Reviewer responses:

Kryten: Thank you! It's a tricky thing to write without the added sound of music itself.

The J.A.M. a.k.a. Numbuh i: Slugging Brainy is one thing. Slugging Rhonda will get you sued, and even a ticking emotional time bomb like Helga knows this. :P

Anonyomous Latino: Ahhh, good. I did want it to feel slightly ambiguous at first. Dreams always seem real even when nothing going on makes sense.

Yeah, this story follows her big declaration to the school that she loves Arnold in 'Couples Only' where she rashly decides to just get it all out in the open so she can stop feeling afraid of the secret getting out.

Heh, this is less about the cracks in Miles and Stella's relationship and more about... well, yes it is about that but in the sense that their relationship is just so perfect that... well, I'll just say they might not know how to handle anything less than perfect when it finally comes along...

HAFanForever: Hehe, I mean... I thought I made it weird enough from the start that it was obviously a dream but I'm glad I seem to have initially fooled a few people.

Rhonda is... somehow self aware and hypocritical about her gossiping all at once. At least when I write her... I contain multitudes, and it bleeds into whatever character I'm writing for. XD

No. No it will not go well.

After your initial suggestion, I've had this story stewing in my mind for a while, and it was surprisingly complicated to fit the pieces together... I just tend to overcomplicate everything I write. I hope the results are good.

A/N: Okay, so in writing this, I just realized Arnold and Helga dine and dashed in Arnold's Valentine! I guess Arnold didn't eat anything and Helga threw up her meal so… that exempted them from paying? Meh. Minor details.

Chapter 2: Double Date of Doom

"I can't believe our date turned into- actually, scratch that." Helga sighed, before she could finish her usual line, "Nothing these two clowns do surprises me anymore."

She inclined her head at Arnold's parents one by one, while Arnold himself just sat silently brooding, with a look that suggested he just wanted to vanish in a puff of smoke. Crammed into a booth together at Slaussen's diner, he sat uncomfortably close to his mom while hid dad sat with Helga on the other side.

For a lad of twelve from not the most affluent family in town, taking his girlfriend out to restaurants in the class of Chez Pierre or Chez Paris all the time wasn't in the cards. He'd been saving up his allowance money for that eventual date, but with he level of attention Helga required nowadays he had to take her out somewhere, and to him Slaussen's felt like an appropriately accessible dining destination for a tween couple on a budget. He figured Helga felt similarly, but with his parents crashing their date the girl didn't look to be in the best of spirits. Arnold felt overwhelmingly anxious with the world of his parents and world of Helga colliding like this, with him caught in the middle. Not that they had anything against each other of course. Arnold had heard from Gerald that Phoebe's and his parents were a little cautious about them dating at such a young age, but given what exactly Helga had done for his own parents, the two of them had accepted her into the Shortman fold as if the two kids were married or something.

Marriage. At his age the very idea felt strange to Arnold. Sure, he'd toyed with the idea in his younger years out of curiosity, back when he used to imagine marrying some of his earlier crushes, but that all felt like some kind of far off fantasy and nothing to do with his actual reality, and therefore something he didn't have to stress about. He looked up at his parents who were now gazing lovingly into one another's eyes, lost in momentary bliss without a crare in the world between them. Despite their general weirdness, he couldn't deny the two of them were perfect for one another. Then Arnold looked at Helga who's eyes might as well have been shooting knives across the table into his own. Put off by her glare, Arnold looked back to his parents and sighed.

With a bit of somber reflection, Arnold's recalled his fondest wish since before he could remember was to see his long lost parents again, or to at least get closure on their fate. Now his only wish was to get at least an hour or so to himself once in a while without them smothering him with love and affection, or rather their somewhat alien versions of said feelings.

"These two 'clowns' are my parents, Helga…" Arnold said at last, and then glanced at both of his parents who were suddenly so preoccupied with the menu that they didn't appear to notice Helga or his own commentary.

"Ah, they're still a step up from the parents I've got waiting for me at home tonight. Or more specifically not waiting for me. Y'know." Helga snickered, "Cuz they don't wuv me wike yours wuv you."

"Well I'm glad you see humor in your home life…" Arnold said to Helga.

"Only way to survive it." she said with a frown.

Helga's running sardonic commentary didn't help ease Arnold's feelings on the subject of his parents. He cared deeply for her too, of course, but her lightning fast mood swings between bitter and angry to loving and affectionate, or even her more jovial side laced with her signature acidic sense of humor were all jarring and confusing. Every crush he'd had in the past left him thinking girls were complicated, and somehow he'd ended up dating the most complicated one he'd ever known. Arnold had always tried to ignore her back when she used to relentlessly bully him, and in some ways even now that Helga had shown him her true colors, her crazed behavior still had roughly the same affect on him that it always had. He had to keep reminding himself of just how awful Helga's home life had become, which didn't entirely excuse her attitude but it at least he understood it.

For most of his childhood he mostly had to deal with his grandparents and their eccentricities, which he could handle and even came to love over time, as they balanced out those traits with warmth and and nurturing in unique ways. Now Arnold had to deal with the combined craziness of his grandparents, his actual parents, and Helga on a daily basis which had him close to snapping. And snapping was something Arnold was not accustomed to.

"This is fun." Stella said suddenly, with a slightly glazed over look in her eyes.

"Yeah, we should do this more often," Miles agreed.

Arnold smiled briefly, but then looked back at Helga who's glower brought him back to reality. He looked at his parents and reflected on his relationship with them. For most of his life they had existed as mythical, almost godlike entities to him; swashbuckling heroes braving all manner of fantastical adventures in the stories his grandpa told him. Even after hearing the truth about their work as humanitarian workers, Arnold still romanticized their story in his mind. Meeting them in the flesh had been the most euphoric moment of his life, but once the initial dreamlike feeling of their reunion started to wear off over time it had become clear to him that their ten year bout with the sleeping sickness had done a number on them.

Arnold loved them and accepted them of course, that was the kind of person he was, but he was still starting to feel the limits of his preteen patience, especially when they pulled stunts like this.

He hadn't been able to talk his parents out of their idea of a 'double date,' which really amounted to them chaperoning him. Most frustratingly of all, he felt he couldn't even get angry with either of them, as neither Miles nor Stella even seemed aware of just how suffocating they had become in recent months. Like a pair of puppies they were lovable, annoying, needy, and impossible to be mad at for their eagerness to please. And ironically Arnold's inability to be truly angry with them… angered him.

Arnold's feeling of anger towards his parents felt wrong to him, and so he buried it deep down.

"Let's see… chicken fingers… grilled cheese… " Stella continually poured over a menu, and one not designed for her age group.

"Um, mom? That's the kids menu." Arnold pointed out.

"Yes?" Stella answered obliviously.

"Like the…" Arnold coughed into his hand, "… little kids menu."

"Oh, I know. I know." Stella said, "I'm just looking for something I know I can actually get you to eat. You can be such a fussy eater, you know… and a really messy one too. I'm just not sure if you can chew any of this…"

Arnold's eyes rolled back so far he worried he might see his own brain. Owing to the ten year gap in both his parents' memories, they often lapsed back to the time when Arnold was still just a baby. As routine as it had become, it never failed to annoy him at varying levels, and he had to keep reminding himself it wasn't their fault. His annoyance spiked whenever Helga witnessed them babying him, and she responded reflexively in the only way she knew how to; teasing him relentlessly. Helga, despite looking mostly her usual dour, irritable self, couldn't restrain herself from snickering mockingly at her boyfriend's expense. Arnold watched as his girlfriend surprsessed an enormous laugh, producing snorting noises instead.

"Have you got a cold, Helga?" Miles asked, apparently mistaking her snickering for sniffling. He grabbed a handkerchief from his pocket, and as he tried to unceremoniously shove it in her face he knocked over his glass of water and spilled it on both of them.

"Oops…" he uttered in embarrassment.

"Gah!" Helga shrieked, "Cold! Cold!"

"Ah, I thought you had a cold, here let me try again-"

"No I mean the ice water you just spilled all over me is cold!" Helga growled.

"Oh, don't worry, water doesn't stain." Stella said with a smile, "It dries and that's that… unless… have they changed water in the last ten years? Does it stain now? Do all those electrolytes they put in there leave a- no... with my doctorate you'd think I'd remember that... wow..."

Helga shot a look at Arnold that just screamed, 'Seriously?' Arnold stood up and grabbed a few napkins.

"Here, let me dry you off." he offered, and started dabbing her jumper with a napkin.

Helga cooled down quickly and smiled contentedly. Her eyes glazed over and she looked to be on cloud nine for a moment, but then she abruptly smacked herself across the cheek and grabbed the napkin from Arnold.

"Yeah, yeah, I got it." she said, dabbing herself off.

"But-"

"Ah, just sit down and save the chivalry for some dummy in distress." Helga insisted. "Just help your mom with he kiddy menu."

Stella nodded and said, "I bet we can just ask them to cut this up into little tiny pieces…. or just mash it or-"

"I'm twelve, mom… I'm not a baby." Arnold groaned at his mother, holding up an adult menu, "Look, I've got this. I know what I-"

"Wait, twelve!?" Miles gasped in shock. He then abruptly jumped up and dashed over toward the waitstaff.

"What's his deal now?" Helga asked as she continually tried to dry herself off with little success.

"I don't know…" Arnold sighed, "Maybe he forgot thirteen is the number people think is supposed to be unlucky."

"What, and he thinks it's twelve?" Helga nodded, "I guess that fits. You know, since he's one card short of a full deck or- that's not how that expression goes, is it?"

"I don't know…" Arnold said in annoyance, "Mom? I'm just gonna order a cheeseburger-"

"Yeah, c'mon, Stella," Helga urged, "Short man's a big boy now, he can order for himself. Right, football h- um, Arnold?"

She caught herself. Arnold had more or less accepted her age old insult as an endearing pet name by now, but given that he got his distinctive head shape from his mother's side of the family, even Helga knew to be just a little cautious about using the name 'football head' around Stella.

"Helga, I'm sorry this isn't going like we planned… but I'll make it up to you." Arnold insisted, "Right now why don't we just have a nice family dinner?"

"Family dinner, huh? Oh sure, this may be a lousy date, and an awkward family dinner, but it's still grade A entertainment." Helga said with a wry smile. "I'm just gonna order some popcorn and enjoy the show, here."

Arnold groaned yet again, now barely able to contain his frustration, and yet as always he still somehow found a way to try to make the best of a bad situation. He looked at Helga, and curiously he found a smile forming on his face. He understood and even shared her frustration, and so despite her caustic quips he had to sympathize with her. This was supposed to be their date night and his parents had taken that away… by trying to be loving and caring in their own weird way. Of course, Helga similarly had her own weird way of caring. Her negative qualities were definitely more noticeable most of the time, sine that was the picture she intentionally projected to the world as a defense mechanism, but Arnold could still see through the guise and recognized her as a sensitive soul with a hear the size of Mount Rushmore… even if she stubbornly refused to let it show. No, he could never forget what she had done for him. Arnold realized finding his parents never would have happened without everything she had done for him, so in his and seemingly his parents' minds that gave her some license to make fun of them... and him too, naturally.

Just keep reminding yourself that her heart is purer than she knows… or will admit…

Arnold thought to himself, slightly forcibly. He looked at Helga, and as he gazed at her he suddenly felt warm inside. Despite her unkempt appearance, she looked radiant, aided by the setting sun breaking through the windows and shining on her like some divine spotlight. The sunlight just forced her to squint and glower even harder than usual, and still to Arnold she looked lovely, like some glistening, angsty, squinty eyed, glowering portrait of horrible perfection.

Thankfully Arnold had just enough digression not to speak his internal monologue aloud. That description of Helga sounded alright to him in his own mind, but he knew improvised poetic talk was best left to her. He'd taken his grandpa's blunt criticism to heart and knew he was many things, but not a poet.

With his mother still fretting over the kids menu, and his father off whispering something to the waitstaff, Arnold dared a broad smile in Helga's direction. She looked back at him in silence and just raised her eyebrow. The two of them managed to communicate silently, and found themselves in their own little world for a moment. As he smiled at Helga, to his surprise she actually started to smile back, just a little. Then he felt something from under the table pressing against his foot. Helga flashed her eyebrow mischievously as she touched her foot to his, and Arnold tried to reciprocate. Then suddenly their little game of footsie ended with Helga stomping hard on his foot.

"Ow…" Arnold muttered quietly, though it really hadn't hurt him.

"Sorry… I'm new at that…" Helga laughed, and she shot him a little wink. "I'll be gentle next time."

Arnold glanced at his mother who hadn't noticed any of this. She was pouring over the menu fanatically, as if terrified of making the wrong decision on what to order for him.

"Mom?" Arnold asked her quietly, "Seriously, you don't have to-"

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY!" the loud voices of Miles and the entire waitstaff suddenly rocked Arnold, Helga and Stella out of what they were doing.

Miles starting conducting everyone present as the waitstaff, holding a large cake decorated with twelve candles, lowered it to Arnold's level and started to sing.

Happy birthday to you!

Helga banged her fists on the table in rhythm, rather than singing.

Happy birthday to you!

Happy birthday dear…

The singing waitstaff trailed off and then looked to Miles for help.

"Oh." Miles grinned sheepishly, "Forgot to uh, give them your name… Arnold. It's Arnold."

Arnold… Happy birthday to youuuuuuuuu."

Silence fell over the room as all eyes fixed upon the confused birthday boy in question.

"Um, thanks… " Arnold said, "But… my birthday was back in October."

"What!?" his parents gasped in unison, "We missed it!?"

The overwhelming sound of guilt in their voices stung Arnold, even if it was unfounded.

"No! No… we had a party. It was great!" Arnold said, "You were both there… you planned the whole thing…"

"Oh…" Stella said, "Yeah… we did."

"That's right…" Miles nodded, "I tripped and fell into the cake… well, hey! We missed nine of your birthdays so… I figure we can just make up for that with one surprise party at a time!"

Arnold reflexively just laughed. The very notion of that idea filled him with such a joy he just couldn't restrain. Moments like this just reminded him that every weird thing his parents did was out of love.

"May the candles on your cake burn like cities in your wake." Helga sang, in a very morbid tone, "Happy birthday. Oh, Happy birthday… one day closer to death…"

The waitstaff all stared in silence at Helga and then one by one they slowly backed away and resumed their duties.

"Helga room-clearer Pataki." Helga said proudly as she cracked her knuckles, "You're welcome, Arnoldo."

Arnold and his parents looked at her and blinked in silence.

"Now, let's just have this birthday cake for dinner and call it a night…" Helga said as she grabbed her fork, "Thanks for the date, my sweet..."

As Helga started bitterly shoveling bites of cake into her mouth, Arnold realized he'd have to make this disaster of a date up to her. With his helicopter parents hovering however, he just couldn't fathom how.

A/N: I'm in the process of moving right now so I'm gonna be updating even slower than usual. Thanks to everyone for sticking around and reading! Please do favorite and review! Feedback always helps the creative process and man have I ben struggling with that lately...

Next chapter: Arnold walks Helga home... will things get better or worse? (If you've read anything of mine before, you know the answer...)