I will do a chapter 3, but if I decided not to, I will leave you with the note I left myself at the end of this chapter: "In the end, Taichi breaks up with Meiko and Yamato confesses his feelings to Taichi. Taichi reciprocates and they get together. "